There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 30

Dycke drank the cool water, and then he raised the tube. With his left hand, he reached for the 2 pills. They were not there. He looked at Fiona, and shook his head.

"What did you do to me this time?"

"Boss, you are too trusting."

"I beginning to think you are smarter than I am Fiona

"Boss, I'm not smarter than you are. I'm just more devious than you are. All you have to do now is heal. We are your friends. We will take care of most of your business problems while we are in Sweden. Hopefully, we can work something out with the Swedish government, and your family life."

"Stay out of it Fiona, it's a lost cause."

"Someone said to you long time ago, "It ain't over until the fat lady sings. We haven't heard any singing yet Dycke, and until we do, we are not going to stop trying to help you, just like you have helped us all these years."

"Good night Fiona."

"Good night Dycke."

*****************

I hung up the phone, and everyone around the table looked at me as if I had 3 heads. I said, "What?"

"What did you do to that poor man this time dad?"

It seemed I couldn't do a good deed for my friend and get away with out being blamed for doing something awful to him. I rallied to my own defense.

"I will have you all know I did Dycke a very large favor. Since the incident between Zoey and Gordon, Payne and he have not been talking. He is extremely upset with her. She will not listen to anyone's point of view but her own. He arrives at work early, leaves work late, and is driving himself to the point of exhaustion.

When he hears my voice, he laughs, because he can curse back at me. He can't do that with his other customers. I am a relief valve for him. So when I heard him today, and I heard him snap, I called a friend of his. He has many of them. Fiona and Bob Short have been with him, since he was in high school.

Many of his senior analysts, engineers, and technicians have been with him for 20 years or more. His son Jason is with him now also; so he is in good hands."

"As usual dad, that was an excellent story, but you didn't answer my question. What are they doing to Dycke now?"

"They're taking him to Sweden to get our Vanadium."

"I thought you said it could take up to 4 weeks to get the governmental permits, and licenses to move Vanadium between our 2 countries."

"Yes that's exactly what I said, and exactly what I told Dycke."

"Why is he going there now?"

"Baby, you would have to ask his friends that question, because I don't know."

"Daddy, you are a lying sack of ping-pong balls."

"Good mommy, say nice words."

"Mommy felt the wind from the door opening. I knew it was you coming in, and I didn't want daddy to hit me."

"Now if there are no more questions for me, I'd like to get ready to go home."

"Are you anxious to see if there's a gun on the table dad?"

"If there is, it's as much your mother's fault as it is mine."

"Yes, but you were the one that's going to be dead."

"That could be problematic, but let's wait until we get home to see if I can fix it."

****************

"No Creamy Cow?"

"No Creamy Cow tonight baby, we are having pizza for dinner."

"You have pizza, I have Creamy Cow?"

"No, you can have messy ghetti if you want."

"Messy Ghetti and cold lemon?"

"Okay, spaghetti, and lemon ice."

"Not good like banilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, but okay."

"I'm happy that you approve."

"No approve, accept."

"Teddy, you are too smart."

"Got you, I know."

"Love my too smart Teddy."

"Love my mommy."

"Got you, I know."

"I know my mommy know."

"You are not trapping me into that again, for all the tea in China."

"Laugh lots last time."

"Newton thought we went crazy."

"He laughed too."

"Excuse me do you remember who I am?"

"Yes, you Joseph, friend of grandpa. You say funny words about me when you come in."

"My full name is Doctor Joseph Oyster. When you and grandpa leave go look at the stars, I am going to replace him here, and help build spaceship number 2."

"You not last long. Government claim conflict. Want you back. Tell grandma now."

"Did you hear that Even?"

"Yes I did, and I can't see where the conflict lies. Why should Joseph tell grandma, Teddy?"

"Important she know."

"Isn't it more important to have Mister Laver know about this?"

"He want raise."

"You are too funny my granddaughter. You know my friend too well. I have a big surprise in store for my friend before we leave. I have a big surprise in store for you when we leave."

"Bring ice cream?"

"No bring ice cream."

"Mean grandpa."

"Grandpa very sorry, no room. Dinner time, messy ghetti, lemon ice, and no food fights with Newton."

"Gordon?"

"No, Gordon is coming home with me."

"Not fair."

Gordon said, "I would win, I have bigger hands."

