Let Go

Some of it filled her with unease. The anniversaries she'd missed, always promising to make it up to Dave, the birthdays, the special events in his life, her parents, his parents, and their friends lives, all missed while she chased the next deal. She remembered seeing the fleeting look of pain in Dave's eyes when the toddler of one of their friends' children tottered up to him with upraised arms. He cuddled the child, and for a moment Bev had a vision it was their child. She shook it off. Unless Dave would consent to being a full time house husband, there would never be any children in their future. She'd seen many a woman, full of talent and promise, get sidelined and passed by because they couldn't commit fully to the job because of family. Besides, she was 36, so that ship had probably already sailed.

She sat straight up in shock at her realization. God! Dave was right. He would always be second in her priorities, as long as she continued on the path she had committed to. It must really have been like her having another lover, one he couldn't compete with or fight. It hit her then: to get him back was going to be a long and difficult road. She did want him back. Yes, she had minimized him to the point of no respect, but he was her rock, the one she always turned to when she needed comfort and assurance, positive that at least, in his world, she was number one.

The question was how? How could she undo the damage she'd done to his heart and his ego? Could she learn to balance career and marriage enough to keep him satisfied and assured he was the most important thing to her? She knew it would be horrifically difficult, but she was a driven, goal oriented person, and if she set her mind to it, Bev knew she could do anything.

Satisfied, she watched the children play for a bit, a sad smile on her lips. After a few minutes, it turned into a real smile. The first stop on her journey back would be to fire one of the snakes in her garden. She tried to muster up some sympathy for Bob, but could find none. He'd betrayed her husband, her, and the company. She wasn't as dense as he'd imagined, but she had to admit she was vain enough to listen to him feed her ego. Now it was time for his sins to come home to roost.

She called ahead, and set the time. Their lawyer and the HR representative were ready. They had arrived while she was gone, and she knew that after dealing with Bob, there would be some tough choices to be made and some bad news she would have to deal with. So be it. She had weathered storms before, and that day, it just wasn't as important to her as it had been in days past.

Bob came in all smiles that immediately went away when he saw who was in the room. She didn't have to introduce Jack, but he had never seen Angela. Bev went right for his throat. "Bob, this is Angela, from corporate HR. She'll be auditing this meeting. We've received some disturbing news about some of you recent activities, and in the interest of fairness we've decided to hear what you say about it."

Jack stepped in. "I don't know how you found out about the merger talks, but when you did, you apparently ran right to their company and engaged in a smear campaign against our CEO and our company, trying to woo them into giving you her job. Don't act surprised, their representatives came to us in concern, so we know the whole story. I'm sorry to say the negotiations are on hold, while we try to clean up our in-house mess. They made it clear that you have to go, without reference, for the talks to continue. Apparently, they've reached the conclusion that if you would do this to us, what's to keep you from doing it to them in the future?"

Bob went through several shades of red while he found his voice. "So you found out. Let me guess, I'm to be terminated for cause. At least this time, you got your ducks in a row. I know you will walk me through the appeal process, but I'd be wasting my time, so I'll go. Your company was right to try to dump this dinosaur; if there isn't a major restructure completed in the next three years, there will be nothing to spin off."

He grinned at Beverly, which set her teeth on edge. "You got too complacent, girl. I played you like a banjo, feeding that massive ego, undermining that loser of a husband, even if he was the best thing sales had going for them. I'm glad I never got around to fucking you. I bet you'd be next to worthless in the sack. You're too wrapped up in yourself to give pleasure to anyone else. Of course, I would have lied, told you how hot you were, until it was time to get rid of you. Whatever, it doesn't matter now. I'll leave today, and send word to payroll where to send the last check. May you live in interesting times, Bev."

Beverly flamed red. Dave used to say that a lot and she never knew what it meant until Bob heard him once and explained it to her. "It's a Chinese proverb, or maybe a curse. Interesting times meant unrest, revolution, famine, that sort of thing, while boring times meant everything was good." Bev kept a neutral look on her face when she answered him. "Same to you, Mr. Adler, and I'd like to add another wise saying. Cheaters never prosper. Stop looking for the path of least resistance and try to earn something for once in your life. Goodbye."

