I Want Mom Too!

Jeff nodded and hoped she wasn't going to start crying again. Not that mom didn't have a right to be emotional; but this nightmare had happened at eight thirty in the morning and she'd been a mess all day.

Jeff wasn't feeling too good about the situation, but he knew his mother would put more of the blame on herself. This was the fourth time today she had told him he was right and she kept saying what a horribly mother Jimmy must think she is.

"That was my fault too, mom. We've been together a year. I should have been able to say to at least wait a few damn minutes just in case. That kid's been forgetting shit ever since he was old enough to forget things." He laughed.

"Remember when we'd all be going somewhere and dad would ask Jimmy if he had everything? Then ten minutes down the road it was 'oh no! Dad I forgot something."

"Yeah." Karen gave him a tired smile, "We used to get so mad at him sometimes. But it's funny to look back on." She sighed, "I don't think this will ever be a funny memory."

"Hey, mom, how about that time I forgot my wallet and Jeff was cumming all over your ass?"

She burst into tears as soon as she said it and buried her face in her hands. Jeff sat up and sliding across the couch put his arm around her shoulders. She turned and put her head on his chest, her body shaking as she sobbed.

"It's going to be okay, mom." He ran his hand through her hair, "This will blow over. Jimmy's not going to leave without us having a chance to explain things to him."

"How can we explain this, Jeff?" She looked up at him, her eyes, red and swollen from crying all day, were filled with a fresh wave of tears and her cheeks were moist with them.

Jeff gently wiped the tears from her cheek with his finger, "We do what you and dad raised us to do, tell the truth. He's seen the worst as far as he's concerned. We need to tell him the best."

"The best?" She put her hand over his where it rested on her shoulder.

"That this isn't about lust, that we're not some Jerry Springer episode and just fucking because wow, its dirty. We tell him about the love and how happy we are and get him to see past the wrong and see the right."

"Baby, you humble me." Karen kissed him softly. "I'm supposed to be the parent and here I am a damn mess and you're sounding like an old soul. You've really become a man in every sense."

"I had good role models."

"And know what?" Karen put her hand on his scruffy cheek. "Your father would be proud of the man you are."

"I'm not sure about that." Jeff slumped back the couch, but kept his arm around Karen, drawing her back with him.

"No, he would be. He would be proud of how you've matured and how good you are to the woman in your life and seeing that woman is me, I've decided to think he'd be fine with it. Be happy was one of the last things he told me and I'm happy."

She rested her head on his chest and added, "Course this could just be me justifying it, but for some reason I really feel it. I want you to know something."

"What's that?" He eased her forward and turning, pushed back into the corner of the couch.

"No matter where this goes with Jimmy, even if we can't convince him of what this is and he wants to stay angry, it won't come between us. I won't choose his feelings over our love."

"That means a lot, mom." He said quietly, and then carefully swung his leg up over her head and stretched it out behind her. He extended his arms, "Come here."

Karen turned and sliding her back against his chest, swung her legs out onto the couch. Jeff brought his other leg up over hers and put his arms around her waist holding her close, her head on his chest as they lay together.

"I mean it, baby." She put her hands over his arms, "I love Jimmy and want this to work for all of us, but I lost love once already, I won't throw away this one for anyone."

"You won't have to." He hoped he sounded confident because he really didn't know for certain.

It was easy for him to think Jimmy should come around, but what if it had been reversed, what if mom was with Jimmy and he had caught them?

"I hope you're right, honey. You were right from the start so I guess I'll hope you can be right one more time."

She yawned "Damn, I'm exhausted. I haven't been this stressed since." She paused and added softly. "Your father was sick."

"Close your eyes and rest." Jeff said, slumping farther down on the couch so she could further back against him, "I'll wake you if I hear anything."

"No, I won't sleep, but maybe I will close my eyes, they're burning."

"Okay." He agreed, then remained silent and smiled when, in only a few minutes, her body relaxed against him and her breathing became slow and steady.

He let his head fall back to rest on the cushion and after a moment, jerked it up when he caught himself nodding off. Mom stayed asleep and he was pretty much now stuck in that position. He fought a losing battle to keep his own stinging eyes open and the next time they closed, they remained that way.

