I Kissed a Girl Ch. 09

I smiled at the surprise in her chocolate depths. At the apparent confusion while she seemed to try to read my eyes, as well. There was so much I wanted to say to her. I just knew it wasn't the time. So I lightly patted her cheek, retrieved my jacket and purse, and gave her a quick wave. Then I exited into the hall. Before I did something I would regret.

###

It was about twelve hours later that I became my mother.

I didn't recognize the number on my phone, and I usually let unknown callers go to voicemail. But for some reason, I hit the green button and said, "Hello?"

I was met with a barrage of broken words due to someone crying. My heart dropped into my stomach a moment later when I heard my name in a sob. Danny's name. The name of a hospital.

"Kat, calm down!" Fear slid up my spine. I had no idea how I wasn't crying, too. "I'm on my way. Just hang in there, okay?"

I pinched the top of my nose while I waited for an answer, and when I heard her echo my 'okay,' I ended the call and stormed downstairs to the street. To my right, I could see my car about fifty feet away, though it seemed like a mile. But to my left, a yellow cab was turning onto my street.

Who was I kidding? I was in no shape to drive.

I'd barely shut the back door of the cab before I rattled off the hospital's name. Then I gripped the headrest of the passenger seat while we sped off. I ignored the driver's frantic glances at me, and he only told me once to sit back before he gave up.

Oh, God. Please let her be okay. Please!

Ten minutes later, I pushed through the emergency room doors and located the curtained area the front desk had told me about. Which is where I found Kat sitting side-saddle on a gurney, her legs lightly swinging over the edge and her head rolling back an forth against the wall.

But the moment her red eyes turned to me—her right hand reaching out to me like a child—my resolve to remain cool and collected crumbled.

"Are you okay?" My shoes made a screeching sound on the linoleum when I skidded to a stop. I didn't wait for an answer before I pulled her to my chest. Finally, she was in my arms. Though it hadn't played out like I had planned, I would still take it.

I pressed my lips against her head, holding her face gently. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate, but I didn't care, Kat was alive. And I was in a hospital anyway if something happened.

"You should see the other guy." She hiccupped and swiped one hand at her eyes and nose.

Reluctantly, I released her. Which allowed me to give her a good appraisal. I frowned at how her left arm just hung there in front of her, her hand supposedly buried under the towel bundled in her lap. "How bad is it?"

Kat gestured with her chin at the towel. "Broke it."

A nurse appeared from the other side of the curtain and wrote something on Kat's chart. "It's a clean break. The doctor will be back in a few minutes to put on your cast and give you a prescription for some pain medication. Sit tight, okay?"

"Sure," Kat mumbled and then sighed.

I sighed myself when she laid her head back against my chest. I tightened my arm around her and pressed my lips to her hair. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing, but it was a futile effort.

My emotions were in turmoil. I was elated and sad that Kat had called me. Angry that her meeting with Danny had landed her in the emergency room...not him. But overall, there was a fight between the peace that started to settle over me the longer I held Kat and the flickers of desire that couldn't help being stirred at our closeness. At her apparent contentedness of having me here. She even seemed to snuggle up to me a little. But that could have been the adrenaline still rushing through both of our bodies...or just wishful thinking on my part.

I ran my hand over her hair, brushing it back from her forehead with my fingertips in light motions like my mother used to for Mer, Nathan, and me to soothe us when we were upset. I heard Kat's sudden ragged cry, felt her shoulders slump. The poor thing. She'd had a rough two days.

She sobbed for a few minutes, gripping my arm while I rocked her. When her cries subsided, she released me and took a heaving breath. I patted her back and kissed the top of her head again.

A laugh bubbled up when I thought of one of the few words I'd understood in her frantic phone call. "So you punched him?"

She nodded against my chest. "Gave him a bloody nose, too, I think. He called on the way over. Asked if I could step out for a few minutes while he collected his things. I told him to be a man and face me. Plus I didn't want him stealing anything."

I saw a box of Kleenex on the other side of her and handed her one when I heard the telltale sign of congestion after a cathartic cry in her voice. She blew her nose and continued, a stray sniffle escaping.

