The Unfuck Machine

"Sorry, your Honor," an embarrassed Capt. Jones replied and hurried back to take his proper place by the doors.

Adrestia continued, "I have read the charges against all three of you," she said. "Rather than spend the next year reading them aloud, I have placed them on the monitors to your left." The entire wall suddenly became a series of high-definition monitors covered with writing. "How do you plead?"

As she asked, she heard mumbling from Penance. "Just who does he think he is talking to me like that?"

She kept glancing over her shoulder at the handsome Texas Ranger. "Look at him, his uniform. It doesn't fit."

All the sisters look back at the Captain. He appeared to be standing a little taller and straighter than a guard usually would.

Both ex-sisters, Patience and Prudence, turned to see what she was complaining about. Patience elbowed Prudence and grinned, then whispered, "Oh yeah, girl. I see what you mean. His sleeves barely contain those huge biceps. And look at the way his shirt comes down his waist from his massive chest to a perfect V."

Prudence chimed in. "And look at those military creases and that shoeshine. Yep, he looks terrible," with a sarcastic undertone.

"Um, um," came a voice from the bench, "Excuse me ladies, is my trial interfering with your conversation."

"No, Ma'am," Penance whispered with embarrassment.

"The next interruption in my courtroom, I will clear it, understand?" admonished the Judge. "And you, Miss Penance, I will have you escorted over to the jail by Captain Jones for contempt of court. I think a night in my jail will do you good."

Adrestria looked up to see Lizzy smiling in the back of the room. They smiled and nodded at each other.

"Counselor," said the Judge, giving the Defense Attorney a questionable look, expecting his reply.

"John Huntler for the defense, Your Honor. The defendants plead guilty to all charges," he said, "Throwing themselves at the mercy of the court," prompting an outburst of anger from Esse.

"I do not plead guilty, dammit," Esse exclaimed. John gave her a withering look.

"Shut up," Esse hissed, and the coven started hissing in a symphony with her.

"Esse, you are violating the protocol of this court. One more outburst from you, and I will find you in contempt," Adrestia said with a very sharp edge to her voice.

"I do not recognize this so-called court and I certainly do not recognize your authority over us, Adrestria. In fact, I intend to do everything in my power to bring you and this... court... down!"

All the clan stood and started chanting and hissing at the court, trying to place spells and use their powers to carry out Esse's.

Adrestia stood and grabbed her sword. Her face shone brightly, but her eyes were even brighter, "I find you in contempt of this court," Adrestia replied, pointing her sword at the coven. A bright beam of light leaped from the sword, enveloping the Oscars' and witches' bodies.

Their bodies shook for a few moments. When the beam died, the coven started screaming as their power of illusion disappeared, and they showed every year of the 700 that their dried-out bodies portrayed.

"Please, please, begged the clan. Change us back, please," Esse begged. Adrestia pointed her sword; her face glowed, and the witches' looks returned.

"One more outburst from any of you and the changes will be permanent." Your powers are useless here." snarled Adrestia. "So, I trust there will be no further outbursts. Besides, you're too old and ugly to look at."

"No, Your Honor, I don't believe there will be," John said calmly. "I apologize, Your Honor. I did warn my clients."

"Very well, Counselor," Adrestia said, replacing the sword. She looked at a piece of paper on her bench before continuing.

Looking at the representative for the State, "Before I proceed, does the State have any witnesses to make an impact statement?" asked the Judge.

Then, a man stood up and replied, "I am Michael, the Archangel of Truth and Justice. I am representing the State. I want to call Mrs. Lucinda Goodman to stand for a victim's impact statement."

"Alana, Susan, would you mind escorting Mrs. Goodman to the stand?" Adrestia asked.

After taking her oath, Michael approached the witness stand. Mrs. Goodson, in your own words, please tell us what evils were perpetrated on you and your family.

"Objection!" screamed the defense, "Evil is subjective, your honor," stated the counselor.

"Really! Mr. Hunter. Evil is subjective?" said Adrestia. "This isn't woke culture here; evil is evil. Overruled. Continue, Michael."

"Thank you, Judge," replied Micheal. "Mrs. Goodson, will you please tell the court in your own words what they did?" She told her story of how they turned her into a wonton slut and the total destruction of her marriage.

The sobbing Lucy wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. "Mrs. Goodson, take this tissue," said Adrestia with an empathetic smile.

