The Light At The End

Smooth, wasn't it?

Both of my parents stared at me with their mouths opened, probably in shock.

My mother recovered first, her reaction was an irate scream.

"How could you do this to me!"

It wasn't posed as a question, but I was prepared to answer it.

"Of course, you think everything is about you, Mother! Have you ever thought about someone else except yourself?"

My mother looked at me as if I had gone crazy. She opened her mouth to say something, but then changed her mind and looked at my father.

"I can't believe it! I just can't believe it! Harold, say something! Are you going to let your daughter talk to me like that?"

She looked at Dad as if she actually expected him to fix it. "You say sorry to your mother immediately, Laura."

"I didn't do or say anything wrong. She is the one who should apologize to me," I looked at my father, defying him to say otherwise.

"How could you be so careless, Laura? You're 27 years old! Stop acting like a rebellious teenager," my father finally sighed. "What a mess!"

"Percy asked me to marry him," I told them.

My father nodded, Mom looked, if possible, even more distressed.

"You can't mean to marry this... guy," she said 'guy' with disgust. Somehow she made it sound like 'shit'. "It's bad enough that he got you into this situation. It would be stupid to compound the mistake by tying yourself to this... this low-class bad seed. This guy is not good for you, you need to get rid of him!"

She looked at my father again, and told him, "Harold, call our lawyer. Offer him more money, and a confidentiality agreement, of course."

I looked at my parents, "I haven't known my boyfriend for long, but I do know for certain that when Percy does something, he does it wholeheartedly. The other thing I know is that I am pregnant and Percy is the father. If any of you think I'm going to stand here and let you pay him off so that your grandchild grows up without his or her father, you've got another thing coming."

Mom did not attempt to hide her contempt. "I didn't raise you to make these kinds of mistakes! What are the Hamiltons going to think about us?"

"You didn't raise me at all, mother. Nana Francine did. And fuck the Hamiltons and their arrogant asses too!"

Mother's eyes widened, and her face grew red. For a moment, I thought she was going to have a heart attack. Then she started pacing back and forth, cursing me and my boyfriend.

"Percy is not low-class and he's not a bad seed," I declared. "He is a kind, generous, caring person. Any woman would be proud to call him her husband and give birth to his baby. And I-I love him."

The words came out of my mouth before I realized I was saying them. I stood there, in surprise, taking all the venomous anger my mother could dish out. And I knew from long experience that when provoked, Nadine Lane could really dish it out.

"Of course you think you love him," Mom said with disgust. "You're thinking with your vagina, Laura. "Girls always fall in love with the wrong guys. It's part and parcel of rebellion. But I will not allow you to ruin your life by getting married to him and having his baby."

"I don't know how you will stop us," I said. "I won't get an abortion and I won't give my baby away."

"Listen to me. We'll send you to the best home for unwed mothers money can buy. Preferably in Europe. We'll tell people you got a job overseas. You'll give the baby up to a nice childless couple, and come home to get on with your life as if nothing happened."

I crossed my arms and shot daggers at her.

"No, I won't. Your days of ruling my life are over. Percy and I are going to get married," I told my parents. "We are going to be a family and we're going to make it work. I don't care if you like it or not."

My mother was hysterical now.

"Getting married? Are you crazy? Harold! What are the people at church going to think? What will they think of how we raised her?"

My mother's reaction didn't surprise me. Our family was the wealthiest in their church and the neighborhood. It was draining being in the spotlight at all times. Knowing that all of high society was watching your every move, just waiting for you to falter.

"How thoughtless of me not to think about you and your church group when I got pregnant by accident, mother! I should have told Percy's swimmers, 'don't you dare to get me pregnant because people at my mother's church are not going to like it!'"

"Laura Lane, I will never forgive you for this!"

I opened my mouth to say something back, but I let out a cry instead. A soaring pain erupted suddenly in my belly. It was so sharp, for a moment it took my breath away. Just as swiftly, that terrible, spiking pain went and I was able to sit up gingerly. Black spots sprang up in my vision and nausea hit me, the back of my throat flooding with sour saliva.

What was wrong with me?

