Peace of Mind

Grace took Landon's hand as they walked to the door. Scout meandered along with them.

Landon still felt an emotional overload. He felt cleansed. The grief was no longer festering. The terrible anger that had once sustained him, and eaten him up inside was vanishing. That didn't mean the end of flashbacks or nightmares, he knew it, but a brief reprieve was certainly welcome. In his last visit, Doctor Michaels had tapered off his meds and told him to stop using some of them.

The moon was bright enough that they could follow the path up the cabin. They walked in silence but he felt her quiet understanding.

Grace moved closer to Landon, felt his warmth.

Landon loved the night, and the peace Middletown fostered.

"It took me a long time to realize this is where I want to be," he said softly.

Grace shivered. She didn't want him to leave.

New emotions flowed through him. She made him feel safe. It was almost as if he had found a sanctuary in her arms. And he would be kidding himself if he didn't know she made him feel other things, as well.

She was a good woman. He had recognized it before but tonight proved what kind of person she was. It was obvious she wanted to go to bed with him. His body had wanted it as well. But she had sensed that he wasn't ready.

In the past few hours, she had given him a priceless gift. He was no longer alone.

Grace understood him. She accepted him. Landon suspected Grace knew him in a way Darla never had.

"You better go back to your place," he said, "Scout and I can walk together to the cabin from here."

Grace nodded and waved at them till they were out of sight.

CHAPTER 33

"We are going to celebrate," Landon told Scout as he reached the cabin and viewed it with new appreciation. It was no longer just a haven. It was becoming home.

Landon was too excited to go to bed, so he sat on the couch and turned on the reading lamp.

His phone rang. He knew who it was before he answered. No one called him except for her.

"Hi, Landon," Grace greeted him, unable to hide the excitement. "Did you and Scout arrive safely?"

"Yes we did," he said. "Thank you for checking on us."

"I forgot to ask you, tomorrow's dinner is still on?"

"Yes, of course. Can't have enough of your cooking."

"Just my cooking?"

"I can't have enough of the cook either," he added.

"That's better. I'll see you then. Can't wait," she said with a giggle. "Spending time with you is precious and I love every minute that we are together."

"I'm looking forward to it. See you tomorrow."

Landon held the phone for a moment. What was he doing?

He had immersed himself in Fergus' world to avoid thinking of Grace and the emotions she had aroused. However, it had bonded them more closely to each other.

He ached inside as he remembered how her body felt next to his, how her lips caressed his when they kissed.

He didn't believe in short romances. He had seen too many of them happen to soldiers on leave, only to receive Dear John letters a few months later.

His father had courted her mother for years before she agreed to marry him. Her sister had known her husband since grade school before they had fallen in love...

Was he only making excuses? Was he simply frightened of love, of losing someone again?

He was too excited to go to bed. He sat down and opened the folder.

May5, 1853

It is a sad day. My brother Jamie died today just days from the mountains he longed to see.

He drowned while crossing a stream swollen by a storm. The wagon he was driving overturned, and his body was caught beneath it.

With a heavy heart, we gave him a Christian burial as the sun set. God give him rest. I am now the only remaining member of my family.

I will stay with the train until we reach the mountains that are now in sight. Our scout reports we will stop at a lake on the edge of the mountains and stay there several nights to rest and refill the water barrels. He said it would be a fine location for a settlement since the Indians are friendly.

I will make the decision when we arrive there, but I am weary of travel and I wish to be close to where my brother lies...

From the Journal of Fergus Carter

Landon rubbed his eyes read. Marcus' chosen selections from Fergus' journal had taken him back in time.

"One more page, and then we'll go to bed," he said to Scout who was lying at his feet.

July 12, 1853

We reached the loch our scout promised. We were nearly out of water and what little we had gone to the animals. The loch is as deep and blue as the evening sky, as pure as those in my highlands. It lies at the foot of mountains that overlook the dry country through which we passed and is obviously fed by the snow that caps their tops. It is a beautiful, serene place, and I plan to stay and establish our settlement here.

