There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 08

She screamed bloody murder.

"Even, what the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"That's $20, and I'm carrying you over the threshold."

"Not like this you moron."

I swatted her on her behind, this time with my left hand. It had more oomph behind it.

"Ouch! Even you are going to die tonight."

I pulled her off my shoulder and into my arms and reminded her of what I said to her grandmother. I kissed my bride and told her we were going to have a wonderfully long marriage, and if she kept this attitude up she was going to have beautifully pink backside. She bit my nose. I bit her lower lip. We kissed.

She opened the door and I closed it using my foot. I put in the codes for the electronic locks, and turned on the alarms while still carrying my lightweight bride. I turned on the lights for the stairwell and began climbing them towards our bedroom. When I saw the sign on my door I put Jennifer down to read it. I smiled and I showed it to her. She was about to say something to me when we heard a scream coming from Gray's bedroom.

"I'm cuming!"

We heard Delicious laugh. "Look at the mess you made."

We laughed.

Seconds later she opened the door, still looking back towards Gray. She walked down the hall towards the bathroom, "NAKED, and licking her fingers."

Jennifer asked, "IS IT DELICIOUS?"

She did not see us prior to those words, and when she looked she screamed, "OH SHIT!"

Seconds later Gray charged out of their bedroom 'NAKED.'

Jennifer asked, "WAS SHE DELICIOUS GRAY?"

Gray's reply was a little different than my daughters.'

"OH FUCK!"

I opened our bedroom door, and Jennifer walked in.

I said to my children, "Be safe, and have fun. Delicious, you look... DIVINE."

My daughter was in such a state of shock at seeing us standing by our bedroom door, she was frozen to the spot she was in. She had not moved 1 inch, or attempted to cover herself in modesty. When I closed my bedroom door she screamed again.

"I am a fucking idiot."

I laughed because I couldn't help myself. I opened the bedroom door.

"That will be $10 please."

"I am not talking to you ever again."

33. BREAKFAST

Gray said, "I'm hungry, let's go downstairs and have breakfast."

"I am never leaving this room. How am I going to look my father in the face? He's seen me naked in a room with a naked man."

"You told me he expected us to be together. What is the big deal?"

"He was not supposed to see us naked. How could I have been so stupid?"

"Let's go downstairs and get this over with. We will laugh at each other before the day is over. We have a big meeting tonight. Everyone wants to hear what you are going to say. Are you going to miss it?"

"I wouldn't miss that meeting for the world. I'm just going to put a blindfold on my father."

"Isn't that like King Solomon split babies in half?"

"Why do you have to be so logical, when I feel so stupid?"

"You are not stupid; you are one of the brightest people I have ever met. You are just embarrassed. Let's get this over with, NOW."

"Can I get dressed first?"

"Not getting dressed would be a very bad idea."

With the temperatures expected to reach the high 90s for the day, Delicious dressed in long slacks and a turtleneck shirt with long sleeves. The only skin that was showing was her head and hands. When Gray returned from showering and shaving, he looked at her and laughed.

"Baby, you have to be joking with me. Get out of those stupid clothes and put something more appropriate on."

"I don't want my father to look at me."

"Your father has seen everything you have. Put on shorts and a tank top, before I strip you, and do it myself."

"Okay. Do you have a preference?"

"You don't want to wear what I helped put away yesterday. That bikini was awesome."

"You are a pervert."

"You bet your ass I am. Your ass would be sticking out completely in that bikini, and I believe your front would almost be uncovered except for that tiny piece of fabric."

"I loved it when I bought it, but I was too shy to wear it."

"Get dressed, I smell food, and I am hungry."

"Oh hell, it's 9:30 AM, and he is awake."

"Let it go Princess, the quicker we can get downstairs, the quicker the laughing will be over with."

"Gray don't be so damn logical. I am going to wind up not talking to you either."

"Oh God, we're not even married, and I'm going to get the silent treatment."

"You may as well start making a list of the things that going to happen to you over the next 10 years, you may want to reconsider renewing our contract."

"Correct me if I am wrong, but don't Catholics marry for life?"