Teddy replied, "Bigger mouth."

Gordon rushed her, and began tickling her.

"I have a bigger mouth, do I?"

"Eat much, no food on plate to fight."

"I can't argue with that, I'm going home. You beat me again Teddy."

"I know."

"On her next birthday cake, let's not put happy birthday, let's put, "I know."

"You are correct Gordon, she always knows."

******************

146. Estranged Happenings

Sandra threw herself into his arms and nearly crushed him to death as she kissed him.

"Baby, I will be no use to you if you break C2 and C-3."

"I told you Rebecca, all he thinks about is sex."

"Hello girls, I'm going to buy you earplugs, because your mother and I are going to be very busy."

"How about us Joseph? Are you going to buy us earplugs also?"

"Mom, dad, how wonderful to see you. How did you get a tan in Chicago, at this time of year?"

"Palm Springs sonny, we had a golf tournament there. The sun is out all day, and most of the evening. It's a wonderful place to get a tan."

"Are your hands okay, or do you need a treatment?"

"Sam, our poor demented son has forgotten that there are doctor's in Chicago. It's not like being here, in the wilderness, where he has chosen to pay off his student loans, and not let us do it for him. We must have done a good job raising him, because he has ethics, and he stands by them."

"That's not true dear, he's just obstinate."

Four women hit Sam in quick order.

"I don't believe that's fair. My wife hits me all the time and I'm used to it. It's part of my marriage contract. However, being hit by my son's wife and 2 children at the same time is over and above the call of duty."

"Don't worry about it dad, Sandi is coming with me. Your problem lies with the 2 children you have agreed to keep for the next 7 years of your life; 'If they allow you live that long.' They are both smarter than Sandi and me. Push them, and they will be out of your hair and in college in 3 to 4 years. Send them to a college as far away from you as possible, and you may be able to recover, if you are still alive. The University of San Diego or the University of Miami are good choices."

"Are you saying I might not live long enough to spend the $210 million they offered me?"

"You don't have a prayer dad. You can't play that many golf tournaments in 7 years."

"That's how they convinced me to keep them. Both of them snookered me into teaching them how to play golf."

"You didn't feel the hook in your mouth when you said yes?"

"No, I was so happy they wanted to learn, I said yes immediately."

"Mom, you have to keep dad away from them. They already have his number."

"Joseph, I knew that when they asked him the question about the elevator, and Otis. They gave him chapter and verse on his history. I was surprised when they didn't give him the current status of the company."

"They probably knew he had stock in the company. They leave nothing to chance mom."

Sandra interrupted everyone. "My husband and I are going home. If the 4 of you would go to your hotel, we will meet you at our house tomorrow. We will take you to see the spacecraft."

"I hate to tell you Sandra, we are not married."

"Dummy, why do you think your parents and children are here?"

"What if I say no?"

"I have already taken care of that scenario. Girls do you want to answer your father's question."

Joe said, "Please don't, I know it will be painful, both mentally, and physically."

"Come on dad, it took us an hour to memorize the preamble to the Constitution, and the Constitution of the United States, with all 27 amendments. You would have loved listening to it, from both of us, in duet."

"An hour, what took you so long?"

"Mom won't increase the speed on the computer to 6 megabytes. She says it's too expensive."

"Sandy, I can't tell you how much trouble you are in."

"I'm sorry, I just can't get used to having money."

"Dad will you help her with her finances?"

"I already have Joseph. She assigned everything to your mother and me. She is not going home. She is staying here with you. The children are coming to Chicago with us. They are going to a private school, where they will be tested, retested, and tested again, until it comes out their ears. We will get an accurate measurement of their IQs, and place them in the grades they belong. We are going to push them, just as you suggested. Fun time is over, and the work is about to begin."

"Grandpa, we are going to lose so many golf balls, you better buy stock in the company."

"I knew you would threaten me with something like that, so I came up with an option of equal terror. For each golf ball lost, you will add 10 minutes of study time every day. How does that strike your fancy Deborah?"

"Dad, we may want to go into space with you. Your father is tricky."

"Why do you think I never took up the game, and became a Doctor?"

"I thought it was because you were smart?"

"I was smart, smart enough not to play golf."

"Doctor Finch, when is my wedding?"