*****

Jeff slowly opened his eyes and blinking the sleep from them focused on the time on the cable box. He was surprised to see it was after ten thirty, he'd been sleeping almost two hours. Mom was still nestled against him and judging by her breathing, still sleeping.

She still had her arms over his just under her breasts and there was no way he could move them without waking her. The windows were open and the night breeze was on the cool side. Mom was wearing the t-shirt from earlier, but had changed from the sweat pants to a pair of shorts and he could make out goose bumps on her bare legs.

Right on cue she shivered against him and grumbling something, nuzzled her head into his neck. He was chilly himself and figured he would wake her so she could go to bed and he would wait for Jimmy.

He started to move his arm, when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw Jimmy sitting in the recliner across from the couch watching them.

"Jesus!" He exclaimed, sitting up and shoving mom forward.

"What's the matter?" Karen asked, shaking her head and rubbing her eyes, "Wow, how long was I...Jimmy!"

"Hey guys." Jimmy said quietly.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Jeff asked, thinking he was damn glad they were both completely dressed.

"About an hour." He answered, "I came in through the back and was going to go pack my stuff when I saw you guys out here."

"Honey, I'm so glad you came back." Karen started to get up to try to hug him, but decided not to. He was sitting there calmly and she didn't want to take a chance on upsetting him.

"Yeah, me to." He said with an odd look on his face.

"Why didn't you wake us up?" Jeff asked.

"I don't know really." His expression appeared as confused as his answer, as if he really wasn't sure.

"Well, I'm just happy to see you." Karen said, "Jimmy, we're so sorry. I know that's weak, but it's all I can say."

"You should be."

Although his words weren't the kindest, he didn't seem pissed off, in fact he sounded subdued, as if he were either too tired to continue being mad or had gotten past the point of anger and was now dealing with the situation in another way.

"No argument there." Jeff said, "Do you want to talk about it? We'd like to, but if you want to wait until tomorrow that's cool."

"You will be here tomorrow won't you?" Karen asked hopefully.

"I will be." He gave her a tight smile. "Not sure how long I'll be staying, but I realized I can't go back to Florida without knowing what the hell is going on here."

"We can try to tell you if you're up for it." Jeff sat up next to Karen and caught himself starting to put his arm around her out of habit. Instead, he clasped his hands in his lap and added, "And if you're really willing to listen."

"I'm tired as hell." Jimmy rubbed at his temples, "It was a tough day. I went off by myself at the beach, just kind of sat around in a daze. Then went over Pete's to play some Call of Duty, thought about staying over, but I felt like I needed to get back here."

"I'm glad you did." Karen said, "And if you're really tired, we can talk tomorrow."

"Part of me just wants to crawl into bed and end this goddamn day, but I think," He nodded as if agreeing with himself, "I need to hear some of it."

"Before we talk I want to say something." Karen began slowly, carefully choosing her words. Jimmy was calm, they all were and she needed to keep it that way.

"I know you're angry and hurt and you have the right to be, but you should be angrier at me, Jimmy. This was a lot more my fault than your brothers. I pushed him to make it this way."

"From where I was standing it looked like a mutual good time." He rolled his eyes. "Didn't look like you were twisting his arm."

"I don't mean it that way," She ignored the sting of his remark. "What I mean is Jeff wanted to tell you, honey. He wanted to tell you back at Christmas, but I wouldn't let him."

"Christmas?" Jimmy smacked his forehead, "My god, how long has this been going on?"

Shit! Karen thought, she'd fucked up already. "October makes a year."

"So...right after I left for school?"

"Not long after." Karen admitted.

"Were you waiting for that?"

"No," Jeff spoke up. "There was nothing going on while you were here."

"Pretty damn quick though."

"Not as quick as you think." Jeff pointed out. "Remember you started school end of August and went down a couple weeks early."

"Well thank you for waiting two whole months before you started banging mom; that was good of you."

"Okay, we shouldn't do this tonight." Karen said quickly, "We're all on edge."

"I'm sorry." Jimmy surprised her, "I shouldn't have said that. Me making smart ass remarks isn't going to make this better."

"Will anything?" Karen asked, hopefully.

"I have to tell you something." Jimmy began, "I was so mad before. Not just mad, but disgusted. My brother having sex with my mother, I mean who does that? And how the hell do I deal with it?"

He sat back in the recliner and ran his fingers through his sandy brown hair.

