You're Going to Lose That Girl

The rain poured down in buckets. Hick had been carefully negotiating the unfamiliar road when he noticed a late model luxury car, pulled off the highway with a very flat back tire. Without considering the consequences, he pulled off behind the stranded vehicle. By the time he reached the driver's window, he was thoroughly drenched.

"Ma'am, if you pop open your trunk, I'll change your tire for you," Hick promised the attractive middle-aged woman behind the wheel.

"Thank you so much!" the woman gushed through the slightly open window. "I was just going to call triple A, but I'm sure it would take some time before anyone made it here. I hate to see you get so wet. I'll pay you for your time."

"That isn't how it works," Hick replied with a quick smile. "You're a lady in need and I'm doing my best to be a gentleman. A simple thank-you is all I'll accept."

"Well thank you again," the woman replied with a smile of her own as she noticed the young man's tee shirt was completely soaked and was sticking to his chest like a second skin.

"You aren't from around here, are you?" the woman asked as the rain ran down Hick's back, soaked his jeans and filled his sneakers.

"No, Ma'am, I'm not, but I'm expecting to start a job in the area this summer and hope to become a local, if that's possible. My friends call me Hick, Hick Wade."

The woman knew he was far too young for her, but that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate a well built man when she saw one. Impulsively, she picked up her cell phone and made a brief call as the man worked to change her tire.

Ten minutes later, she pulled back onto the highway after once again thanking Hick for his kindness. His clothes were completely saturated by that time. As he walked back to his truck, the rain suddenly stopped. The timing of the situation caused the young man to chuckle to himself.

The road was very lightly traveled, so he walked to the passenger side of his old pickup truck and opened the back passenger-side door of the club cab. He opened the front passenger door, dug a new pair of board shorts out of a shopping bag, placed it on the seat and pulled off his wet shirt. He stepped between the two open doors to make certain he'd be concealed from any passing motorist, unbuckled his wet jeans and slowly peeled them down as the denim clung to his skin. Once he had kicked the jeans to the side, he quickly pulled his soaked boxers off and tossed them in the empty shopping bag. He picked up his shorts and bent over to step into them when a female voice sounded just a few feet behind him.

"You're under arrest for indecent exposure." Stunned, Hick spun around to see who was speaking.

He couldn't believe his luck. Standing less than twenty feet from him was a female police officer with her hand on her taser.

"I never tased a naked man before, but there's always a first time," the cop threatened, although her eyes appeared to be smiling. "Just pull those shorts on and we'll take a ride down to the station. I don't know how it works where you come from, but here in Warren County, people don't walk around naked. It's against the law."

Hick quickly stepped into his shorts as he formed his response. "Officer, I was trying to stay out of sight. I just changed a flat tire for a lady and was soaked to the bone. I didn't want to get my truck seat wet, so I thought I'd just slip into these new shorts. I just bought them this afternoon. I really didn't think anyone would see me. Why were you even there?"

"Your behavior was pretty suspicious," the lady cop replied. "You were being extremely furtive, like you were trying to hide something. That made it my duty to find out what you were doing."

"Now that you know I was just putting on dry clothes, could I just go about my business? No harm, no foul?"

"No harm? I was subjected to male nudity right here in public. What if I had been a ten year old girl? She would have gotten an eyeful and might have required therapy, at the very least," the policewoman replied with a slight smirk. "Are you going to come along peacefully or will I have to tase your skinny ass?"

"What about my truck?" an annoyed Hick asked.

"Court is in session right now. Judge Stanford will probably give you community service or something. I'll bring you back for your truck as soon she decides your fate."

"I've never heard of anything even close to this scenario taking place anywhere in the US, except in Mayberry" Hick countered as he reached into his truck for his phone. "I think I'll call a lawyer."

"If you bring anything out of that truck, I'll be forced to use my taser!" the cop warned. "Get in the back of my cruiser and we'll get this settled in short order."

Not sure if she was bluffing, Hick slammed his truck doors closed and angrily walked to the cruiser, opened a rear door and got in. He was committing everything to memory so his lawyer would have all the needed information to sue the damn town and every official in it.

