Inthe Interest of National Security

"Meg, I know a lot more about this than you think, and we have nothing left to talk about," he said, and hung up the phone.

In Arnie's office I'd been focused and calm, reviewing my options the way I'd been trained, but when Dan hung up on me, everything changed and I just couldn't play the game anymore. I started crying like a little girl. Not sobbing and holding my head down, with tears running down my cheeks like an adult woman, just fucking bawling like any pre-school girl.

After driving aimlessly for about 30 minutes, I checked into one of the cheap motels out near the airport. I took off my clothes and got into bed.

My cell phone rang, and I looked at the screen and answered it immediately, when I saw it was Dan.

"Dan," I chirped, I was sure he was ready to tell me to come home.

"Look Meg, I've tried to be fair in everything I've done," he said, "And I realized that asking you not to come home on such short notice was unfair to you."

"I'm going in early in the morning, probably before you wake up," he said.

"Why don't you come by the house in the morning," he began.

"And we can talk," I started before he interrupted me.

"No Meg," he said, "I don't want to talk to you yet, maybe never."

"I just wanted to give you a chance to get some of your personal stuff, out of the house," he said.

"So you can come by tomorrow and I'll stay somewhere else tomorrow night," he said, "That way you'd have more than enough time to get your things."

"Dan, fuck that stuff," I said, "I love you Dan; the thing that matters most to me, the most precious thing I have, is you."

"You don't have me anymore, Meg," he said, "You threw me away, for Ray and whoever else you've been fucking."

My heart stopped as I realized that he knew. This was no longer about saving my job, or making sure he didn't find out about my extra activities. Dan knew, and I was fighting for my life, because I was sure that I would slowly die without him. Not only did he know, but he'd had time to think about it and decided that our marriage wasn't worth saving. I just stared up at the scarred and lined ceiling, wondering why I had been so stupid. I had it all, and I had pissed it all away. I had to find a way to get him to take me back, no matter what it took.

"But Dan, I didn't fuck anybody, I swear, I only gave them bl...," I started to say, but realized I was talking to a dial tone, because Dan had hung up on me.

The next morning, or should I say the next noon, I woke up and checked out of the motel. I could always check back in, or find another, but today and probably tonight, and hopefully forever, I'd be back in my house. I put my clothes back on and got into my car. It's surprising the way the individual mind works, I felt dirty and cheap because I was wearing the same clothes and underwear that I'd worn yesterday, but I had cheated on my husband for months, and didn't feel bad about it until he found out.

I still didn't see it as fully cheating, first because there was no actual penetration. And secondly because all it ever did was to take the edge off of my adrenalin surge, and rev up my motor for real sex with Dan. With the exception of the other night, every single time I'd done it I'd come home and literally, fucked Dan until we couldn't move.

There was also the fact that nothing had ever happened, other than oral or mutual oral between me and anyone else, other than Dan. No kissing, no fondling, no cuddling, all of that and everything else was reserved for Dan. I also did not prefer any of those men to Dan and I had no emotional links to them whatsoever. I did not want a life with any of them. In fact, with one exception, all of them were happily married.

I had to tell this to Dan, because I was sure that from what he said on the phone last night, he thought I was fucking around on him. That was never, and never would be the case.

I wasn't a virgin when Dan and I met, but from the moment we got together, no one had been in my pussy except him. So maybe he could understand that there was cheating, and there was CHEATING, and this was only the little one.

I pulled into our driveway, with my mind running in several different directions all at once. Hurt, anger, pain, sadness and regret all colored my viewpoint right then.

I had so many great memories of this house, why the hell did he think I'd just give it up.

I went into the house and walked through it looking at everything as if I was seeing it for the first time, or maybe for the last. I ran up the stairs and plopped myself down on our bed and was rewarded with the fact that it still smelled like Dan. I wrapped the blankets all around myself and reveled in the feeling. I know I probably looked stupid, rolling across the bed wrapped up in a blanket like a living burrito, but I was warm and surrounded in Dan's smell. It was almost like I hadn't fucked up my marriage.

