How Much Love?

The only thing men ever wanted from Connie was sex. If they didn't get it, they moved on to someone else. When they got it, they eventually moved on to someone else anyway. She was only pussy to them. And that was all she was to Roger as well. There was no future for her with Roger so why waste her time on him.

Then there was another thing that she'd never noticed before. Jealousy. Rob loved Cheryl so much that seeing her having sex with another man, had destroyed them. It had incited him to violence, nearly killing a man and caused him to just walk away from his life, his career, his marriage and everything he had. The thought of having to share someone he loved that much had simply unglued him. He was, she could tell still suffering from it.

Roger on the other hand didn't care who fucked Connie. He was not only willing to share her; he was willing to be one of five or more guys, as long as he got his turn. If he cared about her at all, there was no way he would be able to handle that. Connie suddenly realized that most of the things she thought she knew about men, might not be true. And even more she decided that she needed a guy like Rob.

Connie left Roger and Rob's office and went immediately to her own job. She sat down at her desk and looked through her inbox to see what she had that was pressing. She held up a sheet of paper and waved at her office manager across the room. He waved back. She'd called to let him know that she'd be late, so he nodded. He wasn't nearly as evil with her as he was with the rest of the office staff because she'd given him the occasional blowjob when the situation called for it.

She pretended to look up a number on the sheet of paper in her hand and dialed the number on her phone. When the phone was answered, she began speaking.

"Cheryl," she said. "How are you feeling, Hon?"

"I didn't feel well enough to come to work today, but better," said Cheryl. "At least I have hope now."

"Oh sweetie, you have more than that," said Connie. "Meet me in the park near work, for lunch. Bring me something nice because I skipped breakfast for you."

"Okay, I'll be there," said Cheryl hanging up.

Connie was excited as she waited for Cheryl in the small park. Near her there were a couple of mothers with small children, who teetered and scampered on the nearby play space and sandbox. After a few minutes she saw Cheryl walking towards her with a couple of boxed lunches from a nearby Deli.

Cheryl looked nervous as she put the boxes down. Connie opened one and began to eat a sandwich piled high with a variety of Deli meats.

"Well?" asked Cheryl. "What are you so excited about? Did you come up with something to help our plan?"

"Oh way better than that?" said Connie. She took a can of Pepsi from the box and popped the top.

"Tell me," implored Cheryl.

"Oh alright," said Connie acting as if it was no big deal. "I spoke to Rob today. I gave him my phone numbers and I'm hoping he'll call me soon, so we can get together to talk."

Cheryl was shocked. She sat on the bench unmoving for a while and then the face broke into a smile.

"How was he? What did he say? Did he mention me? Did you mention me? Does he hate me? Where was he? How long has he been back in town?" she asked all of the questions in a flurry without stopping to breathe.

"He's fine," said Connie slowly. "He didn't mention you. When I did hint about you, a shadow passed across his face. He was very tense whenever he thought about you."

"That's bad isn't it?" asked Cheryl. "It means he hates me." Just like that tears started to fall.

"Cheryl, it's still early, we don't know what it means. It may just mean that he's still upset because he loved you so much," said Connie. "You have to give this some time." Just as Cheryl was readying another round of questions, Connie's phone rang.

"Hello," said Connie. She smiled and in a really buttery voice said, "Yes I really would love that. Yes, of course I promise. We'll be all alone. Maybe you could show me yours first, then we could take it from there and see what happens."

Cheryl just frowned listening to the conversation. "One of your boyfriends?" she smirked after Connie had hung up.

"Nope yours," smirked Connie right back.

Cheryl's face clouded up in anger. Connie laughed at her friend. "We were talking about cars, Dimwit," she said. "The only way I could get to talk to him was to convince him that I want to buy a Mustang. He loves his so much that apparently it's become like a religion to him. I think he's transferred all of the love he had for you to that car."

Cheryl smiled. "Why are you smiling so much now?" asked Connie.

"I don't mind him being in love with a car," said Cheryl. "I'd die if I found out he was wasting his energy with another woman. A car I can handle."

"Why," asked Connie.

