God's Eye View

"Well then, as long as it doesn't affect the kids, I couldn't care less," I said, unflinchingly, and ended the call.

I finished what I was doing, locked up the office, and hurried off to the Carson house. It was about a 20-minute drive, and as I drove, I thought about Brittany. I didn't do that very often (unless it was a nightmare about seeing her in that damn threeway!). Now though, I found myself wondering again why the little slut had ruined our marriage and torn our family apart.

I'd pondered that on my own many times since the divorce, but I'd never bothered to ask her about it. I didn't trust or respect my ex, and I didn't think she would tell me the truth, anyway. I'd gone over the usual reasons cheating spouses gave for their behavior, and I'd discounted most of them. Here are some of the possible reasons I considered for her cheating:

1) Looking for a bigger dick: Uh, no. I'd seen Benny's equipment, and he was no bigger than me.

2) Wealth: No, I don't see it. Oh, Ben had been well-off, sure, but so were we! We'd had a very respectable savings account. We had a nice house in a great neighborhood. We didn't worry about paying our monthly bills, or about dealing with repairs. We weren't rich, but we certainly weren't hurting!

3) Unsatisfying sex life: No way! We had sex at least 3 times a week, sometimes more. I was always ready and willing to try something new. More than once, Brittany had asked me to try a different position, or role-playing, and I never refused. Hell, I even let her tie me up, once, because she was really excited about the idea! So no, I didn't think that was it.

4) Abusive spouse: not just no, but hell no! I had never raised my hand to her!

5) Spouse is cheating: NO! I'd never so much as touched another person since we'd agreed to date each other exclusively!

6) She had decided she was gay: No. Even though she was letting Jamie go down on her (and was, by the looks of it, enjoying it immensely), she didn't object to taking Ben's cock. She never refused my cock, either. That being the case, I just don't think that's the answer.

So why? I don't know, and it didn't matter anymore. The second I saw her having sex with someone other than me, our marriage was over. Infidelity is unforgiveable to me. If you don't have it in you to be faithful, don't commit!

Yes, folks, it really is that simple and easy! These days, society is very accepting of people who don't marry, so there is no reason to get married and then cheat! If I had forgiven her and stayed with her, I would have lost every single spec of self-respect I had.

My arrival at my ex-in-laws' place finally stemmed the depressing tide of my thoughts. Their front door swung open as I drove up the gravel drive toward the house. Danielle and Brian were waiting by the time I got out and made my way to the door.

I could tell, instantly, that not all was well with them. Brian stood very close to his big sister. For her part, Danielle had one arm wrapped protectively around him. The kids got along well with each other, but that certainly wasn't typical behavior! Behind them, George stood, one hand resting on each of their shoulders. He was watching me with a bitter, angry look, as I walked up the short flight of stairs. As I reached the porch, he leaned down to the children.

"Kids," he said, gently, "I need to talk to your Dad for just a minute. Would you please go inside and make sure you have all of your things ready to go? One of us will come get you when it's time to leave."

"Okay, Papaw," Danielle said for both of them.

They turned and went inside, leaving me on the porch with their grandfather. He gave me a hateful glare, the likes of which I had never seen from him before. I simply looked back neutrally, waiting for him to get whatever it was off of his chest.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Don?" he said at last.

"Other than a mild case of near-sightedness, I'd say there's nothing wrong with me. Thanks for asking, though."

"Quit being a smartass! You know what I mean!" he snapped angrily. "Your wife is in a mental hospital, and you don't give a damn!"

"First, she's not my wife!" I snapped back. "She crapped all over our marriage of her own free will, and she did it with full knowledge of the consequences! And second, you're right: I don't give a damn! I see no reason why I should, nor do I see why you're so pissed off about it. I didn't cheat on her, she cheated on me, doofus!"

"It's all your fault that she's hospitalized!" he came back. "You posted that video on the internet! You ruined her reputation so completely, she's had a horrific time getting a job that will pay her what she's worth!"

