Summer of an Older Woman Pt. 03

"And the love I feel for you, Honey. Don't forget that." We were quiet then, for a few moments. Any other morning, we would have been famished by then. I'd been up for over 3 hours, Linda, about 2. But we weren't thinking about food. "Honey, I don't know how I can go back and live without you. I don't even want to think about meeting some other girl. None could match you."

Linda's eyes were showing her own hurt. It had to match my own. "Yeah, I've been thinking the same way. How can I meet another man that comes even close to you? A 19-year-old..."

"Almost 20."

"Ok, 20-year-old with more class and grace than anyone I've ever met my own age. And Dennis, you have to go back. No if, ands or buts. I would never let you throw away your future to be with me. I'm not going there either. Not with kids, and not for only 8 months of the year. That can't work. We have to end this. There's just no other way." We were both crying and holding hands in bed.

"I know. In my brain, I know this. There's no other logical way. But in my heart...I want you more than anything. I'd give the world for you, Linda. To be with you."

"I feel the same way inside, Baby. Except for my kids, I'd give anything for you. But the best thing for you is to go back to school. That would be the biggest sacrifice I can make for you, to make sure you move on with your life."

We were both bawling by then. The pain we felt was worse than anything I'd ever felt before, at least for me. Even worse than when I broke my right tibia when I was 11, playing hockey. That pain eased as I healed up. This pain was going to last a long time. I knew it, Linda knew it, from the beginning, when we knew we were in much deeper than a casual fling. We couldn't stop ourselves if we had wanted to. But now we were paying the price.

"I'll love you always, Honey. I'll never stop. Whatever happens in our futures, I'll always have this love for you." I grabbed her and kissed her with all that love.

"I know, Baby. And I'll always have that place for you too. But please, don't call me from college. It will be too hard to hear your voice, hear you tell me you love me, and not be able to be with you. So please, don't put us both through all that. Please. Dennis. For both our sakes." She sobbed in my arms.

"If that's what you need. If you're really sure. I won't call you from school. But I will call over the Christmas break, even if just to make sure you're ok. If you're happy then, if you've gotten past us, then ok. If I've moved on, ok. But if we're still feeling this way...maybe something has to change for us. For the better."

Linda didn't answer me for a couple of minutes. We both settled down from the worst of our crying, but there were still tears. When she finally answered me, it was two words. "OK, Baby,"

We kissed over and over, sitting up in bed, facing each other. Her legs went around my body, mine were almost straight out under her and my member found her entrance and we joined together, one final time as lovers. Holding and kissing together. Rocking forward and back, so we kept sliding together. We were gasping between kisses, tangled in the sheets. It didn't take long, and in the end, we were again a sticky mess. A very loving, sticky mess.

After we took showers, I helped Linda clean up around the apartment. We changed the sheets, aired out the room, we cleaned a few spots in the living room where a few drops of our combined fluids left a mark. All in near silence.

I was ready to leave at 4. We held each other at her front door. I didn't want to leave her. "You're kids are still going to be with Dave on Wednesday night, right?

"Yes, it's his night. And you go the next morning, and I'll just cry all that night thinking about it."

"Don't be alone all night, Honey. Come to dinner with me and my family. We're going out, I'm not sure where, but I want you to join us."

"Your mother will hate that idea, Dennis."

"Don't worry about that. I'll deal with her. It's time I stopped letting her dictate my life. I'm old enough to drink and vote; I'm certainly old enough to stand up for what, and who is important to me. That means you, Honey."

"I love you, Baby" Linda whispered as she stroked my hair. "You're really all man. In every way. If you want, come over for dinner Tuesday, say goodbye to Michael and Sandy. They're very fond of you."

"I'm pretty fond of them as well. But what about Dave? I don't want him hurting you again."

