Fingerprints on My Heart

"I'd like to take you somewhere, not just my office." There's that hesitation again. "Somewhere where it'll just be the two of us.

Now my heart pounds. "Okay," I say, and now it's me that's nervous.

"Would you be okay if I get a hotel room for us?" he asks me. He has that tense look.

I want to bury my face in my hands and cry. A hotel room? That's so .... It's like I'm having an affair with him, it's like something from one of those cheap made-for-TV movies about the family guy and the babysitter. That's just so horrible. I'd rather do it on the floor of his office if it comes to that. But it's his office, somebody might be working late. Cleaners. Anything could go wrong. In a hotel room, nobody will disturb us. We'll be safe. We'll be alone.

Alone, just the two of us. He can do anything he wants with me.

"Okay," I whisper. "Whenever you like," I say. "Just tell me, I'll be there." It's pathetic, I know. I'm making myself so easily available for him. It's like I want him to use me or something but I can't help it. I want him so much and even this is better than nothing. And nothing is my only other choice and it's one that doesn't bear thinking about.

This isn't a fantasy anymore and it's so painful. I've dreamed of this, but when I did there wasn't this loss, this hurt, this despair. There wasn't any thought of hotel rooms for a few hours. Now that he's had me, now that I know what it's like with him, nothing of him would be sheer agony. Something, that's got to be better than nothing. I'll take the scraps he offers me. Any scraps. I'll take them willingly. I'll beg for them if I have to.

"Kylie," he says, but before he says anything else I'm half way across the car, in his arms. He's kissing me, I'm kissing him back, his tongue in my mouth, his lips crushing mine. His lips lift from mine, he's looking into my eyes. "I want you," he says, "and I'm married."

"I know you're married," I say. "I don't care, just have fun with me, okay, Nick." Like tonight. Tonight he had lots of fun with me. He's taken everything I had to give but I want him to take what he wants again and again. Whatever he wants from me. Have fun with me. Just like tonight. Fun for him. Love for me. I rest my head on his shoulder, rest in the magic of his embrace, taking whatever I can get for as long as I can get it. "I'm here for you, Nick. I'm here whenever you want me. I'm not going to do anything silly."

I look into his eyes as I say that, telling myself that's true. Am I convincing? I don't know. But he looks back into my eyes, he smiles and it's a relieved smile and I know I've just given him an easy out even if he doesn't believe me.

"Okay," he says, and I'm happy and sad because now that I have what I asked for, I'm finding it's not what I wanted at all.

"I better go now," I say, reluctantly disengaging myself.

"Yes," he says, watching me as I ease myself out of the car, taking my bag from the back seat. He watches until I'm inside the house, the front door closed behind me. It's quiet, Mom and Dad must already be in bed. I know they're out all day tomorrow. Some conference or something. Tip-toeing up the stairs, I shut my bedroom door behind me and undress. I'm not going to shower, not tonight. I want to go to sleep and wake up smelling Nick's sweat on my body, feeling his cum inside me, on my thighs and my sex.

In my bed, lying face down on the cool sheets, I slip one hand beneath me, touch myself where he's been inside me. I can feel myself, slightly sore, puffy, his cum still slowly oozing from me onto my fingertips. He's had me. I tempted him, he responded, I gave myself to him willingly, eagerly, but now I'm uncertain and sad and it's not the happy ending I thought it would be when I walked into his office to flirt with him on my way home.

I wanted him but now, alone, in my own bed, no longer excited and overwrought, I know I've been silly, going to see him, letting him make love to me. He's had me every way he wanted. Lying in my bed, my fingers touching myself where he was inside me, I know I should never have done this. I should never have offered up to him that temptation that he wasn't strong enough to refuse.

But I did, and he succumbed, and it's my own fault that now, alone, I feel this pain, this heartbreak. It's worse knowing that now that I've done this with him once, I'm going to do it again. And again. I'm not strong enough to break off with him after this, to tell him no more. I want him so much.

The tears finally trickle down my cheeks. I miss him. I'd like to sleep all night with him but I know that's not possible. If we went somewhere together and anyone found out, it would hurt him and his family and mine as well. I can't resist him, I can't break this off now but I don't want to destroy his marriage, I don't want to breakup his family. I don't want to cause trouble and pain. Not for him.

