How Much Love?

I waited there for a few long moments with my back pressed firmly against his dresser. I felt it as Greg's sperm started leaking from me. This is bad, I thought. This is really bad. I have to do whatever he wants to prevent him from leaving me. I knew he'd never hurt me. So I felt safe trying to prevent him from getting his clothes and leaving me. I also felt like the stupidest woman alive, because I knew that no matter what I did things between us would never be the same.

I'd read stories about marriages where cheating had gone on. About half of them ended in divorce. That couldn't happen to us. I loved Rob too much for that. I was willing get down on my knees and suck his dick in church if I had to but I couldn't lose him. I just couldn't.

After a while I started to wonder what was taking him so long to come back. I went down the stairs and noticed that Greg was just beginning to get up. Rob's car was gone. He hadn't taken anything. He hadn't packed, he'd left me. He just walked out of my life without a word. Damn it, he was supposed to come and get his stuff so we could talk!

Greg started crawling towards the house. Both of his eyes were swollen shut and his nose was at a weird angle. He was bleeding from the back of his head and his balance was off. He probably had a concussion from his head bouncing off of the stairs. As he made it to the porch I slammed the door in his face. He was standing stark naked at 1:30 in the afternoon on my porch.

There was no way I was letting him back inside my house. What if Rob came back and found him inside the house again. Rob might think that I was on Greg's side. I didn't have to worry for long; the police arrived a few minutes later.

They sat Greg down on my porch and called an ambulance. Then they knocked on my door. There were no cars in the driveway so I figured that if I just pretended not to be home maybe they'd go away. But then I realized I had to do something so my story and Greg's wouldn't conflict. I knew that Greg had as much to lose as I did. He was married just like me which was the reason for his no strings attached policy.

I opened the door and started yelling. "I'm so glad you're here officers," I said. "I saw them when they attacked that poor man and stole his clothes. I was afraid to open the door though. I thought that they might still be in the neighborhood."

"Can you describe them ma'am?" asked one of the officers.

"No way," I said. "Then they'd just come back after me. My name is West, leave me out of this mess."

"There were four of them," croaked Greg. "Big bikers. After they took my money they took all of my clothes just for laughs."

"Ma'am are you sure you have nothing to say?" asked the officer. "If no one comes forward these guys may never get caught."

"I have nothing to say," I said.

"I sure hope you can sleep tonight lady," said the second cop. "I hope that someday something happens to you to fuck up your nice rosy little life, and you wish that someone had come forward to stop it before it destroyed your life."

"Believe me officer," I said barely holding back my tears. "After what happened today I don't think I'm ever going to be able to sleep again. And my life isn't nearly as rosy as you think."

After they left, I gathered up all of Greg's clothes and his cell phone. I was sure that sooner or later he'd come back for them. He'd need his ID and his phone at least and probably his car keys. I just sat there at my kitchen table. The robe I'd put on before going to answer the door for the police was the only thing I had on. I didn't cry, I didn't move I just listened to the sound of the clock ticking.

The phone rang and I jumped up to see who was calling me. I hoped that it was Rob. But it was Tina from work. I let it go to voice mail. Five minutes later, the phone rang again. I jumped up again hoping it was Rob but once again it was Tina.

"Hello Tina," I said flatly. "Please don't call me anymore tonight. I'm not in a talking mood."

"This isn't a social call," she said. "I'm trying to help you and Greg do damage control. Do you have all of Greg's clothes and his phone and his wallet and car keys?"

"I've got his clothes, his phone and car keys," I said. "I didn't find his wallet. It's probably in his pants though."

"Great I'll be over in a few minutes to get them," she said. "Once Greg has the phone back you can call him tomorrow so you guys can get your stories straight. Greg's wife had to work late tonight. We're going to tell her that he got robbed by bikers, that same story you used for the police. You guys can get together to talk about what they did and what they looked like. It's possible that you might be forced to testify. And we need to protect Greg's marriage."

"I'll throw Greg's shit out on the lawn when I get off the phone with you," I snapped. "I don't need to talk to Greg because I don't give a shit about his marriage."