"Yes they do, but only while they are on this planet. We won't be here, and I can make up my own rules while we are in space."

"You have this all figured out don't you?"

"Why do you think I picked 10 years?"

"I believe I'm with Rod on this. I think you are the Devils Daughter." (Gray caught her right hand before it hits his face.)

"BEHAVE DELICIOUS BEFORE I SPANK YOU."

"Someone has to tell me why I fell in love with you? I could beat the crap out of 99% of the men my age in this country. I picked the one that can beat the crap out of me."

"Your mother taught you how to defend yourself against most men. I'm here to teach you to be an equal. We start running tomorrow morning at 5 AM. I'll start you off at 1 mile to see how you do. We will increase it by a mile every week. When we get to 5 miles we will start increasing your speed and not your distance. By the time I'm finished with you your inside will be as beautiful as your outside. I know what you're about to say to me, but you do not want to add money to Gordon's pretzel jar winnings. Hold your tongue or you will not be able to sit down."

Delicious' face turned bright red, but her mouth did not open, until she had her brain under control.

"I hate you Gray. I don't like you at all. If I had not used that word, I would be back in my room. I hate that word as much as I hate you. 10 years, I will make it feel like a lifetime for you. I will draw up a contract that will make your head spin in all three directions at one time. Read it carefully before you sign it. You may wish to be dead instead."

"I love you Delicious."

"Fuck off Gray."

"I knew I could get you. That will be $10 please."

Delicious screamed, opened the door to their room, and stalked out. She was halfway downstairs when she realized what she had done. Gray was one-step behind her, and she could not retreat.

"You bastard, you tricked me."

"Yes, but it got you out of our room."

Then the worst thing in the world happened to her. Her father came out of his bedroom and started down the stairs.

"Good morning everyone, did you sleep well?"

"Yes Even, we slept very well. How was your first night as a married man?"

"Extremely active; my wife knows tricks they don't put in books, and I have read many books. I can recommend some to you if you'd like."

Delicious yelled, "Dad, we have to talk."

"Daughter, according to your last remark, you are not talking to me for the rest of my life."

"I will let you know when that starts."

"Can I have 24 hours' notice?"

"It's early in the day dad, if you start pissing me off now, there will be no end to it."

"That will be $10 please."

"No Even, it will be $20. I got her first."

"I hate both of you." She jumped down the last few steps and marched into the kitchen to find Jennifer making breakfast.

"Can I help you with anything Jennifer?"

"Would you mind setting the table?"

"No, not at all, what are we having?"

"Bacon and cheese omelettes, home fries, and toast."

"Would you teach me how to make the omelettes? I make a mess of them every time I try."

"It's easy once you figure out how to do it. My grandmother had to show me the secret."

"Thanks; let me set the table."

As the four of them sat down to breakfast, it was incredibly silent until Jennifer started the conversation.

"You two listen to me. What happened last night was nothing to worry about. It may have been embarrassing, but that has passed. Let it go because it was not as embarrassing as what happened to me when I was in college. I have told Even everything about my past so he will not be shocked by what I am about to tell you. I was in my dorm room having sex with some guy. He had me up against a wall, and I had my legs around his waist. In walks my roommate and she sees us going at it. She apologizes, and says she has to get her English book. She picked it up and charged out of the room. He never missed a stroke. I was as red as a beat. She called me later to make sure he was gone. I gave her the all clear, and when she walked back into the room we couldn't look at one another for the longest time. Then we started to laugh. We couldn't stop laughing. It became the main topic of conversation, every time she stuck her head in the door."

Everyone at the table erupted into laughter. The ice was broken, and the conversation began to flow freely.

I asked, "Would you care to explain about your 'fantastically unconventional arrangement' with Gray."

"Gray do you want to handle this or are you going to leave it to me?"

"I'll take it if you want?"

"Yes please."

"Delicious and I have an arrangement. If I ever beat her in a game of chess..."

"Not that one you asshole!"

"Even she is so easy. That will be $30 please."

"Remember Gray, the contract says 'Up To' and only I can change it."

"Don't ever negotiate with her; she will not leave you with your fingernails. Our arrangement is 'We will not have intercourse until she turns 18 years old, we are married, and she has your blessing."