But I had, and for what, some mediocre foreplay, just to take the edge off of my nervousness and adrenalin rush from field work. I guess if I'd given myself the chance to adjust to it, I'd have gotten used to it, just like everyone else did. And it was mostly the guys' fault because they just did it for sex, and they were married too. At least it helped me to function better in my job. I'm not saying that I was a victim, but it wasn't totally my fault.

I had to explain this whole thing to Dan, I was sure that once he had all of the facts that he'd still be angry with me, but that he could forgive me. He'd have to, because if I was sure of anything in life, it was that Dan loved me as much as I love him.

I unwrapped myself from the blanket and folded the blanket up. I was taking it with me when I left, because if we were going to be apart for a while, I'd need it.

I took off my clothes, and went into the bathroom, remembering all we went to trying to find the wallpaper in the room and the tile. Dan had been really upset about the cost of those tiles, until the first bath we took together in the massive tub. I turned on the shower and stepped under the jets, as I remembered all the times he'd joined me in this shower, or I'd joined him. I started crying as I realized that those were the kinds of things I had taken for granted, and now would have to fight to keep. I guess it wasn't really the big things that are really special; it's the little day to day things that frame our lives, and provide the most potent memories. I looked in the full length mirror as I toweled off.

My body had become lush over the past few years, and my once slender frame had thickened just slightly. My large breasts had just barely begun to sag under their own weight. My butt was still tight and perky but that was probably due to the workouts more than anything else. My face appeared to have aged more over the past 24 hours, than it had in the past year.

I stepped into one of Dan's thick robes that again had his smell, and stepped down the stairs toward the kitchen.

As I approached the kitchen I smelled coffee, my favorite French roast brand. And the tears started again, Dan hated my coffee, but he'd started the coffee maker, and kept it on a very low setting so it would stay warm for me. On the kitchen counter next to the coffee maker, were a caramel nut bagel and a note.

I picked up the note with a bit of apprehension, remembering the coldness of our last conversation.

Meg, I'm really sorry about the way things ended between us, and I'd give anything for it not to have happened. For as long as I care to remember, you've been the most important part of my life, and losing you is a blow that will take me a great deal of time to recover from (if ever) It was my most ardent intention to spend the rest of my life with you, and hopefully someday with our children, but alas this can never be, so all I ask is that we handle what comes with professionalism and dignity, and avoid succumbing to anger, hurt and any other negative emotions. It was in this spirit that I decided to give you time to gather the things that you need. Please try to give me the same courtesy I tried to extend to you. Please take any and everything that belongs to you, whether it was purchased by you yourself, or jointly by both of us, or by me as a gift to you. Please don't take or damage any of my belongings. Please also make a list of the things we shared that you would like to own. I'll check off the ones that I have no interest in, and perhaps we can compromise on the rest. It is my intention to keep the house, I feel that out of fairness (being the injured party, I am due this consideration) If in time the house becomes too big and empty for me, I would give you the opportunity to have it. If you also did not want the house at that time, we could put it on the market and split the proceeds. I guess there's really not much more to say, other than we are both hurting right now (at least I am and I assume you are a little as well) but since I guess I never really knew you, I may be wrong. I bear you no ill will, and I hope you can find someone who makes you as happy as you made me for so long.

Daniel Almond

As I finished the note I was overcome, I had probably 2 or 3 hours before I had to meet with Arnie and I didn't know what to do or what I'd say to him. Should I even bother going?

When it all came down to it, I really didn't give a fuck about the job any more. OK Arnie, I gave a couple of my partners blow jobs, I'm not a good agent. So fucking what! I didn't do anything criminal, so the worst they can do is fire me. Again so fucking what!

The thing that's the most important to me right now is to talk to Dan. He really doesn't understand what was going on or why. He also doesn't know that there was more than Ray involved. When he finds that out, or if he finds that out, it may make things even worse.

I was selfish, plain and simple. I had a man who loved me so much that I can still feel it, and all he expected of me was to love him the same amount. I never considered how badly this could hurt him. I was just praying that it wasn't too late.

My phone rang, it was the hospital Ray was awake and wanted to see me.

