Lost & Found Ch. 01

Tears started in her eyes as she realised she'd moved too fast for him, that he was so deeply hurt, so damaged, that anything more she did tonight would just push him away all over again, even further this time, and then he truly would be gone forever.

"Robbie," she began, her eyes bright with unshed tears, "I don't know what happened just now, but I promise you, I will try and make up to you for what you lost, and for what I did. Please don't lock me out the way I did with you, you're better than that. I found you again; maybe we can find each other this time. Oh, Robbie, you were my big brother, and I should have held you close; let me keep hold of you now, I swear I won't ever let you go again, on my life!"

Robbie's head was whirling. He wanted to believe her, she sounded sincere, but this was Casey! The one person in the world he knew, with a rigid and unbending certainty, he couldn't trust, selfish, irresponsible, cruel, capricious and uncaring as she was. How did he know this wasn't just an act, a way of taking something more from him, looking for another way to deprive him of what he had?

"How can I trust you, Casey?" he finally managed, "after all that's gone before, after all you did, and knowing how much you cost me, how can I trust you? Would you trust someone like you?"

Casey cringed back from the bitterness in his voice, the anguish for all his lost days bubbling below the surface, asking her the one question she dared not answer, because any answer she gave would damn her in his eyes.

"Robbie," she whispered, "come back, sit down, please, let me show you how much I care, how much I've missed you, how much I want to be in your life again, please!"

He sat down, suddenly weary with the whole thing, wishing it were all over, that he'd never caught her eye in the lobby, that he'd never come to Sacramento this day of all days. Tears started in his eyes as the memories of how little his family had thought of him, how little they'd done for him or given him spun and echoed through him, ghosts he thought he'd laid to rest long ago, and his tears spilled over, running freely. For the first time in his life, he cried, for his loss, for the family life so casually denied him, for the careless abandonment he'd endured, for the cruel rejection that he'd done nothing to deserve, while Casey held him close, all his grief and pent-up loss and anguish finally bursting out, a silent flood of tears as the past reclaimed him.

Casey held on to him, smoothing his hair as he cried, frightened by the depth of his grief. All her life she'd ignored him, and now she was remembering how, even as a little boy, when he was denied or ignored, he had never cried, just turned his face away and waited for attention that never came. Sarah had said they would pay, now Casey understood fully what she meant, her heart fragmenting with the knowledge of what she'd done to this poor, sweet, damaged boy, and how he was still paying for it. She cursed herself for being so stupid, so eager to pull him back, she should never have come back with him, he'd let her back in, and now he was paying all over again. He'd left because he wanted to be gone, why couldn't she have let him stay gone, do that one thing for him?

She pulled him closer to her, cradling his head, tears on her cheeks as she watched her big, sweet, innocent brother collapse in on himself, all his defences crumbling as the long-suppressed past finally tore him apart.

Casey pulled herself further back along the bed, sliding her legs over and behind Robbie, sitting upright to gently pull and urge him to lie against her, still cradling his head as he leaned against her shoulder, stroking his face, whispering to him, hot tears of shame and guilt rolling silently down her face.

At last the shaking stopped, but his arm remained around her waist, clinging to her, Casey still whispering and murmuring into his hair as she rested her head against his, soothing him and letting him know she was there.

And now he slept, absolutely still, immobile, barely a breath sound to indicate he was still alive. Casey cradled his head in her lap, tears coursing down her cheeks as she wept silently and hopelessly, wracked with guilt for all the days she'd taken from him, the life he should have lived, the person he should have been, for the outcast they'd allowed him to become for want of a kind word or gesture. As she wept, she cast about in her mind for something, anything she'd done for him, in all his life, and found nothing.

Sarah had been right -- payment had come due, and it was a harsh and bitter tariff. She'd tried to save him to save herself, and this was the result. Why hadn't she just done the right thing and let him be alone and away from them, the one gift she could have given him that would have meant something? He'd made a new life far from the pathetic travesty of his old one, and now here she was, destroying that as well.

Casey looked down at his sleeping face, young and untroubled in repose, the face of the quiet little boy who had learned far too young that 'no' was the only word his family had for him, and cursed herself for leaving him out of her life, their lives, stroking his young face and crying anew for the simple warmth and love he'd been denied for no other reason than because he wasn't good enough to be one of them.