"Cheryl, what's wrong with you?" she asked.

"What about my marriage, Tina?" I yelled. "Who's going to try to save my marriage?" I started crying.

"What are you talking about?" she asked. "I'll be right over." She hung up.

A few minutes later Tina pulled up in front of my house. She knocked gently on the door. I opened it and handed her Greg's clothes and keys.

"What happened?" she asked.

I told her the whole story. She was shocked.

"Your husband did that to Greg?"she asked. I nodded.

"He hasn't come home yet," I said. "I don't know what I'm going to do. We've never been apart."

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that your cute little husband beat the fuck out of Greg," she said. "Did he take a lot of his clothes and personal stuff when he left?"

"Nope," I said. "He just walked away."

"Then you need to stay home for a few days," she said. "If he's really pissed at you to the point that he doesn't want to see you, he'll try to pick up his stuff when you're at work."

"That's probably what he'll do," I said.

"Why do you care?" she asked. "Didn't you want to replace him anyway? I mean for weeks now you've been fucking around on him because you wanted to try something different. That usually only happens when a woman wants to either end her marriage or she knows her husband is fucking someone else. Which one is it?"

"Neither," I said. "Rob would never cheat on me, just like I'd never cheat on him. I could never replace him. He's perfect for me. In fact I realized that just before I started this whole thing with Greg."

"Cheryl, why did you sleep with those other guys then?" she asked. "Because whether you know it or not honey, you did exactly that. You cheated on your husband."

"But I was only listening to you guys," I yelled. "The only man I had ever been with is Rob. You girls all talked about variety and trying different things and different dicks. It made me feel old and boring."

"Cheryl, why do you think we go out to clubs and bars all the time?" she asked me.

"Because it's fun and exciting," I said.

"Nope," she said sadly. "We do it because it beats the hell out of going home to an empty apartment alone. Ask any girl that does it. We're all looking to find someone, who'll love us and take care of us forever. We want someone who won't judge us or just fuck us and dump us and who won't cheat on us. We're all looking for someone to love us, like you have. I'll bet every girl that you were talking to in that office is simply jealous of what you have. That's why we all hate that bitch Molly. She's the only one who'll admit to what she wants. So we all try to make it sound like we're happy doing what we're doing but I'll bet you any one of those women would trade places with you in a heartbeat."

"Oh no," I said realizing what I'd done.

"Do you know how many times I've gone home with some guy and let him fuck me and pretend that awful sex was good just so I'd have someone to take me to a party?" she asked. "And as far as the sex goes, what really makes it great is when the other person is really trying to please you because they love you. It's so much better than just having some guy pounding on you to get his nut off and then rolling over, getting dressed and going home." She shook her head.

"And most of the time you know that they don't give a damn about you. They're only going to call you as long as you put out. Even then as soon as a guy is tired of you, or bored with fucking you, he's gone. Unless, of course, you do wilder and wilder stuff. First they just want to fuck you so badly; they'll do anything you want to get some." She spoke like she'd been through it.

"Once they've gotten it, the power shifts. You have to keep giving it to them to keep them. Before you know it you're giving them blowjobs in parking lots. Then you're letting them fuck you in the ass. Then you're fucking their friends. Finally you're doing gangbangs for them, and despite the fact that you're doing all of this for a guy just so you won't be alone, it doesn't matter. One day he looks at you and tells you it's over. He doesn't want to be with a slut who does that kind of stuff. Trust me, every one of those women in that office was always jealous of you."

I started crying even louder then.

"Hey," she said. "It's probably not as bad as you think. If he loves you as much as you've always said he does, maybe he'll forgive you. But whatever you do, be here when he comes back for his stuff. Call every friend of his you know and find him, but don't ever stop fighting for him. Don't ever give up. You'll never find a love like that one again."

As we talked she looked through Greg's clothes but didn't find his wallet anywhere. She asked me to return it to him when I found it.

The next morning I called in sick again. I put on Rob's favorite outfit and started making his favorite meal. Then I sat down at the kitchen table and waited. By lunch time he hadn't called or come home. I made a list of all of Rob's friends and started calling them. No one had seen him. I called his job and was told that Rob was taking the day off.

