Let Go

Beverly was shaking a bit when she pulled into his drive. It was the first time she had seen the house, and she was surprised at how big it was. Why would an almost single man, childless, need such a big house? It gave off an air of old-fashioned charm, from the graveled paths to the porch swing on the wraparound porch, where several people were gathered. They looked at Beverly curiously as she walked to the door, wondering who she was. She was just about to knock when it swung open. There he was. His eyes widened with surprise. It had been ten weeks since they'd laid eyes on each other. Before he could speak, she rushed out what she had planned to say. "Hello, Dave. Please don't be upset, Susan invited me and I wanted very badly to see you. If you don't want me here I'll go, but please, can I stay?"

He stood for a moment before grinning. "Come in, Beverly. I'd like to show you my house, and sometime later I think we need to talk, don't you?"

He reached out, and she locked down on his hand like it was the only thing on this earth that would keep her from floating away. He flinched, but didn't pull back. He introduced her around, and many seemed surprised to hear he was married. She glanced down, and breathed a sigh of relief to see his band still on his finger. Maybe there was hope for them yet. She finally let go when Susan dragged her away to gossip.

They whispered war plans to each other and Susan gave Beverly a hug with encouraging words. "You've got him a little off balance right now. Keep him that way. Don't give him time to think about the past. Keep him in the moment, and his eyes on you. Be as affectionate as he will allow, but if you sense reluctance, back off. You need to get him used to you again. Understand?"

Beverly found it very sage advice, and promised her. She went looking and found him out back. He had a massive yard, easily four times the land at their, er, her house, and it was meticulously groomed. His building stood shining under a fresh coat of paint and a new tin roof to match the house. When she saw him, she just stopped and observed. He came out of the building, carrying an elaborate bird feeder in one arm and a small girl, three or four, in the other. She was hugging his neck, giggling and raining kisses on his cheeks. He was smiling, and it suddenly hit Beverly like a knife through the heart. She would never be able to give him kids, now, at their age. It dawned on her how selfish she'd been. Career had superseded family, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it now.

Beverly forced her mind to clear. In order to keep him in the moment, she had to stay in the moment. There was always adoption, if they got back together. Her mind was clear now, the fog of power and arrogance washed away. If he still wanted a family, they would find an age-appropriate child and adopt. Maybe more than one.

"Who's your girlfriend, honey?"

She didn't know if he caught the 'honey', but he smiled.

"This beautiful young woman is Ari. We're good friends. I'm a little too old for her, but when she grows up, I see more than one broken heart in her wake." He set her down.

"Ari, do you think you can carry this by yourself? If not, I'm going to put it on the table here, and you can get your sister to help you. And I didn't forget my promise. I'll be over tomorrow to put it up for you."

She said hello to Beverly in a breathless little girl voice that made you just want to hug her to death, and toddled over to a stunning young woman, babbling excitedly and tugging on her hand. They approached Beverly and Dave, smiling. "Thank you, Dave. You don't know what it means to her. She's watches the birdhouse you gave her for hours, and was thrilled when a bluebird family took up residence. Plus, she's almost worn out the bird book you gave her. I had to read the names to her, and she's committed them to memory. We'll be going down the road and she'll name them off: robin, bluebird, English sparrow, crow. Her preschool is so impressed they've organized a visit to the local aviary. She wants you to come, too, if you can get off from work."

"We'll see. If I can spare the time, I'd love to. I should probably go; she'll be so wired it'll take both of us to wrangle her."

The woman looked like she was still in her teens. To use the common term, the girl was built, and wasn't averse to flaunting it. Her shorts weren't quite Daisy Dukes, and her halter top was modest, but it did nothing to mask the physical appeal. She also had the prettiest set of lips Beverly had ever seen. She nearly lost it when the woman put her hand on his arm and stood on tiptoes to kiss him. He glowed red and Beverly was furious to see her lipstick on his cheek. The woman grinned at her, and Beverly knew she was being baited. "You must be his wife. I'm sorry, but after a while, we all thought you were fictional. I'm Marsha. Dave and I are neighbors."

It took every bit of self-control Beverly had not to slap the smirk off her face. "Oh, I'm very much alive. I'm sure you'll be seeing a lot more of me from now on."

