The Case of the Sneaky Valentine

"I think we knew that, Sarah love," Dad says gently. "I never saw any real spark between you both. That's why your Mum and I knew you'd never be really happy together. So, why did you move in with him?"

"Because... because that was what I was supposed to do: find a man, a boyfriend, become a couple, ideally get married but make a life with him certainly, have children, settle down..."

"Yes, but not just any man, love," Dad says earnestly, "it was supposed to be someone you loved and who loved you."

"And what if there was no man I loved? Should have I been happy on my own with no one to love or love me?"

"There's bound to be someone who loves you, dear," says Mum kindly, "and you could love him back."

"That's what I thought with Roy; that we'd come to love each other."

"Is that why you've been so down, dear, that you're afraid you won't find someone to love?" Mum asks kindly.

"No, it's because I have found someone." I reply quietly. Mum is about to speak but Dad, fortunately, is ahead of her.

"Well that's great news, Sarah love, though I don't know why you're down about that. Still, what's his name?"

"It's Zoe!" Chloe exclaims happily, unable to contain herself. Dad glances at her, then gives me an odd look and I daren't look at Mum.

"Zoe? That doesn't sound like a chap's name. He's not foreign is he?"

"No, Dad," I reply, "Zoe is a woman and not in the least bit foreign. And..."

"I knew something like this would happen, so I did!" Mum interrupts. "The way you two were together I suspected something... wrong was going to happen!" Her words and her whole tone upset me but I fight to keep calm and not shout.

"Mum, what was it about the way the two of us were together? What did you see?" I ask hotly.

"Well, that the two of you, you both, er..."

"What? Liked each other? Cared about each other? Maybe showed the beginnings of love for each other? Did you see that or was it just that we were so happy together?" I try not to snap but I cannot help the edge in my voice.

"Sarah love, what is all this?" Dad asks, completely lost at the sudden rise in emotion.

"Sorry, Dad, you don't know any of this, do you? Let me explain," and I recount how I met Zoe, the Valentine's cards, the whole story with supporting comments from Tina and Chloe, who are as enthusiastic as ever in their support for Zoe. Finally, I arrive at the night of the snow.

"I bumped into Zoe at Victoria Station just before they closed it and we decided we'd have no chance getting home so we went to find a hotel but by the time we found one there was just one double room left." I am blushing and Mum and Dad look uncomfortable but I force myself to continue. "Zoe and I shared the same bed and... things happened. At the time I really wanted them to happen, to love Zoe but I woke up early in the morning and I was scared. I didn't want to be a lesbian, to be called names, to have the girls bullied and teased... to have you two hate me." My eyes are welling with tears.

"Sarah, love, we'd never hate you," protests Dad.

"And this morning Zoe sent me this..." I reach the card out of my handbag under my chair and deliberately hand it to Dad first. He looks at the card and passes it across to Mum before reading the letter. I pick at my food as do the girls while we wait. When they have both read the letter I'm not surprised by Mum's take on it.

"She says she's letting you go, so it's over now isn't it?" To his credit, even Dad looks at Mum in amazement but this time it is Tina who speaks.

"But Granny, Mum doesn't want it to be over... and neither do we!"

"What do you mean, Tina? You're not saying that you want your Mum and this Zoe to, to..."

"Yes we are!" the twins exclaim in perfect unison. "We really like being with Zoe," Chloe continues. "She's fun, she likes being with us, she even plays with us and Dad never did that."

"And we love that she makes Mum happy too," Tina adds quietly and I could have hugged her for that.

I look at Mum and Dad. "If you saw Zoe with Tina and Chloe you'd understand... she's lovely with them and when the four of us go out together, we feel like, well, a family, even though we're all female."

"Sarah love," Dad asks gently, "are you, well, ready to be a lesbian? That came out wrong but you know what I mean."

"I really don't know, Dad. It may be that I've always been lesbian and that's why my relationships with men always turn to crap. What I do know is that I love Zoe and... I want to be with her, though I'll admit that what might happen after scares me."

"So what are you looking for: our blessing?" Mum's voice is strained and edged with sarcasm.

"That would be lovely, but if you can't give that then at least your forbearance. Mum, look, I couldn't have survived these last few years without everything that Dad and you, especially you, have done for me and the girls; I really couldn't. I still need you, both of you, but I need and love Zoe too. Please don't make me choose between you. I, I'd probably choose you but it would break my heart."