"When he finally showed up, I opened the door and asked for his key. Once he'd handed it over, I shoved his box out into the hall and punched him in the nose. Slammed the door in his face. That's when the pain hit me. I screamed and kicked the door. Forgot I wasn't wearing shoes. Broke a toe. That's taped up right now."

"Oh, my!" I couldn't control my laughter now. My shaking caused her to shake, too, since I still had one arm around her shoulders. "Then what?"

"He asked if I was okay. I told him to go to hell. After I saw him drive away, I grabbed my purse and asked my neighbor to drive me to the hospital. She insisted on staying, but I told her I would be fine."

"Oh, Kat." I tipped her chin up with two fingers. I intended to tell her how proud I was of her, but I was still trying to find the right words when she blinked at me, her eyes still shiny from the shed tears. She was so close. I could feel the warmth of her breath as it caressed my face.

For just a moment, there was just her and I. And I wanted to show her how special she was to me, despite my promise to reign in my desires for her.

Then the world rushed back in when a doctor pulled the curtain aside and rolled in a small table on tall legs. He smiled at me and then at Kat as he sat down on the stool beside the gurney and snapped on a pair of gloves.

"Let's get this wrapped so you can get home and get some rest, okay?"

I couldn't agree more.

###

The cab ride was a one-sided conversation where Kat thanked me profusely for coming to the hospital. For being there for her. Both today and yesterday, not to mention the night before. But she didn't want to impose on me any longer. If I could just help her upstairs, she'd be fine.

The minute we entered her apartment, I put my foot down. "I'm staying, and that's all there is to say."

"Fine, but I'm never a good patient. I tend to turn bi-polar."

I could hear a tinge of anger in her voice, and I was unsure if it was aimed at me. Her lips pressed together for a moment—during which I wished I could see inside her head—before I saw a hint of a smile. Then there was a full-blown smirk.

I made a mental note not to get on her bad side. "I'm tough. I can handle it."

She shook her head, blinking rapidly, as though remembering I was still there. Which granted me some relief that her mini display of mood swings had not been because of anything I'd said or done.

It was my turn to press my lips together. Then I raised an eyebrow at her. "You are going to take a nap. I'm going to run home and grab a change of clothes. You know, you're lucky you have this week off."

"Oh, joy. Just how I wanted to spend my vacation."

I couldn't see her face, but I imagined she was rolling her eyes. I couldn't help laughing. "Are you always this sarcastic, or is it just the drugs talking?"

"Who knows? Ask Danny."

I was betting on the drugs. Or maybe it was a little of both. "I'll ignore that one."

She insisted she could put herself to bed when I pulled back the comforter that had been carefully smoothed out over the pillows. Her tone was a little snippy, and I knew not to press any further on that issue.

But I placed my hands on her warm cheeks and smiled at her. Heard her sharp inhale. Felt that slight jolt of energy from touching her skin. And once more, I shoved its meaning aside. Then, without a word, I left her and closed the bedroom door behind me.

In the hall outside her apartment door, I leaned my forehead against the number four and closed my eyes, pressing out a sudden welling of tears. With a strangled groan, I slammed my fist against the doorframe and turned, sliding down to sit on the floor with my back against the wall. Pulling my knees up to my chin and wrapping my arms around my legs, I let loose of the frustration swirling inside of me.

I didn't care if anyone heard me crying, as long as it wasn't Katrina Jenkins.

###

The fact that I had stolen Kat's keys only bothered me a little. It had been done with good intentions. Because it was the only way I was able to ensure I'd be able to get back in after I went to the store and ran home to pack a small overnight bag just in case. As an afterthought, I also grabbed my laptop and phone charger then headed back across town.

The apartment was eerily quiet. I took several minutes to stand in her kitchen—palms pressed to the cool marble countertop of the island—and surveyed the humble abode Kat had sought solace in day after day for the last several years per our conversation at Maggie's.

In school, the most I had known about her was how she dressed—sophisticated yet not overly so in that cliquey kind of way. How she acted towards others—standing up for those who were bullied, like me. And how she was dedicated to her studies—placing in the top ten of our graduating class.