"What had me so upset was just," he hesitated then with a shrug finished the thought "So goddamn dirty. Going at it like you were in those weird mom son porn movies all over the net."

"It's not just about that," Jeff started, but was cut off by Jimmy continuing.

"So when I came back I was just going to head for the room and hope you." He pointed at Jeff, "Weren't there." He grunted, "Figured with the cat out of the bag you'd be in bed with mom."

"But when I went to slip into the room I could see into the parlor and saw you guys on the couch. I thought you heard me and figured I would come in here and get this over with. I was still mad and at that point I guess I wouldn't have minded an argument."

"Then why didn't you wake us up?"

"I was going to, but when I saw the two of you lying there, it stopped me." Jimmy pursed his lips, "Jeff, the way you were holding mom and how peaceful she looked, how comfortable."

"It was the opposite of what I walked into earlier which was just, sorry mom, but it was fucking, just flat out fucking."

"I can't disagree." Jeff said then grimaced when Karen punched him in the leg.

Jimmy laughed softly when she did and then went on.

"But out here, even though I know you guys were upset about earlier, you still seemed happy. It looked loving, like it was a lot more than what I saw."

"It is." She reached out and put her hand over Jeff's, "It really is Jimmy, and you have to know that. It's not about sex. Yes, that's part of it, but we're in love honey. I know how weird it sounds, but it's true, we're just like any other couple."

"Um, no." Jimmy said, "Let's not get carried away. Regular couples aren't related. But seeing you like that calmed me down. Made me think it wasn't just my brother treating my mother like a damn whore." He sighed, "That's part of why I was so pissed. How the hell could you treat your own mother like some pig from a bar?"

"Because I don't see her as mom when we do that." Jeff told him.

"You were calling her mom." Jimmy reminded him. "In fact it sounded like the two of you were both getting worked up saying mom and son. That's why it was so bad to me."

"There's no magic way to get you to understand and I'm done lying Jimmy," Karen said, "It does add a little fun to talk like that." She looked down at her feet. "Sorry, but it's true."

"Thank you for admitting it." Jimmy said with no trace of sarcasm. "Because the lying hurts as much as what I saw."

"And I told you that's on me." Karen repeated, "Jeff hated lying to you."

"Then Jeff could have told me. You're supposedly a couple, equals, he doesn't have to listen."

"True." Jeff said, "But I didn't want to see her upset and if you got mad..."

"Got pretty mad didn't I? Besides there were more lying than just not telling me about you two. Every time you talked about Jill and mom's friend, you made these people up, shit, Jeff you told me stories about how wild this girl was, about things you did with her and, Oh."

He looked angry again, "You sick bastard! You were telling me about things you and mom did! All those dirty stories about Jill were mom!"

"Okay, you're right." Jeff put his hands up, "I was bragging I guess."

"About fucking mom?"

"Okay, boys, let's just call it a night." Karen said, trying to sound as if she still had any authority here which she doubted she did anymore.

"Why, you horny mommy?" Jimmy asked her. "You looking for Jeff to fuck...hey!"

He cried out, when standing up, Jeff leaned across the coffee table and slapped him.

"That's enough!" He snapped. "Wrong or not, she's your mother and you won't talk down to her and make shitty jokes and hurt her feelings, you got that?"

"Jeff please!" Karen grabbed his arm, and pulled him back down to the couch.

Jimmy rubbed his cheek and looked over at Karen, "Sorry, mom, really, I am."

Karen rose and going over to the chair got onto her knees and hugged him. Tears of relief filled her eyes when he hugged her back.

"Sorry." He said softly in her ear.

"So am I, honey, so am I. How about we all just get some sleep, okay?"

"I'm sorry, Jimmy." Jeff said, "That was out of line. I'm your brother, but I'm not dad."

"Seems like you're auditioning for the part." Jimmy said, then to Karen's surprised, grinned, "That was a joke, uh, sort of."

"Then it's like the rest of your jokes, only sort of funny." Jeff replied with a nervous smile. "But really, that was a tool bag thing for me to do, Jimmy."

"No, you were defending mom." Jimmy sent a thrill through her when he kissed the top of her head. "And you should."

