There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 32

"Why do I have a feeling you're not pulling my leg?"

"I'm not pulling your leg, it's all true. I sent a military helicopter to get them out of there."

"Should I tell Stephano and Patti?"

"No, let Robert do that once I have them safely ensconced in an apartment here. I don't know what he wants to tell them or not. The governor can work out her own strategy once things calm down."

"I guess that's the reason Zoey hasn't called Gordon."

"I would think so. She has had an exciting morning. We will talk more about that later. Payne and I have reconciled. We will also talk more about that later."

"You are killing me here Dycke."

"When I am able to tell you about this morning, we will both die."

"I will wait for your phone call."

**********************

I emailed Gordon. "I spoke with Dycke. Zoey has been busy to the extreme, and will call you ASAP."

"K"

Gordon was looking at an area of the Milky Way on the border between the constellations Lyra and Cygnus, when the computer lit the screen up like a flare. As it was localizing itself on a star, Gordon yelled for me to join him.

One of the fantastic things about our Exascale computers is that they never sleep. They take information in from everywhere. They digest the materials, assemble it into the proper files, and then it gets rid of the garbage.

Today using multiple images returned from the Kepler spacecraft, launched in 2009, and whose pointing system failed in 2013, Exascale believed it had found Earth 2. It orbits a sun like star, just like ours, and its distance from the star places it squarely in the Goldilocks habitable zone. The planets radius is 1 1/2 times our Earth, rotates around its sun in 385 days, and has a mass five times greater than our Earth, and its gravity appeared to be 1.1 of Earth.

I called Joseph Oyster to my side and showed him what we had discovered.

He tapped Gordon on his shoulder, and asked him to print it out for him. After he read the parameters he got down on his knees before me, and begged. "Even, please let me call Ames with this information, and send it to them. I will kiss your bare ass every afternoon at lunch in the cafeteria if you let me do this. The guys there will envy me for the rest of their lives when they see my name attached to this."

"Joseph that's one of the differences between working here, and working in the outside world. We don't work for fame, or fortune. It comes to us naturally. That's why the outside world envies what we do. If one of our scientists comes up with a patentable product, his name comes first, and our name comes second. He gets the bulk of the income, and we get a mere thirty-five percent in return for allowing him to work here, in this collegial atmosphere."

"Even, please, just this once, I've taken so much shit through the years from the government, and those people, let me have this one moment to shine."

"What do you think Gordon?"

"No."

"I'm going to kill you unless you change your mind."

"How?"

"I have two black belts in karate."

"Let me see your card."

Oyster presented his karate award cards to Gordon, and he smiled."

"You can send the information out now under your name, provided you promised me three bouts."

"Do you have any belts to prove you're worthy of me?"

"I've been practicing."

"I can take you apart in the ring."

"Do you want the information or not?"

"Yes I want it."

"Tomorrow night, at 7 o'clock in the gymnasium, for our first bout. I won't be too hard on you."

"Why do I have the feeling I've just been taken to lunch Even?"

"He didn't lie to you. He has no official certifications. All he has been doing is practicing."

"Practicing against whom?"

"Me."

Joseph turned around and saw Liz standing there.

"If he's been training with you, I take it he's very fast?"

"Yes he is, and when you see his legs tomorrow night, you will know I am faster than he is."

"What can I do for you Liz?"

"Monty called with a message for Gordon. ' Two dozen turkey eggs were intercepted before they entered The Good Luck. I'm going to break your neck."

"Liz, would you send this reply to Monty please. ' How could you have missed the other three dozen? Gordon"

"Gordon, you don't want me to send that to her do you? She will kill you."

"No she won't, but she will beat the shit out of me tonight."

Oyster said, "You are going to spar with someone tonight, and fight me tomorrow night?"

"Of course, it makes things more interesting."

"Even, your son is out of his mind."

"Joseph, how long have you been saying that to me?"

(Astronomers at the Ames Research Center named Earth 2/ Kepler 452b/ 1400 L.Y. away from Earth. They did not mention Joseph Oyster's name in the press release, and he was pissed.)

*******************

"Liz, he's just doing that to piss me off. Every package that went into the ship was searched today. Everything that came in from a vendor was checked to make sure the seals were not broken. Trust me, no eggs got into this spacecraft."

