Queen of Diamonds

"Jake, my body clock was 5:00 in the morning Texas time! By sheer willpower and fear I stayed awake as long as I could. I must have finally succumbed at some point. When I awoke it was after noon, and #2 was sound asleep in the bathtub.

"I looked out in the hall and #3 wasn't there. Ren and #1 were still talking in the living room. Ren calls out 'Hey, where have you been? Your boyfriend was looking for you. He should be back any minute.' I quickly grabbed my suitcase and carry-on bag and went back into Ren's room and locked the door.

"I stunk of cigarettes and panic sweat, but there wasn't even time to brush my teeth—much less take a shower. I was too scared to strip naked anyway. I dumped most of my carry-on into the suitcase except for my cosmetics and plane ticket. I was ready to walk to the airport and stay there until my flight Sunday if I had to.

"But then I saw the copy of your email that I'd printed out with all the restaurant and club suggestions—and with your phone number. Jake, you had offered to do coffee. I was desperate. I thought dinner wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

"I went back to the living room and announced I was having dinner that night with some old family friends. Ren protested: 'We're supposed to go to Trackers again, yadda, yadda.' I wasso relieved when you answered the phone.

"As soon as I hung up, I quickly changed into this outfit. I grabbed my carry-on and purse, said I was staying with my dinner hosts, don't wait up for me—and rushed right out the door and started walking."

She described zigging and zagging down different streets, afraid that someone might follow her. With that dress on she wouldn't have been hard to find, I thought.

"I eventually came out to a main thoroughfare and went into a Starbucks and spent my last few dollars on a pastry and coffee.

"I asked the girl that worked there how long it would take me to get over here by taxi. She looked concerned and asked me if I was OK. I explained how I was trying to escape and only had about $20 left on my credit card and no cash. She called a cab driver friend who used to work there. He agreed to bring me here.

"I still had to wait there several hours until it was time to head over, wondering if someone from Ren's was going to walk in the door at any moment. When the cabbie picked me up, he knew about my credit card limit. So he took me as far as he could, then pulled over and turned off the meter. He brought me the rest of the way for free, and he didn't even want a tip. He was so nice.

"And ... now I'm here."

She seemed relieved. Perhaps by telling the story she could actually believe that she was free and safe.

"Kelly, you were very brave to tell that story to me. I amso sorry you were put in danger by someone you trusted."

"Dessert tonight, folks?" our waiter chirped as he presented two tiny menus.

"No thanks, not tonight. Can you just bring us the bill?"

"Right away, sir."

"Kelly, one thing is sure: we need to find you a hotel room where you can stay tonight. Don't worry about the cost. I can cover it. We can make the call from the lobby when we're done."

She looked upset but didn't say anything. I droned on about various hotel choices, but I didn't notice that her mood was regressing.

As soon as I finished signing the check, Kelly grabbed my hand again.

"I can't stay in a hotel room alone tonight. I'd just be thinking about someone coming in the door with an extra key or prying open the window."

I offered to stay with her and guard the door. She stared down at the table.

"Jake, I need to ask areally big favor. Is thereany way I could stay at your house tonight? I'd sleep on the couch, on the floor. I really need to be somewhere that feels homey and safe, not some corporate hotel room that hundreds of people have been cycling through, week after week—and doing god knows what on the bedspread. I'd understand if you can't do it. For whatever reason—like a girlfriend."

I agreed immediately.

"Absolutely. Kelly, you're more than welcome to stay at my place tonight if that would make you feel safe."

I explained that I didn't have a girlfriend. Her eyes teared up as she thanked me profusely.

We stopped at the front desk to get her bag where she had asked them to keep it earlier. I carried it for her as we walked to the car. She still needed to hold onto me with both hands. As we drove away, Kelly looked around at the neighborhood.

"This is really interesting looking. There's nothing like this in Texas. Steep hills and canyons ... and little winding streets ... houses on the sides of the hill tucked into the trees ... lots of little stores and restaurants. Do you live around here?"

"No, but we're only about ten minutes away. By the time I could save enough money to buy a house, this area over here by the reservoir had been discovered. Prices were unaffordable. I have a house with nice views but just not of a lake."

