I Kissed a Girl Ch. 09

By the time I'd finished my conversation with my boss and hung up, Kat had finished the drink. And I had revised my plan. Just hearing Tim's voice had reminded me of that night in Louisiana. That he had simply gone after what he'd always wanted without regard to what I might want, too. I couldn't do that to Kat. She was grieving, having just lost her fiancé. What kind of person did that make me to swoop in when she was at her lowest and try to be a hero...merely for my own gain?

I refused to be callous, even if I never told her my true feelings for her. Instead, I would be whatever Kat needed me to be. If it was only a shoulder to cry on, I would offer my shoulder. I would lend my ears to listen if she needed to vent. Nothing more. It was the least I could do after she'd been there for me in high school, although she probably didn't even remember that day in the cafeteria. And though it may kill me inside, I would find a way to be content with just being her friend.

I set my phone on the counter and gave her an honest smile. I really did empathize with her situation...even the part that I had nothing to do with. "Feel any better?"

"A little."

I headed to the couch to sit down. My back was still aching from all the tossing and turning last night. Suddenly, she was behind me, following me. She sat down first, and I took the opposite end of the cushions after I discarded my shoes.

She cringed. "Not a big fan of Bloody Marys, though."

"Trust me. It's better than a migraine." I thought of something else that had worked when Celene had tried to help me relax the night Tim told me I was traveling with him to California. I wondered how Kat would react. "Give me your feet."

To my surprise, she swung both legs up onto the couch and rested her head on the padded arm. She moaned when I took her right foot in my lap and massaged it, pressing my thumbs into the cool sole.

I gulped at the sound...at the thought of what else would have her melting like putty in my hands, vocalizing her content. And the combined softness of her skin on top and the roughness underneath by her heel? I had goosebumps popping up all over. This was going to be torture just being friends.

My fingers lingered over her toes that had the same polish as her fingernails. And the longer I had my hands wrapped around her foot, the more the coolness dissipated. "How are you dealing with the guy thing?"

She took her time answering. "Oh, Danny. I'm okay, I guess. Haven't heard from him."

"You're probably still in shock. After the fourth drink last night, I knew you were feeling no pain." I switched to her left foot. "You were entitled, though."

Kat shrugged, which must have been difficult from how sunk into the couch she appeared to be. She was practically lying down with her neck at an odd angle on the armrest still. "I haven't really thought about it much. Maybe I just don't want to."

"You'll have to, eventually. You can't help it." Tears choked my throat as my thoughts took over and became words. "Something, someone, will remind you, and then you'll just break down when you least suspect it."

Her voice was equally strained when she asked, "Speaking from experience, huh?"

I couldn't look at her. If I did, I'd end up crying. Admitting my true feelings for her that I'd kept buried just under the surface for all of these years. Because I'd just promised myself I wouldn't go there. Somehow, I managed to whisper, "You could say that."

After a moment, Kat scooted upright and continued. "Danny and I have gone together for over two years. It became...routine, I guess. Marriage just seemed like the next step. Not that I was opposed to it. In retrospect, maybe he was. At least to me."

My eyes snapped back to hers, and a fire lit in my belly. "Was he cheating on you?"

She seemed to consider that but then shook her head. "I think he wanted to. Why else break off the engagement and say he doesn't want to see me ever again?"

My hands stilled around her left foot that I realized I'd still been caressing, and I sat up straighter myself. That fire burned brighter. "He said that?"

She nodded, and this time, she was the one to glance away, her voice cracking. "If he wasn't ready to get married, he could have just said that. I would have understood."

"He's a jerk." I heard the venom in my voice. That word wasn't harsh enough. Scott Martini? Tim Jacobs? They were jerks. Bullies. But Danny? He was an asshole. A bastard. And it was at that moment that I knew I needed to be more than a comforting friend to Kat. I needed to protect her. Because this wasn't over with Danny. Not by a longshot. I needed to be here for her if he tried to convince her to take him back. I leaned toward her, and she looked me in the eyes again. "He doesn't deserve you."

Pink spread across her cheeks when she stared at her lap. "Thanks."