There is an evergreen forest full of hunt-able prey. I walked around the loch and felt as if I belonged. I am saddened my brother never saw it.

From the Journal of Fergus Carter

Landon put the printed pages aside and looked at his phone. It was past two in the morning. He stood and stretched. He couldn't wait to read more about the Quileutes and Fergus's marriage.

Questions popped up in his mind. Had Fergus been in love in Scotland? Had he left a sweetheart to find his brother? Had he found love in his wife, Aiyana, or had she only been a convenience?

Scout whined next to him. He opened the back door and let him out, but all he saw was the chair Grace had sat in.

The image hit him like a sledgehammer.

Don't think about it.

He tried again to think about Fergus. He had traveled with him from Scotland to New York and then halfway across a country new to him. He hadn't let the death of his brother stop him. His writing about his brother's death had been matter-of-fact, and yet he felt the pain in him.

He tried to put himself in his position. He had left everything familiar and risked everything he had to take care of his brother, the only close relative remaining to him. And then he had died.

Landon could relate with his pain.

Scout trotted over to him, licked his hand, and whined.

"What is it?" he asked.

Scout went over to the chair where Grace had been sitting, put a paw on it, and whined again.

"Oh, you like her, huh?"

Scout whined.

"You approve?"

Another whine.

"She didn't coach you?" he asked.

Scout looked at Landon quizzically.

"Not sure I believe you," he said. "It's snack time."

At the word snack, the dog barked and Landon gave him a biscuit.

Scout led the way into the bedroom, Scout ate his treat beside the bed, and then jumped up on it. Landon had read longer than he intended, and he couldn't wait to get the texts of the second journal.

Nor the next meeting with Grace.

He closed his eyes and for the first time in months, he looked forward instead of back.

It was time he let go of his own losses.

CHAPTER 34

Grace sang in the shower. She felt happy, really happy, for the first time in years.

She had met a man who turned her on in every possible way, emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. One reason she liked him so much was that he was completely unaware of the effect he had on others in the short time he'd been in Middletown.

He didn't think anyone else would have approached Marcus Carter, much less been welcomed into his home and invited to read the journals.

Nor, she thought, would anyone else have convinced the old man to take part in the play.

Maybe it was time for her to get a dog. A friend for Scout. She turned off the shower but not the song in his head.

She headed for the bedroom and her limited wardrobe.

She already felt a flutter deep in her stomach, the ache of anticipation. She opened her closet and stared at the few garments.

She selected a navy blue skirt and a light blue fitted blouse and looked at herself.

She needed something else. She looked in the small velvet pouch in which she kept her few pieces of jewelry and selected a bracelet her mother had given her.

She put it on and then applied some lipstick.

Her heart was bouncing wildly as she drove to the cabin, each mile seemed to be filling her with an eagerness to be with him again. It was obvious that she simply could not be rational where Landon was concerned. He had turned her world upside down and inside out.

Landon opened the cabin door and Grace's heart stopped. He was wearing a pair of jeans that fit his tall, lean body as if designed just for him. A light tan suede jacket was worn over a dark brown shirt open at the neck. His hair was wet as if he had just come out of a shower, and that sent sensual images through her mind.

It didn't help that his eyes looked at her with an intensity that sent her blood racing.

"Hi, there," she said as she stooped down and made Scout a very happy dog by rubbing his ears, then running her hand down his back.

Scout made a spectacle of himself by twisting his body around in excitement, then plopping on the floor and raising all four feet in the air while Grace rubbed his belly.

"Now, that is just plain disgusting," Landon said. "He doesn't do that for me."

She laughed.

He reached out and took her hand. It was warm and strong without being controlling. She didn't object when he guided her inside the cabin, made her sit at the kitchen table, and put the folder with the journal pages in front of her.

"So... What did you do today?"

"I sorted out the most important passages. The first entry is Fergus leaving Scotland to follow his younger brother here. He finds him half-dead. Then the two of them travel West. His brother wanted to look for gold, but Fergus had other ideas. I think the story flows. Would you like to take a look?"

Grace let out of shriek of excitement. "Just try stopping me!"