"Because he's mine," said Cheryl fiercely. "Divorced or not he's mine. I don't need to hear about him sticking my dick in some other woman's disease ridden holes. It would kill me."

"You mean like you did to him?" asked Connie. Cheryl paled and started to cry.

"That didn't mean anything. It was only sex. It had nothing to do with my love for him. I just needed to know what it was like," said Cheryl.

"So what would be different about him having sex with someone else?" asked Connie. "You really confuse me sometimes Cheryl. Women always degrade men because they're pussy hounds and they don't understand romance, or they don't understand the true meanings of emotional connections. You had this guy who worshipped the ground you walked on and you ruined it by fucking around on him. You constantly try to justify it by saying that it was only sex or it was to satisfy your curiosity. But when we bring up the subject of him doing it, it's a different thing. That's a big double standard isn't it? It just sounds crazy."

Cheryl looked at her feet. "I can't change the past. I can only make the future better," she said.

"Cheryl, I really hope you know what you had," said Connie. "Roger told me today that he wouldn't mind being the fifth one in line to fuck me. In his mind as long as he gets off, he's happy. It made me realize that none of the guys I've ever been with gave a damn about me." Connie too looked down.

"I understand now why you were so upset but you have to face the fact, that maybe you hurt him too badly to put what you had back together. I didn't realize it myself until I saw him today. This was far worse on him than it was on you. At least you had an idea of what was going on. You at least, committed the acts that ended your marriage. You at least were looking for something. He got blindsided by the person he loved most. He may never love anyone again, or even trust anyone. I'll let you know what happens when I meet him tonight."

When Connie left work, she drove back to the same bar that she'd originally seen Rob at. She got the same table that he'd been sitting at with his friends, including Roger. Since the morning just thinking about Roger raised Connie's ire. There had been several times when she'd considered the possibility of a more permanent relationship between the two of them. Now she could see that would never happen. Of course in the asshole's defense there had been plenty of times when she'd been so horny that any dick would do and she had sought out his. Maybe it was the fact that she was getting older but things were beginning to affect her differently.

The thought of screwing the same man over and over again had once filled her with equal amounts of boredom and revulsion. She'd never had any scruples about married men because she'd considered what she did with them to be simply borrowing them, not stealing them since she never intended anything long term. But lately the idea of a man of her own made her feel warm. The biggest shocker had been this morning after the lunch with Cheryl.

It wasn't just the way she'd practically attacked poor Cheryl for behavior that she herself had done far worse than, it was after Cheryl left, nearly in tears. Connie had looked over at the mothers with their small children and felt a sense of longing. She'd actually rubbed her own tummy as if something was growing there.

Connie snapped out of her thoughts in time to see Rob approaching her table slowly. He moved as if he was walking through tall grass and expecting a snake. She appraised him yet again. He was tall at maybe 6' 1" and muscular. He had dark brown hair and eyes. His eyes appeared to be brooding and cynical, but according to Cheryl that wasn't always the case.

"Hi Rob," Connie said unleashing her most devastating smile. She signaled for a waitress and she took their orders. Rob actually tried to pay for their drinks until Connie reminded him that she'd asked him for the meeting so it was up to her to pay for the first round.

He pulled out a couple of brochures and dealer quote pages on several different models of Mustangs

"Rob, I'm sorry but I can't lie to you," Connie said. "You're too sweet for that. No matter what happens between us I won't ever lie to you. I will never be dishonest with you in any way."

He nodded and looked at her. Connie thought he relaxed a bit.

"I'd love to see your car," said Connie. "But I don't think I could afford one of my own. The main reason I wanted to talk with you...Well there are two reasons. One of them you're not going to like very much. And the other I hope you will." He stood up and got ready to leave.

"Rob, please don't go," said Connie.

"I'm not interested," he said.

"Interested in what?" asked Connie.

"Roger told me that you wanted something from me. He warned me to be careful. But he needed me to at least show up, because of some deal you made with him," said Rob.

"So Roger told you," Connie snapped. He nodded his head. "Why would he do that?"

"Bros before Ho's," smirked Rob.

