On Being Proactive

I must have stayed like that for fifteen minutes trying to go to sleep but I kept replaying parts of Tracy's conversation with Barry over in my head.

"I am glad that Karen wasn't there. I wouldn't have been able to dance with you like that if my wife had been there."

"I will be coming to Cincinnati a few times a year now."

"I wasn't planning on inviting your husband to go with us."

When Tracy asked "Just dinner and conversation?"

Barry said, "Dinner and conversation... Then we'll see what else happens

"Listen, Tracy, I wouldn't be asking you to meet me if your kiss hadn't told me that you shared my desire."

All of this was spinning around in my head when I suddenly felt Tracy snuggling up to my back. She reached her hand up and started playing with my hair.

"Are you awake?" She asked.

I almost didn't answer. "Yes."

"Do you know how much I love you?" Tracy asked.

That question made me so angry that I wanted to say, "As much as you love Barry?" I didn't say that.

"No. I really don't know, "I said.

I could tell by the way Tracy's body stiffened that she wasn't expecting that answer.

"How could you not know?" She asked. "Isn't it obvious to you that I love you more than anything, except maybe Matthew and Lisa?"

With that opening I almost jumped on her. I wanted to say, "If you love me so much, why did you kiss Barry the other night? If you love me so much, why are you considering having an affair with him when he comes to Cincinnati? " I didn't say anything.

Tracy was leaning on her elbow looking down at me. She didn't say anything, she just bent down and started kissing my ear. As she nibbled on my ear even my anger couldn't stop me from getting aroused.

I could feel her hot breath on my neck as she planted little kisses down the side of my face and when she reached my cheek I couldn't help myself. I turned my head and let her kiss me on the mouth.

I rolled onto my back and Tracy pushed her tongue into my mouth. Then she slid her hand down into my shorts and started stroking my already expanding cock. A part of my brain was screaming at me telling me not to let her seduce me. As much noise as the voice in my head was making it was no match for the power of persuasion that Tracy held in her hand.

Tracy pulled my cock out of my shorts and then stuck her tongue in my ear.

"I love you," she said.

Then she moved down my body and took my engorged shaft into her mouth. This was strange to me. It wasn't as if Tracy never initiated sex, because she often did, and it wasn't that she didn't often give me oral sex, because she did. What made it strange was the feeling I had that Tracy had initiated sex that night because she was feeling guilty about her phone call with Barry.

After several minutes of oral delight, Tracy pulled my shorts off me and then lifted her night gown and straddled my hips. She reached between her legs and guided my cock into her aroused love tunnel and lowered herself down until my cock was completely inside her. Tracy didn't move for a minute as she just flexed her vaginal muscles, which I always enjoyed. As she finally began to move on top of me Tracy leaned forward until she was lying on my chest and then she began kissing me. Between kisses she kept saying "I love you."

For the first time in my life, hearing Tracy say that she loved me was making me angry. That night I found that anger and arousal is an interesting combination. I let Tracy take the lead for a while and then I rolled us over so that I was on top and I started pumping into Tracy as hard as I could. Each time I pushed in, Tracy let out a small grunt as though I was knocking the wind out of her but she didn't complain or ask me to stop.

It surprised me when Tracy had an orgasm because I thought I had been causing her pain not pleasure. So I started pounding into her even harder and Tracy responded by having another orgasm just before I exploded inside her.

Neither of us said a word when it was done. We both just rolled over and went to sleep.

The next day at work I cracked Tracy's e-mail password, which wasn't very hard. She used Matthew's initials and Lisa's birth date as her password. It was just the third password I tried. Then I set up MSN instant message on my work computer using Tracy's e-mail address so that I would get a notification any time she received an e-mail. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to look at her e-mail until I was sure that she did not have her e-mail opened. Luckily, Tracy would only have access to her e-mail during the day using her computer at work. She didn't have a computer at home and never used mine. Tracy didn't really like computers that much and mostly only used e-mail to talk to friends around town. Even then she didn't send or receive many notes.

