I Kissed a Girl Ch. 09

I hadn't seen the tall, skinny woman approach. One minute, I was watching my classmates, and the next, someone was sitting at the table with me. I flinched, taking in her black cowboy hat, dark plaid shirt, dark jeans, and a pair of black boots. One of the latter of was propped up on the chair between us.

"Do you want to dance, darling?" the woman said, tilting her hat down on her blonde head before she gestured with her chin toward the far side of the room. "I bet you could show those girls a thing or two."

I followed her gaze and saw that my friends were bumping and grinding at the air now. On the level below them were a couple of empty black cubes that had previously been occupied by two other women. I looked back at the uninvited guest and gulped, forcing a smile. "No, thank you."

"Your loss, darling." The woman stood and sauntered over to a group of girls who looked like they'd used fake IDs to get in.

I tried not to laugh. I had never been hit on before by a woman. I'd never imagined my first time would be by the female version of a cowboy.

It was in the midst of finishing the gifted bottle when the waitress returned. As soon as she set a new bottle down and walked away, another offer to dance from another club patron appeared. After the fourth one, I snuck off to the bathroom.

Returning to the dance area, I found my table was now occupied by the cowgirl and one of the younger women she'd corralled. I both felt relief and a little envy. I considered calling a cab, but I had to admit, I was kind of enjoying being out and the music was nice. I really wasn't ready to leave.

I wandered into the next room, which was mostly just another bar. The light was steadier and the music more muffled, but the level of chatter still made it difficult to hear. I was about to return to the darker dance room when I saw the door off to the side of the far end of the bar. Specifically, the sign on it that read "Jazz Suite."

Not even thinking twice, I made a beeline across the room and turned the doorknob.

Where as the previous two rooms were loud and crowded, the third had a more relaxed feel. Though still dark, there were clusters of padded chairs situated around small tables that had little, glowing lamps at their centers, creating a cozy ambiance. Swirls of smoke could be seen rising above the heads of the few patrons in the lamplight while sultry tunes oozed from a man playing a saxophone on a stage in the far corner.

A redheaded woman wearing a black-sequined dress sat on a stool, crooning in a deep voice about lost loves. At least I thought it was a woman until she shifted under the light on the stage and I saw her Adam's apple. But I didn't care. His...her voice was spellbinding.

I eased into a nearby chair and leaned my arms on the tabletop. The more I listened to the singer and the musician, the more I relaxed. I found myself swaying to the music. The song changed, and I sat back, looking around the room at the groups of women...men. Some were holding hands. Some were leaning on another with an arm around their shoulders. All seemed like they wanted to hang out together. Maybe were even doing more than hanging.

Once again, I was an outsider. After all these years, trying to fit in, I was still hiding. Afraid to embrace the deepest part of myself. Now that I was in the one place I should be able to do it, I still felt like I didn't belong. Even in a gay bar.

With a soft cry, I got up and left the room, intending to call that cab. But I ran into one of my friends at the bar. She grabbed my hand and dragged me back into the dance room despite my protests. I held my ground when she started to climb up the steps to the next dance level. For a long moment, I just stared at her. Then I turned and started to leave again.

Guilt made me stop when I saw an empty booth in the corner. I reminded myself how badly I had felt just a short time ago when I wondered if my friends would abandon me. I shouldn't do the same to them. So I plopped myself down and sighed deeply.

The longer I watched them make a fool of themselves, the more I wished they weren't here. That I could let loose and be myself without the fear of repercussions in the morning. And when I noticed the cowgirl grinding away with the younger gal I'd seen her with earlier, I chided myself for not having the guts to accept when I'd been given the offer to dance. God, I was pathetic.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

I turned my head and blinked up at a man of average height with broad shoulders wearing a dark polo and khakis. His blond hair was cut short, but I couldn't see the rest of his face due to shadows. "I'm sorry. Thank you, but I'm not interested in dancing."

"Neither am I. It's just a drink."

I almost turned him down, but I figured, what the hell? "Sure. A drink would be nice."