They stared at each other until she smiled and sauntered off, putting a little extra swish in her shorts as she strode away. Beverly turned to Dave, pissed, ready to rail, and was stopped cold by his smirk. "Draw your claws in, hon. She's just turned eighteen. Her parents were druggies, and one day they got hold of a bad batch and overdosed. She's living with her grandfather now, and frankly, he has no idea what to do with her. I like her, and I adore her little sister. Besides, it bothers you how, exactly? You haven't contacted me in eleven weeks, and had precious little to say for the two years before. I just assumed you wrote me off as a bad business decision and moved on."

Beverly opened her mouth to say... to say what? Instead she just burst into tears and walked off. Damn him, why did he always equate everything to business? Of course she knew the answer, but couldn't face it. Susan swept in, eyes shooting lasers at Dave, and herded Beverly into the bathroom so she could compose herself. Even as she snuffled, she admired the huge whirlpool tub, wondering how it would be to soak in it, especially with Dave in there with her. She took a few minutes, but she got her composure back, especially when she remembered he called her hon, something he hadn't done in ... well, she couldn't remember, but it had been a while. She said as much to Susan. She asked, and Susan told her he had finally stopped holding his feelings in, but she took that as a good sign.

"I kind of deserved what he said, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. I came here to try and rekindle my marriage, and tucking my tail and running isn't a good start. So, Susan, stay out of it, no matter what gets said. This is like heavyweight boxing, so I'm going to take my lumps and keep swinging. Maybe I'll get lucky."

"Or maybe you'll get knocked on your butt. Hang in there honey, and if you start losing too badly, swing below the belt. Either way, you'll get his attention."

Composed, Beverly went back to the party to find Dave sitting at a table with an older gentleman, Ari firmly planted in his lap. He started to stand, but she told him not to, taking a seat beside him. Ari looked at Beverly for a few minutes before reaching out and touching her pendant. The older gentleman spoke.

"Ari, stop. Don't bother the nice lady."

Beverly thought she shocked both of them when she held out her arms and Ari scooted over. "Do you like it? Dave got it for me, a long time ago. It's one of my favorite things in the world."

"Pretty."

"Yes, it is, baby. Maybe someday, in the future, some nice young man who means as much to you as Dave means to me will give you one. If he does, cherish it, remember every time you look at it or wear it who gave it to you, and why. Now, if you promise to be really careful, you can wear it for a bit. Can you do that? Promise?"

Her little girl eyes looked up at Beverly, a solemn expression on her face. "I promise."

Bev slid her up on the table facing her, turning her back to Dave. "Honey? A little help here?"

He seemed lost, not sure what to say. "Beverly, you don't..."

"Nonsense. She already promised to take care of it, right, Precious?"

"Uh huh!"

Beverly felt his hands shake while she enjoyed his fingers on her neck, the most intimate touch they'd shared in months. She gently placed it around the little girl's neck as she giggled and cooed. She carried her into the hall, putting her in front of a large mirror so she could see herself. Ari clapped her hands in joy, which made Beverly smile. It took so little to make a child happy, sometimes.

After that, she stuck to Beverly like glue, leaving every so often to check on her sister, who was enjoying the attention of one of the young men from Dave's office. They were on his front porch, in rockers, so she gently rocked, and sang her a song her mother used to sing to her. She felt eyes, and looked up. Dave was staring, and tears were visible in his eyes. He turned abruptly, walking into the house. She couldn't very well chase him with a sleeping child in her arms, so she continued to rock.

A few minutes later, he was back, reaching down to get her. "Come on, let's put her in a bedroom for her nap. She'll be awake in a little, full of energy."

Beverly followed him into a bedroom, where he laid Ari down, covering her with a light blanket.

"Won't it scare her to wake up alone?"

"No. She knows where she is. As soon as she wakes, though, she'll let us know."

They stood, looking down at the sleeping angel, almost touching. He turned to go, and Beverly grabbed him, pulling his head down to hers, and kissed him. Not a little peck either, but a full blown kiss full of passion. He started a little, then kissed her back, giving just as good as he got. When he finally pulled back, questions in his eyes, Beverly put a finger to his lips. "Don't think. Enjoy." Then she kissed him again before pulling back and leading him out of the room. It was enough, for now.