"I mean it, Kat. You deserve so much more." I reached out and gently tucked two fingers under her chin. My words suddenly failed me when she lifted her eyes and stared back at me. I could see the dampness on her thick eyelashes when she blinked. She was so close, and my gesture so intimate...

She suddenly yawned. "Sorry. I'm not the greatest company right now."

"It's fine." I smiled and took her hand, helping her to her feet. My heart beat faster when her fingers wrapped around mine. As she followed me down the hall and into her dark bedroom. I suppressed the thoughts that told me where I was...who I was with. I needed to be in control of my emotions, or it would be disastrous for us both. "You need more rest."

When she didn't move, I gestured to the bed and said, "Lie down."

And she did.

Like a child, she kept her eyes on me while I pulled the covers up over her chest and lightly tucked them in around her shoulders. I felt my resistance waning and took the risk to briefly put my fingertips on her forehead. To slip her hair behind her ear.

"I'll call on you later," I said hoarsely. I checked my watch. I needed to hurry to meet Tim, but I could be back after lunch. It was the hardest thing to walk across that room and close the door behind me.

God, how I had wanted to stay with her. To lean down and kiss her. To crawl into bed with her and hold her, telling her it was going to be okay.

I cleaned up the blender and the counter then packed up the remains of the items I'd brought. At her front door, I bit my lower lip, fighting against the desire to bail on my boss. In the end, I knew I did the right thing by leaving. But I vowed to come back as soon as I was able.

###

As much as I detested being around Tim for too long, I was thankful for the distraction from my thoughts. By the time we were done, it was later than I had anticipated and past six. My stomach rumbled loudly on the elevator to the lobby. I just wasn't sure if it was from hunger or nerves.

On a whim, I stopped at a corner liquor store to pick up two packs of cigarettes before I swung through a Chinese takeout place and headed back over to Kat's. I was glad she answered the buzzer and wasn't still in bed. When she opened the door to her apartment, she looked refreshed with her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. Her smile rendered me speechless for a moment. I had to swallow a couple of times before I could form any words. Even then, I stumbled over them.

"Um, I brought food. Chinese." I lifted the plastic bag as though I needed to provide proof. I gulped while I took in her T-shirt, jeans, and bare feet. My gaze landed on her breasts which were emphasized by the tightness of the fabric, and my voice was raspy when I said, "And cigarettes."

Her eyes lit up at those words, and her lower lip rolled into her mouth. A glimpse of her teeth peeked out while her grin widened and she stepped aside.

I went directly to the kitchen again, as though I lived here. And Kat followed, taking a seat at the island facing me with her back to the living room area.

"I hope you like chicken lo mein." I silently cursed myself for not thinking of asking what her preference was...for assuming she wasn't a vegetarian and ate Chinese in the first place. Then again, I didn't have her phone number to have called her to check. I pulled the containers out of the bag—a sense of déjà vu sending a shiver across my shoulders—and then turned to search for plates in her cupboards. Everything from spices to cookbooks to pantry items were neat and organized, just like I assumed she was on a daily basis. One more thing like me. I suppressed a sigh and glanced back at her. "I have both white and fried rice. You pick."

"I'll take fried, if you don't mind. Plates are to the left of the sink. Forks in the drawer below."

I nodded and opened the only cupboard I hadn't checked yet. And I'd seen the forks this morning when searching for a spoon to measure out the ingredients for the Bloody Mary. I could use one of those myself right now. A drink, not a fork.

Kat was quiet while I divided the mixture of soft noodles, vegetables, and chicken in a tangy sauce over the two piles of rice on the plates. She stared wide-eyed and shook her head slightly when I put an eggroll and fortune cookie beside the entrée and pushed her dish toward her. I just raised an eyebrow and spiked a piece of chicken on my plate.

"Thanks." She dug into her food but suddenly jumped up. "Geesh. Do you want something to drink, Jenna?"

I swallowed my bite and waved at her to sit back down. I knew where the glasses were—above the plates—and started toward the fridge to see what she had to offer. "How about some vino?"

Her laugh was musical. "After my experience last night, I'll pass."

I considered her reasoning briefly but said, "Nah, it'll actually be good for you."

"Okay, Doc. There should be a bottle in the fridge, but it's not open."

