Peace of Mind

Landon was pouring his frustration, his pain into his words. He was screaming now.

"Can you handle this?" he asked, his hands pointing at him. He was breathing fast. Scout whined and rubbed against his leg.

"I'm sorry... I was trying to make things right between us..." she sobbed. "I didn't know... I have no idea what you went through...." She sobbed.

"Going back together is not an option, Darla. I'm sorry. I have no idea what you were expecting when you came here. I can't offer you the life we both dreamed of. I'm not the same man you knew. You deserve better than me."

Darla stood up and left the cabin mumbling something about love, getting better and leaving town.

Then she drove off. Hopefully for good.

CHAPTER 26

The next morning, Landon picked up the phone and dialed his mother's number.

"Hello, Mom," he said.

"Landon, are you..."his mother's voice was worried "are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said. "Everyone here is friendly, and I'm involved in a project. I just wanted you to know I'm doing fine. I'm...happy."

The moment he said the word, he knew it was true. He was happy. Excited. He still had black moments, the sudden, unexpected assaults of grief, but they were coming less often.

"Why did you tell Darla where I was? She showed up at my cabin out the blue asking for a second chance."

"Well, I met with her at the store and asked her when she was getting married and she said the wedding was off. She and this doctor guy she had been dating had broken up. It seems he had been cheating on her all during their relationship. She told me she was sorry for how badly she has treated you and begged me to tell her where you were, so she could have a talk with you and ask for a second chance."

"A second chance of what? Further destroying my life?"

"I'm sorry, Landon. I thought at least you two would get some closure. I take it the meeting didn't go well."

"It wasn't that bad, she did apologize to me. In my condition, I'm not ready to date. I'm not sure if I ever will, but if I do, it wouldn't be with her. Please, from now on, keep my personal information to yourself."

"I will, baby. I am sorry. I really thought it would be good for you to talk with her. When are you coming home?"

"Not for a while. I'm doing better but I still have a long way to go."

Grace parked her car in front of the cabin to take Landon and Scout to town.

"I have to go, Mom. I love you."

"Love you too, baby."

Grace smiled at Landon, opened up the back door and Scout hopped in, then Landon stepped in the front passenger seat.

Landon sat down and didn't say a word. His conversation with Darla was still in his head.

"I talked with Marcus Carter," Landon blurted out.

"Wait, you did what?! That's amazing! How did you manage to get the old man to agree to see you?"

Landon shrugged. "I just dropped in at his house. I charged straight into the dragon's lair. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself in front of Marcus Carter himself."

"Wow! Did you ask him about the journals?"

"No, I thought it would be better to wait a bit till he gets to know me better. He promised to call me to have a new meeting with him."

Grace pumped the brake carefully, stopping the car.

"You must be kidding me! Marcus Carter invited you to his house again?"

Landon nodded.

"Yes, he did. Why are you making a big deal out of it?"

"Marcus Carter is not the most social person in Middletown. As a matter of fact, he is almost a hermit. He must have liked you."

"I think we connected." He wet his lips and continued, "I have another piece of news to tell you. One that is much less agreeable."

"Oh? What is it?"

"My ex, Darla, is in Middletown. She came to visit me at the cabin last evening."

Grace wasn't as surprised as Landon thought she would be.

"You knew." It wasn't a question.

"A strange woman in low season asking for you certainly drew attention. Someone came to my office to tell me about her. What did she want?"

"A second chance."

She gripped the steering wheel till her knuckles went white.

"How do you feel about it?" she asked trying to sound calm.

"When I came back home with my mind scrambled, she broke up with me and refused any later contact. I always said I didn't blame her, but last night I discovered part of me does. I'm angry with her. She bailed on me too easily, too quickly. She didn't bother to figure what was wrong with me. One day, she came to me and said I had changed and broke up with me on the spot. What if I give her a second chance and she bails on me again? I can't emotionally afford that."

Grace nodded more vigorously than was probably necessary and relaxed a bit.

"You know? Something doesn't add up," Grace sighed, frustrated. "Why did she come all the way to Middletown to ask for a second chance? Why now?"

"Good questions. My mom said she was dating a doctor but he cheated on her and they broke up. I wonder if she and her doctor friend were dating while I was deployed."

"Sounds like it. Would it change anything if she cheated on you?"

