There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 01

"Thank you Rod, I'll see you at 9."

******

Delicious dazzled me when she walked out of the bedroom. She was not wearing makeup; but she had brushed her hair to a fine luster. She was wearing a knee length gray pencil skirt, with a light green long sleeve blouse that brought out the color of her deep green eyes. She knew this is the way her mother would have wanted her to dress; however, it would have attracted every boy in town, instead of repelling them. She would not be safe dressed like this, but she felt safe now, because I had promised to protect her. In her heart and mind she knew I would do just that.

"Wow, do you clean up nice. You would grace the cover of any teen magazine, and if your breasts were larger, Sports Illustrated would die to put you into a bikini, and photograph you on a beach."

Delicious' face turned bright red, and she dropped her head in embarrassment.

"Don't do that; you are a gorgeous young woman, and you deserve all the praise bestowed upon you. If you don't believe me, wait until Rod walks through that door. Look at his reaction when he sees you. If that doesn't tell you how beautiful you are, nothing will."

A few moments later there was a knock at the door, and I asked, "Who is it?"

Rod answered, "It's me you idiot. I've come to see if my client has lost his mind."

I took Delicious by the hand, and placed her were Rod would see her as he entered the room. I opened the door and purposely blocked his view.

"Good morning Rod, welcome to my humble abode."

I turned aside, and let him walk in. "Are you out of your..."

His mind and tongue stopped working as he took in the vision of beauty that was my niece, Delicious. He tried to speak, but couldn't. All he could do was stutter. Ever since I had known him, he was never at a loss for words. He was the perfect attorney; no one could shut him up.

Finally he composed himself and asked, "Who the heck is she?"

"You should know, you introduced me to her."

He walked over to the young woman and extended his hand. "Hello, my name is Rod Laver. I'm sorry, but I don't recall your name."

"We met yesterday Mister Laver. My name is Delicious Mark."

"Holy Shit, do you have an evil twin?"

"Uncle Even, do you want to hit him, or should I?"

"You better do it, because you will be charged as a juvenile, and get off with a slap on the wrist. If I hit him, they would throw me in jail, and he would sue me for a ton of money."

"Delicious, what happened to you overnight?"

"I am only going to be living with Uncle Even for 2 years. It would take longer than that to explain everything."

I laughed. "Rod, she has that quote memorized. She said it to me last evening, word for word. When I had the opportunity, I repeated it back to her, and she was not happy about it. She said she was not used to people using her own words against her."

Rod shook his head. "I can see over the next two years you two are going to battle back and forth; and get along famously."

"I don't believe I have a choice, Mister Laver. He lives in a house that is 20 miles from nowhere. He has no neighbors, and his backyard is a national park. Either I talk to him, or I talk to the animals in the forest. Unlike Doctor Doolittle, I have not learned how to do that yet."

"Delicious, after you listen to him for a long time, the animals will make more sense than he will."

"Rod, I think you'd better go to the store and buy your 'Air Jordan's. If you keep talking about your only client like that, I am going to fire you."

"Even, with all due respect, where are you going to find another attorney that will put up with all your foibles?"

"For the amount of money I pay you every year, they will line up at the door."

"Yes they will; and once they get their foot in that door, they will rob you blind."

Delicious asked, "Are you sure you two are friends? If I heard this conversation in a restaurant, I would remove the silverware just to make sure you didn't kill each other."

"Delicious, I have been yanking his balls since we were five years old. He is much smarter than I am, and I went to Harvard law school. He has no social skills. That's why he allows me to take care of everything from his pennies to his patents. If he didn't, he would be a brilliant high school science teacher, instead of one of the most prominent technical innovators in the world. He has forty-four patents, which makes him millions of dollars per month. He has two patents pending, and what he is working on now could change the satellite communications industry for the next 100 years. His mind is a marvel, but until he met you yesterday, the last time he had a real conversation with a woman was 18 years ago."

******

As we left the hotel, Rod kept talking about the amount of food she ate for breakfast. When I told him what she had for dinner the evening before, he called me a liar. I continued telling him she ate half of my salmon also, and he was sure I was lying. I bet him $100 I could prove he was wrong. He accepted my bet.

