I Kissed a Girl Ch. 09

Over the next year, I actually began to look forward to the trips with Lauren. As much as I'd originally despised needing to travel, it became a welcome respite from the daily grind of actually working with clients, most of whom were argumentative. Plus, Lauren and I had a similar sense of humor, and we both smoked—her more than me—which helped when we had a long day or a tough sell...or both. We weren't always successful, but we made a good team.

Celene and I had been dating for six months when I returned from a four-day trip to Michigan with Lauren. We'd had no luck except to catch an earlier flight since our last meeting had been cancelled. The entire trip, my travel partner had been pestering me about where I went on Fridays after work when we were home. So I called up my girlfriend when we landed and arranged to meet at Maggie's.

I didn't tell Lauren what kind of bar it was, but the surprise was on me. Brad, the buff bartender who also served as a bouncer and was the lone male in the bar, was also her brother. The fact that Lauren was surrounded by lesbians didn't seem to faze her one bit, though I'd had no previous indication that she swung that way herself.

It was the first of many nights to follow that she hung out with Celene and I after work to decompress. I had grown used to my new schedule, my new boss, my new partner, and my new friend. Life was good.

Which is probably why it decided to shake things up like a snowglobe.

Eight months into our relationship, Celene sat me down on a Tuesday night after an overly long day of work and asked me if I loved her. I didn't know how to answer. I liked spending all of my free time with her. I liked having someone to care about. Someone who cared about me, listened to me, and understood me.

But did I love her? That was a strong word. And not one I easily threw around.

I didn't know what had prompted this conversation. She'd never given any signs that I was holding her back or not committing enough. But whatever her reasoning, I felt like I was back on autopilot mode when Celene gripped my hands and told me through her tears how much she had enjoyed what we had shared.

I knew right then what was coming.

She didn't say she wanted more from me. Or that she wanted it from someone else entirely and didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying it aloud. What she did say was that it was time to go our separate ways.

It was Susie all over again, except it was harder this time because it had been face-to-face.

I found myself telling her I understood, unable to hide my own tears. She hugged me tightly, briefly pressed her lips to mine, and walked out my front door and my life. It would be another five years before I saw her again, but that's a story for another day.

I hadn't known how many tears my eyes could produce. How badly my body would ache without her touch. Knowing I'd never hear her words of comfort again.

Maybe I had loved Celene in some way that I hadn't been able to express or even admit aloud. Or maybe it was just the concept that I'd been hurt yet again by someone I thought had cared deeply for me. Was this how it was when a boy broke a girl's heart? Could it possibly have been worse because we were two females capable of being more emotional?

What scared me was that she might not be hurting as much as I was. I began to question what we'd really had together in the first place if she could walk away so easily because I'd hesitated to say that four-letter word to her when she wanted me to.

The next day at work, I felt numb. Unable to focus. Even the weather seemed to share in my misery as a constant curtain of rain coated the windowpane, matching my fresh tears each time I checked my phone and didn't have a message from Celene. My hopes that she would change her mind grew slimmer as the hours ticked on.

Lauren tried to console me at my desk. Tim stopped by once and started to ask what was wrong, but Lauren had met him at the door and said something about an ill relative. He narrowed his eyes for a moment then gave me a nod of his chin and moved on, telling Lauren not to stay away from her own job for too long.

The rest of that week, I cried myself to sleep at night. Spent my days second-guessing the decision not to fight for Celene to stay. To not call and beg her to reconsider.

By Friday, I almost took a sick day. If I hadn't needed to be there to sign time-sensitive documents, I would have just rolled over in bed and slept through the weekend. Lauren must have had enough because she insisted we cut the day short and go to Maggie's around three o'clock.

While I wasn't open at work about my preference for women, Maggie's was a different situation. I could be free there. I had no fear of retaliation from a jealous boss or coworkers. I had friends there, and we respected each other's privacy. Lauren's idea made sense.

But the moment we walked into the bar, I broke down again. Just for a different reason. Meredith was sitting at our table, a big smile on her face.

"What are you...? How did you...?"

