Who Knew?

I ramped up my efforts to get closer to Josh. I spent as much time with him as I could. I even started cooking his meals instead of letting the cook do it. I called his mom and got all of his favorite recipes. She urged me to go for it. At the same time I made sure not to do anything overtly sexy around him; Cherry had been right in that regard. If I tried to seduce him or throw myself at him it just came off like the porn star looking for another guy to fuck. I truly wished that he could see that things were different.

At the same time I missed Cherry something awful. I wished so much that we hadn't argued. I also wished that she hadn't been right. Cherry was closer to me and cared more about me than my own sisters had. I needed to do something to make things up with her. Then I realized that she hadn't called me or come by in over a week. She was probably busy with her new man. Breaking up with me probably hadn't even registered on her radar since she was knee deep in her first real semi-adult relationship.

Her retirement show was that evening. I decided to surprise her and show up for it anyway. She hadn't invited me but I could pay to get in just like everyone else and that way it would be a real surprise.

The club she was performing in was a favorite of hers. It was right out on the beach and the walls were hinged at the bottom. During the late Spring, all Summer and early fall, they let the walls drop and the restaurant opened out onto the beach. They added more tables on the walls and used them as a sort of outdoor bistro. They had different types of entertainment every night. Some nights it was Jazz, others it was rock and roll. Once a month they had a country night and on the weekends it was usually strippers.

It was surprising how much money I had to pay to get in. There was a cover charge and a three drink minimum. I sat way in the back in a darkened area. A couple of guys looked at me funny. I was sure they wouldn't be able to recognize me. I'd grown my hair out again and it was longer than it had been since I'd gotten married. It was almost as long as that Polish bitch wore hers. Was I trying to compete with her on some level?

Anyway with my hair longer and darker the wolves slunk away. A couple of guys did ask me who I was. When I told them that my name was Brianna, they just walked away. "Told you it wasn't her," said one. "I was the one who told you that I read she died of cancer or VD," said the other. I just smiled. Tasti Pucci dying was good for me. People would forget her even sooner and lessen the chances of my husband going on the internet and seeing her. And what about my kids? In a few years Josh and I would be parents. I wouldn't want my kids going on the internet looking for kiddy videos and seeing their mother pulling a train while pretending to be asleep.

I watched a bunch of strippers perform. As I watched them I began to notice the differences between them and Cherry. Most of the strippers just shook their asses and their tits and walked around. Most of the guys didn't really care about what they did until they got naked. With Cherry, they were entertained. Most of the time, she didn't even get close to naked. She did all kinds of incredible gymnastics moves on the pole and all kinds of dance steps as well. She could moonwalk like Michael Jackson and then start tap dancing like Fred Astaire. Cherry was a dancer, the rest were just strippers.

It seemed like I had been sitting there all night nursing a drink, with weirdo after weirdo walking past my table or trying to hit on me. I developed a new talent. I invented the art of freezing a guy out while warmly smiling at him. It was like that movie from the forties with Rita Hayworth, where she sang, "Put the Blame on Mame."

Mame gave a guy such an ice cold no, for seven days they were shoveling snow. That was how I felt. No guy except my husband would ever touch me again.

As soon as they sat their asses down at my table I'd smile at them like I'd been waiting my whole life for them to come over, and then with the biggest smile on my face I'd say, "If you don't get your tacky ass away from my table, I'll call the bouncer. Now get ta' stepping, asshole."

Needless to say, before Cherry even got up on the stage the area around my table was empty. There were guys scattered all over the club giving me the evil eye and every so often I'd hear someone mumble, "Bitch," in my direction. All it did was make me laugh. Finally it was Cherry's turn. I called the house to leave a message for Josh that I would be home soon; that I was watching Cherry's last show. It seemed odd to me that he wasn't home either.

Cherry got up on the stage. Her first song of course was that Stripper classic, "Girls, Girls, Girls," by Motley Crüe. In only a few seconds Cherry had the entire crowd on its feet. They were screaming and throwing money at her like there was no tomorrow. The funny thing was that she hadn't taken off a thing. Cherry had started out in a costume that was mostly a high cut one piece swim suit with a leather jacket and a biker's helmet. Cherry was wowing the crowd purely with her dancing. In the back of my mind I wondered how she could ever give this up. This bastard she was in love with had to be special. If he hurt her, I'd have Josh get some guys to beat the shit out of him.