Robbie woke with a start in the early morning sunlight, confused and disoriented, his head in someone's lap. He was still dressed, and someone was holding him.

"Good morning!" said a soft voice, and he looked up, memory flooding back as he recognised Casey. She smiled at him, stroking his hair, still a new sensation for him, and very pleasurable, comforting and affectionate.

"You fell asleep. I didn't want to wake you, so I stayed here with you; it was very nice, actually; you obviously needed the rest, and I don't often get to hold such a handsome boy all night!"

Her expression and light tone conveyed nothing of the worry she'd felt all night as he lay motionless, afraid she'd locked him into some kind of traumatic, catatonic shell, breathing a sigh of relief when he'd finally wakened, confused but alert. With his awakening had come a rush of relief, and something else, a profound feeling of love and protectiveness for her brother, all the loss and anguish coalescing into a steely determination to keep him close and keep him safe, to keep him near her always and never let him go again.

Robbie stared at her in confusion tinged with wonder. It was Casey, someone he should be avoiding at all costs, that he'd run away from, yet all he could think of was how warm she was, how sweet her smile was, how good she felt as she held him close, and how pretty she was. His head was clear, and when he thought of her and what she'd done, there were only memories, lucid but remote, no anger, no hatred, just images and incidents, like scenes from a movie, remembered in detail, but holding no emotional impact.

"I'm, I'm sorry, you must have been...uncomfortable, I didn't mean to....!" he began, but Casey just smiled at him, touching her finger to his lips. "It's OK Robbie, I enjoyed watching you sleep, you looked so restful, it was a pleasure watching over you, really." she smiled.

Robbie was enjoying her fingers stroking her hair, it really was restful and comforting, and slid his head further into her lap, luxuriating in the sensation of soft fingers twining and stroking his hair, gentle and compassionate. "You must be so tired," he offered, "You sat there all night, like that. What happened?" he asked, memory vague as to how he'd got here.

Casey stroked his face as she gathered her thoughts. "You were in a pretty bad way, Robbie. I thought at first you were having a breakdown, not that I'd blame you, not after all we put you through, and I knew that you needed me, and it seemed only right, so I held you while you cried. I think it was good for you; you had a peaceful night. I know, because I watched you to make sure nothing happened to you, but you slept like a baby."

Robbie stared at her, wondering at the change in her, the old Casey no longer evident. He moved his head from her lap to lie stretched on the bed, head on the pillow, and took her hand, shyly kissed her palm, her fingertips, saying "Thank you for staying, Casey, I guess I did need you after all. Can I hug you? Can I hug my little sister to say I'm sorry for being such an asshole?"

Casey smiled, and slid down the bed to lie next to him, stretching out. "Ooh, this feels nice, so nice!" she smiled. Robbie, feeling guilty for depriving her of a night's sleep, pulled her in for a chaste, brotherly hug, Casey wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in tighter, lips brushing his cheek.

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Robbie, and I meant what I said," she said, "I won't let you go again!"

He hugged her as closely as he dared, remembering how slight she was, snugging her up close against him, feeling happy for the first time in a long, long time, and still slightly amazed that he was hugging Casey, of all people! She gently ruffled the back of his head, and he let her go, pulling back so he could look at her, smiling, genuinely happy to see her there smiling back at him. He lightly touched her face, her nose, lips, forehead, between her eyes, her chin, features he only vaguely remembered in isolation, and kissed her forehead, brotherly and proper.

Casey watched him connect with her his way, feeling a deep surge of...something, more than just familial kinship and love, as he explored her features, really looking at her for the first time in his life.

"You know," he began, "I never really got a good look at you, isn't that weird? I mean, I know what you look like, but if I were asked to describe you, I'd be stumped, I never really saw you. Guess I learned really early not to look at you too closely. Is that weird, or what?" he grinned. "Yesterday morning, in the lobby, I saw you, looked closely at you, but I still couldn't recognise you, and you're my sister, how fucked-up is that!" He laughed, a gentle, healthy laugh, no tinge of bitterness or anger.

Casey shook her head. "Not as much as all that, Robbie. When I first saw you come into the lobby and sit down, you walked right past me, I looked right at you, and nothing, at least not on the surface. Something inside rang a bell, though, and when I looked at you again, when you caught my eye, that's when all the bells rang at once. It just goes to show, it's possible to look at someone all your life, and still never actually see them."