"I want to invite some of my friends, how does Saturday afternoon sound to you?"

"Where?

"At the Hyatt hotel."

"You'll never get a room at this late date."

"Do you want to bet your virginity on it?"

"Joseph, you took it two children ago."

"2 o'clock, in the main ballroom of the Hyatt Hotel."

"Joseph, you are out of your mind."

"Dad buy a tuxedo, mom buy a 'Ballgown', and get the kids something extremely appropriate. You have 4 days to do it. I'll take care of the wedding dress myself."

"How many people are you inviting?"

"A little more than 200."

"You were always crazy Joseph."

"I was always crazy about you."

"Take me home and prove it."

"I can't, I have work to do."

He didn't duck in time.

***********************

As they were speeding up the interstate, Joseph made a call.

"Colonel Canyon."

"Lucius, Joe Finch; Sandra, and I are getting married Saturday thanks to you. I would be honored if you would be my best man."

"After everything you've done for us, I humbly accept. Thank you Joseph, what time and where?"

"I will be calling the Hyatt momentarily. I will tell them I want the Grand Ballroom at 2 o'clock for about 200 people or more. I am inviting anyone who wants to come. I'm going to ask Mister Zabo, and Mister Valentino, the entire staff, and any agents that are off-duty to join us. They deserve a good party."

"Why don't you let me take care of Mister Zabo, Mister Valentino, General Morgan, and the staff? Patti Valentino can run the computer analysis. She can tell us who's off and who is working in a matter of moments. The staff can make the phone calls. We can have a number for you by the end of tomorrow.

William will call the Hyatt and get you the main ballroom. There isn't anyone alive that will say no to him. Why don't you concentrate on getting an orchestra and the menu set up and taking care of your wife, parents, and children?"

"How did you know they were in town?"

"There is nothing that goes on here that I don't know about Joe. If it's important, I report it to the General. This is not important, but I will invite the General to the wedding."

"You are the 'Man', Lucius. Thank you again for being my best man."

"Thank you Joe, it is my honor."

"Lucius, one more thing, 'No Gifts.' Where we are going I don't think anyone will know what to do with pantyhose."

He didn't duck fast enough this time either.

"Be nice baby, I may have to tie your hands to something solid and tease you, until you cry."

"Can I start crying now?"

"I am going to be able to take care of your needs dear. My best man is going to take care of everything except the orchestra, the menu, and your wedding dress. I think I will call the Hyatt, and tell them what I want in the way of food."

"Why not let everyone order from the menu."

"What an excellent idea."

****************

"Hyatt Hotel how may I help you?"

"May I speak to the manager please? This is Doctor Joseph Finch calling."

"This is Victor Crestor; I am the manager on duty. How my help you?"

"Mister Crestor, Saturday at 2 o'clock there is going to be a wedding in the main ballroom for Mister and Mrs. Joseph Finch. There will be more than 200 guests. I need the name of an orchestra, and your Master Chef."

"I'm sorry Doctor Finch; the main ballroom is booked for Saturday."

"In the next 15 minutes Mister Crestor, you will receive a phone call from Mister William Zabo, are you familiar with that name?"

"Yes Doctor, everyone is familiar with Mister Zabo."

"Mister Zabo is a close personal friend, and he will tell you the same thing I just told you. Whatever you have to do to move the wedding that is scheduled in the main ballroom, I would suggest you start moving it now. You do not wish to upset Mister Zabo in any way. Your job and the job of any other manager that gets in his way are forfeit, if you do."

"I understand Doctor Finch. As soon as I receive the phone call, I will begin moving the other wedding to a smaller room. Do you want me to book the best orchestra we know?"

"How large is the orchestra, and what type music are they capable of playing?"

"It is a 38 piece orchestra, and they can play anything you desire."

"Very good, book them, and have the orchestra leader call me at home. Now, let me speak to the executive chef."

He was put on hold for about a minute, and then the chef came on the line.

"Hello Doctor Finch, this is Maximilian."

"Hello Maximilian, from the length of time I was on hold I assume you were given instructions about Saturday afternoon."

"Yes Doctor I was, but now what about the menu?"

