The Light At The End

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I talking with Percy?" a woman's voice asked.

"Yes, Percy Wittmore speaking. Who's calling, please?"

"You don't know me, Percy. I'm Molly Carter. I'm Laura's aunt."

That piece of information obviously caught my attention. My heart started racing.

"What can I do for you, Mrs. Carter?"

"It's Ms. Carter, but please, call me Molly."

"You have my full attention, Molly."

"Look, Percy, I'm not sure how much you know about Laura's situation... about what happened to her..."

"Let me tell you what I know. She got pregnant with my baby. We were talking about our options, I offered her to marry me. Then she had a miscarriage. I visited her at the hospital, and she told me she needed time for herself, and disappeared from the face of the Earth. Is Laura okay?"

"Yes, Percy, Laura is okay, at least physically. She has been living with me. We are in a small town called Middletown. My sister Joan, Laura's mother, and I grew up here."

I'd have never imagined Laura's mother was born in a small town. I got the impression that Nadine and Molly Carter were very different from each other. Molly sounded like a down-to-earth person, talking with her felt like a breath of fresh air.

"How is Laura really doing, Molly?"

"I won't lie to you, Percy. She's not good. She has been depressed since she came here."

"How did you find me? Did she ask you to call me?"

"Oh, no! She doesn't know I'm calling you. But she talks a lot about you."

"She does?"

"Oh yes! One day, while she was resting I went through her contacts list and found your name, God forbid me. Please, Percy, don't think I'm the kind of woman who likes to pry into other people's business, but Laura has been feeling so low and miserable, so depressed... I don't know what else to do..."

It took me just a second to make up my mind.

"Do you think Laura would be happy to see me?" I asked. "She never called me."

"That's because my niece is an idiot, Percy." I decided I really liked Aunt Molly. "She hasn't given up on you. When she gets depressed she talks a lot about you. She says you probably forgot her and moved on with your life."

There was a short silence, and then Molly asked with a hint of concern in her voice, "Have you given up on her, Percy? Have you moved on?"

"I haven't, Molly. As a matter of fact, I miss her. I've been waiting for her call all this time."

"That's great news, my sweet boy, great news!" I could hear the emotion in her voice.

"Molly, tell me exactly how to reach Middletown. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Percy. I truly appreciate it."

Later that day, Molly sent me several photos of a map full of handwritten indications.

It took me some days to talk with my foreman, my crew, and make sure they could take care of all our current projects. I had no idea how long I was going to be out of the city and I wanted to be sure they could take care of everything.

Amanda and Joe wished me good luck and asked me to keep them updated about Laura. My brother, Tom wished me the best too. I had already told him the whole story and he was glad that I was finally doing something instead of moping around.

The drive to Middletown appeared to be a pleasant tour on the maps Molly sent me. In reality, it took ten hours, the last one over some lonely back road. I nearly ran over a skunk, two opossums, a raccoon, and what I hoped was a dog, but had a sneaking suspicion it was a very large and well-fed wolf.

Finally, a sign popped up at the side of the road. Squinting against the descending sun, I could just make out the faded letters: "Welcome to Middletown."

Then, the town seemed to appear out of nowhere, popping magically in front of my eyes. A beautiful valley surrounded by snow-capped mountains and woods. There was a lake not far from the town. I slowed down my car and headed to the gas station.

A young man approached me wiping his hand with a piece of cloth, "Good evening, sir. Gas?"

"Fill up the tank, please."

"You don't look like a tourist, a camper, or a backpacker," the man said as he took a hose, took off the gas cap, and started filling the tank. "We don't get many visitors round here. Are you lost? Need a map?"

"Uh... Not really. I'm wondering if you can direct me to the inn."

"The inn?" he repeated scratching his butt.

"Molly's place?"

"Oh, yes! It's just a couple of blocks from here. Only bed-and-breakfast in town."

I thanked him, paid for the gas, and drove to the inn.

Aunt Molly's inn clearly needed repairs. The wooden porch creaked as my boots stepped onto it. One of the supports for the porch was buckling and I was surprised that it had not fallen after being like that for what seemed years. A worn-out wooden sign hung over the door. It read 'White Fairypoppy Inn'.

I felt the exact opposite of confident as I walked to the door.

