There Must Be A Mistake Ch. 01

Delicious responded quickly, "You want to have sex with a woman that reminds you of my mother."

"No, although you might think so. I want to feel about that woman the way I felt about your mother. I want to feel deep in my soul that I love her completely, and I can give myself to her without reservation. I have not found that woman yet, and honestly I am not looking for her at this time."

"I think that the question and answer period for this evening is over. Have you eaten dinner?"

"No, I haven't even thought about food yet."

"I know how to cook, mom taught me."

"Pray tell what did my sister teach you to cook?"

She chuckled. "Mom told me your favorite breakfast meal."

"It's nearly 8:30 PM."

"I didn't say I was going to make it now, I just said she told me about your favorite breakfast meal."

"What did Divine say my favorite meal for breakfast was?"

"An almost sunny side up egg."

I had watched my sister tried to make Sunnyside Up Eggs for years. If she was given one dozen eggs, and one dozen tries, Divine could not guarantee one complete sunny side up egg out of the entire group. She would either kill it, by cracking the egg too deep and splitting the yoke. She would crack the shell perfectly, and drop the egg from too great a height and break the yoke upon contact with the super-heated surface, or she would have it on the pan, cooking perfectly, and attempt to remove it too soon, opening the bottom of the yoke sac, allowing all the fluid out. If she was able to get one perfect Sunnyside Up Egg, it always went to our father. Needless to say, he always had breakfast last.

Delicious asked, "Can I raid the refrigerator, and see what's in there?"

"You are going to be very disappointed when you open the door."

"I guess were going shopping in the morning?"

"Morning for me is about 2 o'clock in the afternoon."

"Uncle Even, you are about to undertake a brand a new life regimen. You have a young woman living with you, and she is an early bird. Unless you want your house redecorated every day, you will rise at seven in the morning and be asleep by eleven at night."

"Niece Delicious, you are going to graduate high school next week. I have used my money to get Congressman elected. I can have you into the Air Force Academy by the end of the summer. That gives you twenty-seven days of freedom, four years of intensive education, and six years of obligatory service to this nation as an officer and a gentlewoman. How much damage can you possibly do in twenty-seven days?"

She smiled and evil smile that reminded me of her mother's smile the night she saw the porn movie with me. I began to wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut.

"Uncle Even, how long can a body exist in an encapsulated elevator? If another person was to put an electric heater under that elevator and raise the temperature to 104 degrees, the temperature of a hot tub? How much less time could that person survive, because of the reduced oxygen inside it? There would be no marks on his body and by the time the police found the body all the perspiration would have dried. Naturally, I didn't know there was an elevator in the basement. I just got here. I was not introduced to the marvels of this basement. I had been allowed here one time and shown your computer and test equipment, and was told never to enter it again, unescorted, especially when you were working. You could work for days without coming upstairs for food or rest. I did not believe anything was out of the ordinary, until I had not seen you for three days. I began to worry about you. I opened the basement door and yelled your name. When I received no response I went down into the basement and looked for you. When I could not find you I called for the police, and for your attorney, because I did not know the codes to open the fence. It could take them days to find you. You poor, poor dear."

I shook my head, took her into my arms, and faked strangling her. "I am positive that your IQ measurement was correct. I am also sure that Rod's assessment of you was correct. Young woman, 'You are evil.' I think I like it, because you are going to give me a run for my money. I will make a deal with you. I will get up at 10 AM, and not a moment before. I will go to sleep when I finish with my experiments, and not a moment before. Whether I get one hour of sleep or twelve hours of sleep, it does not matter. When I am thinking about something, and I am putting it into the computer, I have to finish it before I lose my train of thought. Otherwise I could lose it forever; I will not do that, not for anyone, not even for you."

"Uncle Even, I believe you need an assistant. I have just applied for the job. You are paying me forty dollars an hour for the use of my IQ, for my professional services, and my typing skills, which is 103 words per minute. I have just accepted your offer, and your thanks for having applied for this position."

"I don't want an assistant, I work alone."

"Read my lips, you have just hired an assistant, unless you want to fall down the steps to the basement."

"I'll buy one of those chairs that take you down to the basement without walking one step."

"I will make sure the bolts are defective, and you will fall on your head."

"I will sue the manufacturer."

"That's fine with me, but you will still need an assistant while you are incapacitated, with two broken arms, a broken leg, and a busted hip."

"I want to know how your mother changed the guardianship from your father's sister, to me. I kept telling her I was no good with women."

"I guess my mother knew I could change you."

"I think my sister knew I would be joining her much sooner if she sent you to me, instead of her sister-in-law. She may want to ask me the same questions you just did."

"Are you hiring me, or are you joining my mother?"

"I'm going to have Rod write up a contract between us. If I die of old age before I am thirty-five years old, I want him to write you out of my Will."

"Uncle Even that's not fair. It only gives me a year and a quarter to kill you. I need at least a year and a half."

"Niece Delicious, if it takes you a year and a half to kill me, you get all my money, except what I left to Rod and his family."

"Can I tell Rod that he is in your Will."

"Intellectually, he knows he is. He just can't stand the suspense of not seeing it in writing."

"How much is he getting?"

"Don't you think that is a little personal?"

"Don't you think I want to torment him when I say I know how much is getting?"

"Delicious, you are like the apple that Eve ate in the Garden of Paradise. You can't stand not knowing everything. That is why God punished her, and all of mankind."

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"You are absolutely correct. I am not going to tell you, because Rod would kill me if he knew that I told you what he is getting, and not him."

"Even, you are more like my mother than you will ever know. She would give me a nibble, but never give me a bite."

"Can we talk about dinner now? Since I mentioned the apple, I got hungry."

"Is it safe to open the refrigerator?"

"That's why I have a housekeeping staff. They keep the house clean, and they are supposed to keep the refrigerator full."

"Good, there's a chance that there is edible food in there."

"There's always a good chance you will find a swimming pool in the Sahara if you look hard enough."

The end

*****

P.S. Hello: No, I have not finished the additional fifty pages for my outline to go to the publisher, but this little story popped up into my head and wouldn't let go. I don't know when Chapter 2 will show up, but what you have read so far, took me six hours, including reviews, punctuation checks, and rereading it for errors. I hope you enjoy Chapter 1, and I will get back to it when I can.