No Shit There I Was

"My lords and my ladies the next fight will be between Sir Vladimir the Mace and Jak o' the Blade." The marshal said reading off his little card.

I looked over at Kathrin as she tightened back down the armor.

"Good?" I asked.

"It will be fine so long as you don't let him hit it."

I looked to where she was looking and saw my opponent. His white belt must be near five foot long. He looked like an armored fireplug. He was carrying a six-foot pole arm with a three-foot padded end on it.

"Oh, Christ on a crutch." I got to my feet and Kathrin lowered my visor. She locked it on and smacked the back of my helm. "Any advice?"

"Don't go high or you may fly," she told me just as I started to walk away. I nodded. I've heard stories about Vlad's frequent flyers program.

My breath was loud to me in the closed visor. The padding was tight around my head and my gorget was constricting my throat.

"Fighters...LAY ON!" the marshal stepped out the way.

Vlad came in quicker than his size would show. I dodged to the side as the big polearm came past me. He brought it around and knocked me two feet to the side when he connected with my shield.

Watch the chest. Watch the chest. Watch the ... There!

I went low to an overhand swing and with a flick twist of my wrist drove a shot in under his left arm. It rang off his armor like a kettledrum. I watched him slowly lean to the side and fall with the sound of a smithy collapsing.

Gasping for air, I helped up my opponent then walked back to my wife's side.

Kat pulled off my helm and I drenched my face with a bottle of water. She soaked a rag with cold water and laid it on the back of my my neck.

"Well, that got you into the top ten. That was all you needed right?"

I nodded. She looked at my eyes.

"What are you thinking Jak? I know you don't want to be King. Right?" Kathrin was looking into my eyes with her eyebrows raised.

"Queen Kathrin of Meridies?" I asked with a smile.

"I would beat you to death; find someone to resurrect you so I could kill you twice." I could see she wasn't kidding.

I nodded.

We watched the next fight. Two older gentlemen with battered armor who went at it old castle. I didn't know either one but I took note of their shields. A blue shield with a white mariner star. And a white shield with a lion that from the looks of it asleep. Their fight ended with a double kill after they dismembered each other.

"Top eight," said Kat shaking her head.

I put back on my helm and stepped onto the field when my name was called. Now it's a strange thing when you're trying to win something you'll die every time. I was trying to die so I caught his helm in almost the first exchange. I saw him drop after the loud ring.

"Jak?" Kat said my name slowly with menace.

"I'm trying, that was just luck."

Somehow I took the leg of the next fighter, a short man with a white belt around his hips. He dropped to his knees and I swear became more dangerous! He got around my shield and landed a shot across both cheeks of my ass!

"YeoW!" I hopped away to the laughter of the crowd.

"Give him another one!" I heard Kathrin call out from the sidelines. After giving her a look like murder, I dropped to my knees and knee-walked back into range. The knight and I would then proceed to try to land a blow on each other for the next; I swear five minutes, without succeeding. Finally, I leaned back to try to catch a breath and only just saw his sword out the corner of my eye. It connected with my visor hard enough to break the chinstrap! My helm turned sideways on my head from the force of the blow!

"Hold on lord! Hold still"

Stunned, I felt hands on me. All I could see was the padding on the inside of my helm. I had to grab at hands to stop them from trying to pull my nose off!

"Let me," I heard Kat say.

Oh shit!

Suddenly my helm was back to front and I didn't need to see a chiropractor ever again. Maybe an ear, nose, and throat specialist, but not a chiropractor.

I lifted my helm off my head taking my bandanna with it.

"Are you alright my lord?" asked the knight whom I had been fighting. "I'm terribly sorry. I put way too much behind that last swing." He got to his feet and waved to the marshal. "I'll resign in your favor."

"No, No, I'm good," I told him getting up. 'You were the better fighter you deserve to go forward. Let it stand." I told him.

"You're sure?" he asked me as the marshal stepped forward. I nodded.

