Revelations and Revolutions

"Thank you, John. You may continue."

Carrie decided to pipe in. "Don't I get a chance to speak? I am, after all, the one who insisted on these sessions and I want my questions answered!"

Dr. Fuller looked at her and told her that, "Yes, Carrie your turn will come but for now I want to hear what John has to say. Please finish John."

"Thank you, Dr. Fuller. Where was I? Oh, yes, the foundation of a relationship. You need communication, trust, love, and respect. I'd say for myself that you need a mix of 30% communication, 30% trust, 30% respect and 10% love for a concrete foundation that is strong, sturdy and will weather the elements of life and lacking that, you have anything from a weak crumbling foundation to a pure quagmire that will not support anything at all." I paused and caught my breath. Dr. Fuller was listening intently while taking an occasional note while Carrie sat stiffly while she pouted and stared daggers at me.

"Dr. Fuller, my life descended into a living hell for the past six months. I've suffered the indignity of being belittled, ridiculed, insulted, emasculated, demeaned, humiliated and the subject of a constant barrage of hateful, spiteful, and disrespectful carping from Carrie. The woman who was at the time, my wife. Her constant verbal barrage, both in public and in private, was as hurtful as it was relentless. This is something that many friends and even my daughter witnessed over and over. It caused my daughter to avoid us because it hurt her to see her mother treat her father with no love, affection, respect, or the common courtesy you'd afford a total stranger."

Dr. Fuller interjected, "John I'm sorry you felt this way for so long, however, was it really that bad?"

"Doctor, with all due respect, it was worse than that but as the old cliché says, 'you had to be there to know'. Care to chime in now Carrie?" I added facetiously while I returned her cold, hateful expression. "Dr. Fuller, just look at her face and I believe you'll have a glimpse of what I'm saying."

Carrie tried to hide her face and quickly looked down but I saw the doctor's eyes, and she saw the utter contempt, the raw unadulterated anger her expression conveyed and that it was solely directed at me.

"Here's the bottom line. There has been no attempt at meaningful communication for years despite my multiple attempts to establish a dialog that continually fell on deaf ears. She has shown me no love, warmth, affection, physical or emotional intimacy the past six months. She even failed to show me a modicum of respect or even plain civility or common courtesy. Her attitude and behavior simply sucked all my energy and my very soul from me. When she screamed at me and then drove off without a single word as to tell me her plans and destination that fateful Saturday morning was the final straw. So, I simply picked up, packed up and moved out. All before I found out about her affair and that she was sleeping with my so-called best friend."

I felt the tears well up as I continued, "My daughter let it slip quite accidently, as she believed I had found out and that was the reason I left her mother. I later found out from my P.I. that it had been going on for the past three years running but the reprehensible attitude toward me was just a few months old. That same Saturday I returned home at 3pm to confront her with the information and find out the reason why. I went home to allow her to explain her actions. Had she talked with me, shown some remorse and a desire to try and salvage our marriage I would've seriously considered the possibility.

When she returned, I confronted her about the lies, deceit, betrayal, and her continual boorish behavior toward me. Instead of talking to me she ran to the master bedroom, slammed the door, and locked it. It demonstrated to me that she was closed off and unwilling to even attempt on working out our issues. She had proven I was justified in leaving and I realized that I no longer cared if she answered my questions because as I had concluded earlier that day, I just no longer cared one way or the other."

Dr Fuller said, "John, we have some strong emotions here that need to be dealt with before we can move forward toward making any progress."

"Dr. Fuller, let me be succinct. Carrie is nothing but a stranger to me now. She replaced love with cruelty and honor and integrity with cheating and lying. I don't like this, Carrie. I don't love her, I don't hate her, I simply don't care anymore and nothing in the realm of heaven, the depths of hell or anything of this earth can make me change my mind. I don't want to know her, be around her and I sure as hell don't want to be married to her! So, we're done or at least I am." I looked directly at her before I continued.