"I told you bleeding idiots I was going to do it if I didn't get what I wanted! She was warned ahead of time, but she decided to fight me anyway. She reaped the consequences! And by the way, if she isn't earning what she's worth, she should talk to her pimp about it," I said, coldly. "Or is she working freelance?"

"You son of a bitch!" he shouted, grabbing a handful of my reflector vest.

I grabbed the older man's wrist and easily removed his hand from my clothing. I did everything I could to be gentle; I had no wish to injure him, but no one manhandles me, and that's all there is to it!

"Think very carefully before you try getting physical with me, George," I said, softly and calmly. "I know you love Brittany, but the truth is that everything that's happened to her recently is her fault. You can blame me for whatever you want, but even you must realize the truth! Besides, if it had been you, wouldn't you have done the same thing I did?"

I held his wrist firmly, until he finally relaxed his arm. I released him and stepped carefully back. He looked more defeated than anything else, but I wanted to make sure he didn't try to swing at me.

"I don't know, maybe I would have," he said. "I guess...I guess it's just easier to be angry at you than it is to admit that my daughter..."

He broke off and shook his head in furious denial. After taking a few moments to collect himself, he looked at me again and took a deep breath.

"Will you at least let me tell you what's going on?" he said.

"Fine, go ahead," I said, exasperated.

If George noticed my tone, he elected not to mention it.

"Brittany tried to kill herself," he said, flatly.

"Do the children know what she did?" I asked.

"Yes," he said, closing his eyes in pain. "Danielle is the one that found her mother unresponsive on the bed, and called 911. Brittany had apparently deliberately taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills. When she didn't come out of her room when the kids got home, Danielle went in to check on her."

He sighed heavily and scrubbed his eyes with his hands. His shoulders heaved slightly, and I felt a slight tinge of sorrow for him. He wasn't responsible for what his daughter had done to me, after all. I felt absolutely terrible for my children, though. I honestly can't imagine what Danielle must have felt when she found her mother like that. I was also proud of my little girl for not losing her head in a crisis, and doing the right thing! I made a special note to myself to tell her so!

"How are they dealing with what happened?" I asked George.

"Danielle and Brian are both horribly upset, but I think it's actually been worse for Brian," said George. "Danielle hasn't left his side this whole evening."

I nodded my head, slowly.

"Okay, thank you for telling me. I'll keep a close eye on the two of them," I said.

Over the next few days, I did exactly that. I spoke with both of them about what had happened with their mother. (I also praised Danielle for her quick thinking and calm in the midst of crisis, which brought a happy glow to her young face.)

After a few weeks of treatment, Brittany was released. She was pronounced 'cured,' I guess, but I didn't buy it. I'm no psychologist -- or psychiatrist! - but I don't see how simply talking to a professional and maybe popping some pills could solve issues so serious that she thought killing herself would solve them. She insisted that we return to the shared custody arrangement that we'd been following all this time. I asked my children what they thought about that idea.

Danielle clearly had reservations, but Brian was eager, almost jumping up and down to spend some time with his mom.

"Uness you're willing to go back in for another long, drawn out court battle, you'll have to give her what she's asking for," Mandy said, when I told her how I felt. "You might be able to convince a judge you're correct. After all, a suicide attempt is pretty strong evidence of being an unfit parent."

Mandy's voice was calm, but her eyes were another story. The way they bored into me, it was pretty clear how SHE felt. My own feelings were mixed. I was still furious with Brittany. I couldn't stand the thought of giving her access to the kids again. But, Brian at least, had made his wishes clear: he wanted to go back to spending time with his mother as well as me. Danielle, I knew, would go along with her brother in order to keep an eye on him (she had turned into a little lioness where he was concerned. In other circumstances, it would be cute!)

"I'm not going to try and make it so Brittany can't see the kids," I said, finally.

Mandy's gaze softened.

"No, I didn't think you'd be like that," she said.

"But on the other hand, I don't want either of the kids to have to deal with the trauma of their mother trying to kill herself again!" I said. "I don't know what happened to her that turned her into such a selfish, irresponsible bitch, but there's no denying it happened."

Mandy leaned back on the couch next to me, her expression pensive. Then, she sighed, softly.