Mer's arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. "Hello, Jenna. A little bird called and said you needed some cheering up."

I smiled at Lauren over my sister's shoulder and mouthed, "Thank you."

An hour later, I sat awestruck as Mer described her own pitfalls of being a lesbian. After two more hours and several more drinks, the three of us moved the party to my apartment. Both my sister and Lauren reminded me that losing Celene was not the end of the world. That someday, I would find another. Maybe even one I could honestly say that I loved her.

We talked well into the night, which ended in an impromptu sleepover where we relieved my fridge of several bottles of wine. I felt ten times better in the morning, though I needed a Bloody Mary to chase the pounding in my head.

Mer and I made a pact to stay in touch more often, then I hugged and kissed my little sister goodbye. After she left, I was still shaking my head at her revelation that she was more like me than I knew. I wondered what The Colonel would say if he knew neither of his daughters would ever provide him with a son-in-law.

***

We continued to rotate with the other teams, a week here and there on the road then back to our regularly scheduled program until we were sent out again. That summer, Lauren and I were sent to Arizona and Georgia. They were some of the hottest days on record. In the fall, we were sent back to other states where we'd already been...and firms who'd already declined interest in joining Thompkins. Once it started getting colder, we were sent to Minnesota and North Dakota. It was in the latter during an early snowstorm that Lauren and I started putting the pieces together.

After keeping our ears and eyes open for a week upon our return, Lauren discovered that a female intern in her department had snubbed one of the lawyer's advances...because she, too, was a lesbian. She'd blurted that she wasn't the only one working here and had mentioned our names, knowing us from Maggie's. She'd threatened to report him to Human Resources if she was let go. Although the lawyer had left the poor girl alone, we found out he was friends with Tim. And friends talk. Especially guy friends who have dirt on women.

It made sense. Tim was punishing us. Or at least me. It didn't matter that Lauren and I actually weren't together. I had rejected him, and he was making me pay by recommending our team for the worst locations at the worst possible times.

During the Christmas weekend, I attended an alumni party at my university and ran into Dr. Robard. He had used our services on multiple occasions, and I'd personally helped win two suits in his favor. Over glasses of champagne, he revealed that Tim had reached out to him about the firm's desire to expand overseas. In addition, Tim was put in charge of setting up a team to go abroad to seek out potential clients, and Dr. Robard was at the top of the list since he lived in France. Having a trustworthy, local firm on retainer would be beneficial to his business in plastic surgery.

Armed with my knowledge of Tim's potential shady business practices as well as his power over deciding which team would go to France, I sauntered into his office the day after the holiday. First, he denied doing anything wrong with the assignments he'd given to Lauren and me. I didn't have any concrete proof except what Lauren had heard. But he blanched when I reminded him that for four months, he had been the one to arrange to take me on the research trips...and on the last, he'd attempted to kiss me...twice. I asked him what HR would think of that information when I told them of my latest assignments after I'd denied his advances. Then I handed him the letter Dr. Robard had me pick up on my way in that morning with his recommendation I lead the team visiting him abroad.

New Year's Eve was spent in Paris with Dr. Robard and his wife after Lauren and I sealed the deal with the local firm he used. I should have been utterly happy. But as I waited for the final event beyond the Eiffel Tower, something in my heart ached. I wished I were here with someone special. Someone I hadn't thought of in a long time.

Lauren kissed me on the cheek at midnight then asked if I was okay when she noticed my glossy eyes. I returned the chaste kiss and forced a smile with a nod. She linked arms with me and rested her head on my shoulder while the fireworks started. It was the first time she'd shown me any sign of affection. And the first time I considered that maybe, what I needed had been here all along.

***

I mulled over my thoughts from France multiple times upon our return. I resolved to talk to Lauren the following Friday, but she wasn't at our normal table after work. In fact, I hadn't seen her all week at the elevators each morning where she'd been meeting me for the past few months. When I inquired with Brad about her absence, he said she'd gone to help their mother take care of their ailing grandmother out of state. It could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks depending on the doctor's latest prognosis. So I set my unsteady feelings on the back burner and focused on my work again.