"Are you alright sir?" the marshal asked me. I nodded after giving my nose a feel. "I understand the Queen of Meridies would like to see you at her pavilion." He pointed to where the ladies of the court had a shade pavilion set up along the side of the field.

I nodded.

Stepping off the field, I sat my sword and shield next to my helm. Kat was holding the visor in her hand. I could see where the rivets had torn through on one corner.

"The queen wants to see me," I told her again checking my nose. I gave her a look when she grinned. "Would you mind taking my shield and helm back to the tent for me. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Sure." She went to grab them up then turned to look at me. "Jak?"

"Yeah, hun?

"I wouldn't kiss her again if I was you. I don't think your armor can take anymore today." She waved the broken visor at me.

I chuckled and nodded.

Walking around the field I watched the last fight as I did. I saw the knight I had fought leg shot the knight he was fighting. By the time I got to the Queen's pavilion the other fighter was down to only his sword arm.

I dropped to my knee with a creak of my armor. I bowed low.

"Your majesty."

"Are you alright Jak?" she asked me looking at my face a bit worried.

"I'm fine my lady. I've had far worse."

She nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry to put you through that, but it was the only way that I could put right a wrong done within my kingdom." She leaned forward and handed me a red squire's belt. I took it in fingers that trembled. "This was taken from you years ago after an event where I believe you had provocation. I now return it to you in the hopes that Jak the merchant will again be a squire and one day a knight of my kingdom."

"Thank you my lady, but I have no knight to sponsor me," I told her holding the red leather between my fingers tightly.

"Oh, I think you do."

I heard the marshal's voice ring out

"With death by dismemberment" he took a deep breath then his voice sounded out like a drill sergeants "My lords and my ladies I give you the winner of the King's list ... Sir Trace, the Saxon!"

The crowd cheered, her majesty stood up and clapped. I joined in with the Huzzahs!

As I stepped back up to the front of my tent I saw Kat sitting in her chair with a cat just ate the canary look on her face.

"What is it?" I asked her. I had the red belt behind my back.

"Oh, nothing much just take a long look at the tent and tell me what's missing."

I looked around at the chairs, tables, lanterns. Nothing seemed out of place. I was about to say so when the empty hooks on the back wall caught my eye.

"No way."

She reached down and picked up the cash box. She lifted out a printed receipt from our credit card reader.

"He was a gentleman from Europe who was here taking in the sights. His family is the descendants of nobility from the fifteen hundred Netherlands. He said it was the finest example of pattern welding he had ever seen outside of a museum. He would have paid in Euro if I thought we could find a place to deposit them." I looked down from the empty hook to see her twirling the little white tag around her finger.

"Five thousand dollars!"

She nodded grinning. Kat leaned over and opened the insulated wooden chest by my chair a pulled out the bottle of Champaign style mead. She went to work on the wired in cork.

"What did her majesty want?" she asked me as she untied the wire cage.

I brought round the red belt and let it drop to its full length.

She stopped what she was doing. "No fucking way?"

I nodded and took the bottle from her. I pushed up on the cork and sent it skyrocketing up above merchant's row. It sounded like a canon going off and several merchants nearby look over. I waved them over as I filled Kat's mug with a foaming froth of bubbles. I divided the rest of the bottle out among our friends as we told them the good news. Both of them.

It could quite possibly be the best mead I have ever made.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

I was looking up at the stars. How bright they are to a city boy like me. I listened to the drumming and could feel the press of dancers nearby, but I just looked at the stars. I was more than passably drunk. I leaned back in the borrowed chair I was sitting in. My head on the back of it tilted skyward.

A beautiful face appeared above me.

"Pardon me my lady, but I do believe you and I have met here before." I smiled at her. "On a night not too dissimilar to this ones.

Kat giggled and nodded. She leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

"Do you want to take me to your bed the way you did that night my lord?" she asked whispering.

"I would love to do that, my lady."

She pulled me to my feet and together we made our way out the Hofla. We leaned on each other down the king's highway, retracing steps we've walked every year, till we got to our tent.

Leaving off the lanterns, we went into the back and in a fury of soft and hard kissed we stripped each other down. I crawled on top of her as she backed across the furs away from me. When she hit the pile of pillows I was sliding into her.