Jack and Beverly stood and started walking out. Bob, glowing with anger, started to speak but Angela cut him off. "The time for talk is over, Mr. Adler. You have some documents I need you to sign, and then you can get on with your life. Please do not make this difficult."

The two large security guards that appeared just then made him think that might be a good idea.

*****

Dave bought the house, getting a really good deal. He immediately gave the roofing contractor he'd consulted the go ahead, and two weeks later, the gray tin complimented the color of paint he had chosen for the exterior. While he was at it, he had the carpet pulled out and the original hardwood floors refinished. It had a wrap-around porch, and Dave installed ceiling fans over the rockers and the porch swing, to help keep it cool in the summer while he enjoyed the sunsets.

He could have afforded the house, using his back-pay and part of his savings as a down payment, but he would have still carried a fifteen-year mortgage, so he succumbed to my lawyer's pleas and took a settlement instead of going to court. It wasn't as much as they had hoped, because, frankly, that division wasn't all that profitable anymore. He still got enough to buy the house outright, make the changes he wanted, and have some left over, along with his severance pay and all his savings. That had been another bone of contention. Bev would never agree to a joint account, so they each had their own and deposited a set amount into a household fund.

He knew that if they divorced he would be entitled to half the value of the house because they never had a prenup, and since their earnings were so disparate he could probably get maintenance for a few years. He grinned, thinking about how much that would have galled her.

In the end, he decided to let her do the filing, after all, she determined everything else about their lives, so why should this be any different?

He found that he was a natural in his new job; his years in sales benefitting him greatly. Surprisingly, seventy-five percent of the salesmen he dealt with loved him. He didn't play games, expect gifts or kickbacks, stopped doing business with anyone who tried to bribe or hustle him into accepting an inferior product, in general he expected an honest price and excellent service. Those who dealt honestly and gave him what he wanted, got his business.

The other twenty-five percent learned quickly that Dave didn't require expensive dinners, outings to strip clubs, or rounds of golf at exclusive resorts. Some understood and appreciated his approach, others were so stuck in their ways they never learned, and they lost his business.

Sal loved Dave. Their materials and service costs were 20% lower, deadlines were rarely missed, and Dave took advantage of offers to have vendor technicians come in and observe and make suggestions, about half of which they took. The line workers loved Dave because their job got easier and their production bonuses got larger.

Susan insisted he come to dinner at least twice a month, and the conversation inevitably turned to his domestic situation. Sal wisely stayed out of it, but Susan would not be deterred.

"When are you going to stop punishing the poor girl and take her back? She's suffered enough. She calls me, you know, maybe once a week and we always have the same discussion. She wants to know how you're doing, are you happy, and though you can hear the pain when she asks, if you're dating. I tell her the truth, straight from your mouth. You refuse to see any woman socially until the day the ring comes off your finger."

Dave tolerated it a few times before he got a little irritated. "Susan, you know I admire you a great deal. If there was a category called 'Ideal Wife' in the dictionary, it would show your face, but let me ask you something. You had a pretty good career when you married Sal, and he told me you worked for six more years before you quit and became a full time mother. Sal had to face many of the same pressures Beverly faces now, but did he ever shut you out, miss anniversaries, dates that were important to you or your children? Did Sal ever once put his business before you and your family? Did he minimize your contributions to the relationship?"

Dave paused and waited. She finally admitted there had been maybe three times in their marriage when the job had to come first, but that he had felt so badly about them that he showered her and the children with affection for weeks afterwards.

"Well, I didn't have that experience. Her attitude was 'suck it up, big boy, this is more important'. I lost friends, relationships I'd had for years, victims to her career. I'm just now getting used to having friends again, to being able to accept invitations for little get togethers, things that are simple and mundane to them, but precious to me. They're not networking, per se, just hanging out and enjoying the company. I've got a house I love, a place to enjoy my hobbies, I even got to plant a little garden, something I've wanted to do for years.