That first week Tracy received seven e-mail notes and four of them were from Sue Baxter. They used to work together and now they would talk via e-mail. They liked to share recipes, which is what they were doing this week. The other three notes were of no importance either.

It wasn't till Tuesday of the following week that Tracy received the first note from Barry. It was about two o'clock that afternoon and I was talking to Tracy on the phone about what she wanted me to pick up at the store on my way home. Suddenly I heard a ping and the small box rose up in the lower right hand corner of my screen with the note that said, "You have received mail from Foxman@xxxxx.com." It was difficult to keep the pain I was suddenly feeling in my chest from being reflected in my voice as I continued talking to Tracy.

I waited until a few minutes after five o'clock and then I called Tracy's office phone to make sure she had already left for the day. As soon as I confirmed that Tracy had gone home I opened her e-mail account and found Barry's note. I had been worried that she might read it then erase it but she didn't.

"Hi Tracy. I just wanted to let you know that I will be in Cincinnati next Monday. I'll be staying at the downtown Marriott and I would really love to have you come have dinner with me. Love, Barry."

I had to look in Tracy's 'Sent Mail' folder to find the answer she sent him. Before I could even open that note my heart started pounding in my chest. I was scared of what I was going to find in her note but I had to look.

"Barry, I would love to see you again but only for dinner. I don't want you to expect more than that. Tracy."

There was no comfort in that note for me. Although she told him that he should not expect more that just dinner with her she left the possibility of more open when she accepted his invitation. She also didn't tell Barry that there would absolutely be nothing more than dinner, she only told him not to expect anything more than dinner. I am sure Barry saw this note as a positive response as much as I found it to be negative.

Starting that evening things started go sour between Tracy and me. When I got home I was angry with Tracy but I couldn't tell her why so I tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. For Tracy's part it was obvious that she had something on her mind that she was not about to share with me so we were both very silent.

That night Tracy tried to initiate sex but I pretended to be asleep and didn't respond to her. The next morning at breakfast Tracy was quiet but I got the feeling that she wanted to say something to me but she didn't. I grabbed my briefcase and headed for the door as soon as I finished eating. Normally I wouldn't be headed to work for another hour but I just wanted to get out of the house that morning. I was surprised that Tracy didn't ask me why I was leaving so early. As I got to the door Tracy started to say, "I love you," but I closed the door behind me before she could say it.

"I love you," was something that Tracy had said to me as I left for work every morning since we had been married and that morning I just didn't want to hear it.

That day Tracy didn't call me at work like she did almost every day. That was a sign to me that Tracy wasn't thinking about me the way she used to. By the end of that day I had seen four notes come into Tracy's e-mail, all from Barry.

I again waited until after five o'clock to check Tracy's e-mail. The first note from Barry simply told Tracy that he had made dinner reservations for 7:30 Tuesday evening and told her he would meet her in the bar at the Marriott at seven o'clock.

Tracy's reply said that she was not sure if she would be able to make it, which gave me some hope.

"You have to come" Barry's next note read. "We have to find out if there is any magic between us. If there isn't anything there, at least we will both know. Isn't it better to know than to wonder and perhaps later regret that we never tried to find out? Please come."

Tracy's reply said, "I will come but you have to understand that this is just for dinner and nothing else. We are both married and we should not be looking for any magic."

Then Barry responded, "Great. I am really looking forward to seeing you. It will make my having to come to Cincinnati for business so much more worthwhile. I can't tell you how much this means to me."

Tracy wrote back, "I am looking forward to seeing you too but you have to remember what I said."

Barry final note read, "Don't worry. I won't put any pressure on you. I would never make you do anything you don't want to do."

That last note really pissed me off. Barry in essence said that he planned to seduce her but he would not rape her. Not in those words of course but that was the hidden meaning. I doubt that Tracy would get the same meaning out of it.

I sat at my desk for another hour trying to understand what Tracy was thinking. Was she just bored and wanted some excitement or was she really hung up on this guy. Was she going to have an affair with him? What was I going to do if she did have an affair?