Finally in desperation I called his mom. She hadn't heard from him either. I checked our bank accounts and got some good news. Rob hadn't taken the money out of the accounts or canceled them. He hadn't even charged anything like a motel room yesterday or today.

My heart ached, my head ached, my soul ached, but all I could do was to wait. Finally I called the police and made a missing persons report. They asked me a few stupid questions and told me they'd be in touch. They seemed to think that maybe Rob had run off with another woman and if he had, he was within his rights. I could divorce him for abandonment if he was gone over a certain period of time. They told me they would contact me if they got any leads and hung up.

That night I fell asleep on the couch out of pure exhaustion. As soon as I woke up I ran all over the house to see if anything was different or if he'd been there.

The next morning I called all of Rob's friends again. Again no one had heard from him. Finally when I got to one of Rob's best friends Danny Aames, I got a reaction. I didn't actually speak to Danny this time because he was at work. I ended up speaking to his wife. If I'd spoken to Danny I'd probably have gotten the same reaction I'd gotten the previous day.

But women are different. "We haven't seen him," she said. Her voice was very tight and terse.

Something just clocked in my head. "Are you sure?" I asked.

Apparently that was all she could take and she lit into me.

"Rob is one of the nicest guys I know," she snapped. "Why don't you just leave him the fuck alone, you whore? You've already hurt him bad enough that he's leaving town. Can't you just give him a break? You've pretty much destroyed the man. He quit his fucking job, and he's homeless. He left you everything he has but you just need to twist the knife and rub it in his face. No wonder there are so many men out there who just hate women. A bitch like you makes it bad for every one of us." Then she stopped and was breathing so loudly I could hear it over the phone.

"Cheryl, can I ask you a question?" she said. "How do you feel knowing that you broke the heart of a man who loved you totally? I've seen you two together. Remember we've had barbecues and parties together. I know how he felt about you. How does it feel to know that someone loved you that much and you just took their heart in your hands and just crushed it? Do you feel good right now? Apparently not because you're still trying to fuck with him right now. Cheryl, just leave him alone. You won, you totally tore him up. He's never going to be the same. So just leave him alone. If you ever loved him at all in all of that time that you two were married, just leave him alone." Then she slammed the phone down so hard my ears were ringing for a while afterwards.

I couldn't help it, I just started crying again. Why couldn't anyone see that this was hurting me too? I loved Rob at least as much as he loved me and I knew that it was my fault that we were in this situation. I was dying inside but not one person cared.

Maybe it was two hours later that the phone rang. I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello," I said woodenly.

"Where should I send his shit," yelled an outraged woman. At first I thought she was talking about Rob.

"I told Greg the last time he tried this shit that if he cheated on me again we were over. He's all yours now you home-wrecking whore. When I find out where you live, I'm going to beat the shit out of you. But first I'm going to show you a picture. I want to see if you're cold enough not to care that the man you're cheating with has...had three small children who depended on him. How could he do that to his kids? A whore like you probably doesn't have any kids. You just fuck around with anyone you feel like and there are no consequences. You've just destroyed our family so I hope you feel really good about it, bitch." then she slammed the phone down too.

I didn't understand why she'd blame me. I didn't know that Greg had any kids. Hell, I barely knew that he was married. He made it seem like his wife and he were about to get divorced. I guess they probably would now. I did feel bad about the kids. But as cold as it seemed, that was Greg's problem and his responsibility not mine. My problem was getting Rob back and I was prepared to do anything to do it.

I decided to go to Danny's house and talk to Angie. She'd probably want to beat me up and I'd let her if she'd tell me anything about Rob. But she was the only person I knew who'd even admit to having seen him in the past two days. I was torn because I wanted to go see Angie but what if Rob came home and got his stuff while I was gone.

I called Angie and begged her to come over and talk to me. I begged her for the sake of all of the time we'd known each other to at least let me tell her my side of things and if she didn't like what I said she could just leave. If she could understand that I'd just made a mistake could she please just tell me what she knew?