She burrowed down, snuggling into his chest, and gently stroked his face. "I'll tell you now, though, I'll never stop seeing you again, Robbie, that's a promise!"

So saying, she gently pulled his chin down, and kissed him on the cheek, and Robbie turned her face to him, to kiss her on the lips, gently probing with his tongue. Casey's lips parted to touch his tongue tip with hers, their tongues sliding past each others' lips, exploring and tasting each other, attraction flaring between them.

Robbie broke for a second to look at her, smiling. "I remember this, last night. I got a bit difficult then; I promise I won't do that again, OK? I want to do this with you; it feels right, now, and it feels good. Do you want to do this with me?"

For answer, Casey pulled him close, kissing him long and deeply, her arms holding him close as she lovingly kissed this beautiful, sweet boy, a clean excitement building in her, not understanding what it was she was feeling for him, but untroubled by their sibling-hood, only concerned that this naive boy-man possess her as she now wanted to possess him. His simple humanity, his lack of guile and pretence, his obvious need for her and the love she could give him drew her in powerfully, filled her with a profound need to reciprocate his feelings, to keep him as the boy he was, to protect and keep that innocent inner-self of his intact.

Casey was at a loss to explain to herself how and why she felt like this, because she'd never experienced anything like this flood of feelings and emotions for any man, let alone her brother, but anyone with a less cluttered history could have put her straight in an instant. Casey was falling in love.

They kissed for a long, satisfying while, both of them enjoying the sensations of each others' lips and tongues, before Casey moved away from him to stand and quickly wriggle out of her skirt and lie back down, smiling at him, gently stroking his face. "Robbie, I want to feel and hold you properly!" she whispered. He looked at her blankly, confusion in his eyes, and she urged him to stand, and began tugging open his belt.

His eyes widened and then he grinned uncertainly, unclipping his cuff-links and unbuttoning his shirt, pulling it off and dropping it to a chair, undoing his belt and taking off his pants to drape them over the chair, levering off his shoes and pulling off his socks to finally stand in his shorts in front of her. Casey gave a long slow intake of breath. His well-developed body was ripped and toned, rippling and corded with muscle, every one sharply defined, skin clear and healthy-looking, clear evidence that he took his exercise regime seriously. "You're beautiful, Robbie" she smiled, "please, come here, I need you to hold me, I want to hold you!"

He slid onto the bed, Casey pulling his head close so she could kiss him again, taking his hand and resting it on her flank, letting him get used to the feeling of feminine skin, the sensation of holding someone close. Robbie sighed, closing his eyes to let his tactile senses savour the feel of her warm, smooth, silky skin. She pulled in closer, softly kissing him, feeling his hand move up and down her thigh to knead and stroke the taut flesh, then moving to her smooth, firm butt-cheek, sliding down and around to cup it under the tight cotton panties.

Casey murmured as she kissed him, encouraging sounds as he explored, touching someone else intimately for the first time in his life. Her hand slid down to his waist, further down to brush against his groin, to feel the hardness growing there. Her eyes widened in appreciation, and she began gently rubbing and squeezing him as he kissed her harder, enjoying the feel of her hands on his manhood, the first time he'd been touched in this way. He was sweating now, a new, tight sensation growing in his groin at her touch, his scrotum suddenly feeling tight against him, and a strange, pleasant feeling of expectancy, something imminent, in his groin and behind his scrotum.

Casey sat up on the bed, slowly unbuttoning her blouse, showing her lacy white bra underneath, and slid it off to toss it off the bed, then slid her hair scrunchie off, shaking out her hair to fall around her shoulders. Next she slid along the bed, stretching out, resting her head on one hand, arm bent at the elbow, her legs crossed at the ankle. Robbie stared and swallowed, smiling, and Casey watched the front of his shorts as the bulge there became much more noticeable, beginning to tent the front of his shorts.

