Oh Hell!

"Never mind that. You look fantastic Luci, and please stop that mind reading shit. Mom and dad want to say hi by the way."

Luci nodded and sailed past Mike into the living room where she proceeded to greet everybody politely.

Mike's mom was positively boiling with curiosity.

"It is so nice to meet you..?"

"Luci," the girl outfitted as a sexy demon in a cocktail dress replied with a soft smile. "I am Luci. Very nice to meet you too Sarah Weston Bower."

"Just Sarah please. So you are Mike's date for Halloween? I thought he was going with Patricia."

Before Mike could answer, Luci did it for him.

"A week ago Patricia Carson dismissed Mike for a young male named Desmond Mapother with whom she plans on fornicating tonight. Therefore Mike summoned me to act as his escort in her stead. We fornicated already."

Mike moaned and hid his face in his palms, while his mother stared at Luci in total bewilderment.

"Oh my... I... I see. Well lucky that you were available then."

"You sure don't mince words Lucy," Mike's dad said chuckling. "Honesty is not a bad thing... says lots about one's character. A pleasure to meet you."

"A pleasure to meet you too Edward Weston Bower. Or would you prefer Edward? Short names seem to be the preference of most people here."

Mike's dad chuckled again.

"Ed's fine Luci. Love your costume. You sure are a fine looking woman. Mike hit the Jackpot with you."

"Thank you Ed," Luci replied happily. "Mike helped me select this dress and showed me how put it on properly."

Mike's mom scowled accusingly at her son, while Ed gave him a discreet smile and a thumbs-up. Then he cleared his throat and wisely changed the subject.

"These are our neighbors Luci," he said with a swooping gesture in the direction of the other couple, a man and a woman in their forties dressed as Harlequin and Columbine.

The man raised his beer in a toast.

"Nice to meet you kiddo and happy Halloween to you. I'm Tom and this is my wife Eli, the woman I am going to fornicate with tonight."

Tom winked conspiratorially and the woman blushed and raised her beer as well. Luci regarded the couple curiously.

"I do not understand this configuration," she said in a speculative voice. "May I ask you a question Tom?"

"Sure thing. Shoot kiddo."

"You desire to fornicate with Eli, but her desire is to fornicate with a man by the name of Carl Ganth tonight after you fall asleep from ingesting excessive amounts of alcohol, which she is under the impression that you will. How do human couples resolve such discrepancies of intention? Will she fornicate with both of you?"

There was a loud crash as Eli dropped her glass followed by a roar of rage from Tom...

****

As Mike hurriedly backed his car out of the driveway after a hasty retreat, he could still hear angry shouts from inside the house.

"I LOVE YOU, YOU SAID!"

"I'LL DO ANYTHING TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE, YOU SAID."

"GIMME ANOTHER CHANCE, YOU SAID."

"I DID, AND YOU WENT RIGHT BACK TO THAT COCKSUCKER YOU FUCKING SLUT!"

"Happy Halloween mom and dad," Mike groaned.

"Did I do something wrong Mike? I only tried to converse, and I used short names."

"Never mind Luci. Tom's a good guy -- he deserves the truth. But would you mind holding back on the demonic revelations while I still have any friends and family left?"

Luci nodded.

"Just tell me when to lie, and I shall do so gladly."

"I didn't mean..." Mike started in a frustrated tone, but decided to give it up. "How did you know about that shit anyway? I mean, you didn't touch them or anything."

"I know of people's secret desires and dark dreams. That is part of what I do."

"Well you sure as hell sucks as a conflict resolution specialist," Mike noted dryly. "Better hold on to your day-job, whatever it is."

Luci smiled and looked relieved.

"I am grateful that you are not angry with me for causing turmoil Mike. I have not been here for a long time, so your customs and rules are unfamiliar to me."

"Exactly how long a time?" Mike asked curiously.

"I do not know for sure. Last time I trod this continent there were no buildings here. Only Mongols living in round tents."

"Shit! You don't get out much, do you?"

"That is probably my own doing. Few people have summoned me and lived, so I am not often called upon."

"Lived? As in, people die when summoning you?"

"Yes. A life is the price demanded.

"Eh Luci -- please don't get any murderous ideas or anything," Mike probed timidly "but why am I still alive then?"

"The book protects you because you fed it."

"Fed it?"