Reaching and taking it from the Judge, Lucy wiped the tears from her cheeks and eyes and continued her story.

"They killed my babies," cried Lucy.

"I object, your honor; there's no proof of that," said the counselor.

Just then, Essa's actions, the cause of the abortions, flickered on the large TVs that surrounded the courtroom, displaying the evidence disproving his claim. "Overruled," replied the Judge. Mr. Hunter retreated to his seat.

In a sympathetic voice, "Go ahead, Mrs. Goodson, continue," said the Judge.

She went on to tell her terrible betrayal and the death of her two baby boys.

Michael stood up and informed the Judge, "The State rests its case, Your Honor."

"Mr. Hunter, do you have any questions for the witness."

Mr. Hunter stood up, buttoned his blazer, and replied, "Yes, Your Honor." Then he approached the bench.

"Mrs. Goodson, because of Esse's action, don't you have two beautiful daughters, so you really benefitted from it, didn't you? Without it, you wouldn't have your daughters."

Lucy's eyes narrowed and acid was in the tone of her voice as she attacked the coven. "How dare you. It was my body, my choice. Only my husband and God had a say in it. We wanted four children, but after they killed my baby boys and the pain and agony I went through with my girls, I could not physically or mentally handle another pregnancy, so I had my tubes tied.

"It was always my and Edward's intention to have four children, but they took that away. "Burn the Witches!" spewed from her lips with the ferocity of a grizzly mother bear protecting her young.

Standing in shock, Mr. Hunter stepped back and said, "The defense rests," and retreated quickly to his table.

"Anything else, Mrs. Goodson?" asked Adrestia.

Sobbing into her tissue, she shook her head, NO. She got up from her chair and went back to her seat.

"With all the testimony and evidence, please have the defendants rise."

They sat in defiance of Adrestia's orders. Just then, a large shadow appeared at their table before them, "Stand now," Capt. Jones seethed.

"If I have to tell you again..." Then he paused and smiled and begged, "Please don't stand. Give me an excuse." That smile on the Captain terrified the coven and sent chills down their spines. They all slowly stood and faced the judge.

Just then, a loud swoon went out across the courtroom. Everyone turned to the source with eyes wide open, not believing what they heard.

An embarrassed Penance squeezed her eyes shut and quickly moved her hands to her face. Then, she shrunk down in her chair.

Adrestia shook her head at that moment and continued.

"And now, the central figure in these 200-plus-year-old sagas of deceit, murder, and hubris, Esmeralda Walcott, a.k.a. Esse, this court has examined every minute of your life, hoping to find even one moment to justify extending mercy to you.

"Esse, you were a good and loving being at one time. You then met Edward Goodson and you were smitten by him. You decided you wanted him even though he was a married man. You put a spell on him to help him forsake his wedding vows. But you had a problem. Unlike you, he wouldn't live forever.

"Once you discovered that spell that will let a person live forever and bring people back from the dead, you and your coven conspired to partake in human sacrifice from the blood of infants you needed to make the potion work. When his wife figured out what you were doing, she went to the local church for help.

"Then the mob found your compatriots and burned them at the stake. Little did they realize you had mastered your spell and potion, and you brought them back to life.

"Of course, the mob killed Edward. And that is when you plotted your revenge. You and the witches waited for another Edward. You betrayed, compromised, destroyed, and murdered good men to do it." Just then, a door opened in the wall in front of Esse. Then, a man no one could identify through the bright aura that surrounded him as he came into the room.

Esse's face turned white as she saw the man she had left to die, her former lover.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" asked Lucy with surprise.

"Lucinda, I'm not your Edward; he's my descendant. Like Eli, William's great-grandfather, your Edward is my great-grandson. Lucy, your two sons told me to say hi to you; they have loved you since they were conceived. They also hope to meet you, Edward, and their sisters someday."

Lucy teared up and cried. She got up from her seat, ran to Edward, and gave him a big sobbing hug. Edward slowly pulled her away and smiled, "Don't worry, Lucy. Everything is going to be okay. Go back to your seat, please." Susan and Alana helped to escort her back to her chair.

Then he turned and said, "Esse, you betrayed me and the kindness I freely gave you. I told you I loved my wife and we could never be. I took my wedding vowels seriously and you knew it.