Friday night, I had learned she was an only child. Her parents were both teachers, her mother at an elementary school and her father at a community college. She'd chosen not to go in the same direction but to pursue a degree in business administration. Only she had dropped out two years into the program to help her mother when Mr. Jenkins was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and quickly deteriorated. He'd passed away a year and a half ago. Although her mother was in a retirement home now, Kat had never completed her education. Thankfully, she'd had enough classes to get her Associates Degree, which allowed her to get a job as a personal banker at a credit union.

Now, I was seeing a more personal picture. How she liked simple lines when it came to design, kept her furniture functional, and the decorations minimal. That everything had a place, which meant no clutter. And what I'd seen of her room, it was comfortable and tidy, too.

A girl after my own heart.

With a sigh, I unloaded my grocery bags for the third time in two days and made as little noise as possible while I found a stockpot and matching lid in order to start some chicken and rice soup. Leaving the stock to boil, I set up my laptop on the small dining room table flanked by two chairs along one wall. The soup could sit warming when it was finished until Kat woke up. And in the meantime, maybe I could get ahead of schedule on some things for work...in case Kat needed me again at all this week.

It took at least three hours to knockout some research I knew I'd have to do for the Bentley case that Tim had discussed at length in yesterday's impromptu meeting. Mostly because I kept stopping to pace the living room or circle the kitchen island while I kept going over my feelings for Kat. My hands were starting to cramp from wringing them so much.

Maybe it had been a bad idea even showing up yesterday morning. Arriving again in the evening. I should have just dropped her off Friday night and not looked back.

But who would have been there to comfort her in the hospital? To bring her home? The confrontation with Danny would have happened even without my involvement in her life.

I knew I would have felt even more miserable to walk away after seeing her again in the bar, now knowing she had no close friends or family to turn to. Danny had become her world, and then her world had disappeared with a single phone call. What a pathetic way to break up with the girl he'd wanted to spend his life with. I kept telling myself it was no accident that she had stumbled into Maggie's. And on a night that I was there.

God, it hurt so much to be around her and not be able to express how I truly felt. Yet, I cared for her too much to let her deal with this all alone.

I abandoned my work after the lines on the article I'd been trying to read four times finally blurred together. Lazily, I stirred the chicken and rice, making sure the broth wasn't getting cloudy. I'd have to put the soup in the fridge if she didn't wake soon.

As though she could read my thoughts—or maybe just smell hot food—I heard the sound of Kat's bare feet on the hardwood.

"Oh, good, you're up. How's the hand, Sugar Ray?"

Kat gave me a soft snort. "Funny."

I just smiled and lifted a ladle of soup when she approached the stove. I took the slight lick of her lips as a good sign and dished up a bowl for her.

She opened a tall, narrow cabinet I'd taken for storage of maybe a broom or vacuum cleaner. It was my turn to be surprised while she pulled out one of two racks I could see within that had white metal shelving and dividers. The one still inside had cans while the other had boxes of food. She retrieved a box of crackers, closed the cabinet, and took a seat at the island...the same one she'd chosen yesterday.

I wondered if that was where she usually ate her meals. Or had she and Danny eaten their dinners at the small table that was my makeshift office? Maybe with a candle burning between them to make it more romantic? I shook off the scowl that was forming on my lips, set the bowl before Kat, and dished up another for myself.

Kat was already eating when I turned back to her, her eyes closed and the occasional moan reaching across the small space to my ears that seemed to be attuned to every little sound she made.

My legs shook for a moment while my body responded to her pleasure, even though she was reacting to food. How much more would it affect me if she was answering the movement of my fingers...my lips?

Shit. You have got to get control, Jenna.

I took the chair next to her instead of eating standing up like I had done last night. "I take it you're feeling better."

"Yeah. You know, I could get used to this personal service."

So could I, sweetie. If you'd only ask...

I smiled, had a couple spoonfuls of soup, burned the tip of my tongue, and jumped up to get a glass of milk. I grabbed one for her as well and reclaimed my seat.

"I feel bad," Kat said. "You're getting more use out of my kitchen than I ever have."

"So you don't feel bad that you're being a bad hostess, just that I'm using your kitchen?" It was so hard not to snicker aloud.

Kat frowned at me. "That's not what I meant. I'm sorry I was mean to you earlier."

I elbowed her gently. "I'm giving you a hard time. Relax."