There is a lot of unfinished food on our plates and even Mum doesn't care. She and Dad stare at each other employing that twin-like telepathy that forty years of marriage can bring. I can see the struggle going on inside Mum, her church's teaching and her habitual instinct towards what's 'right and proper' warring with her motherly love for me and the girls. She shakes her head. "I can't give my blessing, I can't, because I think what you're doing is wrong and a mistake, just as Roy was a mistake," she holds up her hand to silence any complaints from the girls or me. "However, I think I can give you my forbearance and tolerance, for a while, so I can; go and be with Zoe, if she still wants you, and I'll accept it for the time being.

"Sarah, I... I don't think two women together can be right, not really, but I do want you and the twins to be happy, so I do. If this is the way, then prove me wrong: show me it's not a mistake."

"That seems fair, Sarah. Neither your Mum nor I want to see you unhappy so we'll give you a chance and time with Zoe to be a happy couple. Just don't expect us not to say something if it goes wrong as it did with Roy," Dad warns and I nod in acceptance.

"Thank you both. I know this isn't easy for you. I'm sorry that this has spoiled lunch, Mum, I really am."

"No, don't worry; I suppose I shouldn't have pushed you to start talking about... all this," she replies.

"Do you mind if go and call Zoe? I need to find out if she'll still talk to me."

"Go on love, call your, well, girlfriend I suppose." Dad smiles a little smile, "All this gets very strange to my way of thinking but times change and there's no stopping that."

"Thanks, Dad, and you too Mum." I rise from the table and head out to the garden, crossing to the edge of the patio for some privacy. My heart is hammering, my hands cold and clammy with nerves as I pull the phone from my pocket. I try to turn the phone the right way round and it twists in my grip, slipping from my grasp. I watch in horror as it strikes the sharp stone edge of the second step down into the garden and seems to explode, the case bursting apart and parts flying in different directions. "No!" I gasp and jump down onto the grass, scrabbling for the parts but I know it is hopeless; my phone is smashed beyond any hope of repair and, with it, my chance to call Zoe.

I head back indoors and all are concerned when they see me distraught. "Can't you just use the phone here?" asks Dad.

"I don't actually know her number, it was just on the phone," I tell him on the verge of tears.

"We can just drive over and see her Mum," Chloe points out and I realize that I'm being dozy and Chloe is right. "We can go now," she suggests. I am not sure; should the twins come with me? True, this is important to them but there is no guarantee that Zoe will be happy to see me because my treatment of her hasn't been very kind. In the end, as I see the look on Tina's and Chloe's faces, I relent and agree to them coming with me.

I say goodbye to Mum and Dad and thank them for giving me a chance. The look on Mum's face tells me that her forbearance is not given easily and that, inside, she does not like what's happening. I give her a hug, "Thank you, Mum, for giving me this chance. I'll try to show you that this is right, despite your concerns." She gives me a tight nod and tells me to hurry up and go.

We are quiet on the journey, the girls picking up my nervousness. When we pull up outside Zoe's flat it is almost unbearable. We leave the car and walk up to the door and press the buzzer for Flat 4 and wait. And wait. Nervously I press it again but there is still no answer. "I guess she's not in Mum," Tina speaks my own fear but she is right.

"Damn, what do we do now?" I mutter. We wait for half an hour but there is no sign of Zoe. She could be anywhere so how do I contact her? I suppose at some point tomorrow I might be able to recover her number from the remains of my phone but I hate the idea of waiting so long. We could sit here and wait I suppose... no, the girls can't sit in the car for hours. I regret my decision to bring them for a moment but I couldn't just dump them on Mum and Dad all night either. "Come on girls, let's go home," I tell them sadly.

I drive slowly, racking my brain as to how to tell Zoe that I love her and want to give our relationship a proper chance. Travelling along the dual carriageway I look up at something on the footbridge that spans the road. Someone has tied a banner to the railings of the bridge:

"That's it!" I exclaim and I explain my idea to the girls.

Monday 16 April

We are at the station early and find a spot a little more than halfway down the platform. All three of us are nervous as to whether this will work but I am also nervous because, whatever happens, this is going to be very public. It seemed such a good idea yesterday evening but now I'm terrified. Mum would certainly go mad if she knew what I'm planning to do.

