Lost & Found Ch. 05

We still kept in close touch with Sally; Joey was growing to be everything Joe would have been proud of, no matter who his real father was, and another snippet that concerned me at first, but I followed Sally's lead in this particular case. Steve Dolan had shown he'd inherited all the business acumen his forebears had in such great measure. He'd rebuilt his part of the family's business empire from the chaotic, almost bankrupt shambles his drunk of a father had left it in, turning around the problems caused by Jerry Dolan and becoming, at a commendably early age, the wealthiest man in Springfield, and one of the richest men in the state, with a chain of huge hardware super-stores across the Southwest.

However, the stories we'd heard all those years ago about how he treated his son were borne out by, of all people, Sally, who'd somehow wrapped herself around Dolan's boy and taken him to her heart. She was obviously deeply taken with him, as was Joey, and from what Sally told us, Joey took extra care of his young half-brother, even though he was unaware of the relationship; he just knew and understood almost instinctively that young Robbie was special and needed protecting, and he stepped up; like I said, a boy for Joe to be proud of.

And so it went, my babies growing into tough, hard-headed, smart, spiky, erratic, brilliant, maddening, unpredictable and absolutely adorable miniatures of Kat, their Moran blood showing in every line and aspect of them. And then, one day, when Moira and Morag were just about 10 or so, I got a call from Sally that was going to change our lives. I'd just come in from a long and hectic day in the office, the girls were in the midst of one of their daily, never-ending territorial disputes, the central air was playing up, no joke in the South Bay in summer, and Kat had a splitting headache from the heat, trying to locate a repairman who'd come out at such short notice, and constantly dealing with our touchy pair of green-eyed monsters, when Sally called.

"Frank, I need a favor, and I need it quick. Young Robbie Dolan's finally told that pack of swamp rats he calls a family what he thinks of them, and he's here with me. Frank, the boy needs help; his pig of a father's denied him any help, all his life, they've given him nothing, not a damn thing; everything he owns in the world is here in one ratty old holdall! He got a scholarship but he had to turn it down because his father refused to help him with living expenses, just flat-out refused; the bastard claimed they had nothing to spare for him, after buying that worthless tramp daughter of theirs a new car and a trip to Europe. Frank, the poor boy needs someone to give him a chance at a life; he's a lovely kid, he's just like Joey in so many ways, and it breaks my heart to see him left out once again; he deserves a break too, just a chance to make something of himself. I know how smart he is, he knows everything there is to know about game software, Joey says he's a genius, apparently the University of California thought so, too, do you know anyone there in Silicon Valley who might be able to help him?"

As it happened, I did; my good friend and fellow A's fan, Steve Vargas, who owned a small but influential and highly respected game software company in Palo Alto, not too far from our home. I gave him a call and asked him to at least talk to the boy; he agreed, we made the call, the rest you know.

When Robbie came to stay with us, I was struck firstly at how much, from certain angles, he resembled Joey (that would be the legacy of their pig of a father), but also how many of Angie Raynes' features he had; she was always a looker, even if I did consider her the Queen Bitch of the Western World, and Robbie had inherited a fair portion of her looks; the next thing was how soft-spoken, diffident, and humble he was; I guess a lifetime of being nothing and nobody had given him zero expectations, but worst of all, no detectable sense of self-worth; it seemed he'd learned to live with it, but it wrenched at Kat's heart, though.

This boy was her own close kin, and she couldn't tell him, but I could see after only a few days she was completely in love with him, as were the girls; for them, he'd gone from being houseguest, to trusted friend, to big brother in just a few days, probably because there was absolutely no pretence or guile in him, and the girls instinctively fell in love with that aspect of him; the perceptions of the young are uncannily accurate, and it was no trouble at all for them to spot that Robbie was the real thing.

Robbie was honest, helpful, mild, and sweet-natured, unassuming, and smart as a whip, and before he knew it, he was one of our kids, just as much as Moira or Morag, never mind that he was almost eight years older than them. The sight of him sitting with the girls of an evening, after a long day at his new job, patiently teaching them basic calculus, or trigonometry, or algebra, his complete absorption in helping the girls because he wanted to, always brought a lump to my throat, and I'd look up and see Kat also watching him intently, a fond smile on her lips.