Marsha met them on the back deck, questions in her eyes. "She's asleep, honey. We tucked her in, and she looks to be out for a while."

She looked at Beverly oddly. "Thank you. You've been really nice to her; she doesn't get that much. Odd, really, Dave told me you didn't like kids."

Flames must have been pulsing out of her eyes. How dare he share such an intimate bit of information! Before she could blow up, he spoke. "That's not necessarily true, Marsha. I said she didn't want children of her own. She seems to get along fine with what few we've been around."

"Oh," said Marsha, "why didn't you want kids?"

"Marsha! Mind your manners. You don't know this woman well enough to ask such personal questions. Leave it alone!"

Marsha was immediately contrite; apparently Dave was important to her. "Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

Something about the way she suddenly looked so young and helpless touched Beverly, so she hugged her unexpectedly. "Hush, baby, it's all right. I know you didn't mean anything, so there's no harm done. Come on, let's get those tears dried and fix you up a little."

Dave stood with his jaw hanging as Beverly led her away, back to the infamous bathroom. It was sure getting a lot of use today. She got a cloth and towel and gently patted her face dry, saying soothing words to calm her down. Marsha hugged her like she was afraid to let go. When she finally calmed down, Beverly had her wash her face, envying the smooth skin of youth. She wore no makeup, her hair in a simple ponytail.

"I'm all right now. We can go back now."

"Let's give it a minute. Let your ponytail down, and I'll straighten it a little." Marsha obeyed Beverly like a child, and she sat her in front of the mirror, straightening out her tangles. Without thinking Beverly started redoing Marsha's hair, putting it in an elaborate braid. It made her even more attractive. Determining to go farther, she used a bit of blush, a hint of mascara, and a light pink lipstick on her. Marsha sat silently, her eyes getting bigger as she watched herself transform. When Beverly was done, she would have looked comfortable on the cover of any teen magazine.

"Wow, just ... wow. What did you do to me?"

Beverly saw her lip start to quiver. "Stop! You'll make your mascara run. I didn't do anything, child. It was there the whole time. You're a diamond, baby, you just needed a little polishing. Now, let's go back and knock them dead. That young man you were talking to will wish he'd spent more time with you, I'll bet."

Conversation almost stopped when they returned, and it wasn't long until there was more than one man vying for Marsha's attention. Beverly returned to Dave, standing beside him as he manned the grill.

"Were we ever that young?"

He smiled a bittersweet smile. "If we were, I can't remember it. It makes you feel good, doesn't it, watching the eons-old mating dance?"

"It does. And even if you don't, I do. One memory forever enshrined in my heart is the first time I kissed you. We were, what? Nineteen? I was still a virgin then. Boy, we sure got over that quick, didn't we? I think I knew after the first date we were destined to be together. What happened to us?"

"Life happened. We grew up, our priorities changed. Suddenly the thought of ducking out of work and spending the day playing wasn't as important as making a meeting or coming in early to beat the competition, so you'd have a leg up when promotion time came along, or you couldn't go on a spontaneous road trip because you had things left over from the week before, and needed to finish them and start on the new week so you'd gain ground. Good or bad, Beverly, we grew up, and now we're growing old."

He stopped suddenly, but she knew what he was thinking. They were growing old, and not together. She had to derail that train fast. "Will you show me your garden?"

He smiled and led her over. It was a lot larger than she thought it would be. It was just like him, though, neat and orderly, teeming with plants. She had no idea what most were, and he named them off for her. "Black Crim, Rutgers, and Yellowboy tomatoes. Straightneck and spaghetti squash, Italian Grey zucchini. French purple pole beans, butterbeans, and bush stringless beans. Poblano and Cubanelle peppers. The flowers, especially the marigolds, are natural pest deterrents, and the mulch is to help retain moisture and enrich the soil. It almost completely eliminates having to hoe weeds."

Ari popped up, done with her nap. She tugged on his pants leg, and he picked her up without a second thought. "Pick!" she said, pointing to a bright yellow tomato. Dave carried her over, set her down gently, and Beverly was surprised when the little girl took hold of the tomato and twisted carefully until it came off in her hand.