"Yes. You have consecrated the sigil on the cover with your blood as part of the ritual. Because of the blood-bond it lends you spiritual and physical protection from such as I, and that bond can only be broken by the same blood."

"But you ain't in my power Luci. That book clearly doesn't work as it's supposed to. I mean, you walked right out of that pentagram like it was piss in the snow."

"True Mike. But be that as it may, I would very much like that book destroyed. It wields a measure of power over me that I find rather vexing."

"I see. And just for the sake of argument, what would have happened to me if I hadn't had that book?"

"I would have consumed you of course. Body and soul."

"Seriously?"

"A girl has to eat," she said joyfully and shot him a teasing wink.

Mike wasn't smiling back.

Temporarily lost in thoughts he commenced to stare straight ahead while concentrating on driving. He was forced to admit that while Luci may look like a supermodel in demonic makeup, there was no denying that she was the real thing. Even if she occasionally acted like a total ditz.

"By the way Luci," he noted.

"Yes?"

"You gotta update your vocabulary. Nobody says fornicate. It's called sex."

"Sex," Luci repeated with an absent-minded expression. "Sex, sex, sex.."

Mike found himself liking the way her lips formed the word.

****

Outside the club they became the latest addition to a long line of festive people in a broad range of costumes, from the simplest ten-dollar masks to expensive dresses and elaborate makeup. Pirates were popular as always and there were quite a few ninjas as well, but horror was clearly the prevalent trend. Especially vampires.

"You can always dress cool as a vampire," Mike thought to himself.

"Vampires smell bad though," Luci injected. "And they have no manners."

"For fucks sake, stop reading my mind! It's annoying."

"Sorry Mike..."

"Forget it. Let's concentrate on moving forward in this line, or we'll never get in."

Mike had hardly finished his sentence before the girl in front of them - a curly redhead dressed as a Ghostbuster - suddenly took flight and landed screaming in a garbage container at the edge of the street at least twenty feet away. Luci's movements were so fast that she was about to grab the next person in line before Mike could get hold of her arm and stop her.

She froze and looked questioning at him.

"Please stop that Luci," he whispered, knowing that she would be able to hear him regardless of how much he lowered his voice. " We'll get our asses arrested."

She leaned into him and whispered back.

"But all those people are in our way. Why can we not move them?"

"It's called queue culture. We must follow the line and wait for our turn, "Mike sighed, while checking whether somebody had taken notice of Luci's involvement in the flying Ghostbuster incident. "Throwing people around like fucking baseballs is not ok around here Luci."

Luckily it seemed that nobody had paid attention to what happened. Or if they had, they probably didn't believe what they saw.

The Ghostbuster girl came staggering back after having untangled herself from the garbage, and resumed her place in the line. She looked disheveled with a few grease stains on her costume and emitted a faint smell of rotten food, but otherwise she seemed unharmed despite her flying exit. The container must have been filled with soft trash, Mike concluded.

"Thank God," he thought to himself.

Luci scowled at him.

"Surely you mean, thank Luci?" she mumbled, sounding insulted.

Mike sighed and pretended that he didn't hear her.

****

Fortunately the line moved faster than Mike had initially anticipated, and it took less than twenty minutes before he and Luci reached the entrance.

The doorway was decorated to resemble the mouth of a mystic cave complete with live torches, gargoyles and all the medievally inspired ornaments one would expect in such a setting. The club had clearly gone all out in creating an atmospheric and welcoming portal for their guests, even down to the enormous bearded guy guarding the door.

Mike judged him to be a wrestler, bodybuilder, biker or maybe all three. Kinda like the love-child of Hulk Hogan and a building. His Viking outfit was the perfect choice for a man of his girth and stature and the large battle-axe leaning against the wall next to him looked real. Not that he would need such a weapon judging from his biceps, both of which were easily more massive than Mike's thighs.

Unfortunately the mighty warrior was about to unleash some bad news on the enthusiastic crowd of partygoers.

"Sorry y'all," his voice boomed just as Mike and Luci were next in line to get in. "We are full for now. Check back in an hour and maybe some will have left."

"C'mon man," Mike pleaded with him. "I've got friends waiting for us in there. We just spend serious time standing in line."

"No can do," Gundar Skullcrusher growled. "Get lost kid. Gotta close up here."