He disappeared after I rattled off my favorite beer, and I thought maybe that was that. No big loss that I wasn't going to get intoxicated tonight. But he returned a few minutes later and set two bottles of my beer on the table and took the seat next to me.

Relax, girl. Just relax. He's a guy. You have nothing to worry about.

"My name is Susie."

I took a better look at my tablemate now that we were on the same level. Then I swallowed heavily. Sure enough, Susie was a woman, not a man. Somehow, I managed to say, "I'm Jenna."

"It's nice to meet you, Jenna. Can I be honest with you about something?"

I couldn't speak. I was still kicking myself for thinking she was a he...realizing that she was just butch. Just as I had mistaken the lounge singer for a woman, when she was really a man in drag.

Susie didn't wait for me to respond, anyway. "I've been watching you ever since you came in with those chicks over there. You're not like them. And I don't mean just the drinking and the dancing. This your first time in a gay club?"

I felt myself nod.

Susie nodded herself and took a sip of her beer. Her eyes studied me for several minutes while the base thumped like a rapid heartbeat matching the pounding in my chest, and the lights bounced off the black walls, lighting up the crowd of clubbers. Then she patted my free hand I'd rested on my lap and said, "You belong here, honey. They don't. Everything will be okay."

We sat without another word, occasionally drinking our beers while the loud music surrounded us. It filled my head along with the questions of who this woman was. Why she had sought me out. Where had my friends gone? And why were no other women approaching me now?

After a time when I said I was getting a headache from the music, we moved to the Jazz Suite. And when the club started to shut down for the night, I automatically walked with her toward the door. That's when I noticed my friends were nowhere around.

"I need to call a cab," I mumbled, digging my phone out of my purse.

"Me, too. I don't drink and drive. Do you want to share one?"

Which is how I found myself riding beside Susie across town. My apartment was closer, and as the cab pulled up to the curb, my mouth seemed to move on its own. I blamed it on the alcohol and a longing sense of not wanting to be alone. I meant just to tell her goodnight. But her hand brushed mine in the dark, and what came out was, "Do you want to come up for a drink? Maybe chat?"

A few minutes later, we were both sitting on my couch—each with a beer in hand—to the soft backlight from a sole table lamp behind me. There was the occasional conversation about the club, city life, and the fact that I was finishing college and she worked at a local factory as a welder. But it was mostly odd patches of silence where I could hear the sloshing of beer in the bottles as we each took sporadic sips.

It'd been quiet for a long time when the air suddenly seemed to be closing in on me. I clenched my eyes. Had I made a mistake of asking her to come up? Why had I gone to the club in the first place? Who was I kidding? I should never have left the military base.

Susie took my free hand, squeezing lightly. "It's okay. You don't have to hide anymore."

I gulped. "I don't know—"

"Honey, I can tell."

My eyes opened slowly. "What?"

"You're one of us. You know it, too."

I just blinked at her.

"I can help you adapt. To help you fit in where you truly belong."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Though I felt a tear in my eye.

"Jenna, you don't have to be afraid."

My voice trembled when I was able to speak this time. "Of what?"

"Shh."

Susie took my drink and set both beers aside. Then her hands, cool from the bottles, cupped my cheeks, holding my head still while her lips lightly touched mine.

I expected to pull away. But I just sat there and felt the tension drain from my shoulders instead. A tear trekked down my cheek when I closed my eyelids. Then I whimpered and accepted that this was really happening. Finally happening.

She rained feather-light kisses against my lips with brief pauses where she brought our gazes together. Her movements seemed purposeful and done with caution. It took several times before I realized she must have been testing my reaction.

When she pulled back the next time, I leaned toward her and returned the kiss. I moaned softly when she reciprocated by sweeping her tongue along my bottom lip.

Her arms slid around me, gently holding me to her while she coaxed me with more soft kisses. And then one hand pulled back and grazed over my nipple through my shirt.

I cried out at that and rolled into her body, clutching at her arm.

Susie moaned herself and pressed a little harder on her next pass, her palm cupping around the curve of my breast. Then her kisses intensified. Her tongue teasing until I parted my lips and let her inside with a soft gasp while her free hand cradled the back of my head now, her fingers burying in my hair.