Dan's view

I did my early surveillance shift with a partner this time. One of our informants had told us that a new deal for my guy, might be in the works, so we needed eyes on him and enough presence to cover any eventuality. My partner was only temporary and he was a recent transfer from a branch in another state. This was a good thing, because it meant that I only had to worry about his competence, if things got hot. I didn't have to worry about whether or not he had also fucked my wife.

"Action," I said into the mic, "We have another vehicle at the scene."

"The visitor appears to be a woman," I continued, relating every detail I could see.

Sometimes the little things made a difference.

The woman was admitted to the house, by the suspect himself. I moved to my sniper rifle and trained its scope through the front windows of the house. I saw the suspect engaged in conversation with the woman. She was doing most of the talking. She gave him a piece of paper and he nodded his head several times. He placed the note on the table. Then she wrapped her arms around him and they went into a room in the back where they were out of my viewing area.

I quickly jumped up and grabbed my cell phone and the digital camera.

"Charles I'm going down, buzz me if they come back," I said.

My new partner looked dubious, because if I was caught not only would the operation be jeopardized, I could be captured, or injured or killed.

But like most good agents he instantly weighed the risks and simply nodded.

I crept down the incline, with my eyes watching the door they'd entered, like a hawk. I used everything I could for cover and finally ducked behind her car. Then I ducked under the window and looked in, I could clearly see the paper, but even from this distance could not make out the writing on it. I trained the camera's lens on the paper, and snapped pictures at different magnifications, and different angles.

I could hear things bumping around, and some moaning from the back room. Just great I thought; everybody around here is fucking somebody, except me. If I get caught, I should probably ask this guy if he fucked Meg too.

I tentatively tried the front door, and fate was smiling on me. It opened so I listened closely; they were still going at it. I stepped inside and quickly went right over to the table, and took 3 good shots of the front and back of the paper, and then left.

Unfortunately, just as I was closing the door, they started to open the other door. I knew that if I tried to run they'd see me. I quickly removed the SD card from the camera, and threw the camera down the hill, as hard as I could. Then I knocked on the door.

After a few minutes, my guy came to the door. He had barely cracked the door, and I was sure he was holding a gun behind it.

"Hey dude," I said making my voice sound as if I was slightly buzzed.

"My car ran out of gas up the hill that way," I said, pointing back in the direction I'd come from.

"Can I use your phone, you're the only house around here for a long ass way," I slurred

"I don't got no fucking phone, man," he snapped in heavily accented English.

"So get the fuck out of here, before this gets real," he continued. I stepped back and pretended to almost fall off of the porch, and then started walking in the wrong direction.

"Hey dumb ass," he screamed, "You're going the wrong way."

I fell and landed on my ass, and looked up at him puzzled.

"Where am I going, again?" I asked, my face a mask of confusion.

"That way," he said pointing up the hill.

"Oh yeah, thanks dude," I mumbled and started stumbling my way up the hill.

When I got out of their view I quickly changed direction and circled around back towards the shack I had actually come from. I reached the shack just in time to see a car pulling up to the front of it.

Two other agents jumped out of the car.

"Dan, are you out of your fucking mind?" asked Andy Taylor.

Andy was one of my best friends, my usual back-up, and the guy who had covered for me the other night, when I had shot Ray's dick off.

"I needed to get pictures of that paper," I said, "It's probably important."

"Is it as important as getting killed?" he asked, "These are not nice people."

"Besides it was all for nothing, you had to throw the camera away," he said.

"But not the important part," I said fishing the memory card from my pocket.

"Holy shit," he said you should get those back to base now.

"We'll relieve you early, tell Arnie to update the next team on the new schedule," he said.

"I don't want to miss my date tonight staying here any longer than I have to," he continued.

"And Dan," he said in a quieter voice, "We need to talk later, because you're acting like I did, when I went through it, she isn't worth dying over."

I got back to the office and gave the memory card to Arnie. He put it in the card reader on his PC. As he scanned through the pictures, he frowned because the ones I took from a distance were unreadable.

"Maybe the tech guys can enhance these," he said.

"Scroll down to the last 6," I replied.

"God Damn, you're the man," he said..

"How the hell did you get these?" he asked.

"They look like they were taken from inside the room," he exclaimed.

"They were," I said.

Arnie was, as I've said before, a friend of mine.