"He won't. If he ever tries again, I'll remember what my mother taught me when I was 12. It involved my knee and his balls." We both laughed, the first and only laugh we shared all that day. It made it easier to kiss her goodbye, that and knowing we'd see each other Tuesday and Wednesday night for dinner, even if sex wasn't part of the deal. We'd be able to share other forms of love before I left. That was good enough for me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I got home, had dinner with my family, and while me and Tom cleaned up, I told my family I was going to Linda's for dinner Tuesday and I'd be home that night, and then I told them I wanted Linda to join us Wednesday night for dinner. My parents were ok with Tuesday, but my mom started to object about Wednesday night. "Dennis, it's your last night with us until Thanksgiving. Considering you haven't been around much this whole summer, you could spare us one night, your last night, and just have dinner with us." My dad was smart enough not to get in the middle of this one, and he made sure Tom did the same.

"Mom, I'm here tonight, and I'll be here tomorrow night. Tuesday I want to say goodbye to her children. I won't stay late; I'll be home by 1AM or so. I'll pack all day Wednesday. But please hear me out. Wednesdays her ex has their kids overnight, every week. It's hard for her to begin with. She also has to contend with me going away. I don't want her to be hurt all night. We, as a family, can help ease her pain a little. Mine too. Mom, this is important to me. Linda is important to me. I love her, deeply, and she loves me just as much. After dinner I'll take her home, kiss her goodnight and cry my own eyes out when I get home before I fall into a miserable sleep. Please. For me. She's amazing." My eyes were pleading with my mother and, despite her sometimes tough attitude (sometimes I wondered if she should have been the cop in the family instead of an office manager), she softened her stance.

"We're going to Ryan's Pub. You can bring her. We'll meet at 7:30. Dennis, I know you think I'm a real hard case sometimes. I guess I am, especially when it comes to you and Tom. I do like Linda. I still don't completely understand your relationship, but I do like her. I just kind of wanted a last night with just the 4 of us. You're halfway through college now, just two more years to go. Before you know it, you won't even be living here during the summers. We've missed you this past summer. That's the only reason I objected. In fact, you can tell her if she wants, she can bring her children for Thanksgiving. Assuming something is still going on with both of you by then."

"Thanks, Mom. I don't know about that; we agreed to not talk until Christmas break. But I'll ask her. I love you. You too, Dad. Even you, Tom. Sometimes." I smiled at them, appreciating how much my family had had to deal with that past summer. It hadn't been easy for them.

After dinner I took Tom to a movie, a brother's night out. I was going to miss him, like I did each of the two years before. The older we got, the closer we were. That 4 year difference was less pronounced all the time.

I called Linda in the morning and told her Tuesday and Wednesday were set, that I'd pick her up Wednesday at 7, and she told me to come over Tuesday at 4 so she could have some time with them before I got there and spent some time. She said they had a great trip to the Bahamas, and their father was very well behaved the entire trip.

"What do you mean by that? Well behaved."

"He didn't say anything mean about me to them, which he's done plenty of in the past. He brought his current girlfriend or whatever she is, but he didn't ignore them or anything. Maybe we're finally moving on to where we can be civil to each other."

That night, I went out with Chris and a few other guys, had some beers and caught up on what we did all summer, which meant telling them all about Linda, except for her age. That was my business. Chris knew, of course, but he kept my confidence. I could always rely on him.

Tuesday Tom and i went clothes shopping; we both needed things for the coming fall. It was a good chance to spend a few hours together at the Mall, I bought him lunch, and we had a chance to talk about things brothers talk about. He missed me the past two years when I went away; not only did he miss being able to hang out with his big brother, he also go all the grief our mom used to divide between us. I reminded him he was almost 16 and would be going away to school before he knew it. Then he'd miss being around our parents, at least some of the time. I knew. I missed them sometimes. Overall, they were good and loving parents.

I got to Linda's a little after 4 with small gifts for her children. I got Michael a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses, made famous by the Don Henly song The Boys of Summer. He loved them and wore them in the apartment the rest of the night. Sandy got a bunch of Rainbow Brite things, her favorite animated show. I made a hit with both kids.

While they played before dinner, I kissed Linda in the kitchen while she finished cooking potted chicken. "Thank you for getting those gifts for the kids. Although you're making it even harder to say goodbye to you. For me and for them."

