On Being Proactive

I pointed at Barry when I said that last part. He made an angry face but made no move to get out of his chair. Tracy's eyes had filled with tears but she wasn't crying yet. Her grip on my arm tightened.

"Please, Allen..." Was all she could manage to say.

"I guess I was foolish to believe that you would not throw away thirteen years of marriage for a little extramarital sex," I said. "I guess my biggest disappointment was that you didn't even care enough about our children to protect them from the potential consequences of your actions."

That did it. The dam burst and now Tracy was crying. I was beginning to feel her fingernails digging into my arm. I pulled my arm out of Tracy's grip and stood up.

"The next move is yours, Tracy. It is 7:30 now and I am going home. I will give you until 8:30 to get home. I think an hour should be long enough for you to say good bye to Barry and get home by 8:30 but it is not enough time for much of anything else. If you are not home by 8:30 I will consider our marriage to be over."

For a moment I thought about telling Tracy what I had found out about Barry but I knew she was going to have to make her decision based on her feelings for me not on her feelings for Barry after she found out what a shit he was. If in the end she chose him, then she would deserve what she got.

"I don't want to waste any more of your time," I said, "so I'll get out of here. Maybe I'll see you at home Tracy."

I turned to leave and along with the hurt and anger I was feeling I felt proud of myself. I didn't attack Barry, I didn't raise my voice and I didn't resort to calling Tracy names. I had said nothing terribly hurtful or that could not be forgiven. I had made my feelings clear and the rest was up to Tracy.

I had just reached the exit from the bar into the hotel lobby when I heard Tracy yell, "Allen, please don't leave now."

I didn't stop.

As I walked back to the garage at my office building to get my car I reviewed everything I had said to Tracy and was satisfied that I had said pretty much everything I had wanted to say. I only wished that I could have done something to Barry to make his life as miserable as he had made mine. I knew that if ever I found the opportunity I would repay him for what he had done. When you mess around with married women, you should be prepared for the consequences of getting caught.

I drove home slowly with my windows open trying to keep myself calm. I turned on the radio and tried to sing along with the songs to keep from thinking about Tracy and our marriage. I only put the odds of Tracy coming home by eight thirty at fifty-fifty and I thought that might even be too generous.

I arrived at the house at ten minutes after eight. Sarah was surprised to see me so early but when she saw the expression on my face she didn't bother to ask any questions. I thanked her as I paid her and then she went home.

I got a beer from the refrigerator and took it into living room and sat down to wait. I turned the television on but the lame comedy shows on at that hour just added to my misery so I turned it off.

I sat there trying not to think about anything but it didn't work. The closer it got to 8:30 the more agitated I got. The palms of my hands were sweating again and my stomach was rolling but that didn't stop me from drinking a second beer.

I was staring at the beer bottle I was holding between my knees when I heard the grandfather clock in out dinning room strike on the half hour. I got up slowly and walked to the kitchen and poured out the remaining beer from my bottle into the sink and left the empty bottle on the counter. I walk to the front of the house and looked out the window and saw no sign of Tracy.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself and then turned off all the lights and headed upstairs. I peeked in on Matthew and Lisa before I went to my room and changed for bed.

As I climbed into bed I thought about how much different my life was going to be from then on.

I turned off the light on my bedside table and pretended that I really thought that I was going to be able to sleep. I had only been in bed for five minutes when I heard the front door opening. I looked at the clock even though I already knew what time it was. She was fifteen minutes late. What did that mean? Was that because it was such a hard decision for her to come home instead of staying with him? Was it because she had to convince Barry that she would get together with him another time or was it that she, like me, took her time driving home.

I debated on whether to go downstairs to talk to her or to stay in bed and pretend to be asleep. It was only 8:45 and I knew she wouldn't believe that I would be in bed this early. I waited a few more minutes and when it was evident that she wasn't coming upstairs anytime soon I got up and went to find her. I had to get some kind of resolution to the situation that night.