For Cherry's second and last number she changed the mood completely. The lights dimmed and three other strippers came on stage with her. Cherry lip-synched along one of her favorite old songs from the eighties: Karen White's, "Romantic." Cherry was out front wowing the crowd with her dancing as she sang along with the track. The other strippers were her supposed back-up singers. As the song went along Cherry began taking off her clothes. Near the middle of the song she had only a very tiny string bikini left on and the audience was aghast. The area around her large breasts and around her ass was very light while her legs and arms were very tan. Those tan lines were driving the guys, and even some of the women, in the audience crazy. Cherry still had a large band around her midriff that was still covered and the audience held its breath as she continually teased like she was going to pull it off.

She got them so interested in seeing what was under that band around her middle that they forgot about looking at her nearly exposed tits and ass. Cherry milked the song for all it was worth. I could imagine her singing to one man somewhere and letting him know just how lucky he was. Every man in that audience also felt it and wished they were that guy. I suddenly understood the message Cherry was sending. Her first song had been a song that strippers everywhere loved. Her last song was extremely fiiting. By using this song she was saying goodbye to Cherry. She was saying goodbye to the stripper. She was saying goodbye to simulating sex on the stage and hello to spending the rest of her life making love for real, to one special man. What a way to go. I looked around the floor wondering which one of these knuckle draggers he was. He had to be here, the look in Cherry's eyes told me she was dancing for someone in particular. For her it really was time to get romantic.

Near the end of the song the audience was singing along to the track as a car pulled up near the rear section of the club. It drove right up onto the area where the tables were. Several of the tables had been removed so it was obviously either planned or someone with special privileges.

The car was awesome. It was a bright yellow Mustang with custom wheels and black racing stripes. The glass was all tinted a deep shade of black. The guy revved his engine and Cherry waved him off and kept dancing. Just before the end of the song she stripped off the band of material around her waist and the crowd went crazy. The area around Cherry's nipped in waistline was very tan except for the center of her tummy. She'd obviously planned this. She must have laid out in the sun wearing her sunscreen and had something on her tummy. It looked like a sun tattoo, but there in the center of Cherry's perfect tummy was the running pony emblem that's on the front of a Mustang.

The crowd went wild as Cherry stepped gingerly across the club leaping lightly from table to table until she got to the car. Then she shrugged her shoulders and said, "It's time to get romantic." Even as she said it the music played out the last chorus, the car's door opened and Cherry stepped lightly into the car. The driver of the car peeled out and Cherry was gone. Everyone in the audience was screaming and telling each other how cool it had been. The other strippers who were left on the stage were even talking about it. I kicked over the chairs at my table. I was pissed.

I wasn't angry that Cherry had left me there at the club. She had no idea that I would be there. I was pissed because when the driver opened the door for her, Cherry had leaned over and kissed him. It wasn't a peck on the cheek that you give someone for timing their entrance and exit perfectly, so a show went well. It was the kind of kiss you give to someone you love. And the driver of the car had been Josh. My Josh. I felt more hurt and more betrayal than I ever had in my life. Cherry was supposed to be my best God Damned friend. No wonder she wanted Josh to move on.

I guess they must have heard the phone message that I left for Josh because when I got back to the house, I was angry enough to chew nails and they were waiting for me.

"Hi Brianna," said Cherry. "Did you like the show? What did you think of it?"

"I thought it fucking sucked," I snapped.

"Yeah I guess you'd have liked it better if I pretended I was asleep while some guy rammed a telephone pole up my ass, huh?" she said.

"You're supposed to be my friend," I said, "but you're sneaking around with my husband while you know that I'm trying desperately to keep us together. Some friend."

"It's not her fault, Bri," said Josh. "We started talking while you were in the hospital and we just got closer over time. It just got to the point where it was clear that something was going on between us. Then it got even clearer that we belonged together."

