John Taylor - 5 Years Later

"John ... I'm pregnant!"

If she'd wanted to grab my attention to stop me hanging up the phone then she'd made an excellent choice.

"WHAT!" I shouted as I quickly returned the phone to my ear. "YOU'RE FUCKING PREGNANT?"

Hannah looked shocked at my outburst as I yelled down the phone at Hayley.

"YOU BITCH," I screamed, "YOU DIDN'T WASTE MUCH TIME WITH BRUCE DID YOU!"

"John ... John ... calm down, there isn't anyone else," Hayley was sobbing on the other end of the phone. But I then realised she was sobbing with laughter not tears.

"John ... you don't realise ..." She convulsed into peals of laughter again. God I love to hear her laugh. I glanced over at Hannah. She was laughing too. Her laugh was as sexy as Hayley's.

"Hang on ... so who the fuck's Bruce then?" I really am stupid. It must be because of all the fucking I'd been doing. It had addled my brain and I couldn't think straight.

"There is no Bruce. I made him up to make you jealous, to make you get on with fucking Hannah. I was amazed when she rang me to say you'd bottled out of fucking her earlier. It was something I didn't anticipate. So I had to make you angry with me. I figured if I did that you would use Hannah as a revenge fuck."

"But why Bruce?" I was totally bemused now by the whole sorry mess.

"Monty Python of course! It was the first Australian sounding name I could come up with. And I thought I'd blown it when I blurted the name out. I was sure you'd suss out that I was lying to you, that you would see through my charade."

"But ... but ..." I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry John ... I'm sorry that I deceived you ... can you forgive me?"

"Of course I can," I replied. I was just happy that she hadn't met anyone else. "So ... are you really pregnant then?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. I waited with bated breath.

"Actually, yes I am. I had it confirmed today and John ... obviously it's yours ..."

I was no longer listening.

I'd just passed out.