The speakers on the platform announce the imminent arrival of the train and, taking a deep breath, I say to the girls, "Okay, let's do this." Tina is as nervous and hesitant as me but Chloe seems to think it a wild, fun game and her excitement helps me as we unfurl the banner that we made together last night:

There are youngsters on the opposite platform, heading to the College in the next town; they look across at the banner and there are some whistles and clapping. I feel myself blush and my legs tremble but steel myself to stand firm. I hear the approaching train moments before it rounds the bend a short distance from the station. My heart is beating fast and I glance down at the girls and back up as the front of the train reaches us. I try to look into the carriages and spot Zoe but the windows zip past too fast We stand and wait as the train comes to a halt. There are beeps and the doors slide open. I look along the platform; it empties as people board the train, just one or two people alighting from the nearby carriages. The warning beeps sound and the doors begin to close and I think, with a sinking feeling, that either Zoe did not see us or perhaps is not on the train. At the last moment, someone steps from the third carriage from the front and I see a flash of fuchsia-pink hair.

As the train begins to pull away from the station she walks towards us and if I was nervous before it was nothing to what I feel now. She stops a few feet away and looks at me. "Hello, you," she says, echoing my words as we lay naked in bed together.

"Zoe, I'm so sorry for walking out on you. I, I wasn't ready, I'm so very sorry."

"It was horrible waking up and finding you gone. It hurt so much after," she glances at the twins, "after what we shared."

"It was mean and cruel and I'm sorry: it was because I was confused and cowardly and... wrong, about me... us. Please, please forgive me, Zoe. I," I take a deep breath and look her in the eye; "I love you and want us to be together. Chloe and Tina want that too."

She steps forward and takes my hands. "Do you know how long I've dreamed of hearing that?"

"Um, yes, you said in the letter: sixteen years," I smile. "Zoe, you are amazing. Please give us another chance."

"On one condition," her voice is determined, "promise me you'll never walk out on me like that again; talk to me, tell me you want to leave, don't just disappear."

"Zoe, I promise. I shouldn't have done that, I know I shouldn't. I never want to hurt you." She comes closer and our hands slip around each other. We are on a station platform, people are watching but I don't care as we lean in and kiss. "Can you take today off?" I ask.

"And tomorrow so you can come to Legoland with us," adds Chloe, grinning.

"You know, I do think I'm coming down with something, so perhaps I shouldn't go to work today," she smiles.

"Come home with me, with us, and make this family complete again," I ask earnestly.

"Oh, Sarah, I'd love to!" she replies happily.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The girls are in bed, hopefully asleep at last, and Zoe and I have spent the evening together on the sofa, drinking wine, cuddling and kissing. We would have gone to bed sooner but the girls were still excited after this morning and later going over to Zoe's flat for her to pack some clothes and the like. They know that the rucksack she brought out from her bedroom is the first step of Zoe moving in with us. The prospect of Legoland tomorrow is adding to the excitement and, as a result, the girls have been up several times after being put to bed, needing a pee or a drink of water or 'My tummy hurts.' I could be offended because, somehow, it was always a Zoe tuck-in that they needed to get them to sleep. She is very touched and I think it's very sweet.

"Did you really tell them you were sick when you phoned your manager earlier?" I ask her as I sip my wine.

"No, I thought, you know, with going to Legoland tomorrow, it would be stupid: Sod's Law says that we'd be bound to bump into someone from work. I just told them that something had come up and I needed to take a few days leave. I have loads of leave left but they were still very good about it, letting me take it at such short notice."

"So someone else will have to do the colouring in for the cereal bar campaign then?"

"Yes, though it's pretty well all done now," she laughs and she slaps my arm gently, "and I hardly went outside the lines at all." Our smiles bring us closer and once again we are kissing.

Finally, all has been quiet for the past hour as Zoe drains her glass. "Well, Mummy Sarah, are you ever going to take me to bed?"

"I thought you'd never ask. One doesn't want to come across as too desperate on the first night!" The truth is I was too nervous to suggest it. Zoe raises an eyebrow and I notice for the first time that her makeup is more pronounced than I remember. "Your makeup, you're wearing it, er... bolder than usual today, aren't you?" I say as I stand and take her hand.