I produced the restaurant receipt and handed it to him. He looked at Delicious and asked her if she ate all of that food. She nodded and complained that I took a piece of broccoli from my plate after she started eating my salmon.

Rod took $100 out of his wallet and handed it to me.

"Thank you for paying for last nights' dinner, Rod. It's the first time you have had to pay for something out of your own expense account, since you graduated law school."

"Don't worry about it Even, I'll figure way to get it back from you."

***********

We had to wait 10 minutes for the department store to open. When we arrived in the shoe department, I told the young man what I wanted for Delicious.

He looked at the clothes she was wearing, and then at her sneakers. I told him to throw them out, and bring one pair of shoes in everything he had in her size, and if we liked them, she would decide what colors she would take them in. He went to his register, called his manager, and asked for help.

Two young women came into the department, and began bringing out shoes in every style.

Delicious could not walk in the 5 inch spike heels, but I bought them for her anyhow, because of what they did for her legs. It was amazing; she went from a teenager, to a woman in an instant. They also brought her up to my height. She was gorgeous.

90 minutes later, 24 pair of shoes, 9 pairs of sneakers, two pair of flip-flops, and $9220.00 later, and the 3 associates loaded the trunk of the car with all but one pair of shoes. Delicious was wearing those.

Rod had no color left in his face. He nearly hyperventilated, when Delicious told him we had to go back into the store and buy sleepwear.

"Even, I'm not used to this. You are spending money, and you are happy about it. I have never seen you like this before. Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?"

"I want you to remember the conversation we had when you called me about my parents' death. I told you I did not want to come here. You laughed at me and told me I had to come here to pick up my niece. This is your fault. If I had stayed at home, and you sent her to boarding school, as I wanted to, none of this would have happened. I am going to take this out of your salary, because you are the one that made me happy; Shame on you."

"Even, you are so full of shit your eyes are turning brown."

"My eyes are still blue, and until they turn brown, I am going to annoy you for making me and my niece happy at a time when we should be in mourning. Delicious, let's go buy you some nightgowns."

"Even, can they be see-through?"

"As long as you only wear them only when Rod comes to visit, it's okay with me."

"When did you develop a mean streak Even?"

"Looking through a sheer nightgown, at this magnificent child's body, is mean?"

"It is more than mean. For any man with a working libido, and Victorian sexual attitudes, it represents A Clear and Present Danger, not only to his state of mind, but to her sexual status as well."

******

It only took Delicious and an elderly woman 20 minutes to outfit her in nightgowns and pajamas. She did not have to go into the dressing room to try them on. The woman slipped the nightgowns over her head, and made sure they were a little snug to make up for the clothing she was wearing. After that it was all silk, satin, and size. The pajamas were for warmth.

As we were walking out of the store, I realized we had not purchased stockings or socks for her. She had never worn stockings before, only tennis socks for her sneakers. We went to the counter and I told the woman that I wanted silk stockings for Delicious, and a few packages of tennis socks.

The woman said, "Sir, she is a teenager; she will ruin these stockings quickly, and they are extremely expensive."

I asked her who was paying for the stockings.

"How many pair would you like to buy, sir?"

"Let the young lady see what you have, and let her make the decision."

The associate took out seven boxes of assorted colors of stockings, and placed them on the counter in front of Delicious. I whispered into Delicious' ear, "Take as many of each color you want." When she finished choosing, we had thirty-one pairs of stockings, and nine pair of tennis socks.

She looked at me and asked if it was okay. I smiled at her and nodded my head. Another $1500 went on to my American Express card. I was sure Rod was going to have a coronary when he saw the next bill.

I said to my favorite and only niece, "We have two choices. I can feed you again, which you seem to enjoy, or we can go to the funeral home. What would you like to do?"

Her bright sunny face turned ashen, when she had to make that decision. Finally, she said, "I want to go to the funeral home first, please."