My mother kept cussing and sputtering, but I wasn't listening to her anymore. My dad realized something was wrong, very wrong.

"Nadine, could you please shut up!" he said in a firm tone. "Laura, are you okay?".

I held my father's hand, trying to breathe slowly and deeply. "No, daddy. Something's wrong. Take me to the hospital."

"Nadine, call 911. Quick!"

Again, that terrible pain gripped me but this time it was worse. It made me double over, taking my breath away, preventing me from crying out, so only an animalistic whimper made its way out of me.

Those spots in my vision seemed to grow suddenly and I wondered for a nanosecond if I would blackout, but the pain rushed in again with a vengeance, and this time I uttered a single, low guttural howl.

"Laura?" My Dad was holding me in his arms. "Stay with me! Help is on its way."

I didn't have enough wherewithal to answer. I knew what was happening and moments later I confirmed it. Blood. It was pouring out of me, pooling on the Persian carpet of the living room floor. It was not like menstrual blood, typically dark crimson. This was bright red, like if you cut your own hand or arm with a knife when slicing bread. Lifeblood.

"Oh God, Laura. Laura!" My father was shouting, pleading, but his voice seemed so far away. There were more shouts and I heard people who came running.

All I could concentrate on was the blackness that threatened to invade me.

"You'll be okay, baby. You'll be okay." And I wondered why he would say that because it was obvious I was losing the baby.

Then I passed out.

CHAPTER 8: PERCY

I didn't hear from Laura the next day. I went to her apartment but no one answered the doorbell. I decided to give her some space. I texted her to contact me whenever she was ready to talk about our future. No answer.

The next day I texted her. Again I got no answer. Then called and it went straight to voicemail, I left a message. Still no reply.

I called Amanda and asked her if she had any news from Laura. She told me she hadn't heard from her in a while. Her texts and calls got the same result as mine.

I kept sending increasingly frantic texts but after getting no replies I went to her parents' home.

Laura's parents weren't there. The guy who opened the door didn't know or didn't want to tell me anything about Laura or what was going on. At that point, I started to panic, thinking her parents had kidnapped her and taken her to Europe.

The next day I got a text from Laura. "Don't try to contact me. I hate you! I don't want to see you anymore. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want to ever, ever talk to you again! I'll get a restriction order if necessary. Whatever you need, contact the family lawyer."

The text ended with the name and address of a legal firm.

It felt like being part of a Twilight Zone episode.

I went to her parents' home again, but the doorman refused to let me in and told me that if I kept bothering them or Laura they were going to call the police.

I decided to see a lawyer and explained to him the situation.

"It doesn't make sense. She's not like this. We were good. We were talking about it."

"Hormones can scramble a pregnant girl's brain pretty badly. Give her some time, maybe she'll come around," the lawyer explained to me.

"I want to be there for her and my baby."

"That's great, Mr. Wittmore, and speaks volumes of you as a person, but if she doesn't want you around there is very little you can do.

"You won't like this, but it's true and sometimes the truth hurts. If your girlfriend doesn't want to see you and her family has money, she's probably in another country now."

I panicked. "Is there anything I can do?"

"If she decided to get an abortion, you can't do anything."

"Laura didn't want an abortion."

"Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe her family made her change her mind."

I knew Laura would never kill our baby. Or would she? I thought she would never walk away from me as she did, however, she did. Did I know her at all? Was she some kind of mental case?

"What happens if she decided to keep the baby?"

"Well, if she wants to give the baby up for adoption, she needs your consent. Of course, she could say she's unsure of who the biological father is, where he is, or how to reach him. In that case, the father will be listed as 'unknown' on the birth certificate. If she delivers the baby in Europe, for example, you'll never know. There are many ways to trick the law when you have money."

"Basically, you are telling me that I'm fucked."

"I'm afraid so. Traditionally, mothers retain most of the decision-making rights regarding an unborn child. I can contact her lawyer and offer him money to contribute to the cost of prenatal health care, but I'm pretty sure he'll refuse. The law generally views the right to make health care decisions as an individual right, so there is not much we can do.