I started thinking about what I would do if Tracy ended up in bed with this asshole. I had to calm myself down and think what would be the best thing that could happen? That was easy. Tracy would change her mind and tell Barry she would not see him now or ever. The absolute worst case scenario was that Tracy would have an affair with Barry and then tell me she was in love with him and wanted a divorce. I doubted that either of these would happen. What ever happened would be somewhere in the middle.

I tried to think of how I would handle each of the possibilities: a one time fling, a short affair lasting only a few months, or a long term affair lasting more than a year. I was such an emotional mess that I couldn't come to any rational decision about any of those possibilities.

On the way home that evening I decided to try being extra loving toward Tracy. Maybe I could guilt her into not meeting Barry at the Marriott on Tuesday.

When I got home I could hear Tracy in the kitchen fixing dinner. I went to the kitchen with the idea of kissing Tracy and telling her I loved her but when I walked into the kitchen she turned away from me and didn't even acknowledge my presence. I changed my tactic and just said hello to her and walked out of the kitchen as she responded with a weak hello in return.

At dinner Tracy had very little to say to me and would not look at me when she spoke. She did however talk to and smile at Matthew and Lisa so what ever her problem was it was directed at me.

Once again that night Tracy tried to initiate sex when we went to bed. She had waited till we were both in bed and the lights were off. I just rolled away from her and said I wasn't feeling well. I was just not in the mood to have sex with her knowing that she had made a date to see Barry.

Thursday morning as I left the house to go to work Tracy didn't even bother to say that she loved me. A couple of days earlier I hadn't wanted to hear it but now it really hurt to not hear it. That day there were no more notes from Barry. I waited till five o'clock to see if Tracy had sent any to Barry hopefully to cancel their date but she didn't send him any notes either.

Thursday night was more of the same. Tracy couldn't look at me when she talked to me and again she tried to initiate sex when we got into bed. I refused her again and she wanted to know what was wrong with me. She asked why I didn't want to have sex with her.

"For more than a week now I have been getting the distinct impression that you don't care for me as much as you used to," I said. "You seldom talk to me and when you do you can't seem to look at me but then as soon as we get in bed you want me to make love to you. Well, I haven't been feeling any love lately so I am not giving any. When you are ready to talk and tell me what is happening between us maybe then we can start having sex again."

I waited for a response from Tracy but she just rolled away from me and remained silent. I don't think Tracy slept very well that night because I didn't sleep much at all and I could feel how restless she was.

Friday morning Tracy stepped in front of me as I was heading out the door and she looked me in the eye and said, "I love you."

I stared into her eyes for a minute.

"I sure hope you do," I said and then I left.

I spent the first two hours of Friday morning sitting in my office still trying to decide how I would handle the possible outcomes of Tracy's date with Barry. My stomach was tied up in knots and my head was spinning. I was spending a lot of time thinking about the problem but I wasn't making any progress. I starting thinking about all of the cheating wife stories I had read on the Internet over the years. I remembered one theme that seemed to run through a lot of these stories. The husband would find out that his wife was either cheating or about to cheat on him and he would not do anything, opting instead to wait until he had proof of her infidelity that he could use against her to get revenge.

I didn't want to think about revenge. I just wanted my marriage back the way it was before Barry Fox entered the picture. Besides how was I going to get proof that Tracy was having sex with him?

I was kicking this around in my head when I was suddenly pulled out of my mind games by the ringing of my telephone. It was one of my coworkers with a question about a problem he was having with the network. He told me that we were going to have a problem with a segment of the network the following week because our marketing group was going to start running streaming videos across the network. He said that he thought the large volume of traffic would cause that network segment to crash and he wanted to know what he should do if that happened.

I told him that we needed to be proactive and prevent the problem from happening. I said, "Let's redistribute the traffic on the network so we don't have all of the streaming video on one network segment. That way we'll have enough band width to handle the increased traffic." The answer had been fairly simple and when I put the phone down a plan for handling my personal problem came to me.