Tracy was in the living room sitting in the dark. I turned on a light as I passed through on my way to the kitchen. I got two beers from the refrigerator and went back to the living room. I handed one of the beers to Tracy. When she looked up at me, her eyes were red and her nose was running.

I didn't say a word. I just went into the bathroom and got a box of tissues and brought them back and put them on the coffee table in front of Tracy.

"Thanks," Tracy said in a near whisper.

"I guess it is your turn to talk and my turn to listen," I said in as non-threatening a way as I could.

Tracy looked at me with her sad eyes.

"Allen, I need you to do something for me before I try to explain this all to you," she said.

"Why should I have to grant you any favors?"

"It's not a favor," she said. "I just need you to do this so that you will believe what I have to tell you."

I didn't like the sound of what she had just said.

"What is it you want me to do?" I asked.

"I tried to call you in your office at five o'clock today but you didn't answer and when I tried to reach you on your cell phone you didn't answer that either," she said.

"Are you going to try and say that what happened tonight happened because I didn't answer my phone?" I was incredulous.

"In a way, yes," she said, "but in order for you to understand that you have to listen to the voice mail I left you when I called at five o'clock. Please go listen to that message and then I will tell you whatever you want to know."

I looked into Tracy's eyes to get some hint of where this was going. All I could see was that her eyes were pleading with me to do as she asked.

As I got up to go to the phone I remembered that I had received a call at five o'clock that I didn't answer and shortly after that my cell phone rang but I turned it off without even looking to see who had called. So she was probably telling the truth about the phone calls but how could my not answering her call excuse her from what she was planning to do with Barry.

I turned to look at Tracy before I left the room. She was staring at her hands and seemed to be oblivious to everything around her. Her legs were spread enough that I could see the tops of her thigh high stockings under her sexy little black dress. There was no way her phone message could explain the way she had dressed for her date with Barry.

I picked up the kitchen phone and dialed my voice mail and then entered my password. There were three messages for me. Two were work related and came in after Tracy's call, which came in at five o'clock.

This is the message Tracy left for me. "Allen, I thought you would still be in your office, you said you were going to work late. Call me when you get this message. I will try to get you on your cell phone after I leave this message. I have been thinking a lot about what you have been saying lately and it occurred to me that I have been behaving strangely toward you lately. I didn't realize how foolish I was acting until yesterday when you challenged me about going out with my friends tonight. I thought about what you said and decided that you were right. Our marriage is more important than a night out with my friends. I am sorry that I didn't think of this sooner. I told you that my friends and I had planned this night out last week and I couldn't change it. I decided that maybe you and I could compromise. I was thinking that I could go out for drinks with the girls and then meet you at eight o'clock at Anthony's for dinner. That way we can have our romantic dinner and still get home by ten o'clock for Sarah. Then I can show you how much I love you. I will keep trying to call you but if I don't hear from you before eight o'clock I'll just go home. I am going home now to change into something sexy so that you won't be able to resist me."

The only two words that came to mind were "holy shit." She dressed like that for me, not him. We still had some issues to deal with here but the bottom line seemed to be that she chose me over Barry on her own. Things were starting to look up.

I went back into the living room and sat down on the sofa next to Tracy and took her hands into mine and just looked into her eyes.

"I am so sorry, Allen," she said. "I don't know what I was thinking when I agreed to meet Barry for dinner. I knew you would never approve of me seeing him and that should have been enough for me to tell him no. You have to believe me when I tell you I never had any intention of sleeping with him. I thought we would have dinner and talk about old friends and maybe do some dancing and then I was going to come home. I thought I had everything under control. I really hated lying to you and that's why I couldn't seem to look at you when we talked. I was sure you would see right through me."

"Did you really think that Barry was only interested in talking to you?"

"No, and that is probably why I wanted to see him. I didn't want to have sex with him but I guess I kind of liked the idea that he wanted me."