January and the following months brought back a regular schedule. I was working more legal cases and going on fewer trips. Which allowed me to spend more time at Maggie's on the weekends. Where I met Beth.

She was a redhead with a spitfire attitude that matched. There was something about her eagerness to learn—how innocent she was, being with another woman—that drew me to her. Little did I know how much more there was for me to learn myself.

I had my reservations at first since she admitted outright that she was bisexual. But she grew on me, and after only a few dates, I was showing her what Susie and Celene had shown me. Helping her blossom. Taking her under my wing.

In turn, she introduced me to the art of body piercings. She had her clitoral hood pierced. I had been turned off by it at first. But the more time I spent with her, the more I understood how the piercing intensified the feelings in her body when she orgasmed. The more I became obsessed with playing with it just to hear her moans and mewls of pleasure.

Did I want it for myself? No. But if the right woman had it... Oh. My. God.

Beth planned to get both nipples pierced, too. She had been using small clamps off and on for weeks to get adjusted to the eventual feel of what it would be like to have metalwork there all the time. After a little convincing, I let her clamp my nipples. I was still unsure if I liked the feelings it caused within me, but I was happy to play with her when we were together. And I told her she might want to switch to clip-on earrings instead of nipple clamps, the latter of which were more compressing...and a little painful.

She was also into ropes and other bondage techniques. An ex-boyfriend had introduced her, and she admitted that it made the sex better. After a little trial and error, we both discovered that I was more aroused from binding her than the other way around. She said that meant I was a Domme or Dominatrix, the female version of the Dominant role in the realm of BDSM. What fun I had perfecting the different methods that brought her the most pleasure, though I drew the line at causing her pain.

Lauren returned after almost two months. Her time away seemed to have drained her. While she joined Beth, I, and our friends at Maggie's, she was quiet and kept her distance.

When the next assignment was handed down to us, Lauren wasn't my partner. I spent four days with a female lawyer in Texas. She ran the show, and we ended up getting a free hotel stay and meals out of the trip as none of the firms wanted to join with us. It was obvious that the traveling salesmen bit had lost its appeal.

On my own return, Beth broke the news to me that she didn't think she was completely over guys. Since she didn't think it was fair to me to have to share her, we agreed to end the relationship. Lauren seemed to perk up a bit after that, but she still wasn't her old self when I went to France by myself for three weeks to check in with Dr. Robard and have a mini-vacation in Italy.

The third day I was abroad, I met a lovely little thing named Chloe who worked as a waitress at Acqua Al 2 in Florence, one of my favorite places I'd found while studying. Although I'd explained that I was only there for a very short time, she was more than happy to show me around and make me feel comfortable. In every way possible.

I hadn't been so relaxed in years. But soon enough, the daydream ended.

This time when I came back, Lauren asked me to join her for dinner. She told me all about her grandmother and mother. How hard it had been to see the former wasting away. How the latter had chastised her daily for being a lesbian, making Lauren wish she'd never gone home. She had almost told her mother that Brad worked in a lesbian bar, so she could share her burden, but she knew that wasn't fair to her brother. So she had borne her mother's criticism and left as soon as her grandmother passed. Because she knew, she would return to the comfort of our special relationship where she felt safe.

She hadn't said it, but I knew she must be thinking her expectations had been dashed because she'd found me in the arms of another. Hence her being withdrawn. She'd never come right out and said she wanted more than a friendship from me, but I had a strong suspicion that it was in there somewhere, and she was just waiting for the right time to let me know.

It pained me that she'd opened up so much to me about her feelings when I hadn't been able to do the same for her months ago. That I wouldn't be able to return the sentiment if that time ever came. Because during the time apart, I had realized that while what I'd felt in Paris had been a longing, it hadn't been a longing for Lauren. She wasn't even close to what Susie..., Celene..., Beth..., or even Chloe had meant to me.

And none of them compared with Kat.

