Gentle Violence

We were referring to your species. All of you have strange delusions about reality.

That made her blink and pulled her further out of her misery. She made herself sit back up again and stared at the mask. "And those delusions are such that you can't even explain the slightest thing? I'm starting to think that you aren't really trying. Perhaps Ferdinand sent you just to torment me."

No. There was a long pause, then the mask floated forward... so close that it was as if it peered from the other side of the mirror. It would be easier to show you. Approach if you wish to understand.

"It's not like I have a choice, do I?"

That produced an even longer pause, and Clarice felt like the thing was slightly puzzled. After a long time, she felt its words in her mind again. You have a choice. If this conversation is unproductive, we will leave.

"Wait!" She hadn't realized how scared she was of being alone until the word was already out of her mouth. "I... if I come to see whatever it is, will you promise you won't do anything to me? You're not going to reach into my mind and control me or anything?"

Distance is not an impediment to accomplishing that. The voice was utterly without concern, as if it could not comprehend that its words could make her uncomfortable. In a strange way, that made her feel better. After all, previously it had just floated over and reached into her mind. The fact that it was talking to her and giving her a choice was something, at least.

"Alright... I suppose my situation can't get any worse..."

That is likely untrue. But we do not understand what your species wants.

She folded her arms and frowned at the mirror. "You're not doing a very good job of convincing me of this."

It is irrelevant to matters of substance. But it would be better to understand. There was another pause, then the mask started to fade away. Perhaps it is too soon. We will return.

"No!" Clarice stamped a foot, then marched toward the mirror. "Don't treat me like some fragile child... just show me whatever this is that's so hard to understand!"

Then touch the mirror.

Her anger took her almost all the way there before she paused and thought about what she was doing. Could this still be a trick? Some mad vision within her mind, and touching the mirror would somehow place her in Ferdinand's control?

Yet this felt nothing like that. Everything was always so comfortable and easy with him, the control gently pulling her to exactly where he wanted her. This experience was more baffling than anything, and the entity seemed to be utterly and absolutely indifferent to her.

After another moment of hesitation, Clarice threw aside her doubts and reached forward. Mistake or not, this would actually be her choice, and sh-

A flood of sensations tore through her mind, ripping her away from reality completely. There were hideous beings like nothing she had ever seen before, mad abominations of fleshy masses. Yet beside those forms were memories of emptiness that made her heart ache, impossible shapes twisting on themselves, colors she had never seen before, sounds that made her body scream...

Clarice staggered back, barely catching herself. It could only have been the slightest moment, yet her mouth was filled with what tasted like blood. When she looked up at the mirror, she saw that her eyes were bloodshot. More disturbingly, her pupils had grown until she could barely see her irises at all.

No... the truly disturbing thing was that the mask was gone. She was seeing herself in the mirror again, as if everything was normal. Clarice just stared at herself for a while, shocked at how mad she looked. Yet perhaps she was better now? If she was seeing a normal mirror instead of a-

It is difficult to explain.

The voice appeared again and she caught a flash of light reflecting off the mask of glass. It hovered just behind her now, and she could feel its presence beside her.

But that presence had changed in a horrible way. No, Clarice quickly realized that it was her view of it that had changed. The mask was nothing but a thin shell that covered something far different. On the other side, the entity was like that seething mass of flesh and mind-rending thoughts. If it was naturally a creature of such madness, no wonder it struggled to make itself understood.

No. We see reality as it is. Your species sees only shattered fragments.

"Did you... did you hear my thoughts?" Though she should have been filled with revulsion, and the taste of blood was still thick in her mouth, Clarice found herself strangely numb. After so many thoughts had been forced through her mind, simple sensations like disgust seemed empty.

That might be an accurate way to view it, from your perspective.

"Then... have we been connected somehow?"

You have been used as a connection for some time, resonating with the world as it truly is. The only difference now is that we are focusing on you.

