What a Fool Believes

Well, just when you least expect it, life throws you a curveball. We were in Austin for our three months, and Talitha sent me a Snap. "Hey, Dad, WYD?"

"Going over the inspection schedules for interstate bridges in Ohio. WYD?"

"Just got done looking at some commercial property," she replied. "Can u do lunch?"

"Late one? Like 1?" I asked.

"Can do. IchiUmi @ 1?"

"I'll be there."

I wrapped it up and when I walked in, the hostess took me back to a booth. I was surprised to see another girl sitting beside Talitha. I kissed Talitha's cheek, slid in and the server took my drink order.

"Dad, this is Campbell Martin," she said. "She's my girlfriend."

I must have looked like an idiot. My jaw dropped, and I know I looked stunned. Campbell was clearly not pleased with my reaction. Her resting bitch face went extreme, and she grabbed her purse.

"Fuck this, Talley. Let me out. Ion need this shit," she said.

"Wait, Campbell. Please..." Talitha started.

"Please, I'm sorry," I needed to do something, quick. "I just... I never..."

"Is it because I'm gay or because I'm black?" Campbell shot at me.

"No, baby, just let..." Talitha started.

"Neither." I was in need of some faster talking and faster thinking than I'd ever done in my life. "My surprise is what made me act like a fool, Campbell. I'm sorry I did. I never knew... Talitha has never mentioned being gay to me. Not once. You two just dropped a bombshell on me, and now you're all offended that I was taken off guard?"

"This is my fault," Talley said. "I'm sorry for dropping it on you like this, Dad. Just chill your ass down, Campbell. Dad isn't a racist and he isn't a homophobe.

"I'm not gay, Dad. I'm bisexual. I'm sorry I never told you. Campbell is my first girlfriend, though. I would have told you before if there'd ever been a reason for it before now."

"Why didn't you, Talitha? Did you think I would love you any less? For God's sake, baby doll, you have my heart, you know that."

She started crying just as our food came, and she jumped up and headed for the restroom.

"Fuck, dude, why did you have to say that?" Campbell asked.

"Campbell, I don't know you," I said. "I guess if you're Talitha's girlfriend, I'll be getting to know you, but you don't know me, either. Just stop with the hostility, the cursing and the attitude. It isn't helpful."

She looked me in the eye. "Suck my dick," she said, very deliberately.

I had to laugh. This was a feisty girl! "I'm not into dicks," I told her. "Well, I like mine just fine, but it's the only one."

She just stared at me, then she laughed. "Okay, then. I don't really have a dick. I was just talking about my spirit dick, my metaphorical dick."

I pretended to be relieved. "Whew, I was afraid I was going to become much more intimately acquainted with a dick than I wanted. Seriously, though, Campbell, don't you think if you're gay, this is something you'd tell your parents?"

"I have no idea," she said. "I don't have parents. But you don't have a clue, either. You don't know how people react when you tell them you're gay. Even people you think love you. It isn't easy. I don't know about the parents thing, but you tell me; if you have a secret from someone, you really love that person and don't want to hurt them or make them disappointed in you, not even a little, do you tell them something and risk getting hurt?"

"I have no idea," I told her. "I don't know what I have ever said or done to make Talley feel like she couldn't trust me with anything, but maybe I've not been as approachable as I should have been."

Talitha came back and she had done her makeup so there was no sign she'd been crying. I grabbed her arm and pulled her down beside me as she passed, squeezing her to me. "I love you with all my heart," I told her. "You're my baby doll, and nothing in the world is ever going to change that. Now go and sit by your girlfriend."

She kissed me and went to sit by Campbell. "I'm sorry, Dad, I just..."

"Hush," I told her. "It's done. We'll never mention it again. Now, tell me how you met Campbell."

She smiled. "She was a pitcher at Florida State. We met when we played in a tournament down there."

"Love at first sight, huh?" I asked.

Campbell laughed. "It was for me. She had a boyfriend, though, so we were just friends. We have been ever since until I got a job and moved here."

"What do you do?" I asked, "if you don't mind saying."

I don't mind," she said. "I'm a software developer."

While we were talking, I was giving Campbell surreptitious glances. She was smoking hot, no doubt about that. Her hair was amazing, a mass of glossy black curls hanging down in studied disarray, halfway down her back. Her face was that exotic beauty you see, huge brown eyes, tilted up at the outside corners and almond shaped. Her lashes were fake and too long but the rest of her makeup was immaculate.