"I know Monty, he just wanted you juiced up for tonight's practice. He's fighting Dr. Oyster tomorrow night at the gym in the main building. Oyster has two black belts, and Gordon wants to see how he does against him."

"I think I'll crush that little monster tonight, and let Oyster do it again tomorrow."

"Don't do it, I want to see how he does against the good Doctor."

"Everyone is taking my fun away."

"I didn't say you couldn't spar with him, I just said don't kill him."

"Okay, but we only have two dozen days before we leave."

"You must have eggs on your mind."

"I know that little son of a bitch is going to try something, I just don't know where or when."

"There is only one entrance to the spacecraft open. You have six men checking everything that goes into it. There are two more by the door, and agents all over the second floor watching for people trying to sneak things in. It's not going to happen. Your protocols are perfect; I've never seen anything better."

"Thanks Liz, that means a lot coming from you."

*******************

From 1 PM to 5 PM, I scheduled drills for the flight crew on the spacecraft. The first two hours was for the primary crew, and the second two hours was for their backups, just in case anything went wrong during their flight.

I program faults of every kind into the Exascale computer to keep everyone on their toes while they were at their positions. I did not want them to sit there and rest.

At 12:45 PM, we left the dining room and proceeded to the NEST. As we stood in line to be searched before boarding 'The Good Luck' everyone was being frisked thoroughly.

Monty stood by the walkway to the entrance of the spacecraft to make sure everything was done to her standards.

Gordon slipped to the right side of the line outside of her view. She was sure he was up to something and was ready to call it in, when it became his time to be searched.

When he appeared at the desk, he was completely naked. No shoes, no socks, nothing to hide anywhere. He turned his back to her bent down and spread the cheeks of his ass to give Monty a good look.

Monty said something into her radio, and the agents laughed.

Zeke said to Gordon, "Your mistress said don't be late for practice this evening. She's going to feed you your liver."

"Tell my mistress she was late last time, and I messed up her hair, and makeup."

"You are getting a little bossy with her Gordon."

"The only reason I am is she will hit me harder. I want to know how it feels to be hit by a truck, and not a powder puff."

"In that case, you will get what you asked for Gordon."

"Thank you Zeke"

**************

Gordon gathered his clothes and began walking up the ramp. Monty stopped him before he was able to enter the spacecraft. She took each piece of clothing and inspected it for an egg. As she was finished with each piece, she dropped it on the floor in front of her. She smiled at him, stepped forward onto his clothes.

"If there is an egg in there, you now have a problem."

"I'm not the one with the problem; you have two dozen turkey eggs in this spacecraft, in a nice warm area, waiting to hatch."

"Bullshit, no eggs have gotten by my security people and you could not have gotten those eggs past them."

"Yes I know, they are very good at their jobs. However who is watching your security people? A lot of money goes a long way, when they think their jobs are nearly at an end."

"You son of the bitch, you are using my people against me."

"Did I just say that out loud? I must be getting dumber by the minute."

"You're doing this just to drive me crazy."

"Do not ever do that to me again Monty. If you leave me another opening like that, you will kill me, justifiably, for what I will say next."

"Little turd, go to work before your arms are facing the wrong way."

"My dad already told you that you can't do that to me. I am a necessary evil for this adventurer of ours. However, after I train you in celestial navigation, you can kill me anytime you want. I have chosen you as my first student."

"You can't do that to me. We will kill each other before the first week is over."

"I am a very stern taskmaster. You will learn, and you will learn quickly."

"The people on the flight deck are going to roar with laughter."

"They will not be laughing. They will be training their replacements as well."

"This is not a good idea Gordon."

"For the first 14 years of my life you have trained and protected me Monty. Now it is my turn to train and protect you."

"You are out of your mind Gordon."

"Everyone in family believes it's hysterical. Mom believes turnabout is fair play. Delicious cannot wait to see how I interact as a teacher, with my new student."

"It's too bad she's pregnant, otherwise I kill her too."

"You're all talk and no action Monty. You don't know how to kill out of hate. I don't know what happened to you when you were very young. However, all your energies are focused on protecting those to whom you are assigned."