"For some time...?" Clarice felt something again as a cold knot sunk through her stomach. "You mean Ferdinand's rituals? Are you... one of the things they're trying to summon? Or something like that?"

"Something like that" is probably as close as you can come to understanding.

The entity seemed to be speaking more comfortably now, as if making use of her mind had made communication easier. Yet that just made it easier for her to be angry with it. Clarice glowered into the mirror. "Then why do you let it go on like this? Why do you let him do all those awful things?"

In response, the entity reached into her mind again. She felt her disgust and revulsion be picked up like they were concrete objects, looked over with blank curiosity. It was a strange sensation, as if those emotions were being felt by someone else. As little as she liked to be reminded of them, it was not as awful as wallowing in those feelings.

You do not like these sensations?

"No!"

Then you should not experience them.

For a moment Clarice just stared into the mirror, flabbergasted. The entity still didn't seem to understand that what it had said was utterly absurd. In fact, she wasn't sure if it even understood her emotions at all, not in any meaningful sense.

Clarice took a deep breath and it became a shuddering gasp midway. "Why? Why do you help them do such awful things? Is that the kind of thing you are? You enjoy all the pain and suffering?"

That produced another long pause, and she had the sense that the entity on the other side of the mask was both uncertain and ambivalent. Ideas like distress and suffering seemed to be alien to it, even after their conversation. Just as she was about to give up, it spoke in her mind again.

Your world is a mote of dust falling into a swiftly moving river. The mote exists for only a moment and then it is gone.

She sobbed and threw herself onto the bed. "So you don't care at all!"

No. But though the words were uncaring, Clarice felt the presence draw closer to her and it felt... not malevolent. There are many things that are irrelevant, including these sensations.

She couldn't help but look toward the mirror and saw herself in twisted form again. Her appearance was still monstrous, but no longer so shocking: it was a pale reflection of the twisted world of the entity. But that reality fell away and she saw the mask again, slipping closer to her...

The mask dissolved and she felt the raw alien power reach around her. Yet it was different than before, more controlled. Far from gentle, yet it reached into her mind with a confidence that it had lacked before. The truth of what it was doing made her head hurt, insane actions that she could not comprehend, and then all at once it cohered into a simple vision.

Clarice saw the thing pick up her sadness and disgust as if they were toys and then dropped them into a box. And all at once, those emotions were gone. No, not entirely gone... she knew they were there, but they no longer touched her.

Next the entity rummaged around her head, grasping at childhood memories. Clarice shivered, imagining what horrors it could create... and yet a moment later, she found herself feeling comfortably numb. It wasn't happiness or contentment, just an odd emptiness. Compared to the trauma she had experienced, much less the insanity that was currently happening to her, it was a relief.

We have an interest in understanding irrelevant things. We will gather more information from you.

Not exactly comforting, but at least Clarice believed the entity was being honest. The numbness had her feeling surprisingly sleepy, yet she forced herself to remain alert a little longer. "This isn't so bad. Thank you."

That got no response. Perhaps the entity didn't understand the concept, or it didn't care.

"You're going to stay, right? Keep doing things like this?"

Yes. This is a time for observation.

"Then it's awkward that we haven't been introduced. My name is Clarice."

We are aware. It said nothing else.

"...and you are?"

We have demonstrated our nature. We understand now that you ask for a name, but such things are meaningless. If you seek a more appropriate label... What followed was a flood of sounds that were nothing like any language Clarice knew. She wasn't sure if some of the sounds could even be made by a human, or perhaps by any animal at all.

"I don't think I can say any of that." Clarice thought for a moment while she bunched up her pillow, trying to make the stiff thing a little less uncomfortable. "But part if it sounded like 'Xthlo', I think. Is it alright if I call you Xthlo?"

We cannot imagine that being relevant.

"Then... good night, Xthlo. I have had quite enough madness for today and I am going to bed."

That produced another moment of bafflement, then the entity withdrew. But it didn't take its numbness with it, so Clarice was able to settle down into the thin sheets. Her mind should have been racing with everything that had happened to her, yet she was rather calm. Not the placid calm of the metronome, but a blankness simply imposed on her.