"I guess that ends your arrangement. I will never give you two my blessing."

My daughter screamed at me so loud my ears hurt.

"You took the leash off. You told me I could do anything I wanted to do. You told me to think with my head instead of my hormones. I did exactly what you told me to do, and now you're telling me I can't do it. WHY?"

"Dammit, not even one. I was sure I could get one out of her."

Gray started to laugh. "Don't tell me you told her that because you wanted another $10. You nearly caused her to have a stroke. Look at her, her blood pressure is probably setting a new record right now."

Ice water was poured on my head by my new bride.

"Dr. Luck, if you ever pull a stunt like that on your daughter again, I will squeeze your balls every night until you scream in pain. Of course that will happen after you fuck me into submission, as you did last night."

"That's too much information Jennifer. I preferred it when my father was celibate."

"If your father was not such a brilliant scientist, he could have been the greatest porn star in the business."

"That is much too much information. My mother never mentioned that in her diary."

"Your father was only 17. He was a growing boy. Boy did that part of the boy grow into a man sized man."

"Darling, you are telling tales out of school. That is not a nice thing to do, even if it's true."

"Dad stop it. Everyone at dinner tonight is going to think I have been out in the sun too long."

"Speaking about dinner tonight, I think we will have it catered instead of you two cooking all day. Does anyone have any ideas for our evening meal?"

Jennifer immediately said, "I want my prawns."

"Then you shall have them. I shall place a pot on your side of the bed for when you get ill."

"I hate you Even Luck."

"That makes two of us Jen. How about you Gray?"

"Oh no, I'm not getting in the middle of this. I'll go for a run first."

"Chicken shit."

"Is that 40 or $50 Even?"

"It's only $40, because she didn't bite at my disapproval of your wedding. I'm so disappointed in that. I was sure I could get $10 out of her."

"I've really hate you dad. I don't think there's anyone in the world I could hate more."

"There is one person you could possibly hate more than me; your sister."

"No shit, I have a sister?"

"I got her. I knew I could get $10 out of her before this morning was over."

"Jennifer when he signs all the paperwork over to you, I am going to kill him. You are going to be the richest widow in the world. I don't care if I go to jail for the rest of my life, but I am going to kill him."

"Who is going to design and help build your StarCraft if he is dead? I know Gray is very good, because your dad has told me so. However, your father is a genius, and you know it. You may know how to get the craft out of the atmosphere, and up to near light speed, but who is going to build the craft around it."

"Why is everyone around me so logical this morning? First it's Gray, now it's Jennifer. I can't wait until I speak with Patti Valentino, and she tells me I can't kill him either. This is beginning to be the worst day of my life."

Jennifer walked around the table and held Delicious. "Think about it this way, when your father is finished building your craft and you are in outer space, he is of no further use to you. You can put him in with the refuse and stick him outside the craft. You will make him a human popsicle in less than one hundredth of the second. He will never know what hit him."

"I love you Jennifer that is a brilliant idea."

"I guess that allows me to live at least 10 more years. If the timing is right, that gives me time to have more children than Rod. All my goals in life will have been reached."

"What do I look like a baby factory?"

"No, you look like a Roman Catholic. No birth control is allowed in our religion, remember?"

"I think I'll become Presbyterian, or Anglican, or Episcopalian, or anything else that allows birth control."

"The Pope will excommunicate you, but that's not the worst part for you my dear. I will tell your grandmother on you."

"Oh fuck, she will kill me."

Everyone at the table laughed. I asked, "Who wants to tell her?"

Delicious said, "Since everything is going to Gordon, I guess I will. That wonderful word that indicates sexual coupling just cost you $10."

"Shit!"

"Gray, I believe it's your turn."

"Jen you are now up to $20."

"I'm moving back to my house, it's not as expensive as living in this one."

"It's all for a good cause. Gordon is going to be wealthier then you are after you receive your inheritance. He may be as wealthy as I am, within the next few years. I can see his face plastered all over the Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg, and Forbes. 'Who is this Wunderkind that is taking Wall Street by storm?"