He placed the folder in front of her and sat at her side.

"I am going to get a dog," she said. Then she took the first page and started reading.

***

"I thought you might need a break," Landon said. "You've been reading for more than an hour, and it's not that easy to read."

Landon placed a wooden tray of sandwiches and two glasses of orange juice next to her.

Grace shoved back her chair. "I didn't realize... I'm sorry... I've just traveled a long way with Fergus."

"He does bring you along," Landon said. "Where are you now?"

"Crossing the Mississippi. It took Fergus and Jamie two months to travel from New York to Hannibal by horseback. Their next stop is Independence, Missouri. I feel really close to Fergus," Grace asked.

Landon nodded.

"What about Aiyana, the Quileute wife?"

"That comes next," Landon said with mischief in his eyes.

"I'm sold. I think everyone will love their story as much as I do."

They ate the sandwiches while they went through the journal pages again and again until they agree on ten passages to use as an outline for the play.

"The script committee is meeting tomorrow. Can I take the folder with me?" Grace asked.

"Yes, but keep it to yourself. Don't make any copy of it. I'm sure Marcus won't be glad if he knows that pages from Fergus' journal are circulating in town."

"You're right. I'll keep the folder to myself and I'll just read the committee the parts we selected."

Grace helped Landon with the cleanup, startled by the electricity that sparked when their gazes met or their hands touched. Flames had been building, slowly but surely, from the moment they met.

Landon realized something subtle had changed between them tonight.

At some point, she reached up on her tiptoes and kissed him without reservation.

He smothered her lips with his, and his hands moved up and down her back. Her body shuddered, and his arms wrapped her close. The air between them was fraught with tension and heat and emotion. He sensed the same emotions that were running through her.

When their lips parted, Grace looked into Landon's eyes. She saw passion and pain, need and guilt, and her heart ached for him.

She knew him well enough to understand that survivor's guilt was still like a knife in his heart.

She gently withdrew and grabbed his hand in hers. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done.

Words seemed to explode from her, "I know this probably isn't the time, but I can't help but say it. I like you. A lot." She hesitated. "I know you're still... raw, and it's probably too fast..." She stopped, and then continued, "I'm rambling and if we weren't in your cabin you would probably want to run out."

"No," he said slowly. "That's the last thing I want to do. But I need time."

Landon had never felt this way before, not even with Darla.

"Take all the time you need, Landon. What I feel for you is too strong to walk away," she squeezed his hand. "I don't care if it's weeks or months. I'll wait for you to be ready."

CHAPTER 35

Landon spent a restless night. As much as she tried to think ahead, the onslaught of the all-too-painful memories last night lingered.

He worried about what had brought them about. The kiss? His growing attachment to Grace? Guilt? He needed to talk to Dr. Michaels on his next visit to the center about all this. Was he ready for a romantic relationship? Would it set him back or forward?

At first light, he gave up on sleep and brewed a pot of coffee. He filled a thermos, opened the door for Scout, and started up the path to the lookout on the mountain.

Once there, he sat on the rock overlooking the town and watched as the sun filtered through scattered clouds and painted streaks of gold across the lake. He continued to watch as cars started to move through the streets.

Landon tried to pinpoint Grace's house from there, but he wasn't sure he found the right one.

He took a deep swallow of coffee. It was strong, the way they drank it in the army. He rested against the rock, listened to the birds trilling their morning song, and put his hand on Scout's thick fur. He looked up and gave him a big dog smile.

The leftover tension from last night's flashback gradually faded away as the sun burned off the early-morning dew and a fresh breeze stirred the tall pines. Darn if he wasn't falling in love with this place. And that wasn't a good thing.

He took a deep breath. He had to start thinking about the future, something he had refused to do before coming to Middletown. He hadn't wanted to think about a life without the army. Middletown was a temporary refuge. The fact that he liked it more each day didn't change that.

He had to get a more permanent job and decide what to do about his mother and his younger sister.

Scout whined next to him. He didn't know how he could have survived without him.

Activity increased in the town below.

