The Light At The End

"Great choice," Red Harding, co-owner of the town's restaurant along with Tony, approved. "The catering for your wedding reception is on us, of course."

Molly was my maid-of-honor, and Amanda and the women from the support group were my bridesmaids.

As I got ready, for the small ceremony at the local church, I bounced up and down excitedly and felt like I was going to cry at any moment. I was almost positive that I wasn't going to make it through the ceremony without at least tearing up.

The music started and everyone got in line. Sabrina, Paul's adopted daughter, was our flower girl. Tony was waiting outside the room, wanting to give us our privacy. He looked incredibly handsome in his tux.

As we made our way towards my very soon to be husband, I felt my heart fill completely with joy. My bouquet was made of white poppies, of course, and it was shaking in my hands. Women at church used to say everything happens for a reason. Maybe, Poppy came into our lives to bring Percy and I together in a way we would have never imagined.

The ceremony was a blur for me. My mind cleared when Percy recited his vows.

"From this moment, I take you as my best friend for life. I pledge to honor, encourage, and support you through our walk together. When our way becomes difficult, I promise to stand by you and uplift you, so that through our union we can accomplish more than we could alone. I promise to work at our love and always make you a priority in my life. With every beat of my heart, I will love you."

I nodded as I wiped away a tear. "You say the sweetest things."

"You bring out the best in me."

As he leaned in to kiss me, the butterflies in my stomach began to race wildly. As I gazed into my husband's eyes, just before our lips met, I finally knew that I had met the love of my life.

EPILOGUE: LAURA. Ten months later

"Percy! I hate you!" I screamed at my husband. I closed my eyes and felt an excruciating pain across my stomach.

He held my hand and encouraged me, "It's almost over, Love."

"How the hell do you know it, Percy? Do you have some magic Spidey sense telling you that the baby is almost here?"

My husband's patience had no limit.

"You can do it."

I steady myself and breathe. I look up at him and say two words. "I know."

"You're going to be okay," Percy whispered.

"Okay? Nothing is okay. I'm in pain and our daughter is stretching my vagina as wide as the Grand Canyon. How is this okay?"

Percy closed his eyes and took a deep breath while I crushed his hand in a tight squeeze.

"Try to breathe as we learned in Lamaze class, Love."

"Breath? Do you think breathing actually helps with the pain, Percy?"

"I don't know, Love. All I know is that I love you," he said kissing my forehead.

My body tightened as another contraction worked its way through my abdomen. "It hurts," I whined. Tears, or maybe just sweat, rolled down my face. With each contraction, I was growling like a wounded lion.

"I'm sorry you're going through this, Love."

"You should be. It's your fucking Olympic swimmers that did this to me."

"Laura, we both agreed to have another child..."

"You tricked me with your charming ways and your devil penis! I let you stick that thing in me and now look at me. I look like a beached whale."

"You're the most beautiful woman I ever saw," Percy said running his fingers through my hair.

"How are you feeling, Laura?" the nurse asked me.

"I feel like I'm squeezing a bowling ball through the eye of a needle. I also need to pee."

The nurse lifted my blanket and put my feet into the stirrups. "Looks like we're ready to start pushing."

"We" Is she pushing too?

She went out to look for the doctor. He looked at my vagina, smiled at me, and said, "Okay, Laura, on the count of three I want you to push. Push out your little girl so you can meet her."

Easier said than done in my opinion, but it was clear no one cared what I thought.

Percy helped me sit up. He held my hand as I pushed down.

I pushed for what felt like forever. I could feel my baby's body moving down mine. I felt stretched and pulled.

"You're doing great. Another push, Laura."

"I can't do it," I sobbed, and my husband took my hand, held it tight. I'm sure I crushed Percy's fingers. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I pushed hard, harder than I thought I could. I yelled as a burning sensation stung my vagina. I couldn't think. I could only groan.

"Almost there!" the nurses crooned. "You can do it, Laura!"

I did it again and again. Over and over. Each one was more taxing than the one before. Percy held my hand in between the contractions and pushing. He also wiped my forehead for me and moved my hair away from my face. He was doting when all I wanted to do right now was punch him in the nose. I never wanted to go through this again.

"I can't do this anymore," I said, out of breath.

"Yes, you can, Love. Just one more time," Percy encouraged me.

"What do you know? You're never touching me again with that penis of yours."

"Okay, Love."

I started crying. "Okay? You give up so easily? What, am I not sexy enough to have sex with now? Is it my fault my vagina is going to be as big as the Channel Tunnel?"

"After delivery, the tissue will usually shrink back down to a state very close to the original. There are some pelvic exercises that help with that," the nurse by my head informed me.

"Percy, do you still love me?" I asked him.

"Of course, Laura. I will always love you."

"Okay, Laura, your baby's almost here," the nurse interrupted us. "One more big push, and you'll get to hold your baby girl."

I nodded and bore down again letting out a loud scream and then, the pain was over. I fell back, onto my back, drained of baby and energy.

The doctor handed Percy a pair of scissors. Wailing started immediately and I felt I was already falling in love with our Lily. She was set on my chest while the nursing staff and doctors finished up with me.

I was in shock as I stared at the baby, our baby. She was so real. Percy sat down beside us. He took my hand in his and brought it to his lips.

He looked at me, our eyes met for a moment. There was so much love and happiness in these few seconds of time. Our eyes were connected in one brief moment that contained so much.

It was only a brief moment but everything was there, all our history, and all our laughter, and all of the wonderful moments, and how we got through our loss, and how we had made it to the other side. This moment held everything I could ever want to say to him and everything I could ever want to hear back. It held a miracle.

"I'm afraid to touch her," Percy said. "My hands are too big, too rough. I might break her."

I smiled at him, knowing exactly how he felt. However, holding my precious baby came naturally to me. I couldn't stop staring at her.

I ran my finger down her nose and over her cheek. She reacted by moving her head to where my finger was going.

"She's beautiful, Laura. Our Lily is gorgeous like her mother." He kissed me and then kissed our baby girl's forehead.

"Welcome to our lives, Lily," I said kissing her.

I stroked my daughter's cheek and couldn't believe how soft it was. It was too soft to be real, like a cloud by Monet, all fuzzy edges and gentle colors. My heart swelled, and I tried not to let the postpartum hormones make me cry irrationally.

Instead, I gently placed one of my fingers into Lily's closed fist. Her pink hand encircled my index finger. I leaned down to kiss her fist.

I looked out the window, through soft creamy panels and could see it was still snowing. But despite the chill outside, I felt a warmth within, as if sunshine had flooded my soul.

****

For all the mothers and fathers who never got to meet their babies, who've experienced the horror of miscarriage or stillbirth, or those who've experienced fertility problems. Because there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you don't believe it.

THE END