Once he entered the municipal office, Hick was directed to a small room where he cooled his heels for fifteen minutes. Finally, his arresting officer came for him. She had him walk down a long hallway in front of her. He entered what appeared to be a small courtroom.

The courtroom was pretty standard, but the young woman sitting along the back wall was far from ordinary. Hick struggled to conceal his surprise at finding such a dark-haired beauty in a courtroom in a small town.

He managed to maintain a poker face until Judge Stanford was announced by Hick's arresting officer. It was the same lady for whom he had changed a tire less than an hour before! Not one to believe in coincidences, Hick realized he needed to find out what the game was and exactly how it concerned him.

"I see we have two defendants, both of whom have violated our traffic laws," the judge began.

"Your honor, this man was arrested for indecent exposure, not a traffic violation," the cop stated somewhat proudly.

"What did you say?" demanded the surprised judge as she looked from the policewoman to Hick and back to the officer. "This young man exposed himself to someone in public? I thought you were going to pick him up for a traffic violation. What happened?"

"I caught him stark naked next to his parked truck," the cop responded with a noticeable smirk as she held up a flash drive. "I downloaded the video from my body-cam so you could see the proof. I thought you'd want to view it."

"Well, of course I would," the Judge responded as she turned her gaze back to Hick. "I'll have to look at the evidence before I pass judgment, so sit still."

Hick couldn't help but feel embarrassed. The police officer and Judge Stanford appeared to watch the body cam video several times. The most embarrassing part was how the two women giggled like junior-high girls.

"Okay, I've seen enough," Judge Stanford stated before chuckling at her own statement.

"I want the two defendants to approach the bench for sentencing."

"Your Honor! You can't sentence me without a trial, or at least a hearing of some kind," Hick insisted.

"Young man, you strolled into my courtroom in a pair of shorts with no shirt or shoes. The deputy has video proof of you appearing naked in public. You aren't exactly overdressed now. You don't have a pant leg to stand on.

"I suggest you wait to see what your sentence is before you get too upset. There's no reason to get your underwear in a bunch, if you were wearing any," the Judge stated with a big grin.

"Please approach the bench, young man. Miss Bailey, would you come forward as well?"

Rachel Bailey had been ordered to appear in court after receiving her third speeding ticket in as many months. She had known Judge Stanford, "Aunt Jen," since she was a child. Although Judge Stanford was not an actual blood relative, she and Rachel's mother had been best friends since high school.

Rachel was caught by surprise when the man came into the courtroom followed by Janice Connors, the only female deputy in the county. He was wearing a pair of board shorts and nothing else. The exchange between Aunt Jen and Janice Connors made her wonder what was really going on.

As Rachel approached the bench, she made an obvious effort to stand as far from the shirtless man as she could. The evil grin on Aunt Jen's face caused Rachel some concern.

"This court does not want to see either of you carry a criminal record or serve time in jail for your serious, but unintentional, breaking of our laws. I'm sure Miss Bailey did not realize she was traveling 35 miles per hour over the posted limit.

"Hick had no idea how public nudity was viewed in Warren County," the judge continued as she looked from Rachel to Hick. "I think justice would best be served by assigning each of you community service."

Hick felt immediately relief at the judge's proclaimed intentions. He could easily perform some sort of public service. He would also take the time to determine why the judge had obviously singled him out. She had practically stated she had told the cop to arrest him on a trumped up charge.

"I saw a poster while I was waiting in that little room. The local youth league team is looking for a baseball coach. I could volunteer for that. I was a pretty good ball player in school," Hick suggested.

Judge Stanford broke into a smile as she nodded in agreement. "That's great to know. That position has recently been filled. However, my daughter's softball team needs a coach. The lady they had last year is quite pregnant and can't help this season. I'll get your information and send an email to the other parents that we've found a coach. I'll email you the roster and team contact information, along with times and places for practice and games."

"How old is your daughter?" asked a worried Hick. "I never coached girls, nor played softball. How young are these girls?"