"Not really, except for the fact that she looked at me in the eye and told me she didn't."

"Obviously, she can't be trusted. Cheaters lie. Everyone knows that. I heard she left town early today."

Landon was relieved to hear that.

"I'm afraid I lost my temper with her," he confessed.

"Who wouldn't'?" Grace looked at Landon and said, "You should have heard the things I said to my ex when I discovered he was cheating on me. It wasn't pretty."

"I believe you," he smiled at her and said, "You've been a true friend, Grace. Thank you for listening to me."

"Anytime, Landon."

CHAPTER 27

As Landon approached the Carter Mansion, he felt a little trepidation and then realized how foolish that was. He had managed worse situations. He missed Scout, but he had decided that it would be better if he stayed with Grace. Landon didn't know Marcus Carter enough to bring the dog along.

Landon reached the door, rang the bell, and was surprised how quickly it was opened.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Petersen, come on in. Mr. Carter is expecting you in his study," the old butler said, more polite than the last time.

He led the way through the living room to the study, a large room lined with books. A large mahogany desk piled with papers dominated the room.

Marcus Carter stood up to greet him. "Ah, Mr. Petersen, welcome again. I must admit I'm impressed, and that doesn't happen often. I did some research on you. A decorated veteran, recipient of a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star Medal. You are the kind of person Middletown needs. I don't usually take to people right away, but I like your grit."He smiled wistfully. "I used to be that way."

"I think you still are," Landon said.

"I'll take that as a compliment," the old man said. He made a gesture with his hand and said, "Please, have a seat."

Landon sat down.

"Thank you, Sir."

"Is the program in Seattle helping you in your recovery?"

"Yes, Sir. It has been very helpful."

"Where is your dog, Scout?"

"I wasn't sure if you like dogs or not so I left him with Grace McAllister."

"I prefer animals to humans. With humans I never know where I stand. They bow and scrape in front of me, and then plot and scheme the moment my back is turned. Animals don't do that."

Landon had Darla in his mind when he said, "That's very true, Sir."

"Feel free to bring Scout with you next time you visit. I heard he's a smart animal."

"That he is, Sir. I will."

Marcus Carter studied Landon's face for a long moment.

"What do you think you know about my ancestor?" the old man asked jumping straight to the point.

He noticed the emphasis Marcus Carter put on think. "Not a lot," he confessed. I found a newspaper in the library with a sketch of Fergus. I know he founded Middletown and he helped with the statehood campaign. I visited the local church yesterday and the Reverend told me about a family Bible."

"Yes, I have Fergus Carter's Bible here. I have it in an airtight, fireproof safe. You are welcome to look at it."

"I'd love to."

"The safe is in our library. Come with me."

Marcus Carter stood up and walked the way down the hall to a room lined with books. There were several tables along with chairs. He opened up a cabinet and then the safe. Respectfully, he took out a weathered-looking Bible. "This came from Scotland. It was the family Bible dating back to the 1850s. It's the one thing he held on to during the trek west."

The old man placed the Bible on a table, opened it, and pointed to a page. "You might start there."

Then, he sat down on a big leather couch.

Landon stared down at the handwriting. There was a flourish to every letter, but it was surprisingly readable.

Died: Jamie Carter this 7th day of April 1853, of drowning. God keep his soul.

The next entry was happier.

Wedded: Fergus Carter to Aiyana this 20th day of August 1854.

Born: of Aiyana and Fergus Carter, a daughter, Lorna, this 15th day of July 1855.

Born: of Aiyana and Fergus Carter, a daughter, Jenna, this 6th day of May 1857.

Born: of Aiyana and Fergus Carter, a son, Hamish, this 5th day of April 1859.

Died: Aiyana Carter, this 5th day of April 1861.

There was nothing after that.

"Here it says Fergus had a wife and three children."Landon made a pause and added, "His wife had a very peculiar name, Aiyana. Was she a Native American?"

Marcus Carter subtly moved his lips with a pensive look in his eyes. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he said, "Yes, she was. White frontiersmen often wed Native American women who could act as intermediaries, helping navigate the political, cultural and linguistic gulf between tribal ways and those of the white men."

"She died young and left him with three children. Did Fergus marry again?"

