Death Brings Déjà Vu Ch. 01

"Bert, you're just being nice; you know I didn't have many friends. Fewer when you went off to school."

"You were always my best friend too, Beth. I just thought I knew that lady for a brief second. Of course I thought I recognized Alice, the lady at the front desk of our hotel too. So maybe I'm just expecting to see people I know."

"Could be your silly over active imagination. You never really did say where you were in the car."

"I guess I was thinking about how things might have been different if..." I trailed off and looked away. I didn't know how to phrase what I was feeling. The guilt I felt, the longing I still had, the endless battle to leave it in the past.

"If what, Bert?"

"If I hadn't bolted from your life when we got caught. I always had more guilt about leaving you without a protector than anything we'd done. It was really all pretty innocent," I blurted out.

"Things were -" she started, but the waitress showed up so she stopped short.

"How are you two this evening?" our waitress asked. "Would you two love birds like something from the bar?"

"I'll just have some tea, but I'll bet she wants a strawberry daiquiri."

Beth pinched me under the table and said, "I think I will at that and I'd really like one of those shrimp cocktails."

I said, "Make it two shrimp cocktails."

The waitress said, "I'll get those right up for you two. Would you like to hear the specials?"

"No, I think we are almost decided," I said. "But we'll let you put those in and come back."

"Okay, well my name is Mandy," she said uncovering her name tag. "I'll be back in a jiff".

"I guess we should table that discussion for now," I said reluctantly. "She'll be back any moment and we both know how small towns are."

Beth nodded in agreement. "I think we're on the same page about that. So tell me about you. What is life like in California and how is your research stuff going."

"Well, California is great. It is way over crowded for my taste, but we're from a small town, so that'd be true for almost any city. I'm pretty happy with my research progress. We just keep coming closer to finding devices to fix all kinds of maladies. We're currently testing some nanotech that will repair organs damaged by cancer."

"Wow, we just keep progressing along. Do you ever wonder if any of the things you research would have saved mom?" Beth sighed.

"You know the answer to that. It is probably the one thing that motivates me to do this work. Research like this is already helping patients exactly like mom. I just wish we'd had some of the drugs that came along right as she got ill. Timing..." I trailed off. "My problem is always timing."

With that Mandy showed up with my tea and her daiquiri. "The shrimp cocktails will be right out."

"See what I mean?" I asked laughing.

Beth smiled her beautiful smile at me, "Yes, timing is tough."

Mandy was right back with the shrimp cocktails. "Okay, have you decided on your dinners this fine evening?"

"I'm sorry," I said "It is my fault I just got talking and didn't let her look through the menu."

Beth said, "Well, you know what I want, silly."

"Oh, yeah. I guess I do. I just need to figure out what I want. Hmmm..." I said looking through the menu quickly. "Okay, she'll have the broiled fisherman's platter and I'll have the same."

Mandy took our menus and said, "I'll have that out for you in just a bit."

"Guess you finally remembered what I like," Beth intoned. She looked at me in the dimly lit alcove where we had been set. Her eyes twinkled as the candle on the table danced a bit from a draft somewhere. "I really miss seeing you and I just don't think I can talk much about the past. I have so much going on in my life right now."

"Well, tell me about that," I said, not wanting to drag up any sour memories. I never really knew how she felt about what had happened. "What is filling your time these days?"

"I don't really want to talk about that either," she said now looking glum.

I wasn't sure what to think. She didn't want to talk about our past or her current life... What did she want? "What would you like to talk about Beth? You know I would never force you to discuss anything that might hurt you in any way. I unabashedly apologize for anything I may have done to hurt you in the past." How did it get to the point that we cannot talk, I wondered.

"Bert, you know I love you and like I've said; what was done, was done out of love. You really need to stop apologizing to me. There are some embarrassing things going on in my life and I've just had enough for a lifetime."

"I will not push you to discuss anything you don't want to discuss, Beth." I took a long drink from my tea. Now, I was wishing we had walked to the restaurant, so I could have had a drink too. She was oscillating from happy to sad in a matter of minutes. "What time is the thing tomorrow?" I asked, trying to move the conversation to a safe place.