We added our purchases to those already in the trunk. I got into the back seat with her, and I held her hand. I told her I would be by her side every moment. I would not let her go unless she wanted me to.

************

The three of us walked into the funeral home together. Rod and I were holding her hands. Delicious noticed that two caskets were open, instead of one. She wanted to run to the front, because she knew her mother's casket was open.

I held her back.

"Baby, remember she is still gone. They did the best they could for her, because I wanted you to see her one more time. Don't expect miracles; remember what she looked like in life, and put that face upon her."

We walked slowly up the center aisle, and slightly left towards Divines final resting place. Delicious' last few steps were very tentative. When we reached the kneeling rail in front of the casket, and she was able to see her mother, she cried out, "Isn't she beautiful, Uncle Even."

I held her and said, "Your mother always was beautiful in my eyes. She was my best friend."

"Why didn't you help her?"

"She wouldn't let me. Every time we spoke to each other she was afraid if I gave her money your father would find out about it. I asked her to come live with me, but she was too proud to break up her marriage. She didn't want to admit she had failed, both as a wife, and a mother."

"She didn't fail as a mother. She was wonderful to me."

"Your mother was afraid of the one man that could harm you; your father. She feared that one night he would come home drunk, and rape you. That's why she spent so many hours with you at night, until he got home and fell into bed."

"How often did you speak to my mom?"

"I spoke to her at least once or twice a month, for the last 9 years."

"She never said a word about it to me."

"It was our little secret. If you knew, and blurted it out to your father accidentally, it would have caused a great many problems for your mother. He would tell her to ask me for money, and there would be no way I could refuse him for fear of what he might do to her or you."

"So you weren't alienated from the family."

"Yes I was. I never talked to my mother or father for over 10 years. They were impossible to deal with."

"What caused the rift that broke you apart?"

"My name was put up for a Nobel Prize in Science. I was the youngest person ever to be nominated for that prize. I was so excited I called to tell them. My dad said, "Call me when you win."

"I didn't, and I didn't expect to win. He called to tell me I was a failure. I have almost $800 million in the bank, and he called me a failure. He was making $35 an hour as a supervisor in the paper mill, and he called me a failure. I have forty-four worldwide patents, and he called me a failure. He wanted me to follow in his footsteps at the paper mill, and he called me a failure. I could crush him with my wallet, and he called me a failure. You want to know why I never spoke to my parents again; it was because he had the nerve to call me a failure, because I did not win the Nobel Prize."

"Your mother, on the other hand, had to call me from a payphone so your father would not see it on your telephone bill. She called me as soon as she heard I was nominated for the prize. She was so excited for me she couldn't contain herself. She was over the moon with happiness for me. She was my biggest fan, and my best friend. I would have done anything for her, but she wouldn't let me."

'Delicious' cried as she understood why I had so little empathy for my parents, and so much love for my sister. She now knew that I didn't abandon her mother; the only woman I ever truly loved and she would not let me help her."

'Delicious' said, "I know you are telling me the truth, because we promised each other we would never lie, regardless of how much it hurt us. What you just told me must have hurt you very much."

"Rod is the only other person who knows that story. I told you I have no secrets from him."

"Even, if I ever told you something, and asked you are not to tell anyone, would you tell Rod?"

"Absolutely not; if you tell me something in confidence, it stays between you and me."

"Doesn't that cause you an ethical problem with him?"

"No; I don't tell him everything about my experiments, until they are completed, either."

"Do we have to bury my mother with them?"

"No. If you would like, we can have her buried in Colorado, close to my home."

"Really, could you do that for me?"

"No, but I could do that for us."

She got up from the kneeling rail and hugged me so tightly she took my breath away. I knew at that moment this child was going to change my life forever.

********

As we walked out of the funeral home I asked my niece, "Are you as smart as they say you are?"

"I have you wrapped around my little finger already."

Rod made believe he was coughing instead of laughing.

I stared at him. "Mister former friend and attorney, would you make the necessary arrangements to have my sister's body forwarded to Idaho Springs. My niece and I will take the private jet home. You can fly coach."