"How about we talk about something more pleasant than her?" I suggested, caressing her arm.

Mandy smiled, and kissed me lightly.

"I'm always up for talking about something pleasant!" she said. "What did you have in mind?"

This was it, the moment of truth. I'd only grown closer to Mandy over the last few months. She was everything I wanted in a woman. She spent most nights here at home with me, sharing my life, even during my weeks with the children. Finally, I decided it was time to pop the question! It was only the second time in my life I had done this, and I was nervous as hell as I slipped the ring box out of my pocket.

"I thought we might talk about our future," I said. "Mandy, I love you, and so do the kids! I love being with you, and I hate being apart from you. Mandy-"

I opened the ring box and held it out to her.

"Will you marry me?"

Her eyes grew huge as she stared into the ring box. I had told the kids about my intentions; not only had they approved, they helped me choose this ring! Mandy's eyes rose from the ring box to look at me, and her gaze was sad. That hadn't been what I'd expected!

She stretched out her hand and gently closed the lid of the box.

"Don, it's a very beautiful ring...and I'm touched...I really like you, but, marriage? Really?"

Mandy gently shook her head.

"Don, honey, you're a wonderful lover, and from what I've seen, you're a great father to your children. You are a good man, and you've treated me like a princess since we've been together. You'll be a good husband...but not for me."

I sank back into the couch.

"I don't understand, if I'm really a good man and all that, why don't you want to marry me?" I asked. "I felt like we meshed so well together! We could be really happy together and build a wonderful life-"

But Mandy was shaking her head at me, her eyes sad. She gently reached out and stroked my face with her hand, brushing away a tear I hadn't even realized was there.

"Don, honey, it isn't all because of you," Mandy said, softly. "Part of it is me. I'm not sure I even want to get married at all, but if I ever do, it will not be to a man that already has children -- and an ex he has to deal with on a regular basis! We've had a lot of fun together, Don, and I don't regret one second of the time we've spent together. But..."

She paused, looking at the floor briefly, then she looked me in the eye again.

"Don, for me, that's all this was: just fun. I asked to be exclusive with you because I hate condoms, and I don't want an STD. It wasn't because I wanted to get married."

I'm not sure, but I think the crushed remains of my heart jammed against my diaphram. That must have been what caused my breath to catch in my throat! But I didn't make a sound. She'd already started shredding my feelings, I might as well let her finish the job.

"Looking back on it now, I understand why you felt that being exclusive meant more than just a good time. I'm sorry. I truly didn't mean to lead you on; in fact, it never occurred to me that you might want to get married again, considering what happened to you!" she said.

"I see," I said quietly.

I pulled my hand back and stared down at the ring box still resting in my palm. I sighed, shrugged, and casually gave the thing an over-the-shoulder toss, not really caring where it landed.

"Thanks for being honest with me, Mandy," I said. "I'm sorry I bothered you with my troubles. Please forget I said anything about...you know."

I already knew it was pointless to try any kind of apology. Mandy was already picking up her coat and purse. Knowing what was coming, I got to my feet and met her by the door. I opened it for her and watched as she stepped through. She paused there on the threshold for just a moment and looked up into my eyes. It felt like she wanted to say something, but she didn't.

We shared that gaze for a moment before I leaned in to kiss her goodbye for the last time. She turned her head so my kiss landed on her cheek. Wow, I thought to myself. I'm not even worth returning a last kiss! I knew then that there was no hope whatsoever for us, so I stood back and closed and locked the door behind her.

###

The weeks after Mandy's departure from my life were hard. I'd been dumped before (not counting my ex-wife's rather spectacular ending of our marriage, it had happened several times.) But for some reason, with Mandy, it hurt more than most of the previous instances had. Maybe it's because she was the first woman I connected with emotionally and not just physically.

At first, the children asked me about Mandy's departure from our lives. They asked why she said no, why she didn't want to see us anymore. I told her that it wasn't them, it's just that she didn't want to see ME anymore. Danielle, who'd just turned 10, was very perceptive for her age. I think, judging from the look in her eyes, that she might have deduced more of the truth than what I was willing to say. If so, she was kind enough to let me get away with my edited version.

