Who Knew?

"I want my fucking money by tomorrow," I said.

"But what about the new scenes?" he asked.

"Sonny I'm not doing anything else with you until I get my money. Even then we're going to need to renegotiate everything. I may not ever make another scene. And I'm seriously thinking that I need to work with someone I can trust and right now that simply isn't you. If I don't have my money by tomorrow, I'm going to both the police and the movie company. You'll go to jail and lose your contract with the movie company. Is that what you want?"

"No, Tasti," he said. "And Tasti, I'm sorry. I really thought...I always intended to pay you back."

With that his assistant rolled him out of my apartment. I wasn't really worried about the money. The money had been spent to find Josh and I'd found him. I was glad that Sonny was giving me a hundred grand. He was such a fool. Josh and I had lived on Josh's wages when he made less than twenty thousand dollars a year. With only myself to take care of, I could last at least five years on a hundred grand. I could go even longer if I could get waitressing gigs.

And no matter how this ended up, I was never going to film another scene. No man would ever have sex with me again, simulated or not, except my husband.

Bright and early the next morning, I called Sonny. The phone rang and rang. It didn't even go to voicemail. I called Cherry and she looked at me funny when she got to my apartment. She asked me if I was okay. I told her that I was fine. We went by Sonny's place and the door was wide open. Everything was gone. I couldn't believe the bastard had run off with my money.

I called a couple of the guys we worked with. According to them we were due to shoot a new scene at the end of the week and another early the next week. We also had to take some pictures for the covers of the DVD's and some for the store ads that pushed the DVD's. None of them knew where Sonny was. According to one of them, Sonny had collected our money from the DVD distribution company the day before and would pay us as soon as we did the shoots. I was pissed.

It took Cherry a long time to calm me down. She was sure that everything would be fine. On the way back to my apartment I blacked out. I woke up in the hospital.

I asked a nurse why I was there and she told me about my blackout. Cherry had brought me to the hospital. She had a show that evening but would be back to see me when she was done. The nurse looked very concerned.

"Is there someone you'd like us to call?" she asked.

"Um, my friend will be back soon. As soon as you find out what's wrong with me I'll be out of here," I said.

In a way I was glad to be in the hospital. I'd been feeling weird lately. Not sad or anything like that, but just a little off. It was that feeling like when you were about to get the flu.

A short time later a doctor came in. He didn't look pleased and he gave me all kinds of forms to fill out. "Do you have a job?" he asked.

"Of course I do," I said.

"Good," he said. "Do you have your medical cards on you? We really can't afford another uninsured patient. It would be especially bad in your case because the treatments may be expensive and if you do need the surgery..."

"Here," said a voice from behind him. "Whatever she needs, we'll pay for."

Cherry handed him a visa gold card. "Well it's not the money," he said. "We, ah, we treat everyone. But you know...?" he ran out of the room clutching Cherry's gold card like it was precious to him.

"How are you feeling?" asked Cherry. "When is your family coming?"

"I didn't have a chance to call them yet," I lied. "But some of them are already here."

"Ooh, is there someone I should meet?" she asked.

"Cherry, you're them," I said sadly. "You're my family."

The doctor walked back in and saw us hugging. He smiled sheepishly and looked away. He handed Cherry her card back and started talking to us.

"It is Okay for me to discuss your case with your, um, partner present, isn't it?" he asked.

Cherry turned red and started laughing. "We are SO not like that," she said.

"Yes doctor," I said. "You can talk about my case in front of my best friend. She's like a sister to me."

"Okay, we can treat the venereal diseases here," he said. "It's a good thing you came in when you did, because left untreated, the end result might have been sterility or even death at some time in the future and complications from them might have seriously affected your health in other ways.

"But we're going to have to refer you to a specialty hospital for the cancer," he said. He paused as if he'd expected me to freak out or react crazily.

"Judging from your reaction or lack of one, I take it that you already knew that you had breast cancer?" he said.

"I didn't know it," I said. "But I expected it. My mother died from breast cancer. One of my sisters had it several years ago. She got the surgery and had a lump removed. She's been fine ever since."