A casual fling. A girl on the side. A quick convenient fuck. I tell myself that's what I am to him. That's all I am to him. If I tell myself that often enough, maybe I'll believe it. I don't know what he's thinking as he drives himself home. He never said. Does he care for me at all? I know he likes me enough to fuck me. I'm here after all, fucked. Is there anything else to this? Anything beyond this sadness and the thought that maybe he was just using me for some instant gratification. I don't know.

I do know I want something more than this, but with Nick, that's not possible. Or perhaps it is possible but for me at least, the price would be too high. It's not a price I'm prepared to pay. This sadness and loss I can absorb, I can deal with this. What would happen if he left his wife for me, that I couldn't handle. I don't want that, but I know I want him again. Even if it's only for a few hours together whenever he wants me. I can only hope he'll give me that.

My bed is warm and comfortable but I'm lonely. I never thought it would feel like this, afterwards. He's had his fun. I got what I asked for. Now I'm crying and wondering if that momentary excitement and pleasure was worth it. I thought it would be. I thought I'd tease him and flirt with him and have some fun with the older guy I have this huge crush on.

Now I've given myself to him and I know that for me at least, this is no longer something casual. It's not something I can do and then just walk casually away from after I've had my fun. Maybe he can. Maybe it's not too late for him, maybe it's never going to be too late for him. After all, he's taken what he wanted and now he's driving home to his wife and kids. I know he's going to treat this as a casual night together. I'm just that girl on the side that he has some quick fun with.

Regardless of what Nick thinks and feels, I know that whatever he does, it's far too late for me. I'd thought this would be fun, that I'd flirt with him, maybe even make out with him, perhaps we'd even make love although to be honest with myself, that hadn't been something I'd intended. Not really, that was just a fantasy, but I'd been caught up and swept away in what was happening and the reality is nothing like the dream.

In the midst of that infatuation, I hadn't thought beyond my own excitement and the enjoyment I received from knowing he found me attractive. My excitements' over now, I've teased him and I've flirted with him and I've made love with him. I made love. He fucked. Now I know the difference, but it's knowledge that's come too late to be of any use to me. I know, and he's gone now, leaving me alone, but he's left his fingerprints all over my heart and now my heart is breaking.

When I open my eyes, sunlight is streaming in through the drapes. Its Saturday morning, April the first and I'm alone at home. The house is silent. Empty but for me. I ache, I'm sore everywhere but it's a delicious soreness, the sort that makes you feel as if you've worked out really hard. In a flash, everything is there, in my mind, a hologram of memories that have me breathing fast even as sadness fills me. I'm alone. He's had me, but I'm here in my bed all by myself and he's in his home with his wife and children.

I'm sniffling into my pillow when my phone chirps. A text message? I look. My heart beats faster.

It's him. A message. "Are you okay?"

My heart pounds. Am I? I'm a little sore, but not nearly as sore as I thought I would be. I will need to go to a clinic though. I can do that later today. "Yes," I text back. "I'm okay. A bit sore." I add a smiley face and a heart. Then another heart. Then some flowers. And a kiss.

"Are you still at home?" He's sent me a kiss back. I smile.

"Yes."

"Can you get out? I'm driving over. I can pick you up in half an hour."

Now my heart is beating like a drum. I'm not sad anymore, I'm glowing with excitement. With sudden anticipation. With hope. He's coming to me? Now? "Where're Natasha and the kids?"

"Birthday party, they just left, they'll be there until late this afternoon."

I smile as I text my reply. "Mom and Dad are out all day. You can come in."

"I'd like that even more."

I smile, heart pounding. I'm wriggling with excitement now. "C u soon then."

"Okay." He sends a big smiley and some roses. I have to smile.

"How long can you stay with me?"

"Natasha's not going to be home until five. Lots of time. I'll take you to lunch afterwards? Are you too sore?" Another heart.

Sore? I know what he's asking. "No, I'm fine," I text back. I turn my head, look at the clock on the nightstand. Its ten o'clock on Saturday morning now and its April the first and I'm officially not a virgin anymore, anywhere, and Nick is on his way back to me. He'll be here soon and he wants to make love to me again. I shouldn't do this with him. I know how I felt last night when he left me. Abandoned. Used. Alone. Sad. I'm going to feel like that again when he leaves me this time as well.