"That's what I get paid to do it Gordon."

"So does every other agent, but they don't take their charges under their wings, as you have done with me. They don't teach them self-defense. They don't teach them to keep talking to their kidnappers so they stay calm and look for a weakness. None of them do what you have done for me, and you know it."

"Your father pays me extra for those lessons."

"Tell me you wouldn't do it anyway, and I'll change my student."

Monty stayed quiet, because like her student, she wouldn't lie.

"Do you remember what you said to me the first day we met Monty?"

"No, but I know I'm going to regret it now."

"You said, 'If I tell you you're going to die, you're going to die. If I tell you you're going to live, you're going to live.' I was three years old when you said that to me, and I remember it like it was yesterday."

"I remember now. Your answer was 'I prefer the second one'."

"You are correct. Then you put me by a window in Grayson's apartment as bait. Your boss wanted the opposing force to see someone in the apartment, but not my sister, or Gray. They were newly married, and supposed to be screwing their brains out, as part of your trap. You left me with two men to protect me, and told me you would see me later. I asked you if that meant I was going to live, and you said absolutely. I felt much better after you said that to me, because I knew you would not lie to a three-year-old boy."

"I should have lied to you, because you've grown up to be the biggest pain in the ass I've ever had."

"I've loved every minute of it Monty and I would do it all over again."

"I would go to Switzerland and ask for asylum."

"I would find a way to get paperwork to show I was your child."

"I would kill you before I acknowledged that relationship."

"Zoey said if we were closer in age, we would be married. That is how compatible we are."

"Compatible, Zoey has to go back to school, and read up on what makes marriages work. The two of you have it. Your hearts and souls are connected. It was obvious from the first second you two saw each other."

"It was the same way for us Monty. The only difference was time, and we had more of it then Zoey and I did."

Over the loudspeaker I yelled, "If my son, has been sewn back together by the security guards at the entrance to the Good Luck, he is needed at the flight deck. We cannot start the simulation without him. Take your hand out of his ass Monty; he doesn't have any eggs in him today."

Everyone at the security entrances laughed.

Gordon asked, "Am I cleared to enter the ship Monty?"

"Tell your father after tonight, you're going to have two assholes."

"I'll be looking forward to it. I have a bout tomorrow night against Dr. Oyster. He has two black belts in karate. Since you don't want me to go higher within the system, I would like to see what I can do outside it."

"Prepare for a night of defensive moves, and only hit him when he is vulnerable. Feel him out first, before you go into the attack mode. I will show you how tonight."

"Not in slow motion, I want you at full speed otherwise it's a waste of time."

I yelled, "Is your fist stuck up his ass Monty?"

"I can't get it by his prostate Dr. Luck. This boy needs to get laid."

"That's not my problem, if you can't get by his prostate, pull it out with your hand."

"That might hurt him a little bit Dr. Luck."

"As long as it doesn't hurt me, I don't care."

"Okay, here goes."

The next thing everybody heard was Gordon screaming. Monty came back on the line, breathing hard.

"My hand is out of his rectum Dr. luck, but we have another problem."

"What is it Monty?"

"When I pulled my hand out, Gordon ejaculated all over the ship. We now have a white streak about 20 feet long, and it's dripping down. I've never seen a man so loaded with semen in my entire life. Women are taking pictures of it to show their husbands, and men are feeling depressed because of Gordon's prowess."

"Get my son up here, before we have a mass desertion of highly qualified people. I'm going to kill that boy. Him, his turkey eggs, and his need to get laid."

"You can't blame the last one on him Dr. Luck. He is his father's son. If you built him a room in the basement, or put soundproofing in his room so he wouldn't have to listen to you and Jennifer every night, he might have had a chance at a normal sex drive. When Liz and I work late, and we are sitting in the living room, we can hear you having intercourse with Jennifer. Gordon is 30 feet closer to you. I can only imagine what Richard and Holden are hearing directly across from you. Richard is now 11, and Holden is six. I would venture to say their knowledge of sex is way beyond anything anyone their ages should know."