It was better than the alternative. Clarice closed her eyes and immediately dropped into a dreamless sleep.

X X X

The nurses escorted her to the doctor's room, but Clarice was certain that she knew what was awaiting her. Though she couldn't put her finger on the exact reason, she had embraced her madness and kept talking to Xthlo. Those conversations with him gave her a strong impression that Ferdinand would soon be doing much worse to her.

Despite herself, Clarice did think of Xthlo as a "him." It was an incredibly alien being, and it quite obviously could not care for her, but Xthlo was the only companion she had. Plus, after he had rummaged around in her head again, she no longer saw strange sights in the mirror, only the mask when his presence drew close to her.

But that day, there was no sign of him at all. Clarice felt remarkably sane as she was taken to Ferdinand's large office, which made it easy to reflect on what awaited her there. He had been affectionately caressing her lately, using the metronome without making use of her body, so it was only a matter of time.

"Ah, there you are, pet." Ferdinand looked up as she entered, smiled warmly, and set the metronome to ticking. The nurses seemed to notice nothing, or perhaps chose not to notice. They backed away, the door closed behind her, and she was alone.

Alone with... with that awful man. Clarice set her jaw and tried not to think about the ticking, but it was such a soft sound, subtly worming its way inside her. Ferdinand frowned slightly before continuing to speak.

"I have enjoyed having you here, my dear. Watching you break, over and over, has been a wonderful diversion from my work. But that work is growing serious, now, and our more senior members are insisting upon acquiring the same power I possess. And I intend to give it to them, but regrettably, the process will render you rather... unusable."

Alone with... with him. She closed her eyes, but she was subconsciously beginning to sway with the movements of the metronome now.

"I regret this, I truly do. And I feel for what you must be experiencing, though of course that makes this all the sweeter."

Alone with her Master. Feeling the warm emotions bubble up inside her after so much teasing, Clarice eagerly moved forward toward him before he stopped her with a raised finger.

"But I suppose it's pointless to talk to you of such things, isn't it, pet?" He rose and moved closer to her, slowly and without any concern. "I do hope you enjoy yourself. This will be the last time."

That could have been horrifying to her in multiple ways, but all Clarice could do was giggle as his finger slid along her jaw. She leaned into his gentle touch and stared up into his eyes. He bent down, his lips brushing against hers, and slowly pressed her back toward the couch at the side of his room.

While her mouth released soft gasps and sighs, Clarice shivered. As usual, he stripped her bit by bit, admiring her body with his hands the entire time. But soon enough he pressed her beneath him and pushed inside.

Normally, that was when she fell apart and became a wanton harlot. But though Clarice could feel the soft heat growing in her loins and knew she was moving beneath him, she felt strangely separated from it. There was an edge of something else, her mind cracking as if under great pressure, that prevented her from giving in. Unless this was just another stage in her surrender?

"No, this can't end too soon." Ferdinand grunted and pulled out, clenching his eyes for a moment as he held back. Then he shook his head and shifted to sit on the couch, pulling her on top of him. "Show me how much you love me, pet."

She couldn't help but obey, sliding on top of him like a lover. One of his hands explored up her stomach, his eyes drinking her in as she began to move on top of him. His other hand reached to cup one of her enlarged breasts, the flesh spilling over his fingers as he caressed her. It was warm and loving and horrible. A sob welled up on a back corner of her mind-

And then, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted the glass mask.

It shattered and she was overrun by a visceral rush. Her mind was struck by an onslaught of what felt like bloody intestines, or perhaps something worse, squeezing around her and utterly pushing all thoughts from her mind.

Clarice opened her eyes and found herself floating in the doctor's room, except it had become a fleshy hellscape. Every surface was covered in pulsing, twisted flesh. She could dimly feel that she was still moving her hips atop Ferdinand, but there was no sign of them in the room and the sensations might as well have been happening to someone else.