***

I fell back into my groove. With the success of expanding the firm to France, I was being sent overseas more, along with another team. Once, Lauren went with me and we stayed with Dr. Robard again, but mostly, I was either alone or with an actual lawyer. On the solo trips, I was able to jaunt around when the time allowed. Visiting places I hadn't seen in years since my studies had taken me abroad. But I refrained from hooking up with anyone, as I had grown tired of the short dalliances that I knew would lead to nowhere. Not unless I moved to Europe, and I had no desire to do that. At least quite yet.

I was always happy to return to the states where I could get back to my regular job and see my friends, especially at Maggie's. No one special caught my eye there, either, which seemed to please Lauren as she smiled a lot more around me. Maybe she'd accepted that me being single and having time to spend with her like the old days was enough for her. In any case, I was glad to have a reliable friend. Especially since Meredith had moved out to the East Coast, restricting my venting sessions to our cell phones.

Over the next several months, the international trips slowly phased out just as the ones in the states had. Upper management determined we could now do conference calls both stateside and overseas to accomplish what in-person meetings had once done. I thought it was very impersonal, but I wasn't in charge of the company's budget. Plus, it meant I could stay in Chicago and concentrate on my actual job, negotiating settlements.

Life finally seemed back to normal, or as normal as it ever was for me. Which just meant something was around the corner to flip it upside-down...

###

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ONE YEAR LATER—PRESENT DAY

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The moment Kat walked from the bar to the restroom, the spell over me was broken.

Oh, my God! Kat! Here in Maggie's, of all places!

I wanted to go after her, but my feet seemed glued to the spot in the shadows. My brain was fuzzy, as though I'd had ten drinks, not two. What would I even say?

For the longest minute I'd ever experienced thus far in my life, I stared at the door under the glowing red neon "Exit" sign. Then I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I forced my feet to head back in the direction I'd just come from.

Each step forward now seemed to bolster my confidence. I told myself to remain calm. It was just Kat. Surely, I could tell her hello without having a panic attack.

But the moment the old wooden door squeaked closed, cutting off the chatter and music in the other room—allowing me to hear the sobs coming from the last stall—my resolve crumbled. The cries stopped abruptly when I crossed the narrow room, the only sound now my heels clicking on the mosaic tiles of the floor.

I raised my hand, but something held me back from knocking on the stall door. Fear, mostly. What if she didn't remember me? What if she was here to meet someone else? I'd not heard her name mentioned around the club, but despite having been a regular for the past six years, I didn't know everyone who came here. Most, but not all.

When I heard a ragged wheeze and then a hiccup, my fears were replaced with genuine concern once more. "Kat? Are you okay?"

There was no response at first. Then I heard the paper roll spinning, the flush of the toilet, and finally, the click of the lock being disengaged. Another second later, the door started to swing inward.

"Yes, I'm fine," Kat said, her voice shaky, belying her attempt to sound convincing. The door stopped halfway when our eyes met, and I swear I heard her laugh before she hiccupped again.

My heart thudded wildly in my chest. I wondered what was going through her head while those beautiful chocolate eyes regarded me. God, I would do anything to comfort her...to dry those tears for her. Even beat up whoever had caused them. That thought made me smirk. Where had that sudden bravado come from?

She was blinking at me, but it didn't seem to clear the glossy haze in her eyes.

"Kat, are you sure you're okay?" I stepped toward her, and she retreated. Only to run into the toilet and sit down heavily. Which, for some reason, made her start crying again. Hard.

I rushed to the sink and grabbed a couple of paper towels then returned to squat at her feet. I tried not to cry myself as I blotted the tears from her red cheeks. Oh, my poor Kat. Who had done her so much wrong?

Her shoulders were noticeably shaking while she seemed to try to get ahold of her emotions.

"Hey, it's okay," I soothed. "I didn't mean to startle you."

When Kat made several quick gasps, I refrained from running my hand over her hair. But I did dip my head to catch her gaze. "Take a deep breath. Nice and slow. And another."

Her mouth twisted, maybe to form a smile. But the result was closer to a grimace. Then she looked down at her hands in her lap.