I hated the way she was dressed. It was just... slutty looking, to me. There was too much skin showing, she obviously didn't have on a bra, and her black and white cow patterned skirt barely covered what looked like a fantastic ass. She was plainly as fit a person as Talitha was; you could tell from all the smooth brown skin she was showing.

She looked at Talitha and gave her an eye roll. "He's checking me out," she said. "Do I pass inspection?"

I had to laugh. "You're a beautiful woman, Campbell. You don't need me to tell you that. I thought I was being subtle, but I guess you caught me. No, if I was your father, you wouldn't pass inspection. You're gorgeous, but too much of you is... exposed."

"The fuck? Who asked you? Lucky you not my father."

"Umm... Campbell, you asked him," Talitha said. She giggled. "I like the way she looks, Dad."

I held up my hands in surrender. "That's all that matters," I said.

The conversation went pretty well after that rocky start, and we parted on friendly terms. Torrie came over the next night, just to hang with her old man, and she dropped a bomb on me.

I told her I'd met Campbell. "Torrie, did you know about her? I mean, did you know Talitha's bisexual?"

She sighed. "Yes, Dad. I've always known, and before you start, if you told me a secret and made me promise not to tell her, I wouldn't snitch on you, either, okay?"

"Yes, I understand, love bug. I just... How well do you know Campbell?"

"Pretty well," she said. "Talley talked about her quite a bit in college. She was kinda sketchy. I know she had a steady girlfriend and got caught cheating on her. Talitha didn't like it much and they didn't talk for a while."

"Wow, I had no idea," I said. "That doesn't sound good to me."

"Dad, she's a grown-ass woman," she said. "Let her live her life."

"I know that, but if I thought you were getting involved with some guy who was a cheater..." A sudden thought occurred to me. "Torrie... are you..."

She laughed. "No, Dad, I'm not gay, or bi. Well, I might be a little curious under the right circumstances, but if I am looking for a life partner, it's gonna be a guy."

We hung out for a while, and she went home. Jacinta came in and I told her about my day. She seemed a little odd about it when I told her about meeting Campbell. "Oh, my God," I said. "Don't tell me you knew, too."

She was all uncomfortable. "Yes, Dax, I did. Talitha told me she was going to meet you and fill you in today."

"Why am I the last one to find out kinda important things about my daughter?" I asked.

"You're a man," she said, and laughed. "Girls feel more comfortable talking to other women."

"Well, I don't know what to think about this," I said. "Do you know she had a long-term girlfriend and cheated on her?"

"Torrie told me," she said.

"That doesn't bother you?"

"Dax, they're 25 years old. What were they when this happened, 19, 20?"

"Jesus, Jacinta. Because she was young, cheating is okay?"

She looked like she was getting a little aggravated. "I didn't say that. Did you make mistakes when you were 20?"

"Yes, plenty," I said. "Cheating wasn't one of them."

Things were a little tense for a few days, then I really got in hot water. I told Talitha I was worried about her, especially with Campbell. "You know how devastating it was when your mom cheated," I told her.

She flared up at me. "Yes, I do. I'm the one who told you, remember? So you think that because Mom's like she is, Campbell is going to be like that? Damn, Dad, that pisses me off, so bad."

She left and wouldn't answer my Snaps or calls. I got both barrels when Jacinta came home that night. "What did you say to Talitha?" she asked.

"Why, did she tell you?" I asked.

"Yes, she did. She came into our office crying her little eyes out. Damn, Dax, why did you have to open your big mouth?"

"Because I'm worried about my daughter!" I was pissed that Jacinta didn't seem to get it.

"You have a funny way of showing it," she fired back. "No, there's nothing funny about it. It's cruel and mean. Just because you are traumatized by what Tessa did, you have to get all stuffed up about Campbell? She's a sweet girl, Dax. She's changed, and you need to give her a chance and stop meddling."

"What do you think you're doing?" My voice was raised in anger for the first time Jacinta and I had been together. "You're meddling, and she's not even your daughter!"

She looked at me as if I'd slapped her. "You asshole," she said quietly. "How can you say that to me. She fucking IS my daughter. Ask her. I know you have scars, Dax, but taking it out on me, or Talitha, saying that to me, is just small and mean."