She seemed extremely relieved I wasn't going to dump her off at some hotel. It wasn't long before we pulled into my driveway and got out.

"Oh, I really like this. It's so cute. You were right about the view. Look at all the lights down there."

As I unlocked the door she put her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Jake, thank you so much." She hesitated for a second ... then kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss—more like a kiss of gratitude, but it caught me off guard nonetheless.

"You're welcome, Kelly. I'm glad you're OK."

Even though my little bungalow is modest, Kelly had many compliments to offer. She seemed happy and at ease for the first time that evening. She plopped down on the couch.

"This would be perfect for me to sleep on."

I disagreed. "No, madam. You are assigned to the master bedroom. I will be staying out here." She protested, but I insisted.

I showed her where the only bathroom was and gave her a quick look at the other rooms. She grasped my arm again.

"I need to ask another big favor. Can I take a shower? I really need to wash off all that bad shit from last night and get the cigarette smell out of my hair."

"You sure can. Anything you want, just ask."

Fortunately the bathroom was spotless. I got her a fresh towel and showed her where everything was.

"Do you need any special shampoos or things like that?"

"No, I'm alright."

She shut the bathroom door, and I went to change the sheets on my bed. A minute or so later Kelly opened the bathroom door partway and held out the green dress.

"Can you hang this up for me?"

As I took the dress, I looked past her and realized that the medicine chest was half open and the mirror showed her from behind. I could see her brassiere straps and down to her lacy panties. She probably had no idea her reflection was visible like that. I felt a bit guilty for looking.

I found a hanger for her dress. As I was pulling the sheets off, I heard her start the shower. I was unfolding the fresh sheets when the door opened again.

"Jake, can you come here?"

I walked over to the bathroom.

"Can you get me one of your shirts to sleep in? Long sleeves. And long tails, if you can."

This time she was totally nude but I really couldn't see much except the top of her butt. Even so, I felt my cock swelling up. I promised to get her one and went back to finish changing the sheets.

Once the bed was made, I opened my closet door and looked at the shirts lined up in there. I saw two that had extra-long tails. I ruled out the tux shirt and took out the other one. Ironically it was a 40's style shirt but not a true vintage item like her dress: cream colored with twin flap pockets and a flat collar. It was actually a bit large on me so it should be perfect for her.

The water had stopped running by now. I knocked on the door.

"Kelly, I have a shirt for you."

She opened the door wearing a towel.

"Thanks." She held it up under her chin and looked in the mirror. "It's a really beautiful shirt. Say, do you have a hair dryer?"

"No, not anymore."

"Well, it's going to be hard to get my hair to look as pretty without one. I'll just have to use a brush."

I was back in the living room sitting on the sofa when she came out. Oh boy! Why does an oversized man's shirt look so sexy on a woman? It hung down long enough—probably at least as long as the skirt she wore to that disco the night before.

I thought she'd take care of her grooming in the bathroom, but she came out and sat down on the edge of the coffee table close to me and started toweling her hair dry and brushing it out.

"Oh, that shower felt perfect. Ireally needed that."

I felt like I was peeping at her while she was getting dressed, but it was her choice to come out in the living room and talk. Maybe she needed to be close to another person.

I really didn't know what to say to her. This was all too strange for me. Here was Kelly/Kat sitting in my living room with little or nothing on but one of my shirts, brushing her wet hair. I didn't know if she had put her panties back on, but I could tell by the way her breasts were bobbling around in the shirt that she was braless. I tried not to stare but without much success.

She wasn't facing me directly, thankfully. A concession to modesty, perhaps, when all she had on below the waist were shirttails. She seemed sad and pensive, so I kept quiet. Kelly brushed silently for a while—then she stopped and blurted out:

"I know you're thinking that last night was no big deal—no harm, no foul—that kind of thing. But itwas a big deal. It terrified me. You can't really understand what it's like to be a woman in a situation like that. Like prey!"

Her sharp words surprised me. She turned and saw the hurt look on my face.