"Esse. Why does anyone want in the lives of people who don't love them? The love would be meaningless. It would all be fake. I might have well been a doll. Then you went after the innocent children. What could I do? You know I would stop you if I could. I reject you, Esse, now and forever." As Esse sat in shock, he turned and walked through the brightly shining door.

Adrestia continued, "In fact, Esmeralda Walcott, the only thing you have ever cared about is you. Even when given another chance to make things right, you played the system and tried to manipulate those around you again.

"You spent years conspiring to get your hands on Edward and his daughter. When you saw an opportunity to get Edward back under your control, you tried to sacrifice Lucy to the Devil. That even pissed him off."

The video on the wall started again, showing the attempted sacrifice.

"The truth is you have used absolutely everyone in your life to get what you want. You would have to improve to be merely evil and then you would still be a despicable creature," Adrestia stated with a hint of sadness.

"Therefore," she added, "It is the judgment of this court that you face the punishment for crimes against humanity for ALL TIME! Bailiff, get these people out of my sight and escort them to the Gallery. The court is adjourned," she stated, picking up her gavel.

Adrestia brought the gavel down hard, and the room was bathed in a bright flash of light. When the light died away, everyone found themselves outside, standing in a crowd with Lucy, Eli, Lizzy, Adrestia, and all the sisters.

As they mulled around talking to each other, Penance looked back after hearing a door close loudly at the other end of the hall.

Penance yelled, "Hey you there. Don't you move, Mr. I want to talk to you." Then, she stormed off toward her intended target, yelling at him as she quickly moved toward him. Then her voice got louder as she asked, "What do you mean talking to me like that?"

William's eyes bugged out and he backed up to the wall. She stood there in front of him, poking him in the chest.

The group stood and watched Penance talk to William in what seemed like a stern voice. Then Charity and Hope looked over at the others and asked, "Shall we go and rescue him?"

Lizzy and Adrestia said, "No" at the same time. Adrestia followed up after smiling at Lizzy. "Let's see how this plays out."

Eli piped up, "You two should be ashamed of yourselves," scolding them.

Both looked at each other, "We should, but we're not. Let's see what happens." replied Lizzy.

They saw William turning her around and backing her into the wall. He leaned over her, resting his hand on the wall slightly above her right shoulder. She was smiling while straightening out his tie.

All of a sudden, Penance giggled and blushed. Then, she slowly started rotating her head, chuckling. At the same time, she blushed and twisted the ends of her hair like a love-struck schoolgirl.

Next, she pulled out her phone and handed it to William, and he dialed his phone. He then handed it back to her.

She slowly moved away from him. William yelled, "Nice meeting you, Penny," with a smile on his face.

Penance smiled and spoke, "Nice meeting you to Billy," and returned to the group.

The Sisters and Prudence and Patients in chorus said, "PENNY."

Prudence added, "You always made it quite clear to us that if a man ever called you Penny, you'd remove his manhood."

In a very polite tone, she replied, "That wouldn't be very nice of me, now would it. After all, his grandfather saved my life," she said, as if she thought somebody would actually believe that statement.

Eli and Lizzy mouthed, "Billy."

Lucy saw their mouths move and asked, "What is wrong with being called Billy?" asked Lucy.

Eli responded, "He hates that name. He got many a whoopin' in school for beating students up for calling him Billy."

"Oh," said Lucy, understanding what was implied.

Charity and Hope looked at each other and said, "Looks like we've lost another one."

"Oh, shut up!" snapped Penace. "I'm not going anywhere. I just talked to him. He's really nice."

"If you say so," said Charity.

"Don't be stupid." snarled Penance. "Now, let's get out of here. I want to do some sightseeing before we have to leave tomorrow." She hugged everyone and said their teary goodbyes.

She looked over at William, and when she thought no one was looking, she placed her thumb at her ear and her little finger near her mouth, mouthing, "Call me sometime."

A few minutes later, the sisters exited the front door.

Penance's cell phone rang. Taking it out of her pocket, she answered, "Hey, you miss me already," with a big grin attached to her face.

Lizzy hooked Eli's arm and said, "Let's go home, big guy. I want to show you the new swimsuit I got in Paris. That's Paris, France, mind you, not Paris, Texas. It's called a Bikini."

"Well," sighed Eli. "Can't be any worse than the last one." All the ladies looked at each other and giggled.

Then Susan said, "We've got to go, Alana. Eli's our ride." They said their quick goodbyes and hurried out the door in pursuit of Eli.