"We'll start the antibiotics for the other diseases right away. We'll do the treatments here and transfer you to the cancer hospital downtown tomorrow or the next day," he said. "You're going to want your family around you. This may get rough." He silently walked out of the room.

Over the next few days Cherry was always by my side. She cancelled a couple of out of town dancing gigs to stay with me. When I was moved across town to the cancer research hospital, she was still there. Cherry cheered everyone up. Even the nuns who came into the hospital loved her. I don't think any of them knew what she did for a living, but it wouldn't have mattered. They all told me that I had a darkness in my soul and they'd pray for me, but Cherry was a fucking angel. She was an ass shaking angel who dances for crowds of screaming guys. Cherry was an angel and I was a whore. Cherry probably made more money in a night than I made on a film. She paraded around half naked in front of crowds of guys every night. Everything I did was in private. Cherry did what she did on purpose. I did what I did because I'd been tricked into it and I needed the money badly.

Why was she the angel and I the whore? All I'd ever wanted my whole life was one guy to love me and be with me; just one fucking guy. Over time my depression grew worse. The doctors gave me their prognosis: I definitely had breast cancer. They'd taken a biopsy and found a significant mass in my left breast. I had two choices: I could let them remove the lump or to be safer they wanted to remove my breasts. The surgery itself would be devastating but the aftereffects would be worse. I'd have to undergo counseling and I'd need a strong support team. Down the road, I could have reconstructive surgery to make my breasts look good again. They'd be implants of course, but with a good plastic surgeon no one would ever know. I had to tell them what I wanted to do. I sat there in that bed snapping at everyone for three days. I didn't know what Cherry had been doing in the meantime.

Cherry was the best friend I'd ever had. It was more than her taking money from her dancing school fund to pay for my hospitalization costs. She did something that was nearly impossible. I was lying there in the hospital watching the TV. They showed Josh in Cannes at the film festival. He was with that fake, bitch supermodel girlfriend of his. I refused to call her his fiancé. They showed a quick picture of the two of them and then they showed a photo of the two of them with that circle with a slash through It. I took it to mean that they'd broken up. I wondered what they'd broken up over. I heard a reporter say that they'd disagreed over Josh's choice to leave Europe to return home for personal reasons. Apparently she wanted to stay there and he wanted to return to the US. I guess I should have been sad about it. I wanted Josh to be happy, but I wanted him to be happy with me.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I had more problems. Josh was famous, everyone in the world cared about his breakups. Josh having a tiff with his rich girlfriend was worldwide news, but me, here in the hospital riddled with diseases and cancer went un-noticed. Not even Cherry knew about the phone call I'd made my first day here. My sister had answered the phone and when she found out it was me she got cold.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"I'm in the hospital and I wanted to talk to Aunt Sally," I said.

"I'll tell her you called," she said.

"Don't you care?" I asked.

"Not really," she snapped. "Did you care about my career, or me losing my ability to teach in my own hometown? Or was that a minor inconvenience when compared to your need to spread your legs on film. You not only got yourself screwed, you screwed your whole family. Brianna you were the golden child. You had everything. You started out this little nerd girl and just blossomed when Josh came into your life. He loved you like nothing we've ever seen. And you just shit on him. When he came home after what you'd done and just sat there in front of the lake for days without speaking or even acknowledging anyone, we thought he'd gone crazy. Brianna I've been married for two years now and do you think that as much as I love my husband that I wouldn't have given my left tit to be in your shoes?"

There was a moment of silence while she gathered herself.

"Brianna where were you while the rest of us were dealing with what you left us. Daddy hasn't ever recovered. We had to put him in a home. He's too much for Aunt Sally to care for alone but you didn't know that did you? Did you ever wonder where the money for his care came from? Probably not, because you didn't even know that your own father was in a home. Josh pays for it, Brianna. Daddy loaned Josh five hundred dollars to help him get a new start after what you did to him. Josh repaid him by paying for daddy's care in that home for as long as he needs to be there. It costs more than five hundred dollars a week, Brianna. It would have bankrupted the family. A man, who isn't even still married to you, cares more about your own family than you do. How much of your fuck movie money have you ever sent us?"