"So, what do you say Carrie, let's end this farce and move on? You must realize that the end of our marriage is a fait accompli. In fact, Dr. Fuller, given how long she's been cheating on me and her utter and bitter contempt for me, I'm puzzled as to why she wanted these sessions at all. The only two reasons I could come up with are either one, she, her lover or both got off on treating me like a humiliated cuckold. The second was that her old lover boy refused to leave his wife and family and she needed a meal ticket to keep food on the table and a roof over her head. It was either one, the other, or a combination of both. Well, it doesn't really matter anymore what you want Carrie or why you wanted it because a divorce will happen sooner or later. So, if you can remember a time when you may have had the tiniest of sparks of love for me then make it soon and not later."

"Dr. Fuller, thank you for your time." Having said my piece, I walked out the door and out of Carrie's life. Of course, she fought the divorce tooth and nail. When we finally got to court Virginia went for the jugular. In the end Carrie was forced out of the house as it was to be sold and the assets split 50/50 as with the rest of our assets and she got a pittance from the judge in terms of spousal maintenance and she had barely enough to live on if she lived frugally. I had the new washer and dryer installed and I increased the asking price accordingly to reflect the increased value. It was another long and painful six-month period before I was finally free.

Epilogue

William paid a heavy price for his indiscretions. Virginia saw to it that JoAnn got to keep her house, a 70/30 split of all other assets and $1500 per month in spousal support. I only paid Carrie $500. Of course, it didn't hurt that I occasionally played golf with the good judge who himself was the victim of a cheating spouse. William even did me a huge solid when he moved in with Carrie because she refused to shelter him unless he married her. Since he was in dire financial straits he agreed. Once they tied the knot, I was released from any financial obligation to her. That of course placed a burden on Carrie's finances.

Of course, William counted on Carrie to help support him but she refused to tap into the money she gained from the house and assets more than she already had budgeted for to help him pay support to his ex-wife. They started to fight and the strain proved to be too much on their marriage and now William is paying nearly 60% of his monthly income out in support for two ex-wives. He lives in a rundown efficiency apartment in the low-income side of town. He had to sell his car and now rode the bus to wherever he needed to be. His marriage to Carrie had lasted just 14 months.

Shortly after his second divorce I spotted him as he sat alone at the bar in The Dugout. We were the same age but he looked to have aged 20 years over the past 18 months. He was gaunt, dressed in tattered clothes and was unkempt and unwashed. He finished his beer and I watched a man broken by his own bad decisions in life and now nothing but a shadow of his former self. I watched as he walked slouched while his feet slowly shuffled his frail frame out the door. Like Carrie, I felt indifference toward him. I didn't even have a glint of compassion that you'd give a stranger in his condition as I figured he'd earned his fate.

JoAnn, when it came to William, became bitter and spiteful. She refused to even broach the subject of finding a man and someday remarrying as her son, Jenny, and many of her friends had suggested, though I was not one of them. She planned to and continued to slowly bleed him dry for years. Erin told me that after her divorce from William, Carrie became a recluse because she became quite disillusioned and bitter toward men and relationships after two failed marriages in less than two years. So, unfortunately for him, he was still on the hook for her as well. William's future looked bleak indeed.

Erin invited Anita to move in with her and they were roommates until they eventually married. I lucked out and now I had two daughters to spoil and pamper. After the divorce, I bought a house in the hopes that someday I fill the rooms with the sounds of grandchildren running around. I returned to see Dr. Fuller on an individual basis and she helped me release my anger, forgive Carrie and William so I could move on and I now called her Amanda.

Amanda introduced me to a colleague of hers that taught psychology at the local university. Dr. Becky Hansen was a blonde haired blue eyed Norse beauty. She was intelligent, articulate in addition to being a beautiful Scandinavian goddess. We took things slow but after two years of dating I had just purchased a ring and planned to pop the question on Christmas day. Shortly after I started seeing Becky, Erin and Anita began dating a set of brothers. The brothers were smitten from the outset yet it still took a year before they took the girls on a tropical cruise and proposed under a full moon as it lit the glistening sea on the ship's deck.