The only thing about him that worried me was his almost complete lack of presence; his entire life he'd been shunned by those who were supposed to love him, and he'd learned early in life that drawing attention to himself wasn't possible in a household where no-one could see him, and so he'd learned how to "switch" himself off; it was a long time before we could get him to join in family activities, as he had no way of relating to them; he'd never been included, so had no real idea how to be included, and it confused him. His relationship with Joey was different, more one-to-one, but I truly believe that it was Kat and the girls who taught him how to venture out of himself.

Socializing with the immediate family was no issue, but taking him anywhere was always fraught with difficulties, as he immediately sank into himself and literally disappeared from view; it took him a long time to un-learn that, and Kat used to regularly curse Steve Dolan and Angel Raynes for turning their only son into a living ghost, a pale shadow of who he should have been.

Her relationship with Robbie was slightly different to mine; in her eyes, Robbie was her boy, she was fiercely adamant about that, and anyone who stepped between them was going down, period; the only people in the entire world she was prepared to share him with were Sarah, the girls, and me. That was the effect that boy had on our family.

As the years progressed, various things happened, some good, some not so good. Casey, Robbie's sister, became involved with him, after she'd spent four years searching for him; she actually came to see us, to tell us what and how she felt, and I had to tip my hat to her for the bravery she showed by doing that; Kat was quite capable of skinning her alive and then slow-roasting her for what she'd done; after all, this was her Robbie we're talking about here! I never commented on what they were doing, not when my own darling wife is also my baby sister, but Casey convinced Kat to let her in and be a part of our family. When that sack of shit Steve Dolan tried to attack Robbie, our boy did to him what I should have all those years ago, he hospitalized the bastard, and when we heard what Steve had been doing to Casey for years, I drank a special toast to Robbie; that was my boy!

In due course Robbie and Casey had a baby, the loveliest little boy I'd ever seen; he looks just like Robbie, and Kat and the girls absolutely worship him; as far as they're concerned he's theirs, Robbie and Casey just get to look after him once in a while! Of course, they also feel like that about Robbie; much as they love and adore Casey, Robbie's theirs, he belongs to them, and they want him back.

All things considered, Robbie and Casey were happy; they loved each other, they had that beautiful boy, and his mom lived near him again. Sarah had met and married my buddy Steve, and had a little girl, Caitlin, a black-haired, flashing-eyed little Sarah lookalike, already a beauty at just two years old. Steve and Sarah lived in Novato, while Joey and Karen and my own great-nephew, little Joey Jr. lived literally around the corner from Robbie up in Daly City, so all the family was still close, and close by if they were needed.

With all this domesticity breaking-out, I was waiting for that call from Robbie, the same one I'd had from a panicked Joey before he got married. Something was up with Robbie, and I thought I knew what it was. In many ways, Robbie and Joey are mirror-images of each other, although they'd both look skeptical if you drew their attention to that fact; they think alike, dress alike, like the same food, the same baseball teams, the same TV shows, have the same sense of humor, and they both even have the same little facial quirks and mannerisms; it wouldn't have surprised me if one day they hadn't married lookalike girls!

So I waited for that call, and sure enough, Joey called me to give me a heads-up, followed a short while later by a call from Robbie. Joey had just needed a little reassurance, that he was up to the job, that he was doing the right thing, that he deserved someone like Karen, and Kat and I were happy to calm him and tell him what he needed to hear. It had been fairly easy; while Joey had never had a father, he'd always been a sporty, outgoing, gregarious and popular boy, worldly, confident, and self-assured, a typical young American male, and boosting his confidence and calming his jitters was accomplished with a pep talk and a couple of beers.

Robbie, on the other hand, was a horse of a different color entirely; he'd never had any positive reinforcement, no strong older male role-model, no-one to show him how to be a married man, or even how to grow into a man, only contempt and neglect, so the boy had learned nothing about how people worked, nothing except what young Joey could show him as they grew and matured together. Steve Dolan should have taken his son in hand, he should have told him things, and shown him by example, but the only thing that sack of shit had ever shown his son was how to be an invisible, valueless nonentity.