I had several other questions that I wanted to ask Tracy but what I really wanted to do at that moment was make love to her and tell her everything was going to be all right.

I put my hands on both sides of her face and pulled her to me and kissed her. Tracy responded by opening her mouth and accepting my tongue inside. I stood up and took her by the hand and said, "Let's go to bed and salvage what we can of our romantic evening."

As I followed Tracy up the stairs I slipped my hand up under her dress and cupped one of her cheeks. This made her jump a little. She tried to swat my hand away as she tried to run up the stairs laughing. I chased her into the bedroom where she turned around and grabbed me and began kissing me all over my face.

I dropped down on my knees in front of Tracy and slowly pushed the front of her dress up and began kissing the inside of her thighs. I have always loved doing this to her. When I reached the top of her stockings and felt the warm soft flesh of her bare thigh against my cheek I could smell her musky scent. I started moving slower kissing first one thigh and then the other as I moved up toward my ultimate reward. The soft mound at the junction of her legs that held her sexual treasure was my goal but I was in no hurry to get there which was beginning to make Tracy restless. She was beginning to push her hips down trying to cause contact between my face and her hot mound. When I did finally press my mouth against the crotch of her black lace panties, I felt the moist heat on my lips. I reached up and pulled the narrow strip of material aside and began to trace the outline of her nether lips with the tip of my tongue. I began to increase the pressure of my tongue against her slit and Tracy put her hands on my shoulders for support as her pelvis began to move ever so slightly. My tongue began to open the crease in the middle of her vulva causing some of Tracy's sexual juices to coat my tongue, lips and chin.

I pushed my tongue up inside her and clamped my lips on her clitoris and started driving Tracy toward an orgasm. When it started Tracy had to lean back against the bed while still holding onto my shoulders so that she wouldn't fall down.

When her orgasm passed, we climbed onto the bed and Tracy started playing with my stiff member. She moved down the bed and took it into her mouth and for the next several minutes she sucked and licked my cock in a slow loving manner. Then she pulled away letting my cock slip from her mouth.

"Earlier tonight you mentioned my not talking to you but wanting sex when we came to bed. I just want you to know I was not having any fantasies. I was trying to show you that I loved you. I was having a problem being able to look at you when we talked because I was afraid you would see that I was hiding something from you. I just thought that in the dark I could show you how I felt without having to look into your eyes. I just want to make sure that you know that I love you and I was not lying when I said I never intended to have sex with Barry. That was never going to happen," Tracy said.

Tracy took me back into her mouth and teased the bulbous head of my engorged cock with her tongue and had me on the brink of climaxing at least three times and each time she backed off and let me recover. Next I lay on my back and Tracy stood up on the bed and removed her panties while I watched. Then she stood with one foot on each side of my hips and lifted her dress up to expose the tops of her legs and her hot little pussy. Tracy slowly lowered herself down and used her hand to guide my shaft into her warm wet tunnel. She pumped herself up and down on my cock until she had an orgasm. Then she collapsed onto my chest and lay still for a minute.

When her breathing returned to normal I rolled us over so that I was on top and began stroking myself into her fast and hard and soon felt my orgasm building. When I felt the first pulse of my ejaculation I could not help but let out a deep groan of pleasure.

When Tracy had milked the last drop of semen from my limp member, I rolled onto my back and lay quietly next to Tracy.

After a few minutes Tracy said, "You know what I love?"

Then she took my hand and pressed it against her pussy and forced two of my fingers inside her cum filled channel. "I love the way my pussy feels after you fill me up with your cum."

My fingers played in her messy slit and I could hear the squishy noises it was making. That was the first time I had ever done that and I was beginning to enjoy the feel of her post sex pussy. I knew that I was enjoying it because I soon had another erection. Afterward, as we lay in bed snuggling Tracy asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"No. I think it's better if we just put this behind us," I said.

A few minutes later I drifted off into the best sleep I had in three weeks.

In the morning Tracy and I had breakfast together and she stopped me at the door and kissed me.