"But, what about us Josh?" I yelled at him.

"Bri, there really isn't an 'US'; not the way you think of us. There's too much pain there. There are just too many painful memories to sort through. There's a new US. You're my best friend, Brianna, but that's all we can be at this stage of our lives."

"But Josh, I love you!" I screamed.

"I love you too, Bri, and I always will, forever. But it's not the same kind of love anymore. You destroyed that. I love you like a very special friend. So be happy for us."

"No, Josh," I spat. "I don't want to be your fucking friend. Fuck you and fuck Cherry too. You know what? Once you do fuck her you'll come screaming back to me. She doesn't even know how to fuck. She's a God damned twenty six year old Virgin."

"Better a virgin with a nice tight pussy than a disease-riddled whore whose pussy is so loose that you can stick your arm in up to the elbow and not touch the sides. It's a pretty fucked up situation Brianna when my pussy is tighter than your asshole. Maybe Josh wants someone he doesn't have to share with fifty other guys. Maybe he wants someone who only wants him." I launched myself at her, but Josh stepped between us.

"Fuck you both," I said and I left.

I was crushed and I felt betrayed by the two people I had trusted most in the world. More than anything else I was angry. Strangely enough, I was only angry at Cherry. I could understand what Josh had done and I could even understand why.

Josh was simply lonely and confused. Maybe he was a little afraid too. After all, what I'd put him through has probably done a number on him. But Cherry, that bitch had it coming. She was supposed to be my friend. She, more than anyone else, knew how I felt about Josh and what lengths I'd be willing to go to, just to get him back.

Josh, as sweet as he was, kept trying to get me to come around. He wanted me in his life, but as a friend. He kept writing me letters and leaving money for me. He even gave me one of his cars. I was really shocked to wake up one morning and find a note stuffed under the door of my apartment.

"Brianna, you drove this awful car all the time while you lived with me. It's lonely without you. Please keep it."

No matter what he said, I knew that Josh still loved me. I was very sure that if Cherry hadn't stuck her nose in our relationship, Josh and I would be closer to being back together. It was odd that I'd spent so much time trying to compete with the Polish copy of me, when my real enemy was right in front of me the whole time.

Naturally in my anger and frustration of my situation, I went back to doing what I had to do to make money. The odd thing was that I looked for Sonny and couldn't find him anywhere. I finally discovered that Sonny was dead. He died in a tragic accident very shortly after the last time I saw him. Apparently Sonny had gotten very drunk and rolled his wheelchair into traffic. A semi had struck him and launched the chair, with Sonny in it, nearly into orbit. The autopsy had revealed that Sonny had more than four times the legal limit of alcohol in his blood. Somehow no one really believed it was an accident.

I did know a few people that we'd worked with. In fact one of the guys that I'd done more than one scene with referred me to his agent. I found out that Sonny had been the one who'd started the rumors that I'd died. To this day I don't know if he did it as a noble gesture to protect me from the guys he owed money to, or as a last ditch effort to save his own ass. Maybe his theory had been that they'd give him some slack or more time if they thought that his star had died and he couldn't film without me.

My new agent gave me a few stipulations before finding me any work. The first was that I had to have a complete medical exam done including screenings for all known STDs. I also had to be rechecked monthly. The next stipulation was that I had to be willing to do whatever the scene called for. There'd be no more of my prima donna shit. I wouldn't be able to hide my face from the camera or pretend to be asleep. From now on I was to look directly into the camera and smile like I loved it.

The last stipulation was that I needed a new persona. Their agency was totally legit, but they didn't want any problems with the other video company. All of Tasti Pucci's videos were owned and controlled by another company, so if I wanted to work, I had to have another name.

My new agent, Tim, finally came up with Gitta. His Grandmother was German. Her name was Birgit, it was the German version of Brigit. Everyone called her Gitta when she was young and he said that I favored her when she was younger. My nickname, Gitta, would be stretched out to Gittner instead of Birgit though. We spent an hour just throwing back and forth surnames. I thought of Pucci again because it would explain why I looked so much like Tasti Pucci.