"So Brianna, I'm sorry if you need to have tummy tuck or a face lift or get your boobs enlarged, but I really don't give a fuck. Oh wait, giving out fucks is your job isn't it? I'll tell Aunt Sally you called." Then she slammed the phone down.

I was still thinking about that phone call when it happened. I was still thinking about the anger and the hatred in my sister's voice when I heard the commotion outside of my room. I was still wondering why I hadn't known that my father had been put into a home or why no one had called me to tell me about it when I recognized the voices arguing.

I heard one loud voice screaming, "I am her family, we were married once and no one is going to prevent me from seeing her."

Then my door opened and he stepped into the room. There were two security guards grabbing his shoulders and a third headed for him when the door opened and he bulled his way in. They hadn't even slowed him down. Like I said, he could have played football, but helping his family on the farm had always been more important to him.

He sat down on the bed beside me and looked at me with so much tenderness in his eyes that I melted. Words didn't matter. Time didn't matter. All of the months that we'd been apart didn't matter. My Josh was here.

"I heard you were sick," he said. "So I got here as soon as I could."

"What took you so long?" I asked.

"Well, I was kind of in Europe," he smiled.

"Is that why you...?" I asked.

"Shhh," he said. "It doesn't matter. It had to end sometime; it just wasn't right. I didn't love her."

Before we could say anything else, there were nurses coming into the room just to look at him. Even a few patients were standing in the hallway. Word had spread around the hospital like wildfire that someone famous was here. My doctor pushed his way through the crowd and started talking to Josh.

"Do you have any influence on this woman?" he asked. "She needs to make up her mind about the surgery quickly." He started talking to Josh and they just forgot about me. Josh told the doctor to refund all of the money that Cherry had paid and charge everything to him. He told the doctor about how my mother had died from breast cancer and asked him what the best possible way to make sure that I lived a long and healthy life was. The doctor told him about the Mastectomy procedure and how and why it would be my best possible option but that I'd refused to even make any kind of decision.

"Brianna," said Josh. "Tell the doctor to do the surgery ASAP. So we can start your recovery. You're moving in with me until we can get you back on your feet."

"That will take months," said the doctor.

"We were supposed to be together for slightly longer than that," said Josh.

"I believe the term you mentioned was forever," I said.

"Tell him," said Josh.

"Doctor, do the surgery as soon as possible," I said smiling. The doctor left the room to go and make arrangements. My nurse gave me a shot. I sat there smiling at Josh. I refused to let go of his hand. As I started to get woozy I made him promise to stay with me. I fought the sleep as hard as I could. I was afraid that when I woke up he'd be gone.

I was wrong. When they woke me up the following morning to prep me for the surgery, Josh was there. It was the most wonderful thing that had happened to me in long time. I woke up and felt him still holding my hand. The first thing I saw that morning was his smiling face.

"Josh, what about my..."I began. He shook his head.

"Don't start that," he said. "I fell in love with you when you were as flat as a board, remember." I smiled because he really had.

"And I had frizzy hair and those awful glasses too," I said. "You really can pick 'em, can't you?" I saw a shadow cross his face. And suddenly he was sad. I felt like an ass. We'd only been back together for less than a day and I was already causing him pain.

"I thought I could too," he said softly. I wanted to say something. But I was having all kinds of trouble focusing my thoughts. The thing I needed to say was right there on the tip of my tongue. It was so perfect. It was just the thing to let him know how sorry I was for what I'd done and that I'd never ever even think about doing anything like that again. But before the words got to my lips I forgot them.

The last thing I remember saying before I went out was the most important. "I love you Josh," I mumbled.

"I love you too, Bri," he said slowly. I heard him say it and my soul exploded with happiness. I was still barely conscious but I heard it. "I wish I didn't," he continued, "but unfortunately, I still do."

In my dreams, my head was full of what Josh had said. Why would he be unhappy that he loves me? Did he think I was going to hurt him again?