"They are having a viewing around 1:00 PM, then the funeral will be Sunday after church," she said with a distant look. "I don't think I want to go to the church service, Bert. I just don't have much faith in god these days."

"I've been agnostic for years, Beth. I just as soon skip it as well. I probably don't know anyone at this church anyway."

"Okay, then it is settled," Beth said, looking relieved. "We'll go to the viewing tomorrow afternoon and the funeral Sunday. What shall we do with the extra time?"

It was looking like a long boring weekend suddenly and I wasn't sure why she looked so relieved to be out of the church service. "So what are your religious views these days, Beth? You must have known I haven't ever been one to go to church. Even when we were kids, I would do most anything to get out of it."

"Yes, you could fool mom with your fake illnesses. I just never could pull that off," she smiled again. It really was a beautiful smile. "I am mostly just a little spiritual. I think there is good and bad in the universe. No big guy in the sky to punish us really... And maybe the whole thing with reincarnation is right, but I don't really know."

"Funny you should mention reincarnation," I said, jumping on a chance to have a safe topic. "I've been reviewing some data from a patient that nearly passed recently. Really I guess she did pass and came back. She claimed to have seen people from a previous life. We were certain it was from the oxygen deprivation, but all of the nanotech readings were good. It had removed the tumor, and built a network for the stem cells to take root. The new brain tissue was coming along nicely. At least it looked good on the MRI and all the data being sent back by the nano. All of a sudden, she was flat-lined."

"What did she see Bert? Did she give any details?"

"Oh, we documented it all, but it still leaves me stumped. She gave quite a detailed chronology of some events she witnessed in the past. All of this came to her while she was dead for what was a minute tops. This is just an ordinary house wife we're talking about. She had a high school education at best. She'd volunteered for testing our therapy since she really didn't have many other choices. All of her other doctors had told her it was terminal. The things she wrote about describing what she saw after the incident are inexplicable. She was plainly an expert stone smith. She wrote a detailed excerpt from the period she claimed to have witnessed while dead. In it she'd been a man working his trade in the Greco-Roman era."

"That is freaky. So you think it is a real phenomenon?" She asked.

"Initially I chalked this up to the brain trauma. I mean, come on, the nano was rebuilding the part of her brain where the tumor had been. It could have been random firing neurons or could have been oxygen starvation during the flat-line. Really, I have no good explanation of it. What she was writing was actually Greek. Where would she have even seen it? We had to get an interpreter to verify what she'd written. The nano was built in our research lab; there was no Greek involvement. It has made me rethink some déjà vu I have felt from various periods in my life."

Beth was listening intently but I could see her gaze was drifting. So I stopped talking a while. We sat and drank our drinks. More patrons started coming into the restaurant. Our food showed up and Beth's face lit up. I'd have paid to see that. She just glowed.

Mandy placed our plates neatly in front of Beth and then me. Then said, "We can get more drawn butter if you need it. Is there anything else I can get you two? It looks like you are on a special night out."

"Nothing special," I said. "Just an aunt's funeral."

Mandy's face was startled, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know. I hope I didn't offend."

"You're fine dear," Beth reassured her. "He's a bit of a clod when it comes to factual matters. He just puts it right out there, damn the consequences. Our aunt was quite elderly and lived a very long and full life."

"Okay, well if there's anything else I can get you let me know. I'll be back to refill your tea, sir. Would you like another daiquiri, ma'am?"

"Yes, I think I would," she giggled.

After the waitress left I finally said, "I guess I do just lay things on people whether they are ready to hear them or not. Just built oddly, I suppose."

"We're both broken in different ways Bert. You looked for the keys to the universe and I looked for someone that would love me." She was always very insightful.

"Yes, maybe. But I'm not sure either of us found what we were looking for." I squeezed her hand as it rested on the table. "Let's eat! This looks delicious." For franchise seafood, I thought in my head. Elbert, you're a dick, you know. Keep that snobbery down a bit. You didn't grow up too far from here, you know? I'm so fucking smug sometimes.