Spotting a bottle of Chardonnay, which would pair well with the fried rice, I poured us two glasses and toasted hers before taking a sip. It not only tasted good, but it also felt wonderful, coating my throat.

We ate in silence, me standing while she sat, alternating between twirling noodles onto our forks and taking swigs of the white wine. I wondered what she was thinking about. She kept her eyes downcast most of the time, but occasionally, I saw a sparkle within when she glanced up and smiled at me. I couldn't help but return the gesture, though I don't know if she saw it. At least she seemed content with my presence because I had begun to wonder if she was offended that I'd shown up twice today, unannounced.

Once again, I cleaned up her kitchen. It felt second nature to me. She opened her mouth at first, probably to object, but then she just crossed her arms on top of the counter and sighed. I could feel her eyes on me while I moved around and put the clean dishes in the rack to dry. It made something deep down twitch that she was paying particular attention to me.

When I was done, I considered leaving. I'd made sure she had gotten some rest earlier and had something to eat at least once today. I didn't want to impose. I was sure she would still want to be alone. But when I started to wash my wine glass, she asked me if I wanted to stay and have another.

For a couple of hours, we sat on opposite ends of the couch and watched a movie I hadn't seen before. Kat said it had been popular when we were in high school and had since become a cult classic. I just smiled. I didn't point out that I only went one year to public school, and my parents had been a little strict with what movies they'd let us watch on the base. A bunch of high school seniors hazing freshman and getting drunk and high on the last day of school wasn't exactly my mother's idea of appropriate. Then again, both of her daughters had turned out to be lesbians.

I had to admit, the movie was good. Or maybe it was the company...and the fact that we were both smoking and drinking. I, at least, was relaxed. I think she was, too, though she was very quiet. Especially, after I ran to the restroom.

Suddenly, Kat laughed, but nothing funny had happened on screen. I did a double take between her and the TV. "Did I miss something?"

She was grinning. "Nope, it was inside my head."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "As long as you don't talk back to the voices, you should be fine."

"I'll keep that in mind." She snuffed out her cigarette and got up. "Do you want more wine?"

My heart did a little pitter-patter. "Are you trying to get me drunk?"

I was joking, but I was also honestly curious since she'd previously said she wasn't imbibing after last night's ordeal. I finished the last swallow and handed over my glass. "Not that I'm complaining."

"It was not my intention." She disappeared into the kitchen and stuck her head in the fridge. "I have no idea how to cure a hangover for you."

That pitter-patter was a full-blown base drum now, and it was pounding at my chest and in my ears like no tomorrow. My voice sounded husky to me when I said, "Oh, I could teach you."

Boy, what I wouldn't give to make good on that promise.

Kat seemed to freeze in the kitchen, her back to me. I watched her for a full minute before she shook her head and took a sip of her wine. Then she brought me my glass. And muted the TV.

I faced her on the couch now, my glass at my mouth though I didn't drink. "Something's up."

Her tongue darted out and licked her lips, making me groan softly, which I disguised by taking a long sip. She echoed the motion and seemed to back up a little. "Danny called."

My hand stilled in the process of lowering my glass. I locked eyes with her over the rim, holding my breath.

"Or rather, he sent me a text." She picked at the leg of her sweatpants, although I saw nothing there. "He wants to come over tomorrow and get his things."

I knew this was coming. Yet, I still wasn't prepared. After a long exhale, I managed to keep my voice calm and asked, "Is that so?"

Kat shrugged.

My hand was shaky, but I was able to set down my glass without knocking it over or spilling any of the wine. I turned a little more and pulled one leg up under me. I had to let her lead this discussion.

"I guess it's better to get it over with."

My jaw clenched, and my hands fisted in my lap. She was agreeing to his wishes?

No! You need to scream at him. Tell him to fuck off! Throw his stuff to the curb just as he did with you.

But the longer I stared at Kat in disbelief, the more I could tell it probably hadn't been an easy decision taking the high road. As cathartic as my ideas would have been, she needed to do this amicably. Make a clean break. As long as she didn't kowtow to him and take him back in the process.

She was worrying her lower lip, and I got the impression that she was waiting for me to tell her meeting Danny tomorrow was okay. But I couldn't do that. I refused to make the decision for her. So I said the next best thing.