"It is going to be quite simple Maximilian. Each of my guests will order from the main evening menu. I don't want you to run out of anything that's on it. You have 4 days to order every ingredient needed for every dish you have on your menu. I don't want one of my guests to be disappointed when they order something, and a staff member tells them you are out of it. Your job and your reputation will be ruined if you do. I don't care if you have to bring in extra freezers or refrigerators and have them parked in the back of the hotel. If it's on the menu, you had better have it.

For evening specials, I want added to the menu: Rack of Lamb, Lamb Chops, Veal Shanks, and Veal chops. I want all of them double thickness. I want Atlantic salmon, which are not farm raised, Pacific Sea Bass, Oysters Rockefeller, and huge Maryland blue crab cakes

I would like a smorgasbord of fruit, cheeses, and the best of everything that you normally would serve at a high-end wedding outside the main ballroom.

There is an open bar, and I do not want cheap champagne. I would suspect you would know what Mister Zabo would consider a fine champagne. If you wouldn't serve it to him, don't serve it to anyone else. Am I being clear Maximilian?"

"Yes Doctor."

"Make sure you have extra staff on duty for that evening. I do not want my guests waiting 30 minutes for their meals to be brought to them, and 30 minutes for the plates to be removed from the table.

Do you make wedding cakes or should I order it outside?"

We can make you a wonderful wedding cake, sir."

"All right, plan on making a cake for 250 people. I will bring my bride in so she can pick out the decorations for it."

"Yes Doctor Finch, but what you're asking for is going to be exceedingly expensive."

"Did I ask you anything about money Maximilian?"

"No Doctor, you didn't."

"Good, at the end of the evening, you will present my father a bill, which he will promptly pay. Does that meet with your approval?"

"Yes Doctor, it does."

"Good, I have just reached my home. I'm going to go inside, and fuck my bride silly. Does that also meet with your approval?"

"Have a wonderful time Doctor. I will be placing your orders, while you are placing yours."

"Thank you Maximilian, I hope you are enjoying what you are doing, as much as I will be enjoying what I am doing."

******************

Sandra asked, "Are you going to announce to the world that you were wearing extra-large, pre-lubricated, fluorescent, striped condoms, sent to you by your pre-pubescent daughters from Amazon.com."

"Well, I might leave the last part out."

"If my life wouldn't be over without you, I would leave you, because of your smart mouth."

"My smart mouth is going to be very busy in a few minutes getting reacquainted with several parts of your body. Should I use tape on your mouth, or just stick a pair of socks in there?"

"Don't use tape; it will leave a mark all around my mouth. However, no dirty socks either, that's gross."

"Sarah was here yesterday, I only have clean socks."

"Lucky me, you better give her a large Christmas present. She said you were worse than a slob. She said you could have saved money if you let her come once a week, instead of once every 2 weeks."

"I didn't run out of clothes until the 2nd week."

"What are you going to do on the spaceship Joseph? You are only allowed one suitcase."

"Yes, but you should see the size of my suitcase."

"They may not let you on-board with it."

"They have to, they didn't specify a size, and I am also the only Doctor they have going with them."

"You always find a way to beat the system."

"I became a Doctor to help people. They charged me $330,000 for that privilege. I was not going to stand for it. I went to a 2nd rate medical school, but I studied my ass off to be the best student in the school.

I was accepted into Lyndon Baines Johnson Hospital to do my internship, coming out of that school, because I did so well in my interviews and my knowledge of medicine.

I did so well during my internship, LBJ kept me on to do my specialty in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, as part of the University of Texas Science Center."

"You know all this, because you were there at my side pushing me harder and harder every day. You were taking care of 2 kids, and you still had time to fuck me into submission, and push me to do better.

Then I took you down here, to take care of my student loans. It was only going to be for 5 years. I thought it was going to be an easy gig. Then you were gone, and I didn't know why you left me. I became the worst kind of Doctor possible. I didn't care about my patients, or me.

Then along came Margaret, and her entourage. If you want to talk about a life-changing moments, those few minutes were mine. When someone sticks a .9-millimeter automatic weapon in your mouth, and you know he's not afraid to use it, you tend to listen very carefully to what's being said. When Colonel Lucius C. Canyon spoke to me, I heard every syllable as clear as a bell.

From that night on, I've returned to being the Doctor I was, and I started to love medicine again. Lucius and I have been best friends since that day."