It's the same feeling I'll have every time he leaves me from now on, because I'm sure now that this will not be the last time and I want so much to do this again with him. Again and again. I can't resist how I feel about him and now that he's on his way to see me, I'm so happy. I'll be there when he wants me. Whenever he wants me. I don't think I'll be able to help myself. I know that I can't resist him now.

"I'm waiting for you," I text, as fast as my fingers can key the letters. I need a shower. I need to be ready for him. I have to hurry. I do. I've never showered so fast in my life. I've never been such a mess in my life. I have to shampoo my hair three times to get his cum out completely. As for my butt and my sex, well, thank god Mom has a bidet is all I can say. Now I know how useful one is, I want one in my bathroom too. I'm not sure how to ask though. Mind you, I'll only need it when Mom and Dad are out so maybe that's not so important.

His knock on the front door brings a jolt of sudden excitement to me. I'm not crying now, I'm smiling as I grab a robe and run down the stairs to look at the security monitor by the door. It's him. Covered only by my hastily tied robe, I open the door. I'm smiling now. I'm smiling as he walks into the foyer, I'm smiling as I close and lock the door. I'm smiling as I turn and he takes me in his arms.

"I want you, Kylie." His first words after the door closes behind him are spoken as he holds me tight.

"Come upstairs to my bedroom," I whisper, my face burning as I take his hand. I lead him up the stairs, down the hallway, through the door into my bedroom. He follows me in, waits as I close the door and turn the lock. He's never been in my bedroom before. It's all pink and white and girly, from when I was younger. My bed's big enough for both of us. I think of last night and how hard he did it to me and I hope it's strong enough.

He doesn't look around at my room. He doesn't look at anything but me. He takes me in his arms, walks me back towards my bed. The bed where I slept last night and where I'm no longer going to be sad and alone. His hands untie my robe as mine fumble at the buttons of his shirt.

"Are you really okay?" he asks as he brushes my robe back from my shoulders. It drops to the floor, pooling around my ankles, leaving me naked.

I smile, my hands working his shirt off him, fumbling at his belt. "Yes," I say, "I'm fine." And I am, now that he's here, with me. Now that he wants me and my bed is waiting for his as I sit down, watching him pushing his jeans and his boxers down, releasing his cock. He's so big and hard and I lean forward and kiss the tip of him.

"I want you, Kylie," he says again, watching me as I lick him.

"I'm still here," I say, easing myself onto my back on my bed, watching him as he strips his clothes off. Neither of us speak again, there's no need for words on my part. I'm content to watch him as he bares himself. His cock is hard, jutting. I wonder if he's been hard for me the whole time he was driving here. It's exciting to think so. I hope he was. The thought inflames my mind as I watch him stand by the bed, looking down at me.

"God, I want you, Kylie," he says again, his eyes exploring my body.

I smile. "I can tell." I part my knees. I'm showing myself to him. Shamelessly. I want him to see me. I want to excite him. "I want you," I say. I'm so wet. Pink and wet and slippery and I'm a little sore from last night but I'm so ready for him when he comes to me with that same urgent need with which he took me last night. It doesn't matter at all that I'm just a little sore because I want him again so much.

I'm shuddering with excitement as he moves onto the bed, his knees between my legs. I find his rigid hardness with my hand, guide him eagerly to me as I draw my knees back, as I expose and surrender myself to him. He touches me gently, readying me. There's no need, I'm more than ready. He smiles as he discovers that for himself.

I shudder again, moaning as he lets my hand guide him, as he mounts me, as he possesses me, as he gently makes me his. His weight is on me, I draw my knees further back, I'm open to his thrusting possession, he's inside me, cradled by my thighs as pins my hands to the bed above my head and fills me again and again and again while I moan with joy and with pleasure.

His movements are slow and steady, he's taking his time with me this morning. I revel in his taking of me, my heels resting against his hips as he moves inside me. All my being is focused on the sensations he creates within me as his cock eases in and out of me, sheathing himself in me slowly, easing out, sliding back in again. My channel clasps him, he fills me, holds himself still high inside me and my entire body ripples with the pleasure I feel.

"Am I good?" I moan, looking up at his face, his chest crushing down on my tender breasts, his body riding mine. I want to be so good for him. I want to give him such pleasure, such enjoyment, I want his cock to hilt itself in me knowing my cunt is for him, for his cock to use, to take, to pleasure himself in. "Nick .... Ohhh Nick .... Nick ...."