She began once more gently rubbing the front of his shorts, kissing him as the bulge continued to grow. "Robbie, please, pull your shorts down" she whispered, Robbie doing so immediately, looking at her uncomprehendingly, but trustingly. His cock immediately slapped against his belly, 7 inches or so, swollen, thick, solid and heavy. Casey looked at it with a happy glint in her eye. "It's beautiful, Robbie, really, very sexy!" she said, as she started gently squeezing his shaft, pumping it with her hand as she kissed him, making the tight sensation deep inside him intensify. Casey clamped her lips over his, kissing him deeply as she pumped him, her other hand busily rubbing and caressing her own sex, frigging herself as she pumped him, while for Robbie that sensation of something imminent became intense.

Suddenly the pleasure was more intense than anything he'd ever felt before, heat somewhere behind the root of his penis and a tingling, almost a buzzing in the tops and backs of his thighs. His scrotum tightened as his ears simultaneously rang and popped, and a great spurt of semen shot out of him, splashing over his belly and Casey's hand, spattering his midsection almost to his chest, spurt after spurt pumping out as he cried out loud in the extremity of his pleasure, this new sensation almost blacking him out, his eyesight dimming and blurring as his eyes rolled back in his head, his abs tightening as his body arched. She pumped his cock continuously as he spurted, kissing him and stroking his face, urging him on, until he stopped ejaculating, his twitching penis beginning to subside.

He lay winded, chest heaving, beyond speech, as Casey fished a handful of tissues out of the night-stand and carefully wiped his sperm off him, her hand, and his cock. She was tempted to lick him dry, but held back; he was still a virgin, with no idea about oral sex, better to take it one step at a time, she didn't want to scare him all over again.

"Casey... that was...that was amazing! What happened there, it felt so...wonderful, painful, but so good, I thought my heart was going to burst!" he finally gasped, and Casey realised that this was the first time he'd ever orgasmed, that he'd never masturbated because he didn't know he could, or how; his lonely isolated life as he grew-up had left huge, tragic gaps in his experience of the world and how it worked, and had left him almost a total innocent, ignorant of the most basic human drives and urges, and how to relieve them.

Blinking back tears for this deprived, deserted boy, older than her, but so much younger in so many important ways, she smiled and whispered in his ear "It's called an orgasm, and it gets better, Robbie, lots better, would you like to see how?" He nodded eagerly, so Casey now pulled him round to face her. "Now, Robbie, kiss me, and hold me, would you do that for me?" He nodded, pulling her close to share a long slow kiss, his hands sliding down her body to cup and squeeze her firm cheeks, the act coming to him naturally, feeling somehow right. "This feels nice, Casey, do you mind?" he asked, and for answer she kissed him even harder.

Now he slid his hands into her panties, squeezing and kneading the warm taut flesh of her buttocks, edging her panties down, more out of instinct than any other desire just yet.

"Take them off me, Robbie!" she whispered into his lips, before resuming kissing him, and he did so, pushing them down and pulling them off, one leg at a time, to feel her pubic hair rub softly against his penis, the sensation making it jump and that feeling of tightness again as it began to grow hard again, firming up and standing out again as they kissed.

"Take my bra off, please" she whispered, "it unhooks at the back!" she smiled, seeing his momentary confusion. He obliged by reaching up from her taut buttocks and unclipping it, Casey quickly shrugging out of it. Immediately, Robbie felt her stiff nipples rubbing against his chest, and broke their kiss to look down at her bare breasts, the nipples poking into him as she dragged them back and forth across his chest.

He'd seen pictures of bare breasts before, but Casey's were much smaller than the huge balloon things the women in the pictures had, much more elegant, sexy and feminine, not blowsy or pendulous, and he felt a rush of excitement at seeing them, long-dormant instincts taking over to make him dip down and lick and nibble lightly at the pink points rubbing so sweetly across his chest.

Casey started, and giggled. "That's right Robbie; yes, do that, that's so nice, gently, ohhh...yesss!"

Pleased that he was doing something that she liked, he carried on, varying the pressure between licking, sucking and nibbling, Casey encouraging him, telling him to slow down or change pace, teaching him how to please her. At last, she rolled away from him, lying on her back, Robbie seeing that her pubic hair was trimmed and neat, a small heart-shaped patch of short light brown hair tufted at the very tip of her slit. Her labia were clearly visible, hairless folds of succulent flesh puffed-out and blushing pink as they began to engorge, little highlights of moisture glinting in the summer morning sunshine. He'd never seen pictures of women's' genitalia before, so he was fascinated, but could also feel his penis hardening even further, instincts long-suppressed or never expressed coming to the fore.