"It's a league for girls 13 to 15 years old," Judge Stanford replied as Hick visibly cringed. "These are very good girls. They're at an impressionable age, so your conduct had better be above reproach."

Hick remained silent, which encouraged the judge to turn her attention to Rachel.

"You know I play volleyball at State. I could coach a girl's volleyball team," the young woman volunteered as she considered how easily she might get off for speeding.

"I'll keep that in mind when volleyball starts up in the fall. Right now, there's no demand for a volleyball coach," the judge responded. "However, I think the parents of the girls on the softball team would be more at ease if there were a female assistant coach present at all the practices and games."

"Aunt Jen! You can't think I'd want to be anywhere near a pervert like this guy. I'm surprised you're even considering allowing him near your daughter and the other girls. He was just arrested for indecent exposure," Rachel stated. "The guy will probably be pulling it out and beating it during the seventh inning stretch!"

"Hopefully, he'll wait that long," Judge Stanford retorted thoughtfully. "The girls only play seven innings, so they should be on their way home by the time any chickens got choked."

"What if he decides to spank the monkey during practice?" Rachel demanded as she glared at an obviously bemused Hick. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something appropriate. I saw the video and we sure don't want him disciplining that gorilla in front of the girls," the judge replied with an even bigger grin.

"Your Honor, I'll try to be in the vicinity when the girls are playing," volunteered Janice, the deputy. "My niece is on the team, so I can get her schedule. I'll keep a close eye on him. If he so much as thinks about making the bald man cry, I'll be all over him."

"I'm sure you will, Deputy. Your zeal to protect the young ladies on the team is admirable, but unnecessary, I hope. Hick, can you promise me you'll keep most of your clothes on and refrain from wrestling the eel, at least while in the presence of the girls on the team?"

By this time, Hick had determined he had been set up, shanghaied really, into coaching the Judge Stanford's daughter's softball team. He knew that she'd never allow him anywhere near the girls if she really thought he was some sort of pervert. Once he had determined the situation, he found the banter between the judge and his arresting officer quite amusing, even though it was at his expense.

"Your Honor, I believe that if Miss Bailey gives me a hand, it shouldn't be too hard, at least not for very long. The girls will be safe."

Rachel gasped at the entendre Hick made, while both the judge and the policewoman broke into loud guffaws.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Rachel demanded. "You arrest a man for running around naked, get all googley eyed at the damn video proof and then put him in charge of a group of teenage girls! As you were doing this, you made all kinds of inappropriate comments about... well, inappropriate things."

"My daughter needs a coach for her team. She also needs a good male role model in her life. Since my husband died last year, she's only been around other girls and women," Judge Stanford answered. "Hick is a gentleman and the type of man I want Amanda to be exposed to, pardon the pun, so she can learn the difference between good men and losers.

"You're going to help by making the other parents comfortable with a male coach and doing your best to become a role model yourself. No speeding, especially when you're near the girls, no swearing, and no drinking. You're not in the Marines anymore, and you need to embrace civilian life. That's what's going on here. If you find this too difficult, I'll simply take away your driver's license for an indeterminate period of time. "

Rachel knew Aunt Jen was aware how much she needed her license. "Okay, I'll be the assistant coach, but I won't be giving him a hand with his chicken, or eel, or whatever you want to call it. For the record, I think it's a bad idea to put a pervert in charge of a girls' softball team, and almost all men are perverts."

"I think we'll get along splendidly," quipped Hick as he rapidly moved his eyebrows up and down several times. "Maybe we should have dinner together to discuss our plans for the team."

"Not now, and not ever!" Rachel replied with more than a little disgust. "We will not hook up and we certainly will not date. In fact, we won't even be friends. If you so much as look at me cross eyed, I'll see that you never again derive any pleasure from that little monkey. We'll work together with the girls on the team and that will be the full extent of our relationship. Am I clear?"

"Does that mean I have to keep my clothes on at practices and games?" Hick asked with a crooked grin.

"It's good to see you two settled that," Judge Stanford broke in. "Apparently, the girls will get to see their coaches behaving like most married couples.