"You should only know what they know Monty. When they found out their mother was pregnant, and they asked Gordon what their options might be, he told them. They went on to the Internet and watched a birth. They listened to the mother scream as she delivered the baby, and the father smiled as they handed the baby to him. They found that offensive until he handed the baby to the mother, and the baby began to nurse. They made a decision at that moment that Jennifer should come with me, and they would stay with Rod and Rosalynn to continue their scientific work and build the Good Luck 2."

"Your children are amazing Dr. Luck. Jennifer has done a very good job raising them."

"I couldn't have done anything without my wife's help. She has given me the freedom to continue working as I have worked all my life. She is an amazing woman. I fell in love with her the moment I looked into her black eyes and saw her pure soul. I have to go Monty, my son has finally made it to the flight deck, and we can begin our simulation."

"Congratulations Gordon, you're only 30 minutes late."

"The next time you are going to run a simulation, and you say is going to start at 1 o'clock, I'll be here at 12 PM so they can start searching me. By the time they are finished, the rest of you should be here, and whiz through without any problem."

"That's a wonderful idea Gordon, why didn't I think of that?"

"I could say I'm smarter than you, but that would start another argument, and we would start the simulation until 3 o'clock, when the second crew is supposed to be here."

"I'm amazed, 14 years with Monty, and she hasn't killed you. She must have the patience of a saint."

"I could say the same about my mother. She's been with you for 14 years, and you are still alive. She must have the patience of two Saints. The good Lord must have given her lessons in forgiveness."

"Take your position Gordon, and please put your pants on."

"Tell Monty to leave me alone the next time I try to board the ship; and I will be fully dressed when I arrive at my station."

"These new protocols are in place because of you."

"I am innocent until proven guilty."

"Prepare for launch."

"Detach all exterior connections."

Gray said, "All lights are green."

"Are you ready for your first flight Teddy?"

"We go nowhere."

"Today we are practicing like we are going. Soon everything will be for real."

"Don't like seat."

"What is the matter with your new safety seat? We designed it from your body image."

"Body grow, seat don't."

"We will make you a bigger seat and have you test it before it is installed in the spacecraft."

"Make big seat like captain, use cushions keep me safe."

"I am not sure I like that idea. Maybe we can do it in two phases. One until you become a teenager, and then a big captain seat."

"Cheater."

"Oh is that what this is all about. You want a captain's chair. Well, you may be second in command when you get a little older, but I can send you to your room and have you stand in a corner, until you start behaving like a member of my crew."

"Yes captain, bad Teddy."

"You are forgiven. Now shall we practice for our flight into space?"

"Rather go, but practice okay."

"I would like to go also Teddy, but what is the ship missing that leaving now would make our trip a disaster?"

Teddy thought for a second, then shouted, "Water, water not here yet."

"How much water Teddy?"

"505 thousand gallons at 64 degrees to 102 degrees."

Delicious yelled, "104 degrees, Teddy."

"Mommy wrong."

"Listen you two, I am not going to have a fight over two degrees stop this arguing right now. Let's continue our countdown."

"Security, do your checks, and seal all exterior doors."

Grey responded, "Security verifies all passengers are strapped in, seats are in free motion, and all exterior doors are locked, sealed and green."

"Bring inside atmosphere to 85 percent, and verify there is no deviation."

Gordon replied, "Atmosphere at 85% and holding. There is no leakage."

"Nuclear engine to 3%."

"Nuclear engine at 3%.

"Standby Magnetic Engines."

"Magnetic Engines in Standby mode."

"All stations report."

"Main Engineering, Go. Celestial Navigation, Go, Inertial Navigation Go. Nuclear Power Plant, Go. Magnetic Propulsion System, Go."

"Delicious make our altitude 500 feet."

"500 feet sir."

"Liftoff 1:38 PM, climbing to altitude now 500 feet."

"Full Systems Check"

"We Are Green across the Board."

"Altitude 500 feet captain."

"Retract landing gear."

"Landing gear retracting, and we have green lights."

"Bring nuclear engine up to 50% power."

"Navigation, heading 138 degrees. Azimuth 67 degrees positive; advise when we are 500 miles from the Earth's equator, and passing through 110 miles above the earth."

"Roger captain, heading 138 degrees. Angle on the bow 67 degrees positive, report 500 miles north of the equator, and passing 110 miles."

"Magnetic engines to 40%; EXECUTE!"