"I have moved up the timeline for the radio tests to a week from Wednesday. Everyone including my wife will make phone calls from a script I have written. Do not deviate from it. If they ask for more details, tell them there is none. Their answer is expected by the deadline or they will be eliminated from the list.

Dr. Even Luck will be displaying a fully operational new technology which will change all communications systems worldwide. If you wish to attend you will sign a NON-DISCLOSURE AGREEMENT, before seeing the test. The parameters of the test will be explained to you at the non-disclosed test site. You have 30 minutes to respond to this message, or your company will be removed from the list and given to the next company in line. The test is next Wednesday at 12 PM Mountain time. Only the CEO or chairman of the company and two technical experts may attend; three members in total. You must be at my residence in Idaho Springs Colorado by 9 AM Mountain Time. Transportation will be provided, from your hotels, by the City of Denver Police Department. End of message. Doctor Even Luck

I have given each of you a list of phone calls to make to very important people. Do not speak to secretaries or in betweens. If they say this person is in a meeting or unavailable, explain to them their company will be removed from a select list of first call companies for a highly sophisticated new technology made by Dr. Even Luck in 30 minutes. Say thank you and hang up. You should get a call back within 10 minutes or less. They will beg you not to take them off the list. Don't be easy on them, make them beg.

"Jennifer I gave you the easiest phone calls, because you are new at this. However you do have business experience."

"Thank you Even, I'm shaking in my shoes just thinking about this."

"I have their names and phone numbers and everything written down for you. I will give you those later. Harold Chase is a very low-key man, but as brilliant as any computer expert I have ever met. He is also a billionaire, and one of the two people who are helping clean up our atmosphere. I'm not sure if he will be interested, but play to his computer expertise. Do not mention his money, just that we would like him to be here to witness the test. The other two will crawl on their knees to get here. NASA, you will call their offices in Washington and speak to the Administrator himself. Bolden is an idiot."

Gray nearly split his sides laughing, as he fell off his chair.

"He is a typical bureaucrat. He has his nose so far up his own ass he can't see daylight. You don't want him to come to the test but you have to speak to him anyhow. Flatter him, but you want the best technical experts he has to witness the tests. I want him to know that what I have done is for real, and not science fiction."

"This next one will start a fistfight in the Pentagon. You have to call the Secretary of Defense and speak to him directly. I know him personally, so that will be an easy call for you. He's going to tell you that he hates me. Tell him he's in good company. Reiterate to him I want the best men he has, and I want them to bring the most advanced communications receiving equipment they have. I don't care what kind of transmitting equipment they bring, but the receiving equipment has to be top-of-the-line."

"Gray you get Space Exploration Technologies, General Electric, and ITT."

Delicious you get your wish. "I gave you Patti Valentino, Dycke Schneider, DuPont, and IBM."

"I'm taking Lockheed Martin, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, and Boeing. I should be off the phone in 20 minutes. If any of you have trouble, I will be available to help you."

"I believe I mentioned this to you before, but I will say it again. The test will be held at Republican Mountain. It is not the highest mountain in the area, but serves my purpose the best. We will be on the eastern side of it transmitting, and the receivers will be in the valley, on the western side and below our transmitters. It will be a severe test of my equipment, but it will work fine. I used it to transmit around a lead shield and it worked beautifully."

Gray asked, "How did you come up with the notion like this Even?"

"It was as easy as driving your car under a bridge. Every time you do you lose your signal. I got tired of it. When you're on a long trip, you have to listen to one radio station. It's normally some Bible thumper trying to convince you that the world was made some 7000 years ago. I want to take an 8000-year-old rock and shove it up his ass to prove that he's wrong. The problem is I can't find a rock that's only 8000 years old. They're all older than that."

"You could always go to Hawaii."

"I don't know how to scuba dive."

"I could teach you."

Delicious hit him. "Is there anything you don't know how to do?"

"If there is, I haven't met it yet." Gray got up from the table quickly and ran for his life. My daughter was after him but could not catch him. He ran through the kitchen, and hid behind the counter. Delicious came through and ran by him. He got up and followed behind her.

Delicious got frustrated and yelled, "God dammit Gray where are you?"

He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "$10 please."