"Janice, please take Hick back to his truck. Rachel, you're free to go now, but keep this in mind: if you're caught speeding again, you won't be given community service with a random handsome hunk. You'll be using Uber for a long time."

The next morning, Hick was still chuckling as he left his motel room for an appointment at Valley Real Estate. He was amused at the lengths Judge Stanford had gone to find a coach for her daughter's team.

Denise Weatherall had been selling real estate in Pleasant Valley for almost twenty years, but she had never made that one big sale many of her more successful colleagues had managed. That suddenly changed.

After viewing four properties which did not appeal to her young client, he asked to look at a country estate listed at just over two million. Denise was caught by surprise at the request, but quickly arranged for a viewing.

Hick was noncommittal as he listened to Denise extol the virtues of the property. It was a huge old Victorian home on twenty acres with a large detached three-car garage, horse stables, swimming pool, a trout stream and numerous other amenities, including a rustic two-bedroom cabin located near the stables.

"I'll take this, Mrs. Weatherall," Hick declared as he finished his tour of the property.

"How much do you want to offer?" was the nervous realtor's first question as she considered how potential buyers often presented insultingly low offers.

"I'll pay the asking price, cash and no contingencies. Closing in two weeks. Write up the contract and I'll sign it this afternoon."

"Okay," the shocked but delighted realtor managed before taking a deep breath. "We'll go back to the office and write it up. I'll need proof of funds to present to the seller's agent. Will that be a problem?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Weatherall," Hick replied as he once again gazed at the property. "I do ask that you not tell anyone who's buying the property, at least until it closes. Title will be held by HKK LLC, of which I am the sole officer."

Hick spent the evening sending texts and emails to the families of the girls on the softball team. The first practice was scheduled in two days, and he wanted to start out on the right foot. He always copied the parents and Rachel on any email or texts he sent.

Shortly after finishing his correspondence, his cell phone rang. He was surprised to hear the voice of a teen girl.

"Mr. Wade? This is Amanda Stanford, Judge Stanford's daughter," the girl began. "Mom told me to ask if you could come to our place for dinner tomorrow night. Some of my friends from the team are coming over and we all want to meet our new coach."

"I'd be delighted," Hick responded immediately. "Tell your Mom I said thanks. What time should I arrive?"

The next evening, Hick parked on the street in front of Judge Stanford's house, since her driveway was crammed with vehicles. Hick realized he was going to be given the once-over and probably grilled by a few parents and players.

A slim, dark-haired girl opened the door for him. "Mr. Wade? I'm Amanda Stanford. I played outfield last year, but I'd like to play second base this year."

Hick laughed at the girl's enthusiasm and how quickly she had managed to get her oar into the water for consideration as an infielder. "Coach Rachel and I will determine where everyone plays after we have a couple of practices, but your request will be considered."

Amanda nodded in understanding and led Hick into the living room. He was surprised at the number of people, both adults and teen girls, present in the large room.

Judge Stanford gave Hick and quick hug and then introduced him to the gathering. "This is Hick Wade, everyone. He's new to the area, but hopes to make our town his home. He's kindly agreed, along with Rachel Bailey who couldn't make it tonight, to coach the girls."

Hick spent the next half hour meeting parents and team members, as well as answering a slew of questions. His responses to more personal questions were deliberately vague, but he gladly shared his baseball experiences and general background with everyone.

When an attractive woman in her fifties approached Hick, he quickly made an educated guess. "Are you Rachel's mother? You strongly resemble her, and she's quite beautiful."

The woman beamed as she shook his hand. "Thank you for the compliment. I'm June. Rachel led me to believe you were some sort of pudgy, foul-smelling character with little education and no charisma. You must have made quite an impression on her."

"It sounds like it," Hick agreed with a smile. "Too bad it wasn't positive."

"I've discovered over the years that when one of my daughters plays down the looks and personality of a young man, she is actually impressed. I can see why Rachel cast you in such a negative light. You're a very good-looking young man, even when you're fully clothed."

"Will I never live that down? I'm really not the kind of guy who runs around naked in public. That was a culmination of events which were beyond my control."