Karen hugged him again, even tighter than before, but after a moment forced herself to release him and go back to the couch. She put her hand over Jeff's as she had before, testing how Jimmy would look at that small sign of affection,

She noticed his eyes going to their hands, but he didn't look mad in anyway.

"What do you figure; we call it a night before one of us gets the rest all pissed again?" Jeff asked.

"No, not yet." Jimmy said, "If it's okay, I just need to know one thing tonight."

"Sure, go ahead."

"How did this start? Was it sudden, were you guys getting closer as time went on? He spread his hands out, "I thought a lot about it today and I just can't imagine how this happened."

"We weren't thinking of it before it happened," Jeff answered, "At least not consciously if that makes sense. We were getting closer, but as in spending a lot of time together and keeping each other company."

"Company?" Jimmy repeated.

"When dad passed, you were still in high school and in some clubs there." Jeff went on, "We made sure you stayed in them, we wanted you to keep your life as normal as possible. So you were out of the house a lot, which was good for you, but mom was grieving and alone."

"So I wasn't seeing anyone at the time and instead of going out to bars or hanging out with friends I stayed home with mom."

"I remember that, and I used to offer to hang out too so you could go have some fun."

"I'd had plenty of fun." Jeff shrugged. "And figured I would again soon, but it was a tough time for mom and I felt she needed me."

"You didn't need me?" Jimmy looked hurt.

"It was different." Karen spoke up. "You were younger and we felt it was more important for you to keep your life the way it was. School, baseball, drama, all the things you enjoyed."

"Besides," she added, "You were devastated and with good reason, so I was there to be strong for you and Jeff was there for me so I could be. He kind of became the man of the house in a lot of ways including taking care of me."

"I can see that." Jimmy said softly, but although it sounded like a dig his words had come out in a soft tone, as if her were upset, but sad, not angry.

"When you left we kept spending time together and Jeff tried to get me to go out and meet people, but I wouldn't. Friends at work tried too, telling me it had been close to a year get out and date, even if all it turned out to be was coffee or dinner, just enjoy some company."

"But I felt weird about it; like I would be betraying your dad even though he told me to move on. Jeff wanted me to stop moping around the house so we started having these little date nights."

"Dates?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Harmless." Jeff pointed out. "We'd go see a movie or sometimes go out and eat, a play here and there."

"So you were dating mom." Jimmy frowned.

"We didn't see it that way." Karen took over again. "It was safe company and getting me out of the house. But it was nice. I enjoyed being around Jeff. He made me feel loved and safe and I needed that."

"I'm a professional woman and always felt I was a strong one, but I was vulnerable at the time. Jeff was someone I could spend time with that wouldn't take advantage of that and of course no expectations like there would be on a real date, it was more like friends."

"But," She continued, "I did find myself getting a little closer than maybe was proper. We'd watch movies here on the couch and I would curl up next to him, put my head on his shoulder, he would put his arm around me, sometimes we would hold hands."

"A budding romance." This time there was a little more snark in his tone, but Karen ignored him and pressed on.

"But nothing over the top except I started looking forward to spending time with him. At that point I realized I was pretty pathetic when a Friday night date was dinner and a movie with my son so I decided to try to get out and meet someone."

"Jeff encouraged me and I went on a few dates, but only one turned into a little more," She smiled sadly, "He was a nice guy, very sweet, widower himself so he understood what I was feeling. We went out a few times and last one I went back to his place."

"We sat on his couch and talked and drank wine and I was realizing what I'd been missing, that I wasn't just lonely, but was missing sex. We started kissing, touching and we went a little further." She stopped, for a moment.

"I'm not going to give the details, but the clothes were off and I was in his bed and I...I couldn't. I got nervous, upset, I had to leave. He was okay about it, but after it happened again he said he felt bad, but he didn't need the drama."

"So that was it for a few weeks then a friend introduced me to an interesting guy who invited me to a charity fund raiser. A high end event and I would have went for my company anyway, but hey, it would be more fun with a date. So I said yes."

Karen paused and looked over at Jeff, then back to Jimmy, "You sure you want to hear this?"

"I asked. I'm ready to hear the answer, minus sordid details." He rolled his eyes, "That I've seen for myself."

"I went out and bought a nice mauve strapless evening gown. Even of the date turned into nothing I wanted to try to look and feel sexy, maybe get some looks, turn some heads and feel good about myself."