When I came to, I was in the recovery room. And Josh was already there. He was wearing a mask and a gown like the doctors wore, but he was leaning over my bed watching me. Everything looked like I was staring through cotton. My mouth tasted like cotton. The one thing that shone through all of the haze was Josh smiling at me. There was a woman there too. I knew her but I didn't remember her name.

I was exhausted. I felt like I'd run a marathon. And I was dizzy too. "Josh did we have a baby?" I asked. I couldn't remember why I was in the hospital.

I slept most of that day but every time I woke up, Josh was there. Cherry, who had been the woman whose name I couldn't remember, was there also. The doctor visited me the next day when the heavy anesthesia wore off.

"We're very sure that we got it all," he said. "Your scars are very small and reconstruction should go really well. The next few weeks are going to be very trying for you but after that you'll be as good as new. There are a few things I wanted to talk to you about." I nodded my head and he kept talking. Josh came over as well.

"First off," began the doctor, "I'm sure that you're wondering why I wanted you to wait before doing the reconstructive surgery, right? There are some physicians who do the reconstructive surgery at the same time and emotionally patients do better. They don't have to deal with seeing the scars or the devastation that goes along with the loss of their breast or breasts. In most cases, I too feel very strongly about this. But with your family history, I wanted to be very careful that we got it all. After looking at your scans before the surgery I wasn't sure that the cancer hadn't spread to your breast bone or other adjacent areas. I'm very sure that it hasn't but I'd like a couple of months to monitor it just to be sure. So eight weeks from now if everything is still clear we'll schedule your reconstructive surgery. Your husband retained Phil Hartman to do your implants. He's probably the best cosmetic surgeon in the country, and he's very expensive too. Anyway, take it easy for the next few weeks. You're going to be very tired and sore, especially when your prescription for the painkillers runs out."

He called Josh over to the side and spoke to him for a short time. Josh was talking back to him. They were both nodding their heads and then the doctor left. Cherry came in and told Josh some things. She waved at me and left. Josh came back over and sat down. I just loved having Josh there. Before we got comfortable and started talking, the door opened and Sonny rolled in, pushed by his assistant.

Josh was on his feet in an instant. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he snapped. I don't remember ever seeing Josh that angry.

"I need to talk to Tasti," said Sonny.

"No, you don't," said Josh.

"I just want to apologize to her and tell her about a problem we have," he said.

"I'll be right back," said Josh.

"Josh, don't leave," I said. "We don't have any secrets, anymore."

"I'll be back," he said.

Sonny rolled over closer to the bed. "Tasti, I'm sorry I ran out on you," he began. "But I didn't have the money. I went to Vegas to try and make it up. I didn't even have the hundred grand I promised you, let alone the full amount."

"So did you win it back?" I asked.

"Not even close," he said. "I actually lost most of what I went there with. I also got a reminder that some of the people I owe money to weren't very happy about me leaving. Even the legitimate people from the video company are threatening to take us to court. They paid for the two videos we're supposed to be filming this week already. If we don't deliver, they'll sue us. And I'm going to need some of that back end money to pay off the 'not so legal' guys that I owe some money to. So how soon can you film?"

"Try never," said Josh from behind us.

"Tasti, do it as a favor to me, please," whined Sonny.

"Her name is Brianna," snapped Josh. "And I had my lawyers check on your situation. Brianna has never signed a contract with your video distributer. She doesn't owe them shit. The contract says that you owe them some videos and they have to sell a certain number of copies in order to qualify. Apparently Brianna has built up a certain number of fans who will buy anything she's in. She doesn't owe you shit and she's not filming any more of your tacky videos."

"But if I don't get those videos done, they'll sue me. And even if that doesn't happen, um, I might get whacked," said Sonny."

"But if you don't get the fuck out of here," said Josh. "I'll make what happened to you last time, seem like it was fun."

Sonny looked at him and saw that Josh was serious. "Don't ever come near Brianna again," Josh spat.

Sonny and his assistant rolled out of there. I never saw Sonny again. Josh sat down on the edge of my bed and grabbed for my hand. He was still really angry. I could feel his heartbeat through his hand.

"Josh, you do know that I've never loved anyone except you don't you?" I asked. His eyes flashed with anger and he calmly put my hand down.