"Sarah, you seem to have forgotten... this is 'usual,' or, well, it was. I thought, you know, when we talked about the Goth-punk mum thing, maybe you'd be more comfortable if I eased off a bit on the mascara and eyeshadow, so bit-by-bit..." To my amazement, she is blushing slightly and I smile at the sight. She hesitates before continuing in a low voice, "Later, when it sunk in that, you know, that we weren't going to be together..." Her face falls as her voice falters, "...I just went back to the way it was," she finishes sadly. I am staring at my feet, ashamed again of the way I treated her. There is a long silence before she takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand. I glance up and she is smiling again. "I'll change it back, if you'd prefer."

I shake my head. "You look like the perfect Goth-punk mum to me," I tell her, returning her smile. "Tina and Chloe seem to think so too," and her smile widens. "Come on, let's go to bed," I say this confidently, though inside I'm a mess of nerves and excitement. I lead the way into my bedroom -- our bedroom now -- and Zoe closes the door behind us as I turn on a light. "I'm going to undress in front of you, Zoe; I want to do everything right, the way that I should have done in that hotel room."

"Sarah, the only thing that was wrong with that night is that we didn't wake up together. I will always remember it as the night I first made love to you."

"Me too..." I begin unbuttoning my blouse, "and I want you to remember tonight as the first night that I make love to you," I tell her with more certainty than I feel. With the last button undone I slip the blouse off and lay it on the chair beside the bed. Nervousness makes my fingers clumsy as I unhook my bra but I manage it at last; I shrug the bra from my shoulders and I drop it on top of the blouse. I am conscious that my boobs are a little larger than Zoe's, hanging and sagging in a way that hers don't.

"Your tits are gorgeous, Sarah," Zoe tells me, obviously sensing my self-consciousness, "beautiful mummy boobs." I smile: after breastfeeding the twins for eight months my boobs were never as perky as before I fell pregnant.

I pop the button on my jeans and push them down. Perhaps there is a way to remove jeans with a sexy elegance but I don't manage it; I'm satisfied with not stumbling around and falling over. I'm left in just my panties and take a deep breath as I push my fingers under the waistband at the hips. I ease them down over my thighs and let them fall before straightening up. I stand naked before Zoe, before my girlfriend, and that word sends a jolt of arousal through me. So does watching Zoe's eyes roam over my naked body; the pupils have grown large, making her pale blue eyes turn dark.

Suddenly, without speaking, she is pulling her shirt off and casting it aside, to land draped over her rucksack in the corner. Her bra follows and then she drops her short skirt, pushes down her leggings and panties and steps out of the tangled heap, the garments left where they've fallen. She stands on the opposite side of the bed as I pull the coverings down. Climbing in, I lie back and open my arms to her; she smiles and comes into my arms. We kiss and I love the feel of our bodies together, bare flesh caressing bare flesh. "How am I doing so far?" I ask.

"Wonderfully! I might think you'd done this before," she smiles.

"Well, I sort of have... so far. But now I want to do something I've never done..." I slip down to bring my face level with her perfect boobs, her gorgeous cute titties. I try to think what would feel good and trace my fingers around each nipple; Zoe gives a little moan and I watch in fascination as her nipples swell and harden. I lower my head and wrap my lips around her left nipple and suck gently while my fingers squeeze and rub the right one. I can tell Zoe is enjoying this but it is also turning me on like crazy. I suck harder before switching to her other boob.

My hand slides down, stroking her tummy as I continue to suckle, then down further until it encounters the neat narrow triangle of her pubes. My fingers play with the short, soft hair but always edging down. My index finger finds the soft valley, the top of her cunny, and traces it lovingly. Without intending to, my fingers glide into her, parting her wet nether lips to enter this beautiful woman. "Oh god, how did I take so long to realize that this was where I should be, in bed with you?" I ask. The nervousness is still there but I push it aside now: I chose this, to be here, to be Zoe's girlfriend and to become her lover.

"With your fingers in my pussy," she sighs and I push my fingers deeper, feeling her hot, wet flesh engulf them. I pump slowly, trying to find in her the spots that I have in me that feel good. "Oh yes," sighs Zoe as my fingers curl and rub inside her. I wriggle lower until I am between her legs. The smell of her arousal fills my nose and I cannot resist running my tongue over her oozing labia. I had found the taste of myself amazing; to taste another woman's sex juices, Zoe's juices, is beyond incredible.