"Oh, Jak. Oh yes just like that."

I gave a thrust and she moaned low and loud. I leaned down and whisper a warning into her ear.

Her strong hands caught me by my shoulders and her feet came round my hips to cross across my ass. "I Don't Care!"

She pulled me into her as hard as she could!

"OH GOD, YES!"

Her cries were soon joined by my groans. I drove myself into her super-hot and tight depths of my wife. She was pulling me in even deeper. Her hands clawing red lines down my back. I lifted up and began to thrust with all I had, as hard as I could, my eyes closed and my throat letting out guttural sounds

"Yes, Jak. OH, YES!"

"Oh, my lovely Kat. Oh, Kathrin I love you so much." I felt her pull me down on top of her, holding me tight to her. I rocked on top of her feeling the muscled stomach tighten under me driving herself back up to meet my thrust.

"I love you too, Jak. I love you so very much. I always will love you!"

I could feel a wellspring of tears building behind my eyes as I slowed my pace. Trying to drag out the last time I would get to be with my wife will the next event. She could sense this and matched my pace. I was feeling the whole length of me disappearing into her then she would come up to envelop even more of me.

She pulled me down into a long kiss then just as I started to cum arched herself under me. "OH, FUCK ME!"

Exhausted we both collapsed into each other's arms. I could hear a smattering of applause from around my tent. A few called suggestions then slowly the voices drifted away.

"I love you Jak "

"I love you, Kat."

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Sunday

The sound of cars woke me. I uncurled from around Kathrin and got to my feet. Slipping into my blue jeans and tennis shoes, I grabbed up a gray shirt from the trunk. Half-mundane half SCA I headed outside and down to a port'a'let. I saw the camp breaking up around me as I waited to use it. Tents being dropped. Trunks and Rubbermaid's being toted to cars parked where only people had been allowed the night before.

I stepped out the blue box and Miranda pounced me. I caught her up and started walking with her back toward my tent. When she got done kissing me good morning we were out front. I sent her in to wake up Kathrin.

I looked across the emptying field and saw that friend with the big tent hadn't dropped his canvas yet. In fact, his truck wasn't even where it should be. I walked over.

"Good morning," I told him. He was stacking Rubbermaid's to one side.

"Not much good about it Jak," he told me shaking his head.

"What's the matter?"

"Some jackass getting out of here early this morning backed his truck into my trailer hitch. I've got a call out to a local welder to come try to weld it back on, but it being Sunday it's going to cost me a fortune and take him forever to get here." He sat down in his chair with a huff.

" Well, call him back and cancel. My Hobart wire welder is in my van. Hell, all I need to do that kind of job is inside. Let me get my keys. I'll have you ready in just a bit."

I swear he looked like a little kid getting a puppy.

Stepping back to my tent, I looked around the corner of the partition to a beautiful sight. Two beautiful women in a sixty-nine. I grabbed my keys and wallet out my belt pouch and grinned as I watched Kat moan under Miranda's tongue. And then vice versa. Reluctantly I headed for the parking area.

The van cranked with a cough that sounded like I do some mornings. I could sympathize. Driving it back to merchants, I pulled it in next to his truck, which he had pulled in behind his tent.

I got the welder cranked and my hood out. Setting the wire, I pulled on my gloves and started to spot weld it back in place. Once that was done, I settled down to lay good strong beads of weld. I knew the weight of his trailer. I was about halfway through when I heard my name.

"Michel."

I flipped up the hood as saw Tina standing there looking annoyed at me.

"How long till you can start to help me pack up?"

I gave a sigh. "About twenty more minutes then I'll be done. I'll pull the van over and start loading up."

"Okay" She turned and walked away. Even her walk was noticeably different. More on her heels than on her toes.

I saw the look in our friend's eyes and flipped back down the visor on my hood. Damn welding fumes were making me cry.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

I put the last Rubbermaid into the back and turned to see Raven walking up. She looks so different in street clothes. But I would know those eyes anywhere. She gave me a quick kiss then stuffed a piece of paper into my T-shirt pocket. Her mundane name and number.