Now I had to try and give him the confidence to be what he should be; a man grown, embarking on one of the most important and significant adventures of his life. It was ironic, and not in a good way, either, that the man who was going to try and show him what a father should have, was the man who twice almost killed his father, only drawing back from the brink at the very last second. Something told me this was going to take a little more than just a chat and a couple of Coors...

*

Robbie was a little apprehensive as his uncle and aunt ushered him into the den and waved him onto the couch, after making sure the girls really were gone; they had a talent for eavesdropping and snooping bordering on genius, and it would never do for them to hear any of this. Once they were satisfied the coast was clear, they both sat down, Frank in his favorite recliner, Kat on the couch next to him, his hand in hers.

"So, Robbie, Joey tells me you've got something on your mind. You want to tell me about it, son?" asked Frank.

Robbie looked nervously at Kat, she smiled and nodded.

"Go ahead baby, there's only us here, and nothing you say will ever go outside this room, I promise. Tell us what's troubling you, baby, we only want to help!"

Robbie slid his hand out of Kat's, nervously lacing his fingers together and looking at the floor as he gathered his thoughts, looking for a place to begin. Kat smoothed his hair back out of his eyes, something she'd done a million times before, and the familiarity of the gesture calmed him, reminded him of where he was and who he was with.

"Uncle Frank, Aunt Kat, you know...I...Casey and me...we...we..."

"Calm down, Robbie, take your time, we have as much time as you need, just tell us what's bothering you," smiled Frank, that and the sudden smile from Kat stilling him and letting him once more gather his thoughts.

"Uncle Frank, Aunt Kat, you know Casey and me, we...we want to get married, I asked her to a long time ago, I know she wants to marry me, but...what if I get it wrong? I know who I am, I know who my father is, what if I'm like him, you know, inside, what if all that stuff about the apple not falling far from the tree is true, supposing I ...?"

Frank cut across him at that.

"OK Robbie, that's enough! Listen to me, son, no," as Robbie tried to interject, "hear me out first, Robbie, please!"

Robbie subsided, his face flushed, and Kat leaned closer, suddenly concerned; he looked almost...frightened, yes, frightened, scared; suddenly the confident young man she knew and loved so much was gone, and in his place was the lonely, traumatized outcast he'd been his whole life. Her heart went out to him, and it took a real effort of will to not just gather him in and mother him, hold him close and make the fear go away.

Frank also leaned closer, sitting almost close enough for their knees to touch.

"Robbie, you're not like Steve Dolan, not in any way; I know him, I know him better than you think, and I see nothing of him in you, not one of the things that make him who he is! I know what he did, I know how he treated you, but he also did you the biggest service possible; he made sure you were never going to be like him! Your mom watched over you, she and Joey taught you things, almost without meaning to, about how to be a good person, how to be a kind person, how to be the man you are today; that's who you are! All this stuff about the apple and the tree, that's nonsense, I don't know where you got that from, so just think on this; sometimes old wives tales only exist because old wives had nothing better to do with their time than sit around, spread malicious gossip, and stick pins in people!"

Robbie looked at him in astonishment; he'd never heard that tone or seen that expression before, and he suddenly realised Frank was deadly serious.

"Robbie, you're like my own son; I really wish you were, and I'd never lie to you, so what I'm telling you now is the truth; you can never be like the man your father is, it's not your nature; there's nothing of the Dolan clan in you, and I know that because I know what went into you to make you who you are. Did you ever meet your grandmother, your father's mother?"

Robbie looked completely lost at that question, at the sudden change of subject; why would his grandmother have anything to do with this conversation? He let his puzzlement show in his voice.

"No, Uncle Frank, all I know is she lives back East, in New York State, Albany or Oneonta or somewhere like that. I've never met her."

Frank leaned back slightly, his expression suddenly less serious, and a quick grin quirking the corner of his mouth.

"Oneonta, eh? "Go Outlaws!" Perhaps you should meet her; it would certainly make a lot of things clearer to you."

Now Robbie was really confused.

"Aunt Kat...?"