"I'm sorry. Kind of. Oh, I almost forgot, I have something for you too." I brought out a small box, with a pair of gold stud earrings. Nothing fancy, but it was very special to Linda, who cried in my arms.

"You bastard. I didn't get anything for you. But thank you. They're lovely, Baby."

"I don't need anything from you. I got what I wanted. A dear friend. An amazing lover. The most wonderful summer I will perhaps ever have. I'll miss you like crazy, but I think overall it was worth it." We kissed again. "Oh, I almost forgot. My mom said you're invited for Thanksgiving if you want, if we're talking by then. You can bring the kids if you have them. Honest, it was all her idea."

"Dennis...I don't know. We said no talking until Christmas. We're already going back on that." She looked uncertain. And uncomfortable.

"I know, but it was her suggestion, honestly. And if you have no other plans, I think it would be nice, even if we're just friends. You shouldn't be alone on Thanksgiving."

"Why don't we see where we stand? No commitment before then. And by the way, we have to behave tonight. I got my period this morning. Not exactly much of a send off for you, Baby."

"That's ok, it's hardly within your control. Maybe it's better if we keep things simple. And I still love you, my Honey."

We ate a nice dinner with the kids, with some laughter and and then a sweet, kind of sad goodnight when they went to sleep. It was entirely possible I'd never see them again.

Saying goodnight to Linda wasn't too hard; she was joining us for dinner the next night, so we kissed to our hearts content before I had to go. I had a lot to do during the day. I wanted it all done before I picked up Linda.

While my parents were at work, I spent all of Wednesday packing my suitcases, choosing which albums I wanted to bring, etc. My roommate, Lee, from Rochester, was a good guy, but we weren't close friends. We did, however, respect each other's privacy and personal space. We got along well enough and in some ways, it was just better like that. At 6:30, everything was packed that I needed, and I went to pick up Linda. Our last night. Maybe for our lives.

I got to her building and she was waiting in the vestibule, which I didn't expect. She also wasn't dressed at all to go out, just in a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. No handbag even. She slipped into my front seat before I could get out to open the door for her. Up close, I could see her eyes were red and swollen. Uh-oh.

"Hey, Honey. Why aren't you ready to go? Are you running late? I can wait and call my dad on his cell phone to let him know."

"Baby, I'm not going to dinner with you. I don't think it's a good idea. I think I'd just cry all through dinner, and that's no way to be with your family around."

My stomach was suddenly in knots. "Linda, I wasn't expecting sex, but I wanted to say goodbye to you. Not like this. Not like this." I was shaking all over.

"I know, Dennis. I was almost ready to get dressed and I realized I can't do this. Saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I almost just called you to tell you, but I couldn't do that. It would have been cowardly of me. I had to see you." Tears were making trails down her cheeks.

"This isn't how I wanted to say goodbye to you either, my love. There's so much I wanted to say to you, and now I can't. My parents will be waiting for us. Well, for me. Linda, Honey, please don't do this. Go get changed. We'll just be a little bit late. Please. Don't make our last night together like this. What if we never see each other again?" I was pleading my case with her.

"Dennis, do you really think we'll never see each other again? I'm really asking you what you think inside you."

"I don't know, darling. Neither of us can say. If this is the last time...I'll regret it for a long time." I kissed her hand and then her cheek.

"Baby, you'd better go, before I make a total idiot of myself. Don't you see? It's terrible now. Later tonight, it will be ten times worse. Dennis, my sweet darling, my Baby...I love you. I'll always love you to some degree. Thank you for the most incredible summer of my life. And maybe this isn't over. But it's over for now. Please don't call me until Thanksgiving. And don't follow me. My Baby." She got out of the car and ran into her building, and I could hear her crying all the way. Or maybe that was me. I was crying pretty damn hard myself, hard enough that I couldn't tell the sound of my tears from hers. I pulled out of the spot faster than I should have. I couldn't stand to be there one more minute.