Mike was just about to continue the argument, when Luci pushed past him and addressed the Viking warrior.

"Why are there horns on your helmet phony Viking? That is not right. No Viking has that."

The big warrior seemed visibly annoyed.

"Huh? Shut the fuck up and move along. What the hell do you know anyway girlie?"

"Trust me - she knows," Mike added helpfully.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Brion Bloodaxe grumbled with visible lack of interest. "Now get lost for real, ok? I'm busy."

Mike felt frustration rising inside him as he watched all his big plans for the evening go down the drain, but he was forced to admit to himself that he was fresh out of ideas. This hulk of a man could evidently not be reasoned or bargained with, and there was definitely no way to get past him without his consent.

Should his Halloween come to a premature halt right here it sure wasn't for lack of trying though, Mike thought sadly. He had even summoned a demon from Hell itself to bring along to party! If that wasn't preparation, he didn't know what was. But apparently he should have brought a bulldozer too... or maybe a bazooka...

Just then he noticed that Luci was touching the big mans arm lightly with her fingertips.

Mike had no idea what she was up to, but it evidently did have some kind of effect. The muscle-head had stopped what he was doing and appeared to be frozen in place, eyes weirdly unfocused as if staring at some undefined point in space. It was also clear from the way the crotch of his leather pants stood out like a tent that Wilhelm the Viking was hiding a seriously barbaric erection inside them.

"Guy must be hung like a fucking drain pipe," Mike observed enviously. "But what the hell is going on with him anyway?"

Worried he made a quick scan of the crowd, but nobody seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. It was kinda like before when Luci played pitcher with that poor Ghostbuster girl. For some unfathomable reason nobody paid any special attention to her, despite the fact that she was standing in plain sight obviously engaged in hypnotizing Mr. Beefcake, or whatever the hell she was doing. Almost as if she radiated a distortion field that masked her presence.

"Totally Obi-Wan Kenobi," Mike mused, getting his geek on. "Use the force Luce... and give that fucking roid-brain a taste of the dark side from me."

Mike filed his observations under "weird demon-shit that I'll ask her about later" and stopped worrying about it. He decided that he didn't give a fuck as long as she wasn't hurting the guy, which she clearly wasn't. Quite the contrary in fact, he noticed. The huge man had begun to breathe heavily and was moving the lower part of his body in a very suggestive manner.

Whatever she was doing to him, Thorfinn Thunderfart was most definitely into it big time. Mike watched in fascination how the mans rate of breathing and level of perspiration continued to increase visibly, and soon the mighty berserker progressed to literally moaning softly while the bulge in his pants shifted and throbbed.

Then without warning the big man suddenly emitted an ear-splitting scream and fell to the ground in agony.

People may have been ignorant up to that point, but a three-hundred pound Viking rolling on the ground clawing at the front of his pants like a madman while alternating between screaming and vomiting will get everybody's attention.

"Hey! This dude has some sort of attack," the guy behind Mike yelled and bent down to check on the crying and thrashing Norse warrior. "Somebody call an ambulance."

"I'll get somebody," Mike shouted quickly and hurried inside the gate pulling Luci along with him. Opportunity waits for no man, and he also wanted to get Luci far away from the crowd before anybody noticed her and remembered that she was right next to the guy when he lost it.

"What the hell did you do to that big lug?" he asked her in a low voice as they made their way through the wardrobe section.

Luci was all smiles.

"I let him experience an hour worth of wild and passionate fornic... sexing with the girl of his deepest desires. Who is Harley Quinn?"

"Some comic book character, but never mind. You can actually do that? Like giving people juicy day-dreams?"

"Yes Mike," Luci explained with poorly veiled pride. "It is a succubus technique that was taught me by a friend long ago. I can assure you that he was enjoying himself very much. So you see, this time I did not move anybody by force. I used only pleasure to move him."

"But that scream. The guy sounded as if he was experiencing the ultimate terror. What on earth happened in the end?" Mike wanted to know.

"I am not really sure", Luci answered thoughtfully and continued.

"I noticed that Cletus Brown - that is the name of the phony Viking - is haunted by a strong dislike of people who prefer partners of the same genders as themselves. He is also estranged from his father with whom he had a lot of bad experiences while growing up. But in reality he is sad about that and wants to make up and form a parental relationship. Since you told me to be accommodating towards people, I decided to assist him."