Is this preferable?

A bloody tear opened in one of the walls and Clarice saw a pair of jaws filled with malformed teeth. The flesh convulsed and the mouth opened, revealing a single eye of a color that made her head spin. Clarice took a deep breath and looked up at Xthlo, for she was certain it was him.

"You did this?"

Is it preferable? Human minds are strange and fragile.

She found herself smiling up at him. "Yes, this is better. So you do care!"

The flesh around her convulsed and she sensed that alien confusion again. But after their conversations, Xthlo usually spent much less time uncertain. We do not "care" in any sense you understand.

"So you keep saying." Clarice folded her arms and stared at the eye, trying not to let the color get to her too much. "But frankly, you don't seem so much of a monstrosity to me. You could have done so many terrible things to me, yet you didn't. And even if this is all some cruel trick, you have been a great source of comfort to me."

Human concepts such as comfort and kindness are irrelevant to us. But what Ferdinand and his circle fail to understand is that pain and cruelty are equally irrelevant. It is a cosmic coincidence that the pain of their rituals is functional, and their theories are yet another way for humans to try to bring order to that which lacks all order.

Clarice cocked her head, trying to keep up. She had grown somewhat used to Xthlo's strangeness, but he didn't make it easy. "So you're saying they have things wrong? Not that he tells me very much, but he makes it sound like they have it all figured out."

Yes. Their concept of us is a petty, risible notion.

Though she was glad for the relief, in the back of her mind Clarice was aware that she was still riding Ferdinand, moaning about how much she loved him and how much pleasure he was giving her. Looking for a distraction, Clarice discovered that it was difficult to move while simply floating like this. After a bit of flailing, she managed to snag a tentacle arching from a nearby wall and pulled herself down against it.

The fleshy surface was slimy and deeply unnatural in a way she couldn't quite pin down. It was also surprisingly hot, almost burning her, and Clarice rested against it. Xthlo watched in what seemed like indifference or confusion. Honestly, she preferred that to what was going on in the real room.

"Xthlo... is this just a trick? You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

That prompted a surge of something like amusement. Lies are a human concept. There is no reason to state anything other than what is.

"I know you don't really care, but... I'm glad you're here, Xthlo." Clarice pressed her cheek against the flesh, feeling the unnatural heartbeat vibrate through her almost painfully. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "My parents and those nurses and even the other girls... they all might feel sympathy but they never did a thing for me. Thank you. For this."

There was no response, because of course there wasn't. Even when she had poured her heart out to Xthlo, explaining how her family had decided that she was better off removed, there had been nothing but alien incomprehension. Honestly, she was starting to find it comforting. At the very least, there would be no false sympathy from him. Of course, that meant nothing at al-

You are preferable.

Clarice jerked back in surprise, staring toward the eye. "I... I beg your pardon?"

Comprehending these delusional motes generally brings a lack of perspective. This is expected and inevitable. But within that lack of perspective, we cannot help but form opinions about temporal beings, however brief they may survive. And we prefer you to humans who believe they control us. You have been made compatible and are therefore less detestable.

"Oh..." Clarice put a hand to her chest. She had intended it as a joke, yet in truth she actually was a little touched. On an abrupt whim, she decided to just be honest. After all, could she be any more vulnerable to this monster? "Xthlo... what's going to happen to me? With this ritual Ferdinand was speaking of."

Uncertain silence. It was hard to tell if the alien entity didn't want to respond or wasn't certain how to, but Clarice couldn't help herself from pushing on.

"They're going to kill me, aren't they? Or have you kill me?"

In a matter of speaking.

"Is this ritual going to give them what they want?"

The only answer was a surge of raw contempt. She smiled.

"Then... I think I can accept that." Clarice leaned back against the wall of hot flesh, letting the twisted veins sear deep into her. "I sometimes fantasized about taking my own life. Perhaps it's better this way. But if kindness and cruelty are all the same to you, can you at least kill me quickly? I think I have had more than enough torture."