CHAPTER 11: LAURA

I'd cried myself to sleep every night since I got to Aunt Molly's place. She is my mother's sister. Mom and Aunt Molly couldn't be more different. Molly was a very affectionate, nurturing, and supportive person. She made me feel welcomed from the moment I got to Middletown. She hugged me really, really tight. At that moment, I knew I had made the right choice coming here. This was the kind of nurturing affection that my heart needed and deserved.

A few days after my arrival, the loss of my baby finally started to feel concrete, like it did happen. Time slowed down. In fact, I think it ceased to exist for me. I sat alone, waiting for something to wake me up, to change this hollow feeling. It was all too heavy, too much to handle.

I asked my aunt not to tell anyone, especially my mother and father that I was staying with her.

"Don't worry. I get a card from her on my birthday and at Christmas and that's it."

I just shook my head.

Of course, my parents could hire a P.I. if they wanted to find me. However, I suspected they were relieved not having me around.

Some weeks later, I started helping my aunt with the inn work. I did small chores like cleaning and placing clean sheets on the bed in a vacated room. I went to bed exhausted each evening. I closed my eyes tight and forced myself to think of anything but what had happened. The mornings usually came much too soon.

Finally, I asked Aunt Molly to work as a receptionist. I was responsible for greeting guests as they arrived at the inn and checking them in and out. It was better than lying in bed all day feeling miserable and crying every night wondering if I would ever feel normal again. The pills the psychiatrist gave me helped me to cope with my situation. Even so, I was still feeling down and cried a lot, usually at night.

The inn was decorated with lots of lovely objects. Aunt Molly had traveled all around the world collecting things, and most of the objects she had collected were exposed. There were jade statues and ebony cabinets from Japan, sculptures of gods from Ancient Peru, and brightly colored vases and plates from Turkey. I loved them all.

One night, I told Aunt Molly the whole story from the beginning. We both cried a lot. Being able to get what happened off my chest and cry my heart out helped me to cope with my depression. I felt less alone.

I looked out the window and sighed. It had been raining for three days straight and it had finally stopped. I was depressed. Not in the 'I'm going to go do something drastic to myself' sense, but more in the 'I still have no idea what I'm going to do with my empty life'.

As long as I didn't think about the past, it didn't hurt. But, some days I couldn't help it.

I was already in bed, when Aunt Molly knocked on my door, taking my mind out of my thoughts

"Come on in," I invited.

She entered my room. "Laura! You'll never guess who's here." She was so excited that she was bouncing on her feet.

I didn't need to guess. Percy was standing behind her.

He appeared in the door frame and looked at me as if he had seen me for the first time. He didn't have it in him to look sheepish. But his face was doing its best. "Hello, Laura. Surprise?"

I wanted to say a lot but I didn't. When I regained my power of speech, there was only one word available in my brain, "Percy."

He was really here. Somehow he found me. My heart thumped in my chest. He smiled at me.

I had a thousand questions, the most pressing being why he was here. The answer was kind of obvious. Aunt Molly, of course. She had called him.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a little louder than I had planned.

Percy looked as if I'd hit him in the face. I immediately regretted my words.

"Laura! Check your attitude, child. This poor man drove all the way here just to see you."

She was right, of course.

"I'm sorry, Percy. I didn't mean it in a bad way. I'm just didn't expect to see you here. You surprised me."

So much had happened since the last time we were together.

"I understand, Laura. Don't worry, I didn't come here to propose," Percy smiled at me again, and a sound between a laugh and a sob came out from my mouth.

"Could you stop staring at me like I have a bug on my nose and give me a hug?" He opened his arms, and I ran to him with my arms trembling. He welcomed me into his chest and squeezed me gently. It had been too long. Too long without him.

"I missed you," Percy whispered, echoing my thoughts.

"I missed you too," I could feel the tears filling up my eyes.

I knew today would be different. For the first time in months, I felt hope.

Whatever crackled and sizzled between us was so palpable that Aunt Molly started to cry happy tears.

"See, Percy? I told you she would be happy to see you," Aunt Molly said wiping the tears from her eyes. Then she asked, "Are you hungry, dear?"

"Like a wolf," he admitted.