I told my family what happened, and that I might never see Linda again. My family, to their credit, was very supportive, very caring, and they didn't push me for more details than I wanted to share. My mother took my hand and held it with gentle pressure, letting me know how much she loved me without having to say a word. I kind of needed that right then. We ordered dinners none of us really felt like eating and what should have been a fun dinner ended up being a sad affair.

At home I couldn't sleep, though I had to get up by 7 and get on the road at 8. I was driving myself up to Albany; my family didn't need to come with me. My boxes and luggage all fit in the car (I was expert at packing it after two full years of going back and forth). After hugging my brother and my father, my mom walked me out to the driveway.

"Dennis, sweetheart, I know you're badly hurt right now. And when you hurt, I hurt as well. I know we sometimes butt heads, but you know I adore you. Some men might tell you to go to bed with the first girl you meet back at school, but your father wouldn't and I sure as hell won't say that. But please, if you need anything, even just a kind and loving ear, you call us. Don't call Linda, not until Thanksgiving like you agreed. It will just hurt you both. I love you, Dennis. Please don't dwell on this while you drive. You need to pay attention on the road for the next three hours."

I hugged Mom tighter than I had in a couple of years. I was finally appreciating her the way she deserved. "Mom, I love you. Thanks for being so good to me this past summer. I know it was hard for you. And I'm sorry for any pain I put you through."

"Sweetheart, you didn't put me through anything I couldn't handle. You're growing up, a little faster than I would have liked. But you're becoming a wonderful man that your father and I are proud of every single day. And I love you too, very much."

We hugged a moment longer, then I got in the car and drove off, on my way to Albany and to the rest of my future.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Six years later....

I was walking down Austin Street, in Forest Hills, Queens, just a 20 minute drive from where I grew up in Bayside. It's a very busy street, filled with stores and restaurants, near a lot of houses and apartment buildings. It's also a block away from Queens Blvd on one side, the Long Island Railroad station on the other, and there is a lot of foot traffic and not much parking. I was pushing a stroller with my 2 year old twin boys, Evan and Bennett. They were napping while dad got the workout. We lived 3 blocks away in a nice 4 bedroom, 3 bath Tudor style house, similar to a lot of the houses in the neighborhood. We were on our way to meet their mother. who was shopping for some clothes for them.

I got near the store when I saw her: Linda. It was definitely her, longer hair, but still the beautiful woman I fell in love with six summers ago. That same beautiful face and dark brown eyes. She was looking around the crowded street and I waved my arm at her while I called out "Hey, Linda! Over here!"

She saw my arm, then she saw me, and a big smile lit up her face. "Dennis! Hi!" She walked over to us and, instead of offering her cheek, she gave me her lips to kiss. "Hi Baby! How's our little ones?"

"Just great, Honey. They didn't even get to miss their mommy" I teased. "Sleeping like two Angels."

She knelt down to check for herself and Bennett stirred first. He opened his eyes and smiled as he said "Hi, Mommy!"

"Hi, Benny! How's Mommy's sweet boy?"

"I'm ok. Evan hit me with his elbow!"

"He did? I'm sure it was an accident." She leaned closer and kissed him on his head, then she did the same with Evan, who stirred awake as well. "Hi Evan! How's Mommy's other sweet boy?"

"Tired. I love you, Mommy."

"Me too! I love you, Mommy!" Bennett wasn't going to be left out.

"I love you both. And I love your handsome Daddy." She stood up and I got my kiss, right on my lips as people passed all around us, on their way to doing whatever they were up to. But that piece of the sidewalk was all ours. Sandy and Michael were with their father that weekend, or we would have been taking up the entire sidewalk in front of a Chinese restaurant.

"Hey, Honey. Did you find what you were looking for?"

"Oh yeah! I got the two cutest little suits. They're going to be so handsome at their Uncle Tom's graduation!"

I guess I have a lot to explain. It started that Thanksgiving, six years before.....

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I hope you liked this chapter. Please vote and comment, and I'll tell you the story of how Linda and Dennis got back together.