"And how exactly did you go about that?" Mike enquired nervously.

"As you probably know, now that you are no longer a virgin, humans tend to develop positive feelings towards people they are sexing with."

Mike felt his cheeks heating up, but said nothing. Luci continued her explanation.

"So right as Cletus Brown was orgasming I removed this Harley Quinn girl from his mind and inserted his father instead. That way he would have a pleasurable experience with his estranged parent, which will make his positive feelings grow and support their reconciliation. And since his father is of the same gender as Cletus Brown, the positive experience could also help lessen his dislike for people of a homosexual preference."

Mike couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You made a pathological homophobe with daddy-issues think that he had sex with his own father???"

"Exactly." Luci confirmed happily, clearly expecting praise for her keen psychological insight. "I did well this time, did I not Mike?"

"You... you... you..." Mike stammered not quite knowing what to say.

In the end he decided that there really was no point in attempting to lecture an ancient demon that may have been around since actual Vikings roamed the earth, so he just nodded.

"Good," Luci replied, obviously satisfied. "And please be courteous and stop calling me a demon."

This time Mike couldn't even muster the energy to protest against her reading his mind.

****

The dance hall was huge - almost the size of an airplane hangar or a small football field - and it was crowded with costumed people in high spirit.

A large square bar in the center of the room was manned by a dozen bartenders, all dressed as classic vampires in sixteenth century-style clothes, who were busy creating colorful drinks for the festive crowd. On a raised stage in the far end of the hall Mike spotted the band that was responsible for the music they were currently hearing - "Bowling with Skulls" according to the poster outside.

"What manner of beverage is it that those people are drinking?" Luci asked curiously. "They are very colorful."

"Cocktails," Mike replied.

Luci was aghast.

"They are made from poultry?"

"No," Mike laughed. "That's just a name. But why don't we go get you one before we start looking around?"

At the bar, Luci browsed the extensive drinks menu with great interest for almost five minutes before deciding on her order. She caught the eyes of one of the vampire bartenders.

"I want this one," she stated, pointing in the menu.

The bartender studied the menu for a few second, and then looked suspiciously at Luci.

"That's an alcoholic drink. Are you twenty-one Miss? I will need to see some ID."

A dark cloud seemed to drift over Luci's face.

"Know that I predate your entire species, phony vampire. So go forth and prepare my beverage without delay."

Mike didn't quite know how to react. So he relegated himself to observing, hoping that the bartender would survive.

"No ID - no alcohol. House rules Miss," the undead bartender said firmly and stood his ground.

Luci looked the man over carefully. Then she pointed at one of the other bartenders further down the bar.

"Is that phony vampire over there Brad Johnston?"

"Yeah, that's Brad. You know him Miss?"

"No," Luci answered in a cold voice. "But is he aware that you are sexing with the woman to whom he is wedded in a place called Traveller's Lodge every Tuesday and Thursday?"

The vampire bartender turned visibly paler and lowered his voice to a whisper.

"For Gods sake, shut up! Please Miss! Keep your voice down. I'll make you that cocktail on the house."

"Thank you phony and foul-mouthed vampire," Luci answered in a haughty tone. "And make one for Mike too while you are at it."

As they walked away from the bar Luci was studying her colorful cocktail with unbridled fascination, holding it up so the light could shine through the glass.

"So pretty," she mused happily.

"Neatly done Luci," Mike praised her approvingly. "No violence and free drinks. I am duly impressed."

"Thank you Mike. I believe that I am beginning to understand this strange world of yours better."

He nodded and whipped out his phone.

"Time to locate the gang," he mumbled and typed a message.

"By the shithouse. See you ASAP bro," the answer ticked in promptly.

They made their way to the restroom entrance, which was easy to spot at a distance thanks to the large illuminated sign with the classic pictogram of a man and a woman on blue background.

"Over here my man!" Terrell's loud voice sounded over the music.

A tall and skinny African-American version of Heath Ledger's Joker separated from a group of people and came to greet them. Mike held up a hand and they did a high five.

"Great to see ya man," Terrell exclaimed. "Guess you made it safely past Conan the Bizarian."

"Yeah, he was totally down with us," Mike replied dryly.

"And what do we have here? Whoa!" Terrell's eyes took a trip up and down Luci's athletic body in the tight dress, drinking in all her curves.