During dinner, Percy talked about his work as a contractor. He suggested to Aunt Molly certain repairs and a few improvements for the inn.

Aunt Molly was delighted with his suggestions and gave Percy the green light to start with the renovations. I thought she was thrilled with the prospect of Percy staying in town.

After dinner, Aunt Molly gave us some time alone. I fixed us two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Which are your plans, Percy?" I asked him.

"I have one plan: You. I'm going to stay here as long as you need me. I don't have a time limit. I left people I trust in charge of my business."

Tears welled in my eyes.

"Why? Why would you do something like that?"

"When you told me you had a miscarriage it destroyed me. I can't even imagine what you're going through, Laura. I want to be here for you. I need to be here for you. We are in the same boat. We both lost our baby."

"You have no idea how often I lay awake in bed, all hours of the night, just praying you'd come to me." I slowly lifted my gaze to his.

"I understand where you're coming from. I was sad without you. I used to watch my phone every five minutes, waiting for a text or a call from you."

"Really?" I whispered, a sob catching in my throat.

"I couldn't stand knowing that you were feeling bad and I couldn't fix it."

"I'm sorry. I should have called you."

"You did what was best for you, Laura. Sometimes we don't do what we want, but what we can."

I nodded. I knew exactly what he meant.

CHAPTER 12: PERCY

A few weeks passed, I started the inn renovations. Laura's mood improved day by day.

"I'm planning to paint downstairs this week, so there'll be plenty more flooring to keep us busy over the weekend," I explained to Molly, keeping my voice casual. I saw the pride in Laura's eyes as I talked.

Usually, Laura spent most of her time helping Molly with the inn, but she did some jobs for me like painting a new sign for the inn.

"Can I help you with anything?" Laura asked me one day.

"Of course you can." I smiled at her.

The thought of working side by side with her made the job of renovating the inn suddenly seem a little less like labor and more like fun.

"Great, just show me what to do and I'll help all I can," Laura said, I was surprised by her eagerness. She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I will."

Then Aunt Molly said, "Percy, I hope you don't mind but I was talking with the Mayor about you and the great work you are doing here at the inn. Simon, I mean the Mayor, is an old friend of mine, we went to high school together."

Molly had the habit of fiddling with her hands when she was nervous. She was in her late forties, and she was lovely to behold. She had a slim waist that accentuated her generous curves. Her hair was a pale blonde, and she kept it short. The family resemblance with Laura was evident, especially in the eyes.

"Go on, Molly."

"Well, when the Mayor asked me about you, I told him you were a contractor, he immediately expressed interest in you. You see, he wants to renovate the historic town square and the courthouse clock. It went up in flames after being struck by lightning some years ago."

"Did he schedule an appointment for me?"

Molly laughed, "Just ask for him in the town hall. He's expecting you."

I had to go to the town center for supplies, so I decided to visit the Mayor. I needed several items in order to get all the floors, walls, and ceilings repaired and painted. Good thing I had brought the truck and some of my tools with me.

Mayor Simon Thompson was a man in his forties. He seemed pleased to meet me.

"Mr. Mayor," I greeted him shaking the hand he extended.

"Please call me Simon, Percy," he said with a smile.

He offered me a chair in front of him, put a check on his desk, and pushed it across with one long finger. I took the check, counted the zeros, and then looked back at the Mayor.

"I'll go straight to the point, Percy. Middletown needs people like you. Molly vouched for you, and I'm sure you're going to do a great job. She sent me some pictures of the work you are doing at the inn. That old building looks great. I think she explained to you we want to renovate the town's square and repair the clock tower. I have big plans for our town. I plan to upgrade the schools, loan to new businesses, and assist some of the old ones. Most of the young people here want to move to the big city. I want to revitalize our rural community and give them some reason to stay. We need fresh blood, like you in our community."

I liked him, he wasn't bad for a politician.

"It'll be my pleasure to help, Mr. Mayor... sorry, Simon."

I stood up and shook the Mayor's hand again. He was even kind enough to walk me to the door.

"Thank you, Mayor. I'll do my best not to disappoint you."

I took a look at the clock and I knew I was going to need a welder to repair some of the metal pieces.