"But you came anyway," she asked. "Why?"

"Because he needed me to show up, so he can get whatever you promised him. He said you were an easy piece of ass and he wanted some," Rob said ruefully.

"Did he give you an idea of what I wanted?" she asked.

"I only know it has something to do with "her," he said. "But it doesn't matter. I'm over her. It's taken me almost a year. But I'm stronger now, in the words of the Who, "I won't get fooled again."

"So you're over her huh?" asked Connie. He nodded, smiling confidently.

"Cheryl," she said. His face fell. "Cheryl Thomas," she said. He frowned and wiped his eyes. "Friday was the anniversary of the day you married her. Fifteen years ago. It was the happiest day of your life wasn't it?"

"No," he croaked.

"Are you lying to me Rob?" she asked.

"No," he said angrily. "It was only the second happiest, the first was the day I met her." He turned to leave again.

"Rob, please don't go," said Connie softly. "I'm not trying to cause you any pain or hurt you. I'm not even trying to fool you. I told you what was going on as soon as you sat down. As a matter of fact I really like you, and I'd like to help you, whether you believe me or not."

"Why?" he asked.

"Rob, I know about what you went through. I heard it from Cheryl Friday night. I know what she did to you, and what it did to her. I know how you sacrificed for her and how it ended. I know how meeting her and falling in love with her changed your life. And maybe I want some of that magic for myself," said Connie.

"I already told you I'm not interested in having sex," said Rob.

"I'm not offering you sex," said Connie. "I'm offering you something you need more."

"What's that?" he asked.

"A friend," said Connie. "You really need someone to talk to from time to time, even if it's only someone who'll listen to you. You've heard of friends with benefits. We can be friends without benefits."

He looked at her as if he was thinking about it. He sat down which was a good sign. She noticed that his shoulders were slumping and he looked awful. It was like the bravado of his persona when he'd first come over was all just a front.

"I loved her so much," he said.

"Rob, she loves you too," said Connie. "More than anything I've ever seen. People aren't perfect Rob. We all make mistakes and bad decisions. We all take things for granted and find out later that the things we counted on are conditional. For the past eleven months that woman has been in hell. She's had to live with the fact that she did something really stupid that drove the man she loves away from her forever. Can you imagine that kind of pain?"

His eyes hardened so quickly she thought he'd blinked. In an instant the pained, sorrowful, joyless, depressed teddy bear became a really pissed off grizzly bear. He got up and grabbed Connie's arm pulling her out of the bar.

He walked her over to his car. She could see why he loved it. It was the shiniest black finish she'd ever seen. More polished than most limousines. Everything on the car that wasn't black was the shiniest chrome she'd ever seen. Even the interior was all black leather or chrome. When he started the engine the car vibrated. The next things she heard was the sound of the tires screaming as they tried to grip the road. Suddenly they were propelled forward at an alarming rate. The cool night air coming through the window eased Connie's apprehension a tad. Now, she thought, if he'd only slow down.

In less than ten minutes they were in front of a lake. He parked at least a foot away from the concrete parking bars. He explained to her that he was worried about how low his chin spoiler was to the ground.

"Now where were we?" he asked. "Oh yeah, you were talking about Hell. You were talking about the Hell that Cheryl went through."

Connie nodded and got out of the car. She led him over to a bench just in front of the softly rolling waves. In the light of the moon, it would have been really romantic under other circumstances.

"Do you think the Hell that she went through compares to loving a woman so much that you wanted to be a part of her. That you loved her so much you changed the plans for your life to include her in it. Cheryl was my entire world. Everything I did was always for us. I always put her first, no matter what. I knew immediately when she fucked that first guy. Even days later, I waited for her to tell me about it. I knew it had to be a mistake or she was drunk or taken advantage of. I tried to put it out of my mind but I started to wonder if there'd been others."

"So I did the cliché thing, I had her followed. It felt awful like I didn't trust her, but I had to know. She was my life after all. I'd already decided not to say anything about the first guy because I didn't want to lose her. I just forgot all about my pride and decided to just let it go because I'd rather have Cheryl than my pride. When the detective told me about the second guy, it made me sick, I actually went home and slept in the guest room, because I couldn't face her. I also just stopped having sex with her. I felt like I was dying inside. I couldn't figure out why? What had I done wrong? Why didn't she love me anymore?"

