Thanksgivings

"Yes, sweetie." She paused and then said, "My baby boy has grown into such a handsome young man."

"You've known all this time?"

"How could your mother NOT know this?" she asked, as she hugged him tightly.

"Mom, I know you saw this in the restaurant last night, but didn't say anything," I said holding out my hand for her to inspect. "Mike gave this to me on our trip to Stowe Mountain on the eighth day of Hanukkah."

"Oh, my God!" she said, as she was moved to tears. "It's - it's so lovely," she said, as she softly turned my hand to see the seven stones. "It's like a little Menorah on your finger."

"I don't want you to worry about us. We will take care of one another," I told her. "I wanted to be open with you so you might understand the depths of our feelings."

After our meeting, Mike seemed calmed and less rushed. We were only packing him up to go to school like I had about a year ago. We'd be back, the openness with Mom and solidified that fact in his mind. We were going to start our life together, really together now. Him at MIT and me at Harvard, but we were determined to do what ever it took to be together and make it work.

The scene of our departure seemed to mirror the one when I'd left, but this time we'd all cried openly. When all of the repeated hugging was done, Mom waved us good-bye by the planter. She promised she'd be making trips up to see us and of course she always kept her word.

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Thanksgiving week arrived again and the anniversary of Dad's death. This year the date seemed to pass by a little easier. I know five years seems like a long time to mourn the passing of a loved one, but when they pass so close to a holiday, somehow it is worse. This time, Mike drove us back to Mokem Miklet from our shared condo.

The memory of my drive a year ago hung in my mind like a veil between a former life and this one. Beyond that time we had been two codependent, yet desperately separate souls searching for something. I was in denial of what I had wanted and he was seeking the only love he ever wanted. Now, we were blissfully in love with the only person that would ever understand each other this deeply. Sure we were still codependent, but knowledge and ownership of that gave us a certain strength.

Mom had made several trips to see us, and we'd gotten a fold out couch so she could stay with us on those occasions. We'd said we could come to see her, but she'd wanted to come to us, since 'Mike and I were very busy with school'. There was of course no talking her out of it, that stubborn independent streak was too deeply in her soul.

The gathering this year wasn't as big as last year. Our siblings in California weren't able to come, but we had most of the ones nearby coming to the estate. Mike and I would be sharing his room again despite the fact that the house would have several vacant ones. Dalia and Frank would be in the second master.

In the family room we found a large picture of the whole family at last year's gathering with us all standing on the front steps. I was instantly taken by how I looked and how Mike seemed to be holding me in the shot. I nearly started crying on the spot as the memories of our first time came rushing back in on me. What was clear in the picture that I hadn't known was that we were a couple. I had a glow of my first time making love. We hadn't been virgins, but it was truly my first time making love and the picture was proof positive. Mom had seen the obvious, and I wondered who else had, since our relationship was now a semi-open secret in the family as it had been for Dalia and Frank before us. We simply hadn't been in on it and I'm not certain that Dalia and Frank really knew the others knew.

I guess there is precedent for these things, like Abraham and Sarah. It seems kind of odd that the rules and fences (Chumra) continually grow ever outward encompassing ever more behavior as off-limits. What was once allowed has become disallowed. We will never be able to marry, but fornication might be allowed so long as neither of us is married? Yeah, it is weird, but since Vayikra 20:17 says 'chesed hu', there is disagreement about whether this means a shameful act or an act of loving-kindness. The former comes from the Aramaic translation of chesed while the latter fits with nearly all uses of chesed in Hebrew, which convey a very positive meaning. I think what we are doing for one another is the purest act of kindness there is.

As for what my psychology classes are saying, I'm of the opinion that it happens far more between siblings and cousins than we currently know. There isn't much data for some reason.

Thanksgiving this year was much less turbulent, but I'd have traded the quiet to have them all back. I missed my family. The smaller group only required two tables and there was no kids table. Only Zach and Mica were here, since Ben and Anna went to see her family this year.

Back in Mike's room we found ourselves reminiscing about that first time in his bed. One thing led to another and well... we made love there without concern over who might hear.

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Epilogue - November 2002:

Well, that was all twenty-five years ago now. It's almost Thanksgiving again. Mom passed a year ago on Dad's birthday December 11^th; she was nearly 89 and we never did put her in a home, she was active until the very end. She left the property to Mike and me. She left our siblings an additional monetary equivalent, but didn't want Mokem Miklet being sold. We'd been living here with her in the second master bedroom since I finished graduate school. We recently invited Frank and Dalia to take Mom's master suite and they've accepted. They never did have any children and Frank is considering becoming more of a silent partner at the law firm. We are all happy and in my professional opinion, relatively well adjusted.