"Does that mean I don't miss her? No. I remember the little things, before she became important. The spur of the moment trips to 'sight see', which was code for making love in a strange bed, the conversations about life we used to have, years ago, when we actually shared a vision, I remember all that, but those memories are dim, and the ones fresh in my mind are of her egotism and arrogance. She was like a sports star that read her own press, believing every story. She wants me back? Why?

"Most importantly, Susan, if she wants me, why hasn't she come to me? She's still in queen mode, waiting for the errant knight to return. If she's not willing to put any effort into our almost dead marriage, what makes you think she wants it that bad? I haven't even received a phone call. Doesn't sound like she's all that heartbroken to me. In this case, Mohammed needs to come to the mountain. Now, I love you both dearly, and your husband is my boss, but this is the last conversation we're having about Beverly. If you'll excuse me."

He hadn't ranted or raved, but said everything in a calm reasoned manner, but the message was there. Leave it alone. Sal looked thoughtful, and Susan was red with embarrassment. She rose as he was leaving and surprised him with a hug. "I'm sorry, Dave. I won't push you anymore, but you're wrong. She misses you terribly, and the truth is she's afraid to talk to you. She doesn't really know what to say, and she's afraid you'll bite her head off. I'm going to call her in a bit, and tell her about what you said. And you have my solemn word, this will be the last time I involve myself."

She grinned and kissed his cheek. "Besides, you're doing too well in your job for me to rock the boat. I estimate your contributions have shaved at least three years off our retirement plans. Carry on."

It never occurred to Dave that Sal was thinking about retiring. He was just over fifty but his daughter was due to start work in the near future, and popular rumor has it as soon as he feels comfortable with her at the helm he was going to sail away into the sunset. Dave had a fleeting thought of working with another Beverly, and wondered if he could handle it.

*****

Once again, Beverly went home to an empty house, to eat take out and pretend to watch television. She had escaped the ax, but it was a close thing. The Chairman and two board members flew down unannounced, scaring the whole office.

She was almost faint when they called her into the conference room. She felt like a schoolgirl in front of the principal. Their expressionless stares didn't bolster her self-confidence. After almost a minute, the senior Board member spoke.

"All right, Beverly. Tell us what happened, and more importantly, tell us why. Don't whitewash it or you'll be out of here so fast your head will spin. We've always trusted you to be honest. It would be a shame if we were to start doubting you now."

It took a few pauses, and a couple of crying breaks, but she got it out. She had nothing to lose, so she told them the truth. She had let my ego get the best of her, relied on people who didn't have the company's best interest at heart, and got played like a foolish schoolgirl.

They seemed relieved when it was over, and sympathetic. "How are things on the home front? Have you kissed and made up yet?"

This started another round of sniffles. The Chairman got a box of tissues and set them in front of Beverly. She mumbled her thanks as she blew her nose. "No, and I doubt we're going to. I haven't talked to my husband in weeks. He's living in a new town with a new job, in a house he bought and has no intentions of leaving."

"I've always liked Dave," reflected the Chairman. "It seems out of character for him to ignore your gestures of reconciliation."

Bev flamed red, and told them she hadn't contacted him because she was ashamed and didn't know what to say. The Chairman sighed. "Well, there you go then. We may as well accept your resignation now. Two of the traits I admired most in you were your ability to analyze a problem and your tenacity in achieving your goals. Obviously, you don't want your husband back, and to be honest, someone who shows so much hesitation and indecision is not top management material. I mind the times not that long ago where the hounds of hell couldn't keep you from accomplishing your goals."

His words stung. Only the fact that he was right kept her from lashing out. He saw her face redden and the sudden thrust of her jaw, and chuckled. "Ah, there you are. I was beginning to think I'd lost you for good. Now, listen closely. You're still on shaky ground here. Bill, Jack and I are your only supporters right now, and we've gone out on a limb for you. Do not chop it off behind us. You still have your job, but don't look for a favorable review or a bonus this year.