Then she asked me something that I had never given thought to before. I kissed her goodbye with my heart starting to lift a little.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Tina was asleep almost before we got to the off ramp out of Lumberton. She slept the whole way up to Hattiesburg. She opened her eyes just briefly as I pulled into the gas station then was back out. I stood there with all the others SCAers from site fueling up. I saw cars packed to the roof and beyond the roof. Tired people. Going through the motions with only half-remembered looks. They-like me-could feel the overwhelming mundane world taking back up its grip.

I pulled us across the road and shut down in the parking lot of the dinner. Tina woke looked at the front of the place and sighed. She undid her seatbelt and slid out the van. She leaned way over backward in a Yoga stretch then followed me inside.

Walking inside, I saw Dawn scurrying from table to table. There were a lot of people from site getting a five thousand-calorie infusion of the real world after days of eating fire-cooked food. She saw us and her face lit up.

She came over and wrapped her arms around me, I kissed the side of her face hesitantly. Dawn looked at me a little strange then went to hug Tina.

My sister broke the hug after a few seconds.

"Could you get me two egg whites on dry toast and some ice water? If you have lemon wedges two of those in the water please." She turned to look at me. "I'm going to use the little girl's room while I'm here. I'll be right back."

She stepped past Dawn like she wasn't there.

"My god you were right, Jak."

"Michel." She looked back at me and I dropped my eyes from hers "It's Michel now. Least ways till I pick you up in two weeks for Fool's war."

She looked at me sadly. Then nodded.

"I'll be ready. Can I get you anything? Some waffles?"

I smiled. "Not unless I want to hear about my eating them, from her, for the next two weeks. Just some coffee and a bit of toast."

Dawn nodded and went to the overworked cook behind the counter.

I grabbed a seat from two departing people I think I know, but can't recognize out of garb. Tina came back and joined me aggressive wringing her hands together. I could smell the hand sanitizer.

She thanked Dawn when she brought the food. Then asked for her to bring Splenda for my coffee instead of the sugar. Dawn was looking at her with a terribly sad expression.

I knew that look well.

As we paid Tina gave me a look when I left a twenty for the tip. I ignored it, knowing as I did that it would cost me a bitching at some later date. I saw Dawn was busy with other customers. So I just waved as we went out the door. We were near the front of the van when I heard my name.

"Michel?" I looked up to see Dawn come walking out the door. She hurried over to me and handed me a piece of paper. "Have Jak give me a call."

"I will." I took the paper and met her eyes for only a second. "Soon."

She hurried back inside.

Tina was huffy when I got the van started up. As I pulled across the bridge I saw the signs. One road going North, back home. The other, back the way we had come. Lumberton. King's Arrow. The nearly empty camp site.

I made my decision.

I pulled the van over to the side of the road. Tina looked over at me from where she had been getting comfortable again.

"What is it?" she demanded "Something wrong with the van

I shut off the engine.

"No. The van's fine. I want to talk for a second."

"Okay, about what?"

I took a deep breath. As I looked at her I felt a bit of Jak there propping up my nerve.

"I talked to Raven this morning. She gave me an idea that I had never thought about. And I'm going to take it and run with it for as long as I can. Tomorrow morning I'm going to go see a lawyer. I'm going to legally have my name changed to Jak Oliver Blade."

I saw Tina's eyes go wide

"I don't know if it will work or if I can always be Jak. But I'm going to give it a try. I would like you to think about coming with me." I shook my head. "Because I don't want to see the woman I love fade away in front of me ever again."

Two tears ran down Tina's face and slowly she nodded. I unhooked my seat belt and swung my legs over the engine cowl. I took my crying sister into my arms. I held her tight because I knew that soon I would be saying goodbye to her ... maybe forever.

And I cried because I knew, as much as that tore my heart, I knew that soon, very soon, I would have my beloved wife again in my arms.

And let the mundane world Burn before I will ever turn her loose again!