She walked way, her back stiff and angry. I heard her moving around in the bedroom for half an hour. I sat and steamed, and when she came out, she had suitcases with her.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm going back to Ojai," she said. "When you get your head out of your ass, give me a call." Her eyes were full of tears and she could hardly speak. "I'm not staying here with you when you're like this."

She left and I sat there stunned. What the fuck? How had this escalated so badly? Why couldn't she see my point of view? Why couldn't Talitha? I moped around the rest of the day, and I didn't sleep well that night. The memory of the wounded look in Jacinta's eyes haunted my dreams.

I got up the next morning feeling as if I was in a fog. I ate some cereal, too despondent for anything else. At 10, the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone. When I looked out, it was Campbell. Shit, she was the last person I wanted to see. I sighed and opened the door.

She swept past me into the entry. "We need to talk," she said. "I want coffee, strong coffee, black."

I stood there like a dummy.

"Dax, either give me coffee or you and me gonna go, right here," she said. "I'm hella pissed off at you, but I get you, dude. Now, you wanna throw hands, or give me coffee and talk to me?"

I had to laugh. This girl was crazy, stunningly gorgeous in her little crop top and ripped up jeans, and she was fierce!

"Coffee it is, then," I said. "Please don't kick my ass, Campbell."

She gave me a grin. "I could, you know. I'm a hella good kick boxer."

"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me," I said. "I have some Blue Mountain beans from Jamacia. I haven't tried them yet. Want to give them a taste? Are you into good coffee?"

"I am," she said, "and I do. I wish I had a coffee grinder. You know, Dax, I've always wanted to own a coffee shop. Not like a franchise one."

She sat at the bar and talked to me while I ground the beans, and used my Rocket R58 portafilter to make us cups, telling me all about her dream coffee shop. I sat across the bar from her and we sipped our coffee. It was good, and she approved.

She sat her cup down and cupped her face in her hands, her elbows on the bar, and God she was gorgeous. Our faces were about two feet apart and her huge brown eyes, so dark they were almost black, never left mine. "Dax, you're fucking up," she said.

I chuckled. "No doubt," I said, "but how, specifically, this time?"

"Talitha is sooo upset with you," she said. "So am I, for that matter. The thing is, she doesn't get you. I do."

"You do?" I was surprised, and I also had no clue what it was about me that she 'got.'

"I do," she nodded. "Your wife, Talley's mom, cheated on you."

"Talitha tell you that?" I asked.

"She did."

"Did she tell you she's the one who found out, how devastated she was?"

"She did. She also told me how devastated you were."

"Okay, what are you saying, Campbell?"

"You see your baby, she's with me, and I know Torrie told you about me: what I did."

"And you think what?"

"I believe you think I'll cheat on her," she said. "You think I'm finna break her heart, and that has you all up in your feels, because of what your wife did to you."

I guess she did get me. "What's your plan about that?" I asked.

"I'm going to get to know you, let you get to know me. Imma tell you about me, what it's like to be me."

"Okay, well, you're off to a good start," I told her.

"Yeah, I'm good." She gave me one of her dazzling smiles, her teeth incredibly white in her dark complexion. "Dax, I know how I look, okay? Men and boys have been hitting on me since I grew tits. When they found out I was gay, women hit on me."

"I can imagine. You're a beautiful girl, Campbell."

Her face took on a little glow. "Thanks. I don't know how much Talley has told you about women's college athletics. There are a lot of gay women athletes, especially in softball. I think there were like 10 girls on my team who weren't. I'm a lesbian, Dax, and the lesbian community, especially in athletics... well, a bunch of them are hoes. They fuck anyone they can, any time they can. You with me?"

"Yes, I guess. I mean, I didn't know any of that, but I believe you."

"Well, imagine this. I was a sophomore, and I was pretty much of a slut my freshman year. Then I hooked up with another girl. She was a track athlete. We were together all through our sophomore year. I didn't cheat on her, and as far as I know, she didn't cheat on me."

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well, I got invited to a camp. It was really prestigious, Dax. Only the elite players got invited. It was run by two softball legends. It was a huge opportunity, and I took it. You played baseball in college. Talitha told me."

"I did. I doubt I was as good at baseball as you are at softball. I know I was never as good as Talitha."

"Not many people are," she said, "but imagine... who was your favorite pro player?"

"Probably Cal Ripken Jr. Maybe Don Mattingly," I said.

"Okay, imagine that the two of them invited you to a skills camp. How impressed would you be with them?"