Mike finished at MIT with a masters in electrical engineering in only five years. While I was still working on my graduate degrees, he started his own company and has been very successful. They hold several patents and design custom equipment for government. That's all he can tell me, the rest is classified.

I took a little longer to finish my doctorate and I didn't attend the graduation ceremony, since I was giving birth. We hadn't planned it that way but sometimes things don't go as planned. I'd been taking my pills regularly, but must have missed some important ones during a particularly spectacular summer vacation we took with Mom to Eilat. When we found out I was late, I was well into the fall semester and we decided early May would be a good time for us to start our family. I defended my dissertation in the middle of April in front of six wide eyed professors, who probably wondered if I would give birth under the stress.

We stayed in that small condo apartment until Emma was born and only sold it, shortly after I gave birth, to move back in with Mom. We had her old office converted into a nursery, which is right across from the guest master suite, and is almost identical to Mom's. A few months after that, Mike helped me convert the cottage into offices where I could see patients in my private practice. I mostly council couples these days, but have a few special patients who have issues similar to Mike. I see them on a semi-regular basis and would never abandon them even as we're thinking of scaling everything back to have more time with the kids. Money isn't really a concern, it never really was. Mike and I just like what we do; it's what we were drawn to do. Now we are drawn to enjoy our children and give thanks for the time we have. Time is so precious.

We have four extremely intelligent children, each with their own special gifts. We had quite a scare with the first one that required a C-section. Luckily Robert, my sister Sarah's husband, was there and saved our little Emma. They had moved back to Boston right before I graduated. Since then, Robert, has delivered all of our children via C-section. I simply haven't been willing to chance it after that first try at natural delivery. I'm due again in December, so our total is going to change to six. Yes, we're having twins and the amniocentesis says it's a boy and a girl. Mike was beside himself when we found out.

Our 'little' Emma is about to go off to college, she's so much like her Dad - he doesn't know yet, but she bettered his SAT score and is applying to MIT. Joel is a junior in high school and seems to have an interest in psychology; he's so insightful. Judit started high school and has joined the tennis squad. Marcus is finishing his last year in middle school. He and his brother tinker with electronic gadgets in the garage with Mike, where he makes prototypes of things he's dreaming up. Marcus doesn't quite know what he wants to do yet, but there's plenty of time for all that. We plan to name the twins Liah and Ian. It pains me that they will not get to know either of their grandparents, but God only knows what's in store for them.

Speaking of twins, Frank and Dalia have taken to training Judit on the tennis court. He's getting a lot of use from his sporty wheelchair that Mike designed for him. The four of us, Mike, Frank, Dalia and I often play doubles again, now. It isn't quite like it used to be, but life is about change and adaptation.

Rachel and Jon moved back to the area a couple years after Sarah and Robert. Mom's suggestion to Rachel that Thanksgiving weekend had planted the seed that prodded their return. Once back, Jon started his own private practice with access to the hospital. Sarah had female issues shortly after, that required removal of both ovaries, so they never got to have another child after Mellony.

Mike and I had kind of wondered over the years if Zach and Mellony would end up getting involved, since they hung out every time she'd visited. Once their families were living closer together, they practically became joined at the hip. So, it was little surprise that they announced they were engaged shortly after Zach turned eighteen. They were going to marry, since cousins can legally do so in Virginia, where they were going to school. She'd just finished at William and Mary, and he was just starting. He still cherished her as he had as a small boy, it's funny how things turn out sometimes. Their relationship was a romantic fairy-tale with children as the result, but that's a story for another time.

Ben and Anna have taken early retirement and moved to Florida to be closer to where Lev and Aya were in college and have now started their own families nearby. We are planning to sail down to see them next Thanksgiving. They have a huge place on the water and invited us after Mom's passing. They'd originally asked us to come this Thanksgiving, but since Robert said no long trips with twins due in December, we had to postpone.

Family Thanksgivings at Mokem Miklet have continued off and on over the years. That one when Mike and I committed to one another remains as one of the largest and most memorable for obvious reasons. They all carry bittersweet memories that make me want to cry and laugh at the same time.

I've got to go now Mike wants me in our bedroom before any guests arrive. It has never grown old or boring, our love for one another has grown even stronger and our sex lives have remained strong even through pregnancy. Who says codependency is a bad thing? Certainly not I.

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Shalom

Peace

Love & Light

Well Wishes

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Hanukkah

Merry Christmas

Happy New Year

Happy Holidays

Thanks for reading,

-MM & M-M

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