Tim vetoed that. He didn't want any connections. We finally settled on Hole. And, as they say in the business, "A star was born." Well... a porn star anyway. That's how I became Gittner Hole. Yes I have to admit I was going back on my word. But I needed the money. I had to have money to hire a few guys to do what I needed to do.

I had a couple of guys watching Josh and Cherry. It seemed like every day that passed they grew closer together. There was no way I could allow that bitch to take my place. Josh had already moved her into his house. One of the things that motivated me the most was seeing on Entertainment this week that Josh and Cherry were engaged.

Josh's people had obviously handled the spin control on the story because Lisa (no one called her Cherry anymore except Josh) was described as a former off-Broadway dancer. They were supposedly going to get married and move back to the small town that Josh was from. He'd run his photography and Art business from there and Lisa was going to open a dance studio. I laughed my ass off, because I knew that the pious people in that town would never accept a former stripper.

I called my Aunt Sally to tell her.

"Hi, Aunt Sally," I said.

"Hello Brianna," she said back.

"So have you met the woman Josh is going to marry?" I asked.

"Yes I have," she said. "She's a wonderful girl. She's even nicer than Elena. And she doesn't have that hard to understand accent."

"Don't let her fool you, Aunt Sally," I spat. "She's a low down, back stabbing, two timing whore. She's as bad as I was. She works the whole porn industry thing too. She made more money at it than I ever did."

"Brianna, are you high?" asked my aunt. "Lisa used to be a dancer. We all know that she danced in strip clubs because she told us. She trained to be a ballerina for most of her life and when that dream fell through she still wanted to dance so she did. She didn't even dance nude. And she made more money than you did, because she was better at what she did than you were. Really, dancing is a skill; it has to be learned and developed. It also takes an incredible amount of practice and devotion. All you do is lie down and let some guy or guys stick their things into you."

"All she did was to prance around half naked in front of a bunch of sleazy men," I screamed. "I could do that in a heartbeat."

"Then why didn't you?" asked my Aunt. "Brianna, if it was as easy as you claim, and you had done that, you and Josh would still be together. That's the real reason you don't like Lisa isn't it? You're jealous of her."

"No," I lied. "She was supposed to be my friend and she seduced Josh right out from under me. She's a backstabber and she doesn't deserve Josh. He's a fool for putting up with her."

"Brianna, Lisa and Josh are waiting until they're married to have sex. So how did she seduce him? The whole town -- especially the religious people and the church -- are behind them for the example they're providing for the young people. You and Josh are divorced, Brianna. You might not like it, but he has the right to be happy too. That man has done more for you than anyone else ever has. Why are you being so selfish? Every bit of this was your doing, and we all know that you've gone back to doing those awful movies. You're a disgrace," and with those words she hung up the phone.

I became unglued. I ran around my apartment screaming and kicking everything I could reach. I knocked over all of the bottles on the shelf in front of me and watched them fall to the floor and shatter. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the big framed eight by ten photo of Cherry on my mantle. I swung at it and slipped in the spilled liquids from the bottles I'd broken and fell on my ass. There I was lying on the floor with my ass bleeding when someone knocked at my door.

"Keep it down in there," someone yelled.

I pulled the sliver of the broken glass out of my ass cheek and started crying. This was not the way my life was supposed to go. For most of my life, I'd always had one person I could count on. I had one person to call my own. I had one person who gave a damn about me no matter what. When even my own family wrote me off, Josh was there. Whenever my life was shitty, it was because I'd pushed him away. I needed Josh back and there was only one thing standing in my way.

Cherry was the only thing keeping Josh and I apart. I think I was in a very dark place when I made the decision. All of my thoughts were skewed. I focused on Cherry. I still couldn't make myself call her Lisa. I needed to find a way to get her away from Josh. Everyone has a weakness, I thought. I'd been her best friend for years, so I should know hers.

Was she prettier than I am? Possibly -- okay, probably -- but there was nothing I could do about that. Was she built better than I am? Definitely, I should have gone for the bigger implants. As far as the rest of her body, she cheated: that bitch had been dancing and exercising her whole fucking life. How was any normal woman supposed to compete with that?