"Even, Delicious is correct. Not only does she have you wrapped around her little finger, but she has changed you already. We have not been here for a full 24 hours, and you have developed a sense of humor. I have known you for 28 years, and you have never been able to tell a joke or say something off-color. You have done both since we've been here. I wish I had seen you with your sister all these years. You would have been a totally different person. Delicious, you have your work cut out for you. Don't let up on him. I love what I see so far, and maybe, just maybe you will make a man out of him, instead of just a scientist."

Rod earned a kiss for that statement, and he reveled in it. He looked at his client and said, "Even, I am going to get a divorce. When this child becomes of age, she is going to be mine."

"My friend, Rosalynn and your 6 children may have something to say about that. I will tell her about this little encounter, and have her start putting all your money into an account with her and the children's names on it. I will pay for the best divorce lawyers in the country, and when they gets finished picking your pockets, no one will want you."

"I knew you were developing a sense of humor."

"You guys forgot one thing; you forgot to ask me about my thoughts on this subject."

I looked at my niece and asked, "Would you marry a penniless, divorced man, who would leave his wife and 6 children behind?"

"It wouldn't bother me as long as he truly and completely loved me; but why would I marry someone who is so damn ugly."

I hurt myself when I walked into the car door laughing. Rod looked hurt when she said he was ugly, because he prided himself on his good looks. When Delicious and I saw the look on his face, we couldn't help ourselves; we burst out laughing, and held on to each other, until Rod joined in with us.

He said, "Young woman, I will get you for that."

********

We didn't stay for the burial services of my parents or Julius. I gave them as much respect in death, as they had given me in life. My friend and attorney made all of the arrangements, through a local attorney, to have 'Divine' brought to Idaho Springs as quickly as local and state laws could be conformed with.

It was cute watching Delicious walk towards the aircraft. She would take a few steps towards the gleaming white Citation X and stop. I stopped behind her wondering what was going through her mind. She took a few more steps forward, then turned towards me and asked, "Can we take a bus please, Uncle Even?"

"It would take us a week to get home, Niece Delicious."

"I've never been on an airplane, so don't make a joke of it."

"Delicious, you know all the equations and theories as to why an airplane flies; correct?"

"Every 4^th grader knows that answer Even."

"I didn't hear an answer, so I guess you were third-grader."

"You are just trying to get me on that tube with engines."

"Maybe you are just a 2^nd grader, because that tube with engines has wings and a tail."

"Drag is overcome by thrust; and gravity is overcome by lift. Are you happy now?"

"No I am not, because you didn't tell me how these things are compensated for?"

"Even, I will be 17 next month. Can I buy a gun in Colorado when I am 17?"

"Answer my question first, and then I will answer yours."

"All four of these factors are compensated by acceleration."

"NO."

"What do you mean no? That is the correct answer and you know it. You promised you would never lie to me."

"I didn't lie to you; I just answered your question."

"What question?"

"Can you legally buy a gun in Colorado at the age of 17."

"How about an ax?"

"Are you thinking about Lizzie Borden?"

"I don't think I would need 40 whacks to get rid of you. My aim is better than hers."

"I'm going to write you out of my will."

"Big deal; I didn't know I was in it."

"I had one relative I loved; your mother. She made sure her offspring, the one with the big mouth, was taken care of. Now are you going to get into the part of the aircraft that has seats, or am I going to have the crew tie you up, and put you in with the luggage?"

Rod yelled, "Even, the pilot would like to know if we are leaving sometime today?"

"Ask him if he would like to fly inverted all the way to Denver?"

Delicious yelled, "I'll get in. I'll be good, just don't do that to me, please. I am frightened enough. Don't make this any harder on me than it already is."

She turned and ran up the steps into the aircraft. The flight attendant took her by the hand and led her to a seat over the wing, and handed her a glass.

"Mister Laver said you drink diet 7-Up, is that correct?"

"Yes, thank you very much."

Rod and I took our seats, and the door to the aircraft closed. The engines started and the aircraft began to taxi to the end of the runway. After hearing the safety instruction, I reached across the aisle and took Delicious' hand.