The evening wore on and we were mostly silent through dinner. Beth loved all the different broiled seafood and ate it slowly savoring each bite. I ate most of mine, I'm not as big a fan of broiled fish, but the shell fish, crab and shrimp were really surprisingly good. Finally, I said, "What would you think about a drive down to the old home?"

She looked at me slightly askance, "I don't really want to go there, Bert. When you left for college some things happened you don't know about and we haven't discussed. And I don't want to relive any of the crap down that memory lane."

"Oh," I said stumped. I just seemed to keep fucking things up. But I didn't let it go. "So what I'm picking up is that you aren't angry with me, just angry with the facts here on the ground?"

"Yes silly. You are walking through a mine field and I haven't given you a map. Let's go back to the hotel and I'll give you as much frank talk as I can stand."

I paid the bill and tipped Mandy 25%. I usually tip at least 15% even if service is bad but in small towns like this I take it up a notch. Beth had done her own stint as a waitress and I knew how little she made doing it, so it was a constant reminder. We were out the door and into the cold night air.

The temperature had change drastically from this afternoon. "Wow, I should have worn my jacket," I said.

"You? Look at my bare arms. They're all goosebumps," she said sliding in to the seat and cozying up next to me shivering.

Looking over from the driver seat, I couldn't help but notice that her arms weren't all that had bumped up. Beth caught me looking and smacked my hand playfully. "Perv."

"What? You said look at your goosebumps," I said defensively.

"That's not what you were looking at and you know it."

I felt a little ashamed, but not too much. That's just how it'd been all those years ago. Doctor's games of you show me yours I'll show you mine had just been part of who we were. I guess I never grew out of it. "I guess I owe you another apology now," I said smirking.

She snuggled up next to me saying, "Take me to the hotel, perv, and stop apologizing. It is nice that you think I am attractive."

That was when it happened. Right then she did something that completely took me by surprise. Her hand drifted into my lap and she ever so gently ran her hand over my currently expanding trouser front. I think I was in shock. My heart startled and began to race. That didn't improve things in my pants. My pants weren't tight, but they were quickly becoming uncomfortably snug. She just ignored all this, as if she could even tell. The next unexpected thing followed very quickly. She brought her hand back to let it rest right on me and just kind of gave it a gentle squeeze through my pants.

Not fully understanding where all this might be heading I asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I didn't want to be the cause of any pain in her life. She was clearly dealing with too much as it was.

She said, "Do what? I was just checking out your stuff as plainly as you were checking mine."

That was fair I guessed. "Okay, but I did take my eyes off eventually, Sis. You're making me a tent."

"I'm so sorry, Bert," she said coyly. But her hand stayed right where it was all the way to the hotel.

I was in a bit of a quandary about getting out of the car. There was a bright light over the entry way and a clearly visible camera on an arm over the door. I was pretty sure my tent would be visible. So I asked her, "Do you just want to sit here in the car for a while?"

"No," she said, giving me a gentle pat. "Let's go in." She got out into the cold and her goosebumps returned. So did a guilty little smile. "You coming?"

"Not just this moment. I need to make an adjustment so the camera doesn't capture this pants malfunction I'm experiencing. You go on ahead, I'll be there in a half a shake." I pretended to look around in the car for something while she went to the door, slid the card-key and went inside. I seemed to have gotten things adjusted and got out of the car and went in too. I took the stairs slowly. Few people take the stairs these days. I thought it'd give me time to recover my composure.

When I got to my room I found her already at my door holding it open from the inside. She had changed into her night clothes which was weird. It's only 9:30 PM I was thinking and she hadn't really been that far ahead of me. Surely, she'd taken the elevator as before, right?

"Did you take the elevator?" I asked blinking.

"No, I came up the stairs, it's quicker," she laughed.

"I guess that explains how you got changed before I got here."

"Bert, I've changed my mind about that whole talking frankly thing. I'm just not up for it tonight. What I do want is for you to come in and get comfortable. Put on some pajamas and come have a nice deep snuggle. I think we owe one another that."

"Okay," I said tentatively, "But you saw my bag. I have a suit and my toiletries, but that's it. I haven't slept in pajamas in years. In fact I don't even sleep in underwear." I scooted past her in the doorway.