She held it up to Beverly. "Eat!"

Dave laughed. "She wants you to wash it, so she can have a sandwich. I've taught her not to eat anything until it's washed. I use organic pesticides, but they're still pesticides, and I want to be safe."

"Good idea." She held out her hands and Ari toddled over. She hugged her as they walked, her back turned to Dave so he couldn't see the moisture in her eyes. Her maternal instincts, instincts she wasn't even aware she had, were surging strongly. Marsha came over, but Ari refused to leave Beverly's arms.

"Well, all right then! I'll help Mr. Dave plate the food. When she gets her sandwich, bring her outside. I'll save you a seat." She walked off smiling. Beverly washed the tomato thoroughly, found the bread and mayo, sliced it, and built Ari her sandwich. She sat and watched, telling her to put more tomato until the whole thing was on the sandwich.

"This is going to be messy," Beverly thought as she carried the plate back outside, Ari holding on to her sundress. Marsha had saved a spot between her and Dave, and Ari spent her time going from one lap to another. She ate half the sandwich, half a buttered ear of corn, and half a hot dog. It was still a lot of food for a little girl. Beverly was right; it was messy, and Marsha had to take her for a change of clothes.

They sat under the party lights he had placed in the trees, watching the sun go down. She was surprised to see there was no alcohol. Dave told her privately it was because Marsha's grandfather was a recovering alcoholic.

He left shortly after, though, and Dave pulled a cooler full of beer out, along with four bottles of wine. Not enough to get smashed for the amount of people, but enough to give everyone a pleasant glow. He had music playing, speakers situated around the patio, surrounding them with gentle instrumentals and languid love songs. Beverly snuggled into Dave, hoping for the best, and he responded by putting his arm around her. She almost cried with happiness. Marsha and one of her admirers, along with Sol and Susan, were dancing, swaying together across the grass. Young love, and old, connecting in the soft lights. The music changed: a love ballad popular when they were in college. They had danced many a slow dance to that tune. Dave stood, pulling her along.

Beverly had just enough time to kick off her sandals. Then she was in his arms and twenty-one all over again. She held him as tightly as she could, and soaked his shirt with her tears. One hand reached up to push her hair back and caress her cheek. They stayed together for a few minutes after the song ended. She stepped back, noticing Susan was standing with her mouth open while Marsha grinned.

The tears started again, and soon they were in a three-way hug, all of them sniffling, which led to another trip to the bathroom. This was getting to be a habit. She started to fix her makeup one more time, thought better of it, and washed her face.

The people left, thanking Dave for the evening. Marsha hugged them both, tightly. She had a sad face when she pulled back.

"What's the matter, baby?" Beverly asked.

"I wish ... I wish ... I wish you guys had been my parents! Maybe I would have the love I deserved, the love Ari is going to need. I'm scared, real scared. Now that I'm eighteen, the support check for me will stop coming. Ari will still get one, but it isn't much. Gramps is already uncomfortable with us being there. If the money dries up, he'll kick us out."

Beverly was shocked beyond words, and Dave had an expression on his face she hoped she would never see again. "Marsha, I want you to listen to me. I'm right next door. If things get bad, you come here immediately. Immediately, understand? If I'm not here, lock the doors and call us. One or the other, we will be here for you and Ari. Say you understand."

Beverly watched, shocked, wondering what kind of hell their life had been. Snapping out of it, she hugged her again. She gave Marsha her card and scribbled her private number on the back. "Save this. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you call. You understand?"

She was crying again, and took turns clinging to them. When she finally composed herself, she left, a sad, slow walk until she was out of sight. Dave walked over to the porch swing, lost in thought. Beverly sat down beside him and took his hand. She may have been the big bad CEO, but when things really got rough, one could depend on Dave to take care of it.

"What are we going to do?"

"About what?" he asked, coming out of his reverie.

"About the girls. We can't leave them in a situation like that!"

"What do you suggest we do? I'd take them in in a heartbeat if I could."

"Why don't you?"

"I don't know how it would work."

"She's eighteen now, "Beverly said. "She's legally an adult, so she can live where she wants. Since she is legally an adult, she can petition the courts for full custody of Ari. I'm sure the grandfather would go along with that just to get rid of them if what she says is true.