Kat looked at Frank and saw the small nod, telling her to tell him.

"Two things Robbie, but before I say anything I want your solemn promise you won't say anything, to anyone, ever; do I have your word?"

Robbie had a pretty good idea what she was going to tell him, but decided to keep shut; he wasn't supposed to know, after all, so he nodded agreement.

"I promise, Aunt Kat, not a word, ever."

Kat sighed, her hands in her lap, slowly rubbing them together, obviously far out of her comfort zone.

"Baby, your Uncle Frank and me, we...we know what you're going through, you and Casey; we know because we went though it as well. Baby, we went through it because Frank is...Frank is my big brother, or rather, half-brother. We never intended for any of our kids to find out, the girls don't know, only you, please, please don't tell them, God knows what it would do to them!"

Robbie slid over to his aunt, taking her hand in his and putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Please, Aunt Kat, it's okay, really, I won't tell anyone, I promised!"

Kat lifted her head to look into his eyes, her eyes suddenly widening a little as she realized something.

"You already knew!" she whispered, and Robbie, abashed, his eyes downcast, nodded.

"Mom...sort of let it slip the day she told Joey who his father was, that Casey and me were his brother and sister. She didn't mean to, honest!" he blurted out at the look in her eyes. Frank nodded to himself, suppressing a small grin at Robbie's complete inability to prevaricate or dodge the truth.

"Joey pressed her after she told Casey and me how difficult it was going to be for us, he worried at her about how she knew so much about it, and she told us how much it hurt her to let you both go, how she had to watch the family break up to keep it safe, how she had to lose both of you, we could see she was still hurting, even after all that time...I'm sorry Aunt Kat, I'm sorry I didn't tell you I knew, but I promised mom I'd keep my mouth shut, and I did..."

Kat reached up and cupped his chin.

"Yes you did, baby, thank you. How about Joey, and Karen, how do they feel about...Frank and me, all this?"

Robbie grinned.

"Aunt Kat, they've been here like a million times since, Karen leaves the baby with you when she takes the girls mall-hopping in Oakland, and she and Casey sit huddled together watching chick-flicks and crying in stereo, if she had a problem with any of this, I think you'd have heard about it by now!"

Kat smiled, a happy, relieved smile, and Robbie noted once again just how beautiful his aunt was.

"Thank you baby, you always know the right thing to say! Now there's that other thing. Remember Frank asked you about your grandmother? We have a very good reason for asking. Your grandmother is Roisian Shelagh Caitlin Dolan, but her maiden name was Moran. My father was Michael Moran; he and Roisian were brother and sister."

Robbie looked at her in wide-eyed surprise.

"So you're...you're..."

Kat nodded.

"Even before you came to us, you were my family; I'm your cousin, the girls may be your sisters now, but before that they were your cousins, so you see, you were always surrounded by family, even if you didn't know it! I don't think your mom knows, we couldn't tell her, not after what your father...what Steve...did to her, so this has always been my secret, mine and Frank's."

Frank stirred once again, leaning forward to speak.

"I met her once, Robbie, she was a beautiful lady, she and your aunt could be mother and daughter, they look so much alike. My reason for bringing her up was because of the kind of lady she is, and she is a lady, make no mistake; she left because she couldn't stomach Steve and his wife, and you've inherited her strength, her courage, and most of all, her character; what makes your aunt Kat who she is, you have in large measure as well, and that's why you are going to be a good husband and father, a good provider, and a gentle and caring man, you come from the right stock for it! Your aunt's father was my stepdad, but you'd never have known it; for all my life he was just my dad, and he and his sister were two of a kind, quality people, so never forget, you may have had the Dolan name, but you have the Moran blood in you, you and Joey, and it shows!"

Robbie looked at Kat, and she took his face in her hands once again.

"Baby, everything your uncle says is true; you come from good stock, some of the very best. Daddy was one of the best loved men in Springfield; most of the town came to his funeral, because of who he was; he made it easy for people to love him, and so many people did; you're his sister Rosie's grandson, and he would have been so proud of you, he would have seen his own father in you, and that alone is going to make you 10 times the man your father could ever be. Casey is a very lucky girl!"