"Well did you bring any gym clothes?" she asked. "I could feel your muscular arm in the car."

"I don't think that was my arm you were feeling. However, I did bring a t-shirt and gym shorts," I admitted.

"Okay, well put those on and come cuddle on the king bed with me."

I started to open my bag and she just stood there, watching. I smiled. Okay, so this is going to be a little one sided. I didn't mind her standing there, we'd obviously seen one another before. I was just a little surprised at this turn. I had to admit, I was kind of liking it. I went ahead and got out of my clothes leaving my underwear on for modesty. But then instead of instantly getting into my gym shorts, I unrolled my suit and hung it on a hanger in the closet. Then I laid out my clothes from the flight. The tent in my underwear which had mostly gone down was returning under her close scrutiny.

She just stood in the pass-through between the rooms waiting and watching. I swapped the underwear for the gym shorts and met her gaze. She looked a little startled after seeing my cock. She continued to slowly absorb what she was seeing. I was definitely different from when we were kids. Back then I was tall, but had no physique. I had some body definition now. There wasn't a six pack or anything, but for a thirty-two year old, I was in decent shape.

I slowly put on my t-shirt and said, "Okay? You happy with this?"

She gave an approving look and said, "Yes, come hug on me I need you to show me that you love me."

"Well, you already know that", I said. "I tell you that all the time."

"There is a difference between being told and being shown, smart guy," she said. "I need you to show me."

"Beth you have my undying love. You have a singular spot in my heart that will never go away." As I got to the door way, she pulled down the covers on the king bed and slid in, motioning me to join. "Under the covers, eh?"

"Yes, under the covers. Like when we were younger. You lay facing away and I'll spoon you," she said softly.

I joined her and faced away from her as she requested. Then she snuggled up and drew up the covers. It was almost exactly how we slept after mom died. She came to me crying many nights. It was so hard on us both.

"Bert", she said as she put her arms around me. "You just don't know how much I love you and I've been missing you all these years."

"Beth, I've missed you too. We just went our different ways. It's life; it's what happens."

"Well, these past few months I've been missing something in my life and I think I just figured out what it was. It was you, Bert."

Like a dumb ass I said "I thought you didn't want to talk about this."

She ruffled my hair, and put her hand back at my lap saying, "I don't."

I must be the dumbest doctor I know. So now that she's made it clear twice that she is not backing down, I had no choice. "Okay, look. We're both married. I have a daughter and a son on the way. If we cross this boundary, I don't know what it'd mean."

She hugged me and said, "You cannot break anything that isn't already weakened. My marriage is probably ending soon. You don't have to do anything, but I'm making it plain. I want this," she emphasized this with another gentle squeeze.

"I've wanted you for a long time too, Beth. I just don't know. It feels like I'd be taking advantage of you in a moment of vulnerability."

"You wouldn't be." With that she reached inside the gym shorts to put further punctuation on her abundantly clear statements.

So what's an idiot like me supposed to do? I have loved her endlessly for years. Yearned for her when I couldn't have her. Rooted for her when she was down. I just said, "Okay, do what you want."

That was it. She simply hugged me. Her hand was still in my shorts, but we just laid there for what seemed like an hour. She would shift a bit and rub me softly. It was lovely torture. My manhood was bulging and starting to hurt. Of course being the super romantic guy I am, my body decided that was when my tea needed to be returned. Softly I said, "Beth, I have to use the restroom."

"Yeah, I do too. You go to yours I'll go to mine. Meet back here," she winked.

I really had to go. I hate using airport restrooms and so I actually had to have a bowel movement too. When I got back to the bed she was there covers pulled up and beaming, like the cat that ate the canary.

"What's up?" I asked sheepishly.

"You'll see," she said.

"Oh, now I see," I said as I started to get under the covers. "You changed again during the bathroom break."

"Yes, and lets have those off," she said reaching up and dragging down my shorts.

"This feels pretty mechanical, Beth." The dumb ass has spoken again. Why do I let that guy talk? I stood there with my gym shorts down my penis filling rapidly and pulsing.

She frowned, "You don't like what you see?"

"Oh, I love what I see, it just isn't happening in a very romantic way."