He looked over at me, as if assessing me.

"Dan, we both know that something is going on here, there's an elephant in the room right now, that neither one of us is comfortable discussing," he said softly.

"I don't have all the facts yet, but I do know that Meg is involved and I'm pretty sure I know how," he said.

"I also know that you probably know about some of it too, and it's killing you," he said.

"But don't start taking un-necessary risks, because you're going through something shitty," he continued.

"We're in a really tough business, over half of my agents, even the ones who aren't married to someone in the game are divorced," he continued.

"Hell I've been married and divorced 3 times," he said.

"But I can't afford to lose you, either as an asset, or as a friend," he said.

"So, do I need to put you behind a desk until this goes away?" he looked at me.

"Or can you handle this?" he asked.

"No more un-necessary risks," I said.

"I'll call you when we've had time to analyze the information from the pictures," he said, "good job!"

I went to the gun range and spent an hour on target practice. It also helped me blow off some steam and relax. Doing it here was the only option I had since I'd given Meg access to the house for the day.

After leaving the range, I went to the gym, and started doing some weight training.

For the first 20 minutes or so I was alone. Then I heard a voice behind me.

"So, I hear you're some kind of superspy now," she said.

I turned and saw Kelly Tamashita, standing behind me in some kind of leotard-like workout outfit. I'd seen her around the building for several years; she was kind of difficult to miss. But I'd had always been so in love with Meg, that I never paid any attention to anyone else.

"Nope, just doing my job," I replied.

I really had to make an effort, to concentrate on politely talking to her face.

Every iota of my being, wanted to talk to her cleavage and her boobs.

She smiled, as she noticed my refusal to look away from her face.

"I'm used to having the gym to myself at lunchtime," she said.

"So, I pretty much dress for comfort," she began.

"Or at least as comfortable as I can be in public," she continued, leaving the air filled with all kinds of connotations of that last statement.

"Well, this is my last set," I said, "So you'll have your privacy restored in seconds."

"Well, I'm getting used to the idea of having a workout partner," she said.

"Besides I have an idea," she continued.

I tilted my head slightly, to show my interest in hearing her idea, and she ran with it.

"The field agents get all of the best training, when it comes to self defense etc.," she said.

This was the first time, I'd ever heard anyone actually say etcetera in a sentence, and it made me smile. I hadn't smiled since I'd found out about Meg, so it made me feel better and some of the tension I'd been carrying around, melted away.

"So how about us having a match," she said, pointing towards the sparring area's rubberized floor.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered someone saying something about Kelly being a Black-belt in some form of martial art. I also remembered hearing that she liked embarrassing field agents, by besting them in impromptu sparring matches.

"Okay," I heard myself say, and then threw in "don't be too hard on me."

"I'm hoping, you do, get too hard on me," she replied smiling.

That was a weird thing to say, I thought. I wondered what she meant by that.

We squared up on the mat, and before I could say anything Kelly launched a front snap kick at my head. I quickly side stepped and noticed, that she had turned as she put her foot down. The kick was obviously never meant to make contact, and was just a way for her to close the distance and get inside my guard.

She threw a couple of quick punches, pretty stiff for a girl, to my ribs, and I retreated. She started to circle me and smiled, like a shark. She thought she was playing with me. I smiled back at her, and assessed the situation. She was faster than I was. She was obviously well trained, and used to quick attacks and retreating to a distance, and then attacking again. What did I have on my side? Strength, obviously, my greater muscle mass also gave me more durability. I could also take far more of her punches, than she could take of mine. I also had the cunning and situation awareness of a field agent. I knew exactly what I had to do. I rubbed my ribs where she'd hit me before. As I expected she stopped circling and launched another lightning fast kick. Naturally someone as good as she was wouldn't do the same kick again. This time it was a mid level roundhouse kick, it came in from a different angle, but I was able to side step it again. And again she threw a couple of punches aimed at where she'd struck before. She wanted to hit me in the same area, so she could hurt me more quickly. It was just as I expected her to do. I took the first punch and then threw one of my own. I didn't actually punch her, because I didn't want to hurt her. My blow was a combination of a kung fu open palm strike and a push.