My tongue joined hers in a slow dance until they were chasing each other. Then our moans combined. Her hand plied my breast while mine echoed the motions on her bicep and shoulder.

Gravity took over. I ended up on my back on the couch with Susie straddling me, one of her knees wedged between mine. Gradually, she pressed up against my pussy through my jeans, her hand sliding down to pull the hem of my shirt out of my pants. Then she was underneath the material, stroking the skin of my abdomen with her fingertips and the underside of my breast through my bra.

I pressed my lips together, arching my neck and back as a ripple of new feelings burst like little firecrackers in various places inside me. My hands clutched at her, sometimes making only purchase with the air as she moved.

She tugged my bra cup down and teased my nipple in the most delicious way while her tongue traced my lips until they parted again.

My mind was hazy from the night of drinking and the adrenaline pumping through my veins. Her soft touches. The building urgency within once I'd told myself it was okay to stop fighting the truth.

Just when I thought the feelings would never end, she backed off. I whimpered loudly until I felt her unzipping my pants. I held my breath while her hand snaked in between my panties and my skin. Her work-roughened fingers searched, rubbing along the way, making my hips arch up and wiggle back-and-forth. When she touched my clit, she silenced my cry with her mouth.

I felt my body bucking underneath her, her fingers burying deeper within my pussy.

Her hand splayed out, two fingers curling up and sliding inside of me while the heel of her hand pressed against my pelvic bone. Then she was jerking upward in the confines of my jeans and panties.

I yanked my head back further and cried out, gripping her shoulders tighter. Her moans were muffled against my neck while she nuzzled there, her breath hot against my skin. One moment I was begging for release, and the next, I was floating.

Susie rolled off and adjusted so she was lying behind me on the couch cushions, her hand still buried between my legs. My body twitched when her fingers continued to stroke languidly.

I started to drift off and heard her whisper in my ear, "Welcome to the dark side, Jenna."

***

I met with my classmates on Monday for our usual study session, but no one mentioned what had happened Friday night. Which meant that no one apologized for leaving me behind. When I excused myself to use the restroom, I overheard two of them saying I was a bore and not to mention the plans for the upcoming weekend. They didn't want to get stuck with me again.

A lump formed in my throat at their words. It wasn't the same as high school, but it was pretty damn close. Same shit, different year.

Honestly, I shouldn't have been offended. I didn't want to hang out with them, anyway. I wasn't the partying type of girl.

I stopped in the kitchen on the way back and grabbed a soda. I had just taken a long gulp when one of them asked if they should go back to the gay club. That's when I choked on my drink.

Susie and I had plans for this Friday. At the club.

While I was coughing like a chain smoker, I struggled to hear the others respond. The conversation was partially muted—probably because they could tell I was nearby—but I managed to hear someone say the club was a bust. They wanted guys to hit on them while they were dancing, and that just wasn't going to happen at a gay bar.

The tears in my eyes were mostly because I was trying to draw air into my lungs. But they were partially from relief that I wouldn't risk the chance of running into them and therefore revealing my secret. Yet.

Susie and I spent a lot of time together over the next few months. I met her roommate and a couple of other friends who weren't straight—some men, but mostly women. We spent the weekends at the club, usually in the Jazz Suite. Over the weeks, it became easier and easier to drop my guard.

The first time she went down on me, I'd just stared at her in awe with my forearms propped up behind me, my shirt rolled up under my breasts. She'd been so gentle. So thorough. I tripped on a couple of small orgasms before my arms gave out. Then I was gripping the bedsheets, my body frozen in an arc while her tongue and fingers brought me more pleasure than I'd ever imagined.

When I'd finally felt comfortable to take my turn, my hands had still shaken so badly that Susie grasped them in hers and guided me on what to do as though I'd never known what a pussy was. My first touch of her with my fingertips was strange but exciting. I'd touched myself, of course, over the years. But touching another body? Another woman?

My inhales became jagged when I felt her hot and pliable skin. How it was damp with arousal. More so the further south I ventured. Her heavy breathing told me I must have been doing something right. Especially when I eased my finger inside her tight channel, and she pulled her knees up, spreading her legs wider while her hips arched toward my face.