Middletown was a piece of heaven. So different from the violence thousands of miles away. He tried to push the memories away, but they kept returning. The faces of his team danced in front of his eyes. All dead now.

He was alive. And he felt so lucky and so guilty at the same time.

Every time he reminisced about last night, his body ached for something that went beyond a kiss. He had felt alive, really alive, for the first time in months, and that felt like a betrayal to those who died.

Scout uttered a low rumbling noise.

"I know... I know...

"Tell me this, what should I do about Grace?"

The dog wagged his tail. "You're not being very helpful."

He wasn't sure he could love her as she deserved.

"Middletown history," Landon said in a vain attempt to take Grace off his mind. He tried to focus on the play. He worked some dialogues in his mind on the way back to the cabin.

Once he got there, he made breakfast, toast, eggs, and coffee, then he jotted down the notes he had taken from the journal entries. He tried to work on the timeline but his mind was not being cooperative. It kept skipping from the Fergus Carter to Grace.

She snuck into his mind like a thief, stealing all the common sense and reservations he had. His heart warmed every time he thought of her, and yet there was caution, as well. He kept telling himself everything was happening too fast.

He stood up and stretched. The kitchen clock showed it was a little after 2:00 p.m.

His phone rang. His heart raced as he saw Grace's name pop up.

"Hello, Grace," he greeted her.

"Hi, Landon, how is your day going so far?"

"I did well today. I went up the mountain path this morning, then updated Middletown history with the new data from the journals. The timeline is almost complete. I'll need the folder that Marcus gave me back as soon as you can."

He kept his voice friendly but business like. As if last night hadn't happened.

"I'll bring it back to you as soon as I can. The play committee is meeting in an hour."

There was a silence, and she wondered whether he was going to comment about last night or not.

"What time?"

"Seven."

Another silence. He wanted to see her. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to explore those feelings that aroused him.

"Landon, are you still there?"

"I'm here," he said. "I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"I'm a coward," he said to himself.

With a sigh, he turned back to work.

CHAPTER 36

Grace had supplied all the committee chairs with the proposal for the script she had worked with Landon. A narrator would read selections from the journal. Each selection would introduce a scene. The story would begin in Scotland, when Fergus discovered his brother had left for America, and would end with a celebration when Washington became a state, in 1889.

"Can we do it in six weeks?"Grace asked the group.

"I think so," Rachel, the drama teacher opined. "The students are really motivated. I think this project will be perfect for them and the whole community."

"That's what I've been thinking about," Principal Livingston said. "It's important to have a big crowd, and not only residents of Middletown. If we are going to do this, we have to start marketing to towns around us."

Everyone agreed.

Grace read the group the pages from Fergus's journal she had selected with Landon. Fergus and Aiyana's wedding would end the first half of the play. The second half would focus on the Civil War and the fight for statehood.

The Music Teacher agreed to work with the Drama Teacher on the music for the production. Preliminary ideas included a hoedown with the wagon train segment, and a Scottish hymn at the death of Jamie. Someone suggested inviting the Quileute to be part of the celebration. They could do a traditional dance for the segment when Fergus met and wedded Aiyana.

The meeting lasted nearly three hours, but by the end, they had possible scenes, and ideas for the backgrounds. The Art teacher would work with his students and the local contractor to make the scenography and props. Sets would include the shop in Scotland, the wagon train, and the first settlement.

"What about Landon?" Diana asked. "What will he do?"

"Landon already did a lot getting the journals and the permission from Marcus Carter to use them," Grace said. "He is busy writing about Middletown's history, and he is doing most of the writing of the script too."

When the meeting finally came to an end, Grace's head was spinning. She had a schedule so full she had no idea how she was going to get it all done in such a short time.

CHAPTER 36

Landon enjoyed another good night's sleep. No nightmares.

"Come," he told Scout after having breakfast.

Scout wiggled his tail and barked.

Would Landon ever get used to the way Scout seemed to understand every word he said?

They walked at a fast pace to the community center. Jonas had already made a place for him. HIS place. He had surrendered his desk, provided him with one of the computers from the library, a printer and scanner, and scrounged a file cabinet from somewhere.