"What you do have is a second chance, but hear us out before you sigh in relief. This division was headed for a crash, Beverly. We're aware of the South Koreans and their imminent threat. If we stay the course we're on now, we would be out of business in three years. It's one of the reasons we decided to sell this division off, while it was still at the top. Your little gaffe brought that to a grinding halt. Between the suit and the snake you had trusted stabbing us all in the back, we're not nearly as desirable. The merger talks are history.

"What you need to do is figure out a way to reinvent the division, come up with products and services and give it a viable future. I'm going to be as blunt as necessary here. Do it, and you redeem yourself, fail, and you're out. We're giving you a year."

His voice softened. "It was the best we could do, Beverly. I know you'll make me proud, even if you fail. We have faith in you."

She was so overwhelmed that a simple handshake wouldn't do, so she gave each a heartfelt hug, swearing she would give it everything she had. She hugged the Chairman last, after the others had gone. He took her hands after they broke. "I'm going to give you advice, advice on something that has nothing to do with work. If you really want Dave back, you'll have to go to him. He'll never come to you because you've hurt his pride too badly. He holds the power now, child. He's got a good job, good friends and a bright future. You're going to have to show him you want an equal partner, and you have to mean it. The first instance of backsliding, and it will be over.

"I really believe you forgot, but Dave is a pretty shrewd individual. He saw the writing on the wall for this division last year. We even had a brief talk about it the last time I was down, and he mentioned the South Korean company then. He even had some ideas on how to re-channel our efforts to make us more viable in the market. I was impressed enough to tell him to discuss it with you. I have the feeling that discussion never took place. If it had, perhaps we wouldn't be having this talk now. Call me if you need resources, and if I think it's justified I'll allocate them. Think about everything I said, business and private, and make good decisions."

She left the conference room and went back to her office. Jen was hovering, and Beverly told her it was not all bad news, but that she needed some time to marshal her thoughts. She also asked Jen not to let anyone disturb her for the rest of the day.

She locked herself in, and thought about the most important goal in her life. How could she get Dave to love her again?

*****

The start was simple, with the help of Susan. Beverly cyber-stalked him, getting on his Facebook page, and starting a conversation. She knew he took some of his bonuses from Sal and had bought an old car, slowly restoring it in his new garage. He posted every step, describing in detail what he was doing. He put out an appeal for a front bumper cover, and she burned up the websites. Money was no object; if it got her back into his life it would be worth every dime. The fates were with her, because a man contacted her, showing the front end of the car. It was perfection, but the back was totally trashed, thanks to a secret joyride by two of his great nephews. When he found out how expensive it would be to restore, he pulled it out in a field and left it for six months. The interior was in excellent condition, and the front end gleamed like a new penny. Beverly bought it instantly, but not before bargaining him down almost a thousand. Hey, she was a master of negotiation, when she remembered.

Beverly planned her attack with precision, using Susan to help her. Dave was having a barbeque to show off his new gas grill and clay oven. It was mostly people from work, along with a few of his neighbors. Susan asked casually if she could bring a friend, and he readily agreed.

"This better not blow up on us," she warned Beverly. "If he gets really pissed, it would make it incredibly awkward between him and Sal. Of course, he has a built-in defense. He has no idea who my friend is, and I told him you were meeting us at his house."

Promising faithfully that if it started going bad, she would leave immediately, Beverly finished her plans. She must have changed outfits a dozen times, before she realized it was just a cookout and she should dress for comfort. She went for a really nice sundress in his favorite color, light blue. It stopped just above her knees, and quite a bit of leg would be showing when she sat down. He had always loved her legs. She used very minimal makeup, just wanting to highlight her eyes. She wore her hair loose, surprised at how long it had grown. She wore no jewelry except her engagement ring and wedding band, and a small diamond necklace he had bought her the first year we were together.