As the weeks went by, my son Brian did his best to mention his Mom almost every day, when it was my turn to have him and his sister. Of my two children, Brian was the one who missed our old family life the most. I wasn't surprised that he was trying (in his own childish way) to get his mom and dad back together. I think a certain amount of that is to be expected. All I could do was keep on with my life.

Yes, there were dates, and yes, some of them had happy endings. After the experiences I'd had, I made sure that anyone I dated was on the same page with me; no more misunderstandings! It turned out not to be an issue, anyway. None of the women I hooked up with wanted anything permanent with a man in my circumstances. There were some exceptions, of course. I dated a few single mothers who might've been interested in something more...until I got to the part about the crazy, suicidal ex. Then they usually found an excuse not to go out with me. Some of them didn't want to expose their own child to that sort of drama. Others didn't want it for themselves, either. I guess I didn't blame them, but it did make for a lonely life.

I still talked to Angela every now and then. She had divorced good 'ole Ben, but she hadn't taken him to the cleaners, so to speak. She didn't want to keep the enormous house she'd shared with Ben. She said it was full of too many memories. Besides, she wanted a house that was a home, not a status symbol. So she and Ben had sold the house, split the equity, and each had purhased other homes (much like what had happened with me).

She wasn't willing to sell her interest in Ben's real estate business, so she didn't push for the maximum child support she might have gotten. She also didn't quit working in the office, although she did do everything she could to minimize contact with her ex. I'll admit it, she was a stronger person than I am. There's no way in hell I would voluntarily spend that much time with Brittany! Nevertheless, she had my respect.

Ben hadn't received as much celebrity status for his part in the homemade porno I'd uploaded. I'm not sure why that was, and I really didn't care. It didn't appear to have hurt his business any, or not that I could see, at any rate. Angela never mentioned it on during those times we spoke, and I sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up! I had other reasons for that, though.

Angela never came out and attacked me for uploading that video (that would've been a little hypocritical of her). She had predicted I wouldn't get custody of the children unless Britt let me have it. And of course, we all knew Britt was never going to do that; thus, the release of the video was inevitable. Still, I was perceptive enough to see how angry she was that I'd done it. She'd intended for me to use it as evidence in the divorce proceedings, and had been horrified when I said what I would actually do with it. I think part of her doubted I'd go through with it.

In case anyone's curious, no: Angela and I never got together. We're just too different in too many ways to ever be happy together, and we're both mature enough to realize it. We are friends, though, and she was always there when I needed to commiserate with someone. Her son, Robert (who still allowed people to call him Robby when his friends weren't around to hear it) is a frequent guest at my house, as he and Brian are in the same grade, at the same school, and got along well together.

It was during one of her visits to my house that Angela found the ring box. I'd never bothered looking for it, after Mandy left. It was nothing to me anymore; not worth looking for. Oh, I know I could've sold it and gotten some cash for it. I just could never motivate myself to do it. Angela found the thing lurking under the edge of the old Hoosier cabinet in the living room, and brought it to me with a questioning look.

I looked at the somewhat dusty box sitting on the coffee table and sighed. Angela's raised eyebrow was a wordless clue that she wasn't willing to let the subject go until I explained, so I gave a mental shrug. I told her about asking Mandy to marry me, and what the results had been. Angela listened without comment. When the pathetic story was told in it's entirety, she shook her head, sadly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Don," she said.

"Um, thanks," I said. "But you don't have to be sorry for my failings. I'm just not a good judge of character, when it comes to relationships. Truth is, the only woman on the planet that figured I was worth being with, ended up being a cheater! Kind of ironic when you think about it."

"Well, join the club!" she said with a snort. "Obviously, I'm no better at picking men than you are at picking women!"

We both shared a brief, bitter laugh at that. But, she was fibbing a little bit, and we both knew that as well. She had a man she was seeing exclusively. They'd been together about a month, now. I don't know if she saw wedding bells in her future or not, but I'd met the guy, and I'd be real surprised if he didn't ask her at some point.