There Goes the Neighnorhood

I ran over to my car and showed Aubrey the papers. She was so happy I thought she might deliver the baby right then and there. That would be bad because we still had a little over two months before he or she, we didn't know which, was supposed to be born."

I helped her out of the car and we walked back over to Jay's trailer. When we got there, both Jay and Iris looked at her as if they'd swallowed their tongues.

"Hello horn dog, hey fat ass," Aubrey said sweetly.

"Well Jay," I said. "You wanted to know why it was so important to get those divorce papers signed. Now you know. To be truthful, it really didn't matter to me at all. But Aubrey really wanted for us to be married before our baby is born. I keep trying to explain to her that there's no such thing as illegitimate children any more. But you know how it is. She's from a small town. Her parents are really happy for us. But they'd be even happier if we were married. They never really liked you though. I guess they have good taste."

Both Jay and Iris had started to get over their shock and were making unintelligible sounds that might come out any second now in the form of either anger or shock.

"I think they're trying to talk, Sweetie," said Aubrey. She gave Jay one of her biggest smiles. "Jay, Honey, guess what? I finally found out what all the fuss over sex was all about. It just turned out that you weren't very good at it. I don't think you knew what you were doing because it didn't take Barry very long at all to get my pussy tingling and my belly all swelled up."

"Okay, while you two get your brains in gear, I might as well tell you the story," I said. "I can see by the looks on your faces that you're in shock about seeing Aubrey and I together. Yep, in your words, Iris, we're TOGETHER, together. I love Aubrey more than I could ever express. Iris, you were her warm up act. I don't think I ever really knew what love was until she and I got together. And we have the two of you to thank for it."

"Buh..." managed Jay, still shocked at seeing Aubrey.

Aubrey stood there rubbing her belly and taunting her ex. "Jay, we're naming the baby after you and your favorite football player," she said. "Remember you always told me about how O.J. was your hero when you were a kid. If it's a boy we're naming him NoJay."

I took Aubrey in my arms and continued speaking then.

"When I caught you, it started everything in motion. I wanted revenge not only against the two of you but against the other cheaters too. But I'm not a violent person. I couldn't physically hurt any of you so I decided to do it financially. I did have help in the form of Karma. Wally burning his house down really helped. My partner bought Wally's property and Bart and Kristy's as well. Jay, he was the one I got to buy your house too. And finally I sold him my house. We got the neighborhood's zoning changed to a commercial plot and now Aubrey and I are minority owners of that, "big ass shopping mall," as you called it. We have more money than we know what to do with and we have each other. The only thing missing from making our lives perfect will be for us to finally get married."

"I know you're feeling kind of shocked, kind of fucked over right now huh?" I asked. Jay nodded.

"I never would have expected something like this from you, Barry," said Jay. Iris was down on the floor crying.

"This isn't like you at all, Barry. You could have shared this with all of us," said Jay. "You know I can't work. How could you? You were my best friend."

"It couldn't have happened to a more deserving guy, Jay," I snapped. "Being your best friend didn't seem to stop you from fucking me over the first chance you got. You took the one thing that was the most important to me in life back then. You deserved it. And in the end we both got what we deserved. I'm much happier now."

"But what about me Jay?" cried Iris. "I thought you loved me. How could you do this to me?"

"Iris, I loved you so much then that it was stupid. I knew what you were like when we were in college, but I believed you when you told me that was over and it wasn't the real you. I gave you a chance and you betrayed me. Even afterwards you just couldn't help yourself. We caught you on camera giving Jay his last blowjob less than two weeks after I caught you the first time. There was never any hope for us after that. You made your own bed and then you fucked yourself in it. This isn't my fault or Aubrey's. You did this to yourself."

"Aubrey, do you have anything to say for yourself?" asked Jay. "You did run out on me while I was in the hospital. At least you owe me some kind of explanation. And you should say something to Iris. After all, you did steal her husband."

"Jay, the way I see it, you and I ceased to be married when you started cheating on me," said Aubrey, happily. "You refused to give me a divorce and I asked you several times. As for Iris, she was stupid enough to cheat on a man who loved her far more than you ever did me. Unhappiness is the reward for stupidity. In other words...Suck it!"

I took Aubrey's hand and led her back to the car and we drove away. I explained to her why I'd left out the fact that we'd caused Jay's accident. And we'd caused the fire that burned down Wally's house. And that actually there had been no mistake made in demolishing Bart and Kristy's house. She just smiled and told me that she understood. Our baby didn't need to be born in jail. The four couples in our neighborhood had all started out as friends. But when lies and deceit and cheating had crept in, they destroyed the neighborhood from within.

In order for us to end the pain, the neighborhood had to go. We still get the occasional call from Iris or Jay. Mostly they want to apologize or try to start some kind of friendship. Lately they've been whining about how the ground under Jay's trailer has become unstable and the trailer itself is threatening to collapse. Apparently they expect us to help them in some way. What are friends for? Ha ha ha ha ha ha....

The end.