"Oh, Jake, I'm sorry. I didn't mean you specifically ... I just ... I know you want to understand. It's hard to explain. It's always on a woman's mind—being the victim of some sick animal's criminal behavior. We don't always want to be on the alert, but it's a self-preservation reflex."

"It's OK, Kelly. I think I can sympathize. As much as any man can. I know you're hurting and need some time to recover, even though there was no physical violation."

She went back to her brushing.

"You know what's strange? I probably would have been ready to screw some guy last night. It's been a while—more months than I want to admit. If Ren had been the same old Ren that I remembered from school and we were on the same wavelength and were in a different situation. And if I had met a different kind of man ... I mean, you should haveseen the way I was dressed last night!"

"I don't know, Kelly. Maybe Ishouldn't have."

She laughed. That helped release the tension from her outburst.

"Yes, I was ready for love, as it were—little black, spangly mini-dress with a push-up bra and come-fuck-me heels. My first night ever in L.A. Boy, did I get the opposite of what I wanted."

I was a little surprised by the way she talked, not that I'm a prude or anything—far from it. But it seemed to be coming from a different person than the one who slipped the queen of diamonds into my pocket earlier that evening. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she was slowly coming back to being her old self?

Her hair was starting to take shape. She was doing pretty well without using a dryer; she almost got that look she had earlier. Her sadness returned.

"Jake, even though I feel safe now ... and I can start putting the unpleasantness of last night behind me ... the experience did something to me."

She set down her brush and looked like she was reluctant to talk about it.

"It numbed something in me. In my libido. It's hard to describe. I don't feel sexy or flirty or any of those normal girly things now." She sighed. "I hope it's not permanent."

Wow, what do you say to that? The room felt smaller all of a sudden.

"Kelly, I'm sure that won't happen. Give it time."

She turned toward me and thanked me again for my support and understanding.

"Jake, I've been so focused on my crisis that I haven't really given much thought to how extraordinary it is to be sitting here with you—five years after being such a sullen brat when you first met me.

"You know something? You were the only person who called me 'Kat' that day—the only one. And I still remember the compliment you gave me about my clothes. That actually meant a lot to me—although I would have been loath to admit it then. You were the only person I met that day who really 'got' me—what I was about, how I chose to dress and wear my hair.

"Yes, I'll always love my mother. She really sacrificed a lot for me. Denied things for herself so I could reach my potential. But, other than Bob when he was alive, I never felt like she or any of her friends or our relatives her age really understood me, really connected with me—although I sure didn't make it easy for any of them. Somehow you saw right through the shell I was hiding behind that day. And, however briefly, you spoke to me as a person, not as some pouty weirdo."

She looked at me as she started brushing her hair again.

"And I'll always be thankful for your turning me on to such great music! Like most of my peers, I automatically rejected anything that my mother liked. But that first tape—there was something about it: the selection of songs, the lyrics, and the way it all flowed together. It was really great music—timeless, I realized eventually. I love all that stuff now. And so I just had to have the other tapes."

I realized then that Kelly hadn't forgotten to copy Trudy on those emails. She knew her mother wouldn't have understood why she was interested in the music, or why she would seek me out to talk about it.

"I always looked forward to your emails telling me all about the bands and their records, the different people that came and went from the groups, and how they reformed into other groups. You taught me a lot. That music means something to me now, like it did to you—and my mother."

So she actually read through all those rambling, trivia-stuffed emails. I never would have guessed.

"Jake, it was something more important than the music—or any other knowledge you could have taught me. You showed me respect. You didn't judge me. You were an adult treating me like another adult. Someone who thought I was worth spending his time on."

I started blushing. I really wasn't expecting to hear that from her. Her communications had been so curt. I had no idea I had touched her like that.

"Kelly, it means a lot to me that I made a difference. It gives me great pleasure to hear that."

She reached over and touched my knee.

"It filled in some of the emptiness that I had in my life back then. I know I never let you know it before, but I'm thanking you now."

Maybe I shouldn't have, but I took her hand in mine and caressed it. We looked at each other. I felt powerful, confusing urges flowing through me.