"Then when I got the call from the detective about the third guy, I knew I had to confront her. I intended to just wait until they were done and just quietly leave. But the things they were saying just hurt me so badly that I had to do something. I just wanted her to know that I was still there and she'd hurt me so badly. I guess at that point I thought that maybe down deep she still cared about me as a person, maybe as a friend even though she could never have loved me the way I loved her and done that."

"So I made the biggest mistake of my life. As I walked in the door they were so busy concentrating on each other that they didn't even notice me. Some big asshole had my wife bent over on the bed and he was pounding her from behind. And she wasn't fighting him at all. She was just letting him do it. Any thoughts in my head that maybe he was forcing himself on her went out the window. I couldn't move I was just frozen there. It felt like my soul was torn out with every thrust."

"I'm sure that women feel differently about this and I've tried to be modern about the whole thing but I can't. Men are hardwired to believe that our mates belong to us. And more than that this was the woman I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Since we got together I foolishly believed that we loved each other and belonged only to each other. My greatest dream was that we'd have kids together and grow old together. Do you know the pain of hearing some asshole tell your wife that she was just his little slut? Do you know what it's like to have him ask her if she wants him to knock her up?"

"I almost died when I heard that. My heart was beating so loudly that I was sure they could hear it. Then she hurt me again even worse. I expected, I hoped, I prayed that she'd say no. That she'd remember that was something reserved for her husband even though her body wasn't anymore and maybe had never been. But I heard her say very clearly, "Oh yeah, that's what I want."

"Then I could tell by the way the muscles in his ass clenched that he was pumping his sperm into her. Something inside of me just died then. I don't think I'll ever get it back. Maybe it was my ability to love or to trust or my innocence, but whatever it was, it's gone. I'm a different person now. I just don't have the capacity to care anymore. The only thing I value, period is that car behind us. So I just started clapping for them like I'd seen a great porno movie performed right in front of me. Cheryl became just another whore, and I had no use for whores."

"I warned that guy not to say a word, but he just had to start talking. He made me hurt him. I'd been just trying to be modern and mature about the whole thing. I'd made up my mind to just grab some clothes and walk away. After all, Cheryl didn't really belong to me. It was her body and she could share it with anyone she wanted to. The only reason that one person devotes themselves to another is because they love them. I guess it was hard on me realizing that I'd devoted my life to a person who didn't feel the same way about me. So I hurt him. Then I took one look at her and just realized that I never wanted to see her again. So I looked at her trying to make myself hate her even more and I left. I didn't want my clothes or anything I just needed to get away from her. She was poison to me."

"I found a job in a nearby state and started my life all over again. None of my friends will speak to her. I've been very clear if anyone of them lets her know anything about me they are no longer my friend. The only one I gave any slack to was my mom. I knew that my mom was getting older and she was lonely so, I let her have contact with Cheryl, but I warned her. If she ever let Cheryl know anything about where I was, I'd cut off contact with her as well. I transferred back here because my mom's health is failing. It's a city that's big enough for both of us. I've been back for over a month and only ran into her once. I'll never go to that bar again, she can have it. I don't date so we won't run into each other. Everything will be fine."

"I truly don't care what she does, or who with. She can't hurt me any more than she already has. So please don't give me anymore of that Bullshit about the Hell she went through. At least she had a choice. She caused it."

Connie noticed that he seemed to be calmer then. "I'll take you back to the bar now," he said.

"Sit down," she told him. She pulled him back down onto the bench beside her.

"She doesn't date. She doesn't do anything. She talks on the phone with your mom and visits her once or twice a week. She's dying over what she did to your marriage, and so are you. Isn't there any chance that you could forgive her?" asked Connie.

Rob didn't say anything. A breeze caused Connie to shiver but she wasn't ready to leave yet. Rob had on a shirt and a sweater. He took the sweater off and wrapped it around Connie. The gesture surprised her.