"No, he didn't. A woman from Aiyana's tribe came to stay with him and take care of his children."

"What happened to the son? There was nothing else written in the Bible about him," Landon asked.

"Oh, he survived, but he disappeared for years. Rumors were that he was an outlaw. He returned when Fergus was dying. Among the papers we have is a pardon from the governor two days before Fergus's death, but I don't think Fergus forgave him. Hamish became a pillar of the community and he is one of my ancestors."

"And the daughters? Were they heard from again?"

Marcus was silent for a moment, and then said, "There was a lot of prejudice then. Fergus sent the daughters away to be educated in the east, and that was where they met their husbands."

"Can I take of picture of the Bible?" Landon asked showing Marcus Carter his phone.

"You can, just don't use the flash."

"Thank you."

Landon took several pictures of the Bible, and then he braced himself and plunged in. "Mr. Carter, people in town say you might possess some journals written by Fergus Carter? If they exist they would be very helpful in my research."

Marcus continued to study Landon's face, looking into his eyes.

"The journals exist," Marcus said pointing at the safe. "There are five of them. They have been passed from one member of Carter's family to another. No one except members of the Carter family have read them."

"Have you read them all?"

Marcus nodded. "I have. Experts from the Library of Congress came to digitize them some years ago. The archives are not released to the public though."

"Why do you keep them a secret? Even their existence is in doubt."

"Maybe because my ancestors were ashamed of our Native American blood or feared that Hamish's reputation might taint the family. They probably thought this information might hurt their position in the community."

"Do you care about this too?"

Marcus waved his hand dismissively. "My heart isn't in politics. It never was. My brother Maximilian was the power-hungry one. In my parents' eyes, he could never do any wrong. Spoiled him completely. He ruined many lives, including mine."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

Marcus looked up with sorrowful eyes. "My brother stole my girlfriend from me and married her. She was pregnant with their first child when she broke up with me. If there is such thing as karma, then definitely what went around came around. My brother was an abuser and a bully. My ex-girlfriend couldn't admit she'd made a mistake and dived into alcohol. They had two daughters, Nadine and Molly. His wife died when she gave birth to the second child. Maximilian always blamed Molly for his wife's death and turned his back on her. He practically wrote her out of his will when he died of cancer some years later. I've been looking after her from the shadows all these years."

Marcus took a deep breath and added, "I never got married. I have no heirs. The Carter line will end with me. I'm sorry if I'm rambling on, but for some reason, it is making me feel better to tell you these things. Maybe because I heard your ex-fiancée was in town. I take it the reunion didn't go as she expected because she left the next day."

"No, it didn't. She wanted a second chance. I didn't."

"You're better off without her if my opinion counts."

"It does, thank you, Sir. Would you mind if I write Fergus's story? I'll reveal nothing without your approval," Landon asked.

"I'll think about it," Marcus said regaining his composure. "For now, tell no one else what we talked about," he made a pause, "On second thoughts, you can talk with the McAllister girl. The gossip mill says you two have become very close to each other."

Landon blushed. "She is a good friend, sir. She has been very helpful."

"I bet she has. I know it's late notice, but would you care to you join me for dinner?"

When Landon hesitated just for a second, Marcus Carter added, "We'll be finished with plenty of time for you to go to your poker game at the community center."

Landon must have looked surprised, because Marcus added, "I know everything that goes on in Middletown. What about dinner? I have the second-best cook in town."

"It would be my honor to join you, Sir," he said.

Marcus guided Landon into the dining room. Dinner was served immediately. Pork tenderloin with a whiskey sauce, wild rice, and grilled vegetables.

They made small talk during dinner. Much to his surprise, Landon found he was enjoying himself. Marcus Carter was a bottomless pit of information about everyone in Middletown.

"Thank you for spending time with an old man. You must go now or you'll be late for your game."

"Thank you for dinner and the conversation. I enjoyed them both."

"Thank you for your service, Mr. Petersen. I'd like it if you could think of me as a friend. I haven't had one of those in a long time."

Landon looked at Marcus stunned by his words. The old man flashed a Cheshire-cat smile at him.

"Now if you excuse me, I have things to do." Marcus shook Landon's hand, turned, and walked to the door.

CHAPTER 28

An ecstatic Scout greeted Landon when he arrived back. Landon knelt and hugged Scout, then stood and thanked Grace for keeping him.