While I was getting some wood planks I made a conversation with a young man called Red Harding. He was a redhead so his nickname made sense. He was renovating an old restaurant in front of the square. When he knew I was a contractor, he asked me if I could take a look at his place and offer him some advice.

"What a fine old building! It has good bones," I exclaimed as I looked around. "They don't build them like this anymore."

"Thank you, Percy. I'm going to need some help with the electrical work and the plumbing."

"No problem, I'm staying at the inn. Here's my card, just give me a call." Red took it and put it in his wallet.

As I walked back to my truck, I saw a woman placing a poster on the church notice board. It was a flyer for a peer-led support group for people who had lost a child. The name of the group was at the top, in big black letters: 'Empty Arms'.

The woman finished placing the pins and turned around, finally seeing me.

"Hi, I'm Martha," she looked sad despite the smile on her face. "Do you know someone who has lost a child?"

I nodded. "I do. She had a miscarriage."

The lady offered me a flyer and said, "A loss is a loss, no matter how much time you have your baby with you. I have lost a child too. She died at three months of age from SIDS," she explained to me. She placed a hand on my arms, "Why don't you and your wife come to the next meeting? It's this Thursday at 7 PM."

I didn't bother to correct her. "I'll talk with her about it. Thanks for the invitation."

CHAPTER 13: LAURA

When Percy arrived back at the inn, I introduced him to our new guest, a tall Italian guy named Antonio Marino.

The guy shook Percy's hand, and asked him, "Please, call me Tony."

I liked Tony immediately. He had a sincere smile on his face and honest eyes. He was one of those persons who make you feel comfortable when you're talking to them.

"Mr. Marino is a chef, Percy. He offered to help us in the kitchen," I explained Percy unable to hide the excitement in my voice. "He's looking for a job."

"A chef? What a coincidence! I was helping a guy, who is remodeling an old building in front of the town's square. He's planning to open a restaurant," Percy exclaimed

Tony was delighted with the news and asked Percy directions on how to reach the building.

When he left, Percy showed me a flyer. As soon as I read the title I knew what the group was about. I stood there not knowing what to say. I knew I needed help, but on the other hand, I refused to talk about my miscarriage. Talking about it made it real.

"What do you think?" Percy finally asked me, while he eyed me, trying to gauge my reaction.

When I finally spoke, I looked at him and asked, "Do you think I should go?"

"I think it might help. I want us to go together. What do you think?"

I gave him a soft smile. "We can give it a try. Together."

Next Thursday we entered the church, through a set of double doors. The temple was much like the rest of the town, old but warm and cozy. All wood and natural light, with pews running up to the altar.

A woman named Martha waved us over and guided us to the basement. There was a ring of folding chairs. Four other women were talking among themselves. I was the only one who had come with my... friend? Boyfriend? Partner? Boy! I guess it was too late now to settle what kind of relationship we were in.

Percy smiled at me and squeezed my hand. Whatever relationship we had, I felt lucky to have him at my side.

Initially, I didn't know what to expect, and I was scared of walking into a room with a group of women grieving about the loss of their babies. Despite the sad subject that had us all gathered there, there was a physical sense of both resolve and hope in the room.

We sat down and, after filling our information on a clipboard. A woman asked Percy, "We feel honored to have a male among us. Are you her husband?"

"He is the baby's father, but we are not married," I hurried to say, answering in his place.

"Yet," Percy added, which brought a burst of laughter from the group.

Somehow he had managed to explain our situation in just one word.

Then, the testimonies started. There were a lot of tears, of course, but also a lot of hope. It was just what I needed: to be with women who had walked in my shoes and showed me that there was a way out of my situation. If those women did, I could survive this too.

I felt safe to tell them about Poppy. As I started to tell my story, tears began to roll down my cheeks. Percy took my hand in his and caressed it with his thumb.

The group fully understood my feelings, and as they listened, I began to realize that acknowledging my baby and my loss brought to me new healing in my spirit. It helped me just to talk about Poppy aloud with someone else. I realized the more I told my story, the better I felt, and the more right it seemed to share.

I was surprised to find out that many of my feelings of guilt and denial were normal and that other women also felt the way I did. They also felt isolated and hushed by the world about something that was deeply a part of them. The realization that I was not alone in my feelings, in my fears gave me peace. I felt alive again.