I started looking at my problem from a different perspective Instead of trying to figure out what I would do if and when Tracy had an affair with that piss ant Barry, I started working on how I would keep that from happening.

My first thought was to have a talk with Barry's wife. I thought I could have her call Tracy and maybe that would make Tracy feel guilty about what she was doing. Another possibility was that I could just tell Karen what her husband was up to and hope that she would be able to put a stop to Barry's plans. Rather than using directory assistance to try and find Karen and Barry's home number I decided to call someone who knew them.

"Hi, Frank, Allen Harris. How are you?"

"Hey, Allen, I'm fine. Good to hear from you. What's up?"

I didn't want to get into the real reason I called right away so I talked about our invitation for Jill and Frank to come see a ball game with us.

"I was just looking at the sports page in the paper," I said. "I was reading about last night's Reds' game and I thought of you and Jill. I decided to give you a call and see if you were still thinking of coming up some weekend to take in a game."

"Yes, we would really like that. We probably won't be able to get up there till sometime in August or September."

"I'll send you the schedule of the home games so that you'll know which weekends the Reds are in town," I said.

'That's great. Would it be all right if we bring our son? I know he would love to see a game."

"Of course. The invitation was for the whole family," I said. "While I have you on the phone, could I get you to do me a small favor?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

"Do you know Barry and Karen Fox?" I asked.

"Yea, I know Barry. He works for the same company I do," Frank said.

"Do you happen to know their phone number? Tracy would like to call Karen. I guess they were pretty good friends in high school and Tracy was disappointed that she didn't get to see her while we were in Paducah," I said.

"I can get you Barry's phone number but he and Karen got divorced about five years ago. Karen remarried and moved to St. Louis," Frank said.

"Do you know why they got divorced?" I asked. I'd like to be able to tell Tracy."

"Barry was messing around. He had two or three girlfriends at a time."

"How long did it take Karen to find out what he was up to?"

"It took her about six years. Barry had his girlfriends in other cities. He had a girl in Bowling Green, another in Louisville and one more in Evansville. He would tell Karen he had to go to one of his girlfriends' cities on business and he would stay for a day or two with his girlfriend," Frank said.

"How did Karen find out?"

"She ran into his boss one day and found out that his job didn't require any travel."

"He's not a salesman?" I asked.

"The only thing Barry Fox sells is bull shit. He works in the warehouse. He is the assistant manager and he puts in a lot of overtime but because he is in management he doesn't get paid for his overtime. The company gives him comp time instead. So if he works over a weekend he can take Monday and Tuesday off and that is when he travels."

"Did Barry ever remarry?"

"No, but he still has a few girlfriends scattered within a few hours driving distance of Paducah," Frank said.

"Tracy will get a kick out of this information," I said.

Frank and I chatted for a few more minutes and then we ended the call.

After the call I knew enough about Barry to make Tracy lose interest in him. I spent another hour just thinking about how to present this information to Tracy. I was sure that once Tracy learned the truth about Barry; that he lied about his wife Karen and that he was lying about his business trip to Cincinnati, and when she learned about his other girlfriends, I thought she would lose interest in him very quickly.

I was all set to go home and drop all this information on Tracy when another thought occurred to me. I was pretty sure this information would be the end of her interest in him. I would have my wife back but not because she chose me over Barry but because she found out Barry was not the person she thought he was. Thinking calmly and rationally I realized that I had to force Tracy to make a choice between our marriage and the Barry she thought she knew, not the philandering asshole he really was. This reasoning may sound foolish but that was what I was thinking at the time.

When I got home that evening I tried to be friendly and attentive to Tracy, letting her know in subtle ways that I loved her but when we went to bed I rolled onto my side and went to sleep.

Saturday and Sunday were very difficult for me. While I was trying to act as if nothing was wrong, Tracy still could not look at me when she spoke to me. That hurt me deeply. Could she dislike me so much that she couldn't even look at me?