"No thanks necessary. Scout was a delight. I enjoyed having a dog around. He has very good manners," Grace scratched Scout's ears saying, "Who's a good boy?"

"Yes, he does," Landon said, "although I can't take credit for it. He was already trained when I adopted him or, more truthfully, he adopted me."

"A cup of coffee before going to your game?"

"Sure."

"Where are you from, Landon?"

"The army was my home for ten years' active service. Fourteen if you include ROTC at the university. Before that, a small town in Wyoming."

"There are mountains there," Grace said. "What about family?"

"Mother and two sisters. My dad died working in the mines. One of them is married. You couldn't move my mother out of my hometown with a ten-ton truck. Her father, mother, and grandparents are buried there. So is my father. She practically lives at the cemetery."

The conversation reminded him that he needed to get his act together and help out his family.

"What about friends?"

He shrugged. "I was always the odd one out."

"Maybe, you'll consider Middletown your home one day," Grace said.

"It's growing in me," he said. "I've never felt so welcome."

"Good," she said giving Landon a thousand volt smile.

"So... Are you going to make me beg for it? How did your conversation with Marcus Carter go?"

"Even better than the first one," he said. "I had dinner today with him. He showed me the family Bible and I discovered a lot of things about Fergus Carter. Marcus also confirmed that the diaries exist. There are five of them..."

"Wow, wow, wow! Stop the press! I'm impressed!" Grace shrieked with excitement. "You can't just say something like that in such a casual manner."

"Well, I didn't actually see the journals, but I did see the Bible. He even let me take some pictures of it."

"You're my..." Grace suddenly stopped. Somehow she knew the word 'hero' might be a trigger for Landon so she said the first word that came to her mind. "...Batman."

Landon couldn't help but laugh, "Batman?"

Grace blushed deeply. "Well, you're dark and mysterious like Batman, and you have your... Dog-wonder and your... Bat-cabin..."

Landon was now laughing of out loud for the first time in ages.

"That would make you Batgirl then?"

Grace realized she was seeing a glimpse of Landon Petersen before the tragedy in Afghanistan. She didn't know how long it would last, but she liked him. She liked him too much. His eyes sparkled with life.

"I always preferred Catwoman." Grace purred and blushed deeply. "Tell me about what you discovered before I make more a fool of myself than I already did."

"Fergus Carter left Scotland to follow his younger brother Jamie here. Jamie died in an accident. Fergus couldn't go back to Ireland because he was broke so he traveled west. He married a Native American, Aiyana, and had three kids with her, two girls and a boy. The boy, Hamish, was an outlaw when he grew up."

"This information is pure gold!"Grace exclaimed with excitement.

"I know. Please don't share it with anyone. Marcus told me I could tell you about it but no one else."

Grace tilted her head with curiosity, "Why me?"

"He said we are..."Landon cleared his throat, "...close ...friends."

Grace felt warmth rising within her as she began to realize the truth of Marcus' words

"Well, Marcus is right. We are close... friends."

"I think I'll skip the Poker game today. I'm exhausted."

"Would you like me to drive you to the cabin?" Grace offered.

"Not today. Thank you. Scout and I need the exercise."

Landon stood up, and started for the door. Scout followed him.

"Landon," she called him.

He turned around.

"Thank you for letting me be part of your life."

"Hey, you're team Landon, right?" he said with a half-smile.

"I'm team Landon through and through. And after today, I'm also your biggest fan. By the way, I loved the smile on your face when you came in today."

Landon's expression clouded. He sighed and said, "I feel guilty every time I do that."

CHAPTER 29

"I'm falling for Landon," Grace confessed to Diana, her sister-in-law. She needed to tell someone or she felt she was going to burst.

"That's great! Have you told him about your feelings?"

"Of course, not! He had gone through a lot, he is not ready for a relationship. He's still fragile. Yesterday he told me he felt guilty every time he smiled. Imagine falling in love."

"Being a lone survivor can bring a lot of guilt," Diana opined. "It explains why he jumped headfirst into the job you gave him. He needed something to focus his head on."

"I think he's discovering he's stronger than he thought," Grace corrected her. "He faced Marcus Carter in his den and came up triumphant. Damn if I know how he did it!"