"When or if the baby is born, and it's a big 'if' considering she might have changed her mind about getting an abortion, we can petition the court so you can have parental rights and you'll be granted visitation, once we get a paternity test."

I shook my head, "It doesn't sound like her. This whole situation doesn't make sense. She wasn't like this. She doesn't even like her parents."

"Blood is thicker than water, Mr. Wittmore. If you were in her situation, would you choose a guy you just dated for a few months or your own family? My legal advice is that you should move on. Fighting your girlfriend and her family will cost you a lot of money and, in the end, none of these things will make your girlfriend change her feelings towards you."

CHAPTER 9: LAURA

Ectopic pregnancy, the doctor said. He explained it happens when a fertilized egg tries to develop outside the womb, in the fallopian tube.

They'd had to take my tube. They told me later I'd been very lucky, but I didn't feel lucky. In the hospital, I regarded the small scar next to my bellybutton. I wondered what it would do to my chances of having a baby when I wanted one and then marveled at the turnaround of my mind in less than twenty-four hours.

The doctor explained the most women who have had an ectopic pregnancy will be able to get pregnant again, even if they've had a fallopian tube removed.

There was a part of me that felt relieved the situation had been taken out of my hands. But curiously, at the same time, I felt horribly cheated. It had been my choice to make, yet before I could decide, it had been snatched from my hands.

They kept me in the hospital for a few days, for observations. I didn't want any visitors. Luckily my mother wanted the same thing, but for different reasons. The first words I heard from her when I woke up were, "Thank God, this nightmare is over."

I'm sure you've realized by now, that my mother wasn't exactly a caring and nurturing kind of person.

"Mother, where is my phone? I need to contact Percy. He must be crazy looking for me," my voice was hoarse, it rasped in my throat. "I need to tell him what happened."

"He didn't want to visit you. He didn't care for you," my mother said. She didn't meet my eyes.

"Please, mother. The last thing I need is you lying to me. I know Percy and he's not like that. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything but look out for your well-being." She raised her chin in defiance.

"I seriously doubt it. Your idea of my wellbeing doesn't match mine. Give me my phone, Mother. I don't have the strength to fight you off anymore. As soon as I recover, I'll be out of your life for good. Now, for the last time, give me my fucking phone." I emphasized every word of the last sentence.

My mother took my phone out of her purse and threw it at my side.

"Suit yourself. Ruin your life if you want."

I turned it on and went through my messages. There were a lot of text messages from Percy. Also voice mails. Only one text message had been sent from my phone to Percy. After I read it, I almost fainted.

"What have you done, mother? Are you really so insensitive? So self-centered' So selfish?" I exclaimed in tears.

She tried to play dumb, "What are you talking about?"

"Can you explain this message, mother? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't send it."

"Oh, that message. I did what I thought was best."

"Best for me or best for you? Do you think about anyone else apart from yourself?"

"How dare you talk to me like that?" That's all she had to say, whatever.

Enough was enough.

"Stop it! Don't say another word! This is typical of you. I don't need your drama draining whatever strength I have left. Please, mother, leave the room, leave the hospital, leave my life, I beg you. I have no strength to deal with you anymore. Don't bother to come back."

My mother left the room without a backward glance. I was tired and I felt like I was going to crumble into despair at any minute.

I called Percy immediately.

He answered at the second ring.

"What do you want from me, Laura?" he asked with a voice full of anger. "You must need something from me because you didn't bother to answer any of my messages, and your family threatened me with a restraining order if I kept bothering you."

I swallowed hard, I barely had the strength to deal with this, but I needed to do it before crumbling down. He was furious and rightly so.

"Percy, listen to me, please! I didn't write that text. My mother did. I'm at the hospital. I had a miscarriage some days ago. I had surgery and I was sedated. Could you please come in? I need you right now," I pleaded. Then I started to cry.

There was silence at the other end of the line and I thought that maybe he had hung up.

"Which hospital?" he finally said.

I texted him the information. I cried the whole time till he entered my room.

Percy sat at my side and held my hand while I explained to him what had happened in detail. I had to stop several times because I felt the urge to cry my heart out. The doctor explained to Percy about the miscarriage and answered his questions. He did his best to stay strong for me, but I could see he was crushed by the news too.