I smiled against her swollen flesh when I sucked her clit into my mouth and she cried out, her body jerking above me. My chin touched wetness, and I tentatively ran a finger between her lips again. That earned me a couple of sharp gasps. They morphed into moans when I circled the sensitive ring to her entrance with first my fingertip then my tongue before gently pushing inside with the latter. Her heat increased against my face, and I ran my tongue up the length of her, inserting my index finger again along the way. Her muscles clenched around the digit, both pulling it in and pushing it out.

The taste of her on my tongue was slightly bitter, but not unpleasantly so. A muskiness joined the flavors when I pulled back the hood of her clit with my fingers and used my tongue to test the hard nub until it poked out, seemingly begging for more attention. I happily obliged.

The longer I licked and fingered her, the more I found I was getting aroused myself. I had caused this. I was the reason she was wet and writhing on the bed. Squeezing her thighs around my head and bucking her hips, moaning my name. I had caused her pleasure, and that made my heart swell with pride.

Yet despite opening myself up to this new world...my new lover...one thought always hung at the back of my mind. I couldn't help wondering what it would be like to be with Kat in my bed. To be the one making her writhe and shiver under my touch. To feel the slickness I'd caused between her thighs. To taste her essence and smell her womanly musk filling my head while I teased her with my tongue.

I didn't imagine that Susie was Kat. Or at least not consciously. But I think that Susie eventually realized that my heart didn't belong to her. She never asked, so I never admitted it. Though she did mention my melancholy on what would be our last day together...the day I graduated. I just said I was sad that another milestone had passed.

Susie took her time when she went down on me that night. Drawing out orgasm after orgasm until they all seemed to merge into one and I felt boneless. Ethereal.

She slipped out sometime in the night while I slept. I found a note the next morning that said she had accepted a job on the East Coast. She hoped I wouldn't forget her, but it was time we went our separate ways. She wished me all the happiness with my future and wanted me to know she cherished every minute we'd had together.

Fighting the tears in my eyes, I knew I felt the same.

***

I believed that graduating college and then law school meant my past was finally behind me. I knew what I was going to do with my life. Who I really was inside. I had a purpose. Even a goal: to be successful in my career. I was resolute that nothing would get me down now.

Everything went smoothly for about six years. I was hired for my first job at Tompkins Legal Consulting. I had a supportive boss, worked with a great staff, and I enjoyed going into the office each day. I even went out with a couple of ladies for drinks after hours on Fridays. But there was no one I felt comfortable opening myself up to. Not in the way that mattered most.

Then I met Celene.

She was one of three accountants Tompkins used, and technically not an employee of the firm. We worked closely during a drawn-out settlement for a troublesome client. Five weeks of mostly ten-to-twelve hour days in a crowded conference room kind of close. The last night after finally finishing the lawsuit, everyone else on the team had gone home by 6:00pm, so it was just the two of us left to close up the office.

I locked the doors and walked beside her to our cars, carrying a binder of paperwork while she managed a filing box. At her trunk, I waited for her to deposit the box. "I'm so glad that one is over. We can finally enjoy a weekend off. Not to mention sleeping in tomorrow."

"Thanks, Jenna, for helping," she said, her hand lingering on my arm after I leaned over and placed the binder beside the box.

I slowly stood. My pulse was racing by the time I looked into her eyes. Then my breath hitched when she moved her hand to cup my cheek.

"I've enjoyed working with you these late nights. Seeing your lovely face every morning. Hearing your laugh. Watching you debate with the men for what is right."

I just blinked at her, too afraid to speak.

"They don't know what a gem they have here." Celene gave me a warm smile, her thumb caressing my skin, which made my hands shake. Then she leaned in and kissed me.

My eyes closed, and all I could do was feel. Her hands holding my face. Her lips covering mine. Warm air whispering over my skin when she exhaled through her nose.

I put my hands on her arms and returned her advances, hoping I didn't come across as desperate. But my hormones had been dormant for too long. They remembered what Susie had awakened within me. They wanted to be released again. My fingers must have clutched her a little too hard because she squeaked and flinched.