"You know, you can say no. If you're not ready, that is."

"Will I ever be ready?" Kat shrugged. Maybe in response to me, maybe answering her own question. Or maybe signaling that she was giving up trying to talk herself out of doing this entirely. "There isn't much stuff. I could even get it together tonight. Have it ready by the door so he doesn't have a reason to stay long."

"Yes," I said slowly, watching my words so not to just agree with every suggestion she had, "that sounds like a good idea."

She glanced around the living room, and I tried to see what she was looking at before her head turned and looked elsewhere. Then with a gasp, she jumped up and ran out of the room.

"Kat, wait!" I went after her, my feet pounding on the hardwood of the hallway. I slid in my socks and came to a halt at the doorway, grasping the frame.

She was coming out of the closet with a medium-sized empty box. Then she disappeared into the adjoining bathroom. I could hear drawers and cupboards being opened and slammed closed. At least she was finally showing some anger.

I had been concerned about how calm she was being. Letting Danny make all the demands. That wasn't the Kat I had known in high school. She stood up to bullies. Defended the weak. I'd really hoped she hadn't changed.

I could see some bottles and such in the box when she returned and set the box on the floor. Only to cover them with the contents of a drawer in the dresser. I could hear her heavy panting as she looked around. I closed my eyes for a second, failing to push away the thoughts of how I'd love to hear those sounds coming from her for the right reasons.

When I opened my eyes, Kat was yanking on her ring finger. I managed to catch her arm as she drew back as though to throw the diamond in the box as well. I didn't close my fingers very tightly, but I had to pull a little when she resisted. "He doesn't deserve to get it back."

I released her just as suddenly and choked back a soft cry. The electricity I'd felt when I touched her skin scared me. Mostly because it thrilled me.

Kat broke my concentration when she said, "Really?"

I saw her holding the ring up to the light. "Keep it. For now. You can always pawn it."

She seemed to consider the idea then shrugged and took a small black box from a smaller dresser drawer. The ring secured inside, the black box flew threw the air and landed somewhere in the closet with a thud.

I was still shaking my head about that action when I realized Kat had departed...with the box of Danny's things. I returned to the living room to see her kneeling in front of the small entertainment center encompassing the TV.

I wanted to offer to help, but she seemed to have it under control. I took my seat again and relit my cigarette. The TV screen now showed a new movie where a guy was proposing. I was just wondering if that bothered her when she cussed and yelled for me to shut it off. Then she returned to tossing the chosen DVDs and CDs into the box with a crash that made me cringe. I fumbled with the remote and managed to hit the power button.

"Thanks."

"Of course."

I turned and rested my arms on the back of the couch when she dropped the box by the front door. A leather coat was the icing on the cake. And the cherry on top was a plastic-wrapped box that sounded quite heavy when it landed. I'd noticed the label earlier and knew it was the wedding invitations.

Kat snorted. "Ironically, he paid for them with his credit card. Said it wouldn't matter in the long run, because it was going to be 'our' money."

She kicked the box and it shifted, hitting the wall. Then she joined me on the couch with a loud plop that actually scooted the piece of furniture.

I watched her gulp half of the glass of wine. I wanted to laugh, but I feared I would upset her. She had seemed to get a great sense of relief from that spontaneous activity of purging her ex's possessions. "Feel better?"

"Yep."

I clinked my glass against hers when she raised hers and tilted it in the air.

After several minutes of the only sound being a ticking clock on the wall and the hum of the refrigerator—the thoughts in my head even seemed quelled for the time being—I offered, "If you need me to be here tomorrow for moral support..."

"Thanks, but I should be okay."

I wanted to insist. I didn't trust this guy. But I had already decided I wouldn't push her. I'd offered, she'd said no. End of discussion. "All right. You call if you need me. I put a business card on your fridge."

Kat nodded, and I could feel her watching me while I finished my wine. It was borderline awkward.

I stood slowly. "I guess I should get going. Let you relax."

She didn't try to stop me but followed me to the door, her voice soft when she said, "Thanks, Jenna. For everything."

"You're welcome, Kat."

On impulse, I cupped her face. But I resisted the desire to brush the pad of my thumb across her soft skin. To trace the rise of her cheekbone. To pull her close and hold her.