Kelly smiled. "I'd like to continue sharing this moment, but I really need to catch up on my sleep now. I hope you don't mind my retiring early."

"Sure, by all means. I'm so glad I could help you tonight. It was my pleasure."

We both stood up, and she stepped closer and put her hands on my shoulders. I looked into her eyes. I wanted to kiss her, but under the circumstances I wasn't about to make an unwanted pass at her. Then I guess she read my mind. Kelly placed both hands on my cheeks and gave me a kiss. It lingered longer than the last one.

"Are you going to be OK out here on the couch? I feel bad about bumping you out of your own bed."

"Think nothing of it. The couch is quite comfortable. I even come out here to sleep sometimes in the summer—for the breezes. I want you to get a good night's sleep."

She said goodnight and turned toward the bedroom. I could see her breasts swaying under the shirt as she walked away.

"Kelly, I can put a night light in the hall so you can see your way to the bathroom in the dark. You let me know if it disturbs you."

"No, I'm sure it won't."

I plugged in the night light. It gave off a soft glow.

"Thank you. That's perfect."

"You can close the door if you want. And lock it, if it makes you feel safer."

"No, actually I'll feel better if it's open. Goodnight."

I removed the cushions from the back of the sofa and turned out the living room lights. I sat there in the dark wondering if I should keep some clothes on. Usually I sleep in a t-shirt and boxers; I haven't owned pajamas since I was a kid. I finally decided to sleep in my underwear like I usually do. I hung up my clothes on a chair and pulled a comforter over me as a makeshift bedspread.

The light from the bedroom was already off; just the night light was glowing in the hall. It wasn't even 10 o'clock, but I knew Kelly must be completely spent. Still, I didn't want to disturb her by turning on a reading light. I'd just have to tough it out, knowing I'd fall asleep eventually. But right then, a lot of strange, conflicting thoughts were coursing through my head: about Trudy and about Kelly and me. How odd it was for us to see our intermittent email relationship turn into the emotional drama that had played out that night.

I have to confess: I found Kelly to be very appealing. And she did remind me a lot of Trudy. And the thought of having sex with a woman that much younger, well ... But I swore to tamp down those feelings before they went any further.

I lay there for thirty minutes. I watched each one slowly go by on the front of the VCR. Unplugging the damn thing came to mind, but I didn't want the hassle of resetting the clock. I turned over and worked my way through all the various mind tricks I had for falling asleep but without any success. I resigned myself to the fact it probably wouldn't happen until around midnight, like on a typical night. About an hour later I was still lying there silently when I heard a whisper.

"Jake ...?"

I raised my head up a little. I could see Kelly's silhouette lit from behind by the night light. She was standing in the entryway between the hall and the living room.

"Kelly, are you OK?"

"No. My body is so exhausted, but my mind won't let me sleep."

Honestly, I wasn't sure what I could do to help her at that point. "Can I get you something?"

She walked slowly into the living room and knelt down by the couch. "I really need a loving, human touch right now. I need to be healed."

I didn't know what to say to that. She put her arms around me and rested her head on my chest.

"Oh, Jake, that really feels good." We lay there quietly. "Mmmm ... I can already feel it working."

I was holding my arms up awkwardly, not sure where I should put them. I finally lowered them and held her to me. She shifted up a little closer and sighed. I felt my emotions sucking me into the warm quicksand of sexual longing as Kelly whispered her thanks to me.

Kelly moved herself up some more; she was almost entirely on top of me. She moaned and whispered, "That's so good, Jake, help me heal ... I really need it ... you don't know how good it feels when you hold me like this."

The proverbial angel on my shoulder was practically shouting at me: "Don't you dare take advantage of this poor woman in such a vulnerable state—don't do it!" I totally agreed, but I knew I had only a few moments left before it would be a lost cause.

I really struggled; Kelly felt so good in my arms. Her breasts squeezing against me released sparks of sexual arousal all through my body. She seemed so content. Like she really did need the closeness—and my touch. I felt my resistance melting away.

Then Kelly slid off me and stood up.

"Jake, sit up straight on the couch now ... for me ... please."