Just his name rolling over my tongue as I look up into his face adds to my excitement. Nick is making love to me, his naked body moves on mine. I'm beneath him, I've surrendered myself to him, opened myself wide to him and his cock eases into me at the juncture of my thighs where I offer myself to him for his taking, for his pleasure. He eases outwards, only the head of his cock is inside me. He pauses there. His lips brush mine, a fleeting kiss.

"Kylie," he groans. His cock slides up inside me, pushing inwards, sliding into me, the walls of my channel surrender to him, welcome him, clasp his thickness as he fills me inside.

"Ohhhhh." Now I groan as he presses himself to the hilt inside me. All of him is within me, he presses up against me and I'm shuddering with the pleasure of it as I feel him there, as clasp all of him within me. He's so far up inside me and I every inch of him is big and hard. I'm stretched around him where he enters me and it's an exquisite sensation, clasping him there where he joins my body, where I'm forced open for him to enter me, to penetrate inside me, to sheathe himself in me.

It's still so strange to experience myself being taken like this. I mean, I'm a girl, I know the theory, I know what my body is for, but to be possessed like this, it feels so strange. It's exciting. I love it. I love how he feels within me. I love the pleasure he's bringing me but to have his weight on me like this, to lie beneath him with my legs so widely parted, drawn back to give him access to that most intimate part of me, it's so strange.

I've surrendered myself, I'm giving myself to him, opening myself to him and he's taking me and he's part of me and it's not at all what I'd imagined it would be like. It's better. Far better.

"Uuuhhhhh." His cock is all the way inside me again, he's moving steadily, exquisite friction as he eases in and out of me. Every time he slides into me I can't help making excited little noises. Moans. Gasps. Cries. Sobs. My hands clutch at his where he pins them to the bed and I revel in my submission. My surrender. I'm his and I want to be his, I enjoy my surrender, I enjoy my position on my back, my legs spread wide, drawn back, so open to him. So helpless. His. Completely his.

"Nick," I sob, "Nick .... Nick ...." There's so much I want to say but his thrusting cock drives the words out of my mind and all I have are the emotions, the feelings, the longing for him, my need to surrender myself, my desire for him to take me, to use me, to satisfy himself with my body, to keep doing this until he reaches his culmination. My own pleasure is secondary to my desire to please him, to satisfy him but that doesn't matter either because every movement of him against me and inside me is a little slice of paradise.

"Kylie," he groans at last, "I can't wait.... I have to ... I have to..." His thrusts are more urgent, harder, he's demanding, he's taking from me now. Taking his pleasure.

I'm not near my own climax, not this time but I don't care. We have all morning, all afternoon and his need is on him and my only desire now is to satisfy him.

"Do it," I moan, "do it in me ... do it hard ... fuck me hard... fuck my cunt ... fuck me."

He does. He thrusts hard, his cock pounds into me, his shoulder and back muscles tense and strain under my hands where I'm clutching at him. My eyes stare blindly up at his face as my back arches, my feet kick helplessly towards the ceiling as his cock rams into me and rams into me and rams into me. His pelvis slaps noisily up against me, the head of his cock pushes up against my cervix, hurting me, but now even the pain I feel is pleasure.

"Uuhhh ... uuhhh ... uhhhh ..." I hear myself groan with each of this thrusting drives, helpless groans, forced from me by the power of his movements. My body welcomes his passion, welcomes his power, revels in his desire for me. I would urge him on, urge him to greater intensity, urge him to use me harder if I could but I can't, all I can do is utter those wordless groans of surrender as he uses my body for his pleasure.

His cock seems to swell inside me, he's so hard. Rigid. A solid bar of steel that pierces me, impales me, drives into me deeply again and again and again, faster, harder. He has one hand under my shoulders, holding me in place, his other hand works its way down under me, his fingers splay wide under my butt, lifting me a little. Impossibly, his cock seems to drive deeper within me.

"Ooaagghhh ... uuughhhh .... uughhhh..." My choked out groans become more intense, if that's possible. His cock sheathes itself within me again and again, his hips move, he drives himself up inside me, his cockhead frictioning against the clasping walls of my channel with every slide. He's close. I know he's close and my own pleasure is growing now, closer and closer with every pounding thrust. My hands clutch at him, my fingers dig into his skin, my feet bounce against his hips as he has me.