After I put away the leftovers and cleaned up the dishes from lunch, I went back to my computer. I told myself I would get some more work done now that Kat was awake. But who was I kidding?

She looked pretty comfortable curled up on one end of the couch with a blanket wrapped around her legs and a pillow wedged between her hip and the cast on her left arm. Inviting, even.

To the background of a movie and Kat's occasional laughter, it was relatively easy to imagine myself doing this every night with her. Cooking each other meals. Winding down after a day of work or researching a client while she watched TV. Chilling on the weekends. Minus the ex-fiancé and trip to the ER, that is.

The ache returned the more I watched her, though. And my daydreams of the casual way we'd fit into each other's lives changed to cuddling with her on the couch. Holding her in my arms as we fell asleep. Pleasuring her in the ways I'd learned from women who had cared for me. Being pleasured by her.

Eventually, I could no longer think straight. God, this was hopeless. I couldn't even manage forty-eight hours without lusting after her. How would I be able to stand by the sidelines merely as a friend for days? Weeks? Months? Maybe even years? Watching her fall in love with another man...probably get married. Have kids.

I clenched my eyes and my fists, cursing silently that I could never see her again. It was too damn hard. I was selfish, pure and simple. I hated to her kick her while she was already down. But it was unavoidable. Better for both of us in the long run. I'd probably have to stay away from Maggie's for a bit in case she stopped by to find me. And I'd have to screen my calls at work...any visitors.

Damnit. Creating a plan to avoid Kat could be harder than trying to woo her.

But I wouldn't leave. Not yet. I knew I may have work in the morning, but Kat didn't and the sun was just beginning to set. Surely, I could keep her company for a little longer without it being obvious I was trying to ditch her. I'd make sure she was settled in for the night, and then I'd do the hardest thing I'd ever done by disappearing tomorrow. Maybe I'd be the one curled up in bed crying from heartache.

I powered down the laptop, filled a glass with water—palming the pain pills the doctor had prescribed—and entered the lion's den by sitting opposite Kat on the couch. I fumbled with a topic of conversation as the credits rolled on the latest movie. What came out sounded so...stupid. "Are you hungry?"

"No, I think I'm good for now." She took the water I held out to her and swallowed the two pills, setting the empty glass on the floor before she snuggled back into her corner.

"Are you tired?" Shit. Another stupid question. I was sounding like an overbearing mother.

Kat shook her head but also yawned. "A little. But I don't want to sleep too much during the day. I won't get any sleep at night. I am, however, curious."

Breathe, Jenna. You can do this. Act natural for a couple of more hours, then you can be done with twisting the knife in your heart every time you see her. Even if you'll bleed out once you yank the knife free.

"About?" I pulled a leg up under me and turned toward Kat with a pasted-on smile.

"Lauren."

My heart leapt into my throat, preventing me from speaking, and I felt my eyebrows lifting.

Kat's eyes dropped to her cast where she ran her right index finger along the seams in the plaster. There was a slight shrug of her shoulders. "Is she like...your..."

I tried to guess what word she was thinking of. Then I simply said, "Friend."

She glanced up at me, though her head was still bowed. The look made my blood boil...in a very naughty way. "But not girl...friend?"

There was no hesitation this time. "No."

"Oh."

Good Lord, where was she going with this? "We work at the same company. That's all."

"Oh."

Was that relief I heard in her voice. I sat up and found myself moving closer to her, suddenly unable to resist the pull she had over me. "Why?"

There was that shrug again. A glance down with a turn of her head that had coy written all over it, even if she hadn't meant it to come across that way. "No reason."

Did she expect me to believe that? She'd brought up the topic. I couldn't help wanting to laugh at her bald-faced lie. "Really?"

"I just thought...the other night...at the bar."

She was stuttering. Her good hand was fidgeting. Why was she so nervous?

Then it hit me.

Holy hell. Is she flirting with me? Asking if I'm available?

Nothing about our interactions since Friday evening had even suggested in the slightest way that Kat was into women. Into me. Yeah, she had snuggled up to me at the hospital, but I passed that off as being hurt and tired. Her needing comfort.

But now? Dare I hope? If I was on the right wavelength, I'd not seen it coming to save my life.