"I love you, "She said.

"I love you too."

I was feeling good about myself as I backed my car out of the driveway and started off to work but my good mood suddenly began to turn sour and I didn't understand why. Something was eating at me but I wasn't consciously aware of what it was. By the time I got to my office some of the pieces to the puzzle started to fit together and my mood soured even more.

Tracy had chosen to be with me the night before but in retrospect I still couldn't be sure if it was because she loved me. Had she just realized that I might know what was going on and decided to make arrangements to meet me for dinner at eight o'clock to make me think that she had decided not to have an affair with Barry and then she went to meet Barry to make arrangements to see him on his next visit? I tried to tell myself that wasn't the case but I remembered all of the subtle hints I had been giving Tracy that I knew what was going on. After all, I still didn't know why she agreed to meet him in the first place. Then there were the things he said during their phone conversation about how they danced and about the kiss they shared.

I was no longer sure that I had saved my marriage. I may have only postponed the end.

I was sitting at my desk trying to get some work done when the little box popped up in the lower right corner saying that there was a message from Foxman@xxxxx.com. It was 10:30 AM so I waited till after lunch and then I opened Tracy's e-mail. I no longer had the patience to wait till after five o'clock to find out what was in the note and see if Tracy answered him.

Barry's note read, "T, Sorry about the mess the other night. How did he know you were going to meet me in the hotel bar? Anyway, I will be back in Cincinnati in a month. Can we try and get together then?"

I had to wait ten minutes before I could bring myself to look at Tracy's send file to see if she responded and if so what she said. When I finally had my heart rate back below 100 I opened Tracy's send file and there was her reply. I hesitated for a moment before I opened it hoping that by waiting just a little longer there might be good news for me in her in her reply to Barry.

I can't say that my hesitation is what did the trick but the news was good. Tracy's reply read, "Barry, Agreeing to meet you was a big mistake and I don't plan to make that mistake again. I think I was able to save my marriage and I don't want to put it at risk again. Do not try to contact me again. Tracy."

I closed Tracy's mail and sat back in my chair feeling relief again. The concerns I had earlier in the day were still unanswered but I had told Tracy that I didn't want to talk about it so I decided I would not bring the subject up again. I would just have to live with the fact that I would never have answers to those questions.

Our life had gotten somewhat back to normal. Tracy was the loving wife that she had always been and out sex life was good too but I was still nagged by doubts caused by the unanswered questions. Several times I came close to bringing up the subject of Barry and why she ever agreed to meet with him in the first place but everything else was going so well that I was afraid I would ruin everything.

In spite of the fact that I had seen nothing to indicate any kind of a problem in our marriage I continued to check Tracy's e-mail and listen to her phone calls if I didn't know who she was talking to. On a couple of occasions when Tracy had called and said she had to work late I drove by her office to make sure her car was in the parking lot and then later I called her office to make sure she was there.

By the middle of September I was beginning to realize that I was acting foolishly. I had spent many hours reviewing in my head everything that had happened and one thing had become clear to me. Tracy had never stopped loving me. I still had no idea why she agreed to meet Barry that night but I knew it was time to put that behind us and move on. I decided to stop spying on Tracy and trust her. Having made that decision I felt as though a large weight had been lifted of my chest but that feeling was short lived.

It started one Saturday afternoon when I came in the house after mowing the lawn and heard Tracy talking on the phone. I didn't hear much but I did hear her say, "He just came in, I have to go," and then she hung up the phone.

"Who was on the phone?" I asked.

"My mother."

"What did she want?"

"She just wanted to talk," Tracy said.

There was something in Tracy's voice that told me she wasn't telling the truth but I had no good reason to challenge her.

On Monday when I checked her e-mail there were no new notes and she had erased all of her old notes. I checked her e-mail several times that week. There was never any new mail. I was beginning to suspect that Tracy must have opened a new e-mail account but I had no way to find that out.