They decided on a double wedding and I got to walk both of my girls, down the aisle. Of course, Steve, Anita's dad walked his baby girl down the aisle and I was sandwiched in the middle with each daughter on an arm. When we reached the altar, I received two kisses, one on each cheek. I also heard two nervous giggles followed by "thanks daddy" from each of the girls. Of course, Steve got the first kiss and a, "thanks daddy," from Anita before me and that was how it should be. In making preparations for Anita's wedding, I really bonded with Steve and his wife Elise and we became fast friends. Becky and I married a year later. We had a romantic yuletide wedding in a small chapel in a snowy Christmas village. It was a small intimate affair with a dozen or so guests.

My girls, Erin, Anita, and their husbands Scott and Dave Matthews, JoAnn, Jon and Jenny, Anita's parents Steve and Elise Clemens, as well as Becky's son Hank and his wife Kylie, her daughter, Siobhan and her friend, Georgia. Amanda Fuller and her husband George also attended and Amanda was matron of honor. Steve was my best man. I rented rooms at the lodge for everyone before the wedding. After the wedding, Becky and I had a cozy room I had prebooked in a small B&B for our honeymoon. It cost us a small fortune but it was worth every penny we paid.

Since I had my breakthrough and let go of all the pain and anger, I even found a way to find some empathy for Carrie. I sent her a letter where I told her that she needed to find a way to let go of all the hurt and anger and to find love and happiness in her life as I have. I told her how Dr. Fuller had helped me tremendously. I encouraged her to seek help, if not with Amanda Fuller, then with another therapist. I even offered to pay for it. I gave the letter to Erin, in a sealed envelope and asked her to see that her mother received it. She asked if it would cause Carrie any pain. I promised her there was no poison pen and that it had nothing to do with the pain and hurt past. I simply encouraged her to seek help and find happiness in her life.

She promised me that she'd see her mother got the letter. A short time passed before Erin said that Carrie asked her to tell me that she accepted my generous offer and to thank me. I received a call from Amanda's office to set up payments. About 18 months afterward I got a second call that said no further payments were necessary. After her treatment ended, I heard through Erin, that she had met a nice man and was engaged to be married. I thought I might receive some type of letter from Carrie but nothing ever came. What spurred her hatred for me will forever be a mystery relegated to the past as she offered no explanation nor did I ask for one. Erin's happiness was all the thanks I needed and her mother's happiness in turn made her happy.

I never saw Carrie again after Erin's wedding or had any contact with her after my letter. Even though I never received a thank you I felt that if Carrie found happiness, then it was money well spent. I believed she had suffered enough for her sins. Between Becky's children and mine, our holidays were always filled with love, laughter and the sounds of tiny feet pitter pattering across the hardwood floors. My girls took turns spending time with their parents and their husband's parents.

Steve and Elise were a frequent fixture around the holidays when Anita and Dave came to our house. The Matthews when either both Erin and Anita came to our place. Erin also spent time with Carrie and her new husband Keith. She had three sets of parents to appease. So, I did my level best not to put undue pressure on her during the holidays. She knew both her, Scott, and the grandbabies always had an open invitation to come any holiday they had free. She alternated holidays each year.

Jon built JoAnn an in-law apartment and moved his mother in. They sold the house and JoAnn even gave William a 30% split and petitioned the court to discontinue her support payments. I guess she finally felt that he had suffered enough. True to her word, however, she never remarried. I never heard what became of William after that. I knew that Jon never forgave him and had nothing to do with him. I don't believe he ever got to meet his grandchildren. Given the joy my grandbabies gave me, I felt sad that William missed out on the greatest joy in the world. Even after all the pain and suffering he caused in my life, I wouldn't have ever wished that upon him.

Occasionally, I pondered as to what went so drastically wrong in my marriage to Carrie. It was more an intellectual exercise than a real burning desire to know. I couldn't logically reconcile it in my mind but then, I surmised that affairs of the heart are seldom logical. That perspective, strangely, gave me a sense of peace and reconciliation with the past. It really didn't matter because my present life with Becky, my girls, sons-in-law, grandchildren and all the extended family brought a deep sense of happiness that I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams. I had a soulmate whom I adored and found myself surrounded by more love than I ever thought possible. My heart was full. In the end, I had weathered the storm and came out the other side mostly intact. Now, I was healed, happy and content. My life now is truly great and I feel blessed for each and every day.