"Very," I said. "They were legends. They were my heroes when I was growing up."

"Well, it was like that with me, but the scenario gets a little twisted here. I was 20 years old, Dax. Here are these two smoking hot women who I've idolized all my life, and they're teaching me, showing me so many things that made me a better player. Then I realized they weren't just interested in me as a player. You see where this is going?"

"I believe I do," I said.

"Here's where you have to use your imagination," she said. "I know you wouldn't be sexually attracted to those baseball players you idolized, but can you imagine they were beautiful women? That's what it was for me. They took me out to great restaurants, got me into clubs, even though I was underage, took me to great music venues. They put the full-court press on me, Dax. It was like a drug, being seen with them, telling me what a great player I was, how hot I was, all these great things they could do for me. I was just a kid, Dax. I know I must still seem like that to you, but I had been promiscuous and I loved sex. I thought my girlfriend would never know, and I was weak and stupid. I let them seduce me."

I could see tears pooling in those huge brown eyes, and they started trickling paths down her face. She was breaking my heart, and I realized how painful this was: recounting this to me. It became clear to me that she was telling me this because she loved Talitha, realized how much my daughter meant to me, how much I meant to Talitha, and she was exposing herself to me, showing me her vulnerability, because she needed me to trust her. I needed to put a stop to this pain, because I was causing it.

I grabbed tissues out of the box on the counter, went around, handed her the tissues and pulled her to her feet, and I hugged her. At first, she was as stiff as a steel post, just seeming to tolerate it. I squeezed her to me and spoke in a low voice.

"Campbell, I'm so sorry. Please, I don't need to hear any more. I get it, okay? I'm sorry I made this necessary, and I know how brave you are and how painful this is for you to come here and tell me. Please forgive me."

I felt her melt in my arms, and she clung to me, sobbing her little heart out. I just held her and whispered that everything would be okay, I was going to fix everything and how sorry I was that I hadn't really given her a chance.

She calmed down after a while, and I took her into the living room to the sofa. She snuggled in beside me, and we talked for hours. It was dinner time, and I cooked for her. She helped me, bumping against me, and despite everything, the differences in her, major and minor, it felt like one of my daughters was with me. We drank two bottles of wine, and she was one of those happy giggly drunks. She stayed the night, sleeping in Talitha's room, and she Snapped Talley in the morning, asking her to come to breakfast at my house.

When Talitha came in, we were making pancakes just chatting amiably about nothing, standing side by side at the stove, and Campbell had one arm around me. Talley rushed across the kitchen and shoved in between us, giving me a kiss on the cheek and Campbell a rather more passionate one on her lips.

"What are you doing here, Campbell?" she asked. "What... how... Dad?"

"She came to enlighten your poor dumb father," I said. "Baby doll, I'm so sorry for the way I behaved. I see why you love Campbell, and I know how much she loves you. Will you forgive me?"

She pressed herself against me. "I love you, Daddy. I always will," she said. "Me forgiving you is easy. Dad. I needa apologize to you, too. I thought you were just being a dick."

We both looked at her. "Well, that's what I thought, and you kinda were. Campbell straightened my head out. Jacinta kinda did, too. I know you love me and you thought you were looking out for me. You just need to work on your communication skills. So do I. I should have trusted you, Dad, a long time ago, and I'm sorry I didn't and I didn't take your calls. I'm afraid you have a little bigger job with Jacinta."

"I know. I'm afraid I said a really mean thing to her."

"I know. She told me."

"What?" Campbell asked. "She didn't tell me."

"I told her Talley was my daughter, not hers," I said.

Campbell made a little clucking sound at me. "I don't think Talley feels like that, at all, and neither does Jacinta."

"I guess you were technically right," Talitha said. "But you are terribly wrong about that. I'm closer to her than I ever was with Mom. I wish she was my mom, and you needa apologize to her."

"What she said." Campbell grinned up at me. "I hope you like the taste of crow, dude, cause you gonna be eating a whole murder of them."

We all laughed, finished making our pancakes and we had a great morning. I had it to do, and there was no use wasting time. Two days later, I flew into LA, rented a car, stopped by the florist and bought every rose they had. Jacinta was out, and I let myself in, arranged the flowers all over the house and I was kneeling in the entry when she came in. She was a little startled, and I had time to tell her, "I've got my head out my ass. I'm so sorry, Peach. Please forgive me."