"I could have died, you know," I said.

Percy averted his gaze from mine as if he couldn't handle what I was saying. "I was worried about you. I did everything trying to find you," he muttered.

"Yeah, my mother messed up bad this time," I shook my head.

"How do you feel, Laura?" he asked me.

"How do you think I feel? I'm sad and angry and depressed, my whole life is turned upside down and I have no idea what I'm going to do with it," I said very quietly.

"Sorry, stupid question," he murmured. "I'm here for you, Laura. Whatever you need I'm your first and your last call."

"Thank you, Percy. I truly appreciate it," I said squeezing his hand.

"What do we do now, Laura?" he asked me.

Right to the meat of the problem.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know." I could hear my voice falter and break. I took a deep breath. "I need time to think about what happened, about what I want to do from now on. In the last few days I feel like I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I feel so tired of it all. A psychiatrist visited me and we talked for a while. She gave me some pills to deal with anxiety and depression. She also said I need to 'elaborate' what happened. Which is a fancy word to say I need to have my head screwed on straight."

"I don't think being around your family is going to do you any good, Laura."

I looked at him feeling extremely sad.

"I'm well aware of that, trust me. I'm done with my family, especially with my mother. One day I'll be able to settle things straight with her for what she did, but right now I don't have enough strength left. I'm tired, Percy. I'm really tired... of everything."

"Move in with me. I'll take care of you. You don't have to be alone," he offered, squeezing my hand.

Gosh, this guy was really sweet.

"Percy, that won't help either. I need time for myself. I need to be alone to collect myself. I need to cry my heart out," I gulped hard. An idea started taking shape in my head "I need a change of scenery. A change of place. This city is too crowded with memories. Besides my parents live here and I don't want anything to do with them."

I could see the disappointment in his face, so I quickly added.

"I promise I'll call you when I feel better."

I thought he was going to insist, but instead, he squeezed my hand, gave me a soft smile, and said, "Don't worry, Laura, I get it. Whatever you need. Just remember I'm here for you. If you need anything or want to talk..." his voice trailed off. I could see he was in pain too.

I gave him a careful hug, "I know. Thank you for being here."

"It'll all work out."

"How can you be so sure?" I ask him.

"I'm not. Wishful thinking."

"Life isn't a sure thing. Nothing is."

Visiting hours ended and Percy left. I felt overwhelmingly sad. I was completely drained, physically, and emotionally, due to the loss of blood and fluctuating hormones. I had only been pregnant for a short while, but I had been already brainstorming names. I had googled 'five weeks pregnant' and discovered my baby was the size of a poppy seed. At that time, I had placed my hand on my stomach and greeted, "Hello, Poppy."

I placed my hand on my tummy and whispered, "Goodbye, Poppy."

And I started to cry.

CHAPTER 10: PERCY

The first days I was in shock. I felt numb. I had a great girlfriend. I treated her with love and affection, was always there for her, cared for her. Then she told me she was pregnant, and I started to imagine a future together as a family.

And then all of the sudden I was alone again. I had no girlfriend and I had lost a baby.

It was nerve-wracking.

However, my pain didn't enter anyone's mind. Even when I told Joe and Amanda what had happened the first words that came of their mouths were "Poor Laura." My brother, Tom and Grandma said something along those lines too.

Amanda tried to reach Laura but her calls went straight to voicemail.

So I gave Laura distance and time. Grandma said that if our love was real it will find a way. So I continued with my life, without her.

Days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into months. I didn't hear anything from Laura. Not even a text saying 'I miss you'. I almost texted her a dozen times, but I keep waiting for her to take the first step. Every day I thought about calling her but decided it was better to give her space.

Three months later, I started feeling she had moved on with her life and wrote me off along with the whole experience. I hadn't been with anyone since she left. Should I move on too? Should I keep waiting for her?

The truth was I felt lonely, very lonely. It was really weird. I'd been single for a long time and I had never felt alone. Now, I felt this sad emptiness without her.

Then, one day, while I was going through my morning routine, my phone rang.