"Come with me, Lucy. I'll get you home, but first, I want to show you something," said Adrestia.

Xxxx

The next thing Lucy knew, she was standing in Adrestia's gallery.

"What is this place, Adrestia? Who are all these people?" Lucy asked as she looked at all the portraits on the wood-paneled walls. There were rows upon rows of portraits showing people from all walks of life, and they were all in distress as though the final moments of their lives were captured for posterity.

One portrait showed a woman falling into the giant jaw of a shark. Another showed a woman as she fell from a high balcony. One portrait showed three women chained to a rock overlooking a large body of water. One showed three people, one woman and two men, hanging by the neck over a sea of fire. There were many more.

The Judge's mate, Max, had hung seven new portraits of the witches and Oscar. Those seven were different from the rest.

"Are they..." Lucy asked.

"Dead?" Adrestia filled in the question that Lucy couldn't bring herself to ask. She nodded her head in jerks. Adrestia considered her response carefully, looking at me as if searching my soul. "No. And yes. In most of these judgments, the guilty one is suspended forever in a single moment of extreme terror or suffering.

"But witches would have loved those situations. So, the Governor came up with another idea. He has the best sense of humor regarding these sorts of things."

Lucy couldn't understand what she was saying. Why were the witches in the idyllic Norman Rockwell paintings and why was Oscar on a tropical island filled with naked women?

Adrestia explained, "Look at the paintings; they are all vacuuming in high heels and dresses. She has her garter and silk hose on. Look at her perfect hair. Think about doing housework every day in that outfit. She has two children and a husband who goes to work every morning at precisely 7 am.

"Every day is just the same for the suburban housewife. Raising kids, grocery shopping, and PTA meeting days, days washing dirty diapers and making beds, giving kids baths and cleaning toilets. Fixing meals from scratch, no microwave, and fixing school lunches daily.

"At night, she'll be laying down with her husband with no foreplay or romance, and the husbands will leave them hanging at the end.

"They'll raise babies into teenagers, then into adults, and they'll start over again for eternity. Now, that's hell to them."

"Oh!" said Lucy after the information settled. "That's not fair. Look at Oscar with all those beautiful naked women."

"Remember," Adrestia said, "Things are not as they appear; each person makes their own hell. In this case, those women are devout hardcore, man-hating lesbians, and if you take a closer look at their hands, you'll see machetes. Their daily job is to get him hard and eliminate that problem."

"You're right," said Lucy. "They are living in their hell."

"Lucy, I'm sending you home now. GO! Live a wonderful life and I hope to see you in the future."

They hugged and Lucy woke up standing alone in her kitchen.

Nine months later

Bang! Bang! Bang! Came from his front door. "Coming, I'm coming. Hold your horses," yelled a recently depressed William.

Still rapidly repeating, BANG! BANG! BANG! William swung open the door and snarled, "What do you..." right in mid-sentence, he saw the 50 Cal Desert Eagle pointing right at his crotch.

His eyes froze on the barrel with a big belly poking toward him from behind the weapon. Then he heard a familiar female voice snarling, "Do you remember me? I'm the girl with a great sense of humor?" The voice asked.

He slowly raised his eyes, "Penny," he said in shock.

"Don't you Penny me," she barked back. My name is Penance, "Look what you did to me, you jerk. My life has gone to hell. The doctor told me I could never fight again because of all the damage to my shoulder. And obviously, they frown on pregnant nuns.

"I was ex-communicated from my order and the church. It was the only thing I've ever known. Now, I have no job, place to live, or money.

"Please, please, say no," begged Penance. "I want so bad for you to give me an excuse to remove your manhood."

A smile went across William's lips. He put his left index on the barrel and slowly moved it away from pointing at him. Stepping toward Penance, he took her in both his strong arms and kissed her passionately.

She moaned and dropped her gun. She drew William tighter. After a minute, William heard a "um-um" as somebody let out a fake clearing of their throat.

He gently pulled away to see a sight that would make angels fear to tread. His Grandma Lizzy stood with her arms crossed, just waiting to rip him a new one along with his mom, Danni.

And behind them stood Eli lighting with his smoke. After a long draw, he blew his famous smoke ring and said, "Don't look at me, boy. You're on your own. You wouldn't have been born if I'd done that, Lizzy. Her Dad was mean, and her brothers adored her. Good luck."