She told me that she'd think about coming over but she didn't think it was a good idea. She said she was afraid that if she saw me she might just beat the shit out of me, so maybe we should do it over the phone. Then she said that she might come over or she might just call back. She also said that she might not do either. I got the feeling that she had to call someone to decide what to do. I didn't know whether she wanted to call Rob or Danny but I hope she'd let me know something.

I dozed off again sitting at the kitchen table. A knock at my door awakened me. I looked through the window and there was a woman standing on my back porch.

"I came around to the back when I didn't see anyone in the front," she said smiling.

She looked like a girl who had just gotten out of college. I was sure she was selling something, so I wanted to get rid of her quickly and get back to my misery.

"Are you Cheryl Thomas?" she asked cheerfully.

"Yes," I told her. I was thinking that these sales companies were probably beginning to buy the identities and information on potential customers like they did on the internet.

She held out a stack of papers to me, and I reflexively accepted them.

"You've been served," she smiled even broader. "Have a nice day ma'am and don't forget to get your pet spayed or neutered."

There should be a law against what that little cunt did to me. Over the past three days I hadn't eaten anything. I'd settled into depression and was barely holding it together. When I looked at the papers she'd handed me and read them I went further into shock and collapsed.

The heading on the top of the papers said "Petition for the dissolution of Marriage."

As I fell to the floor, I remember my eyes focusing on her tight, pert little ass shifting saucily from side to side as she walked away from me. The bitch was actually looking at another stack of papers as she walked. Was that her fucking job? Did she just destroy one marriage after another all fucking day long and then go home and have dinner? Maybe someday she'd get to give her own husband his divorce papers. I wanted to kill that bitch, but I realized that she hadn't ruined my marriage, I had. But I was determined to save it.

I thought I had a good relationship with my neighbors. At least I liked to think that I did. I don't know how long I lay there crumpled in my doorway holding those fucking papers but when I regained consciousness I noticed that my next door neighbor, Mr. Smithers was mowing his lawn. I lay there crumpled up in my back doorway in full view as he just cut his fucking grass. Maybe he thought that either sluttiness or stupidity was contagious. Maybe he thought that after what I'd done I should just lie there and rot.

I also noticed that my phone was ringing. I picked the phone up and croaked "Hello."I was sure it was Angie, but it was a man.

"Good morning, Mrs. Thomas or whatever you'll be calling yourself," he said. "I'd like to make arrangements to come by and pick up the papers and my check."

I was tired of people acting like I knew what was going on. "Who are you?" I said coldly.

"Forgive me," he said. "I'm Oscar Goldman. I'm representing your ex husband in his divorce case. As he and I worked it out, I'm supposed to come by pick up the papers and a check from you. Then in a few months it'll all be over and clear."

"Hold on, Perry Mason," I snapped. "I'm not a lawyer but I know that's not how it works. I'm supposed to get a lawyer too. Then we set up meetings and discuss whether both sides want a divorce and whether or not we can just go to counseling. Then if we can't work out our differences we have more meetings to decided the property settlement yada, yada, yada. But trust me there won't be a divorce here."

"Nope, ma'am," he said sharply. "In our state, in a marriage without children, you can have an uncontested divorce in 90 days if there are no property or support issues to work out. I do it for a flat fee of $189.00. My client assures me that this would be one of those. I assume you've got the papers already, and seen the settlement he proposes."

"First off I haven't gotten a chance to look at your fucking papers," I screamed into the phone. "And secondly this divorce will definitely be contested. I will never agree to divorce him. And no matter what he tried to use to buy me out of the marriage it won't work."

"Everyone has their price," he chirped. "What's yours?"

"I don't have a price," I hissed. "Wait, I've changed my mind yes I do. I'll give him the divorce if he gives me the one thing I want more than anything else."

"What's that?" he asked.

"I want my husband back," I said. Then for once I slammed the phone down. I wasn't an idiot. I looked over the papers and started crying again. Rob had given me everything, except the car he drove away in and the clothes on his back. He even offered to send the car back when he got to where he was going. I had my own car why would he think I needed his in addition to it?