Having a Reason to Live

"Mom, stop."

"Just a little more, baby; please."

"Mom, I really have to talk to you about this."

"Give mommy just a little more. It's so good."

"I was angry and now I'm not."

"I'm happy for you baby." she said as she started to go faster and faster and I was unable to really continue the conversation until she'd gotten herself off for a second time. She was panting in my arms and I had to hold her body to keep her from falling over. I gently put her down to my bed and then she grabbed my head and forced me down to a kiss.

"Now, what did you want to say?" she asked.

"Are you ready to listen?"

"Sure. Lay it on me. Or, if you like you can fuck mommy again. I'm ready."

"Mom, listen carefully. I was fine this morning."

"You're fine right now."

"I know that." Wait. I just then realized what she meant. Anyway, "What I mean is, I wasn't angry this morning and I'm not angry now."

"Good."

"Not good mom. I was doing my job and one moment I was ok and then the next I was so pissed off that I wanted to just burn the whole world down."

My mother cleared the lust from her eyes and then sat up to examine my face. "And how do you feel now?"

"Normal. I feel normal. You know, not angry. But right around 3:15 or so I can't explain it but I felt like I wanted to just turn into the hulk and smash everything in sight. And then, I come home and have sex with you and then I'm normal again. Yesterday it was like that too. I was so pissed off at school and then we had sex and poof, not angry at all."

"Mood swings. You're having mood swings."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Well, I'm happy to keep helping you with this. I don't mind."

"I see that. But you know this is wrong. Sure, when I'm pissed off the fact that this is wrong is the furthest thing from my mind. I think I actually enjoy the fact that it's wrong."

"I know. It's so wrong isn't it. Keep talking like that and you're going to make me wet."

"Mom! Be serious."

"I am. It's a real turn on."

"You know we have to stop. So that means I have to get a girlfriend."

"Or you can just let mommy take care of you."

"What about dad?"

"We'll have to manage."

"But think about the long term. I'm going to need a girlfriend."

"There's no rush. Mama will take care of you for as long as you need."

I could see there was no talking her out of it so I digressed. I had to get back to work anyway. We both got dressed and went back to the living room. I ignored Lisa with her wide, questioning but unsure eyes. I'd let my mother handle her. I headed for the door.

"Hey, cancer stick." Lisa called out to me as I was opening the front door. "Some girl came by for you. Something about studying together. She wanted you to call her."

What bad timing. I was still on the clock. If I spent any more time at home I'd feel like I was stealing. I went back to my room and got Rachel's number and called.

"Hello." her boyfriend answered.

"It's Jason. Rachel said something about studying today?"

"Oh, yeah. She wants to come over tonight if you're not busy."

"Tonight? Um ... Well, the library closes at ..."

"At your house man."

Sally's words were coming back to me. "Wouldn't it be better for me to go see her? That way you can be there and make sure that ..."

"Don't worry about it man. It's cool. I know what the deal is."

"It's just, I sort of got my visitor privileges taken away so it has to be outside the house."

"No sweat. She can sneak in through your window. Unless you're not man enough to let a girl come see you."

"Throwing that back at me, huh?"

"You know it little buddy."

Damn. I needed to study but I didn't want to piss Sally off. Speaking of Sally, I should probably try to get to the bottom of her beef with Rachel. "Fine but if she gets caught I will deny all knowledge of her activity."

"Ha. Ok. Anyway, I'll tell her."

When I hung up both Lisa and my mom were looking at me and wondering what that conversation was about. I smiled. "I don't have time to explain right now but a girl is sneaking in through my window tonight, just to study mind you. She has a boyfriend."

"Is there something wrong with the front door?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, Sally can't know she's here. Don't ask me why. I don't know. But hey, if you want me to owe you a favor, you can keep Sally away from my room."

After saying that I headed for the door as fast as I could and I got out of there before more questions came. On a side note, was that a twinge of jealousy I saw on my mother's face?

I finished my trek going door to door and went back to the volunteer center. I was honest and told them that I took some time off to go talk to my mother at home so they should take that off my time. The girl with no bra made a sound that told me she was annoyed and then started to try to recalculate my pay. Then she said fuck it and just paid me for the time I was at home anyway just cause it was easier. I told her thanks but she wasn't going to go into a deep conversation with me.

Dinner that night was a bit stressful since I didn't know when Rachel would be arriving. I got my food down, avoided Lisa pouring a drink on me, slipped my pay into my dad's coat pocket, and then went to my room closing the door.

After only a few minutes in there I started to feel stupid. She wasn't going to come. This whole thing made no sense. She was going to sneak into my room so she could study with me. Who did that?

And in the end I was right. Rachel didn't come. In her place the redhead named Becky came. I was very surprised to see her and not Rachel but I guessed from my point of view it didn't really matter who was helping me study.

Well, I say it shouldn't have mattered but actually things with Becky got weird really fast. When I was just opening my window for her I noticed that she wasn't really dressed for studying. She was dressed for going on a date, a very slutty sort of date. But hey, who was I to judge. Maybe she had plans for tonight after she was finished with me.

"So, do you have a girlfriend?" she asked me no more than two minutes after our books were open on my bed.

"Girlfriend? Um ... well, not officially."

"So, no." she said as she leaned closer to me.

"You offering to help me find one?"

"You might be able to persuade me. I have a girl in mind actually."

"Really? And she wants to date me?"

"She's not sure yet. She'd like to get to know you a bit better first."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess it couldn't hurt to meet her and see if we hit it off."

"Great. I take it, you're not really the kind of guy to make the first move."

First move? I looked down at what we were studying and I tried to figure out what that had to do with American History.

"Are you talking about Fort Sumter?"

"With a girl. You don't like to make the first move with a girl."

"Oh. Well, I don't really have a lot of experience with that."

"You ever been with a girl?"

"This conversation got really personal all of the sudden. Have you?"

"I'll tell if you will."

"Yes I have had sex if that's where you're going."

"With a girl?" she asked.

"Yes with a girl. Why would you think I was gay?"

"Relax. It's just a question. Now my turn. I've tried being with a girl. It was nice."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I'm not against gay people. I'm not gay myself but ..."

"I said I tried it. I like guys too."

"Anyway, we probably better get back to studying."

"Or, you could practice making the first move."

Did I hear that right? I barely knew this girl. But she was hot, no lie there. I debated in my head whether to take her up on her offer. It would be a really shitty move on her part to say some shit like that to me and then reject me if I did anything. If I had better sense I would have recognized that there was no way she was just acting this way with me. She had to have had an ulterior motive. On top of that, she was friends with the Latina girl who seemed to like me and I was slowly developing a crush on. If I did something with Becky would that mean I could never be with my Latina beauty? But when you have a hard on it's so hard to have discipline and connect the dots.

I leaned in and attempted a kiss. As soon as our lips touched she went full throttle on me. The next thing I knew one of my books was under me pressing into my back as this girl was pulling my shirt up and kissing my chest. I looked at her and her heart shaped ass up in the air. Her skirt flopped down to her waist and she wasn't wearing any underwear. It was mesmerizing.

Every time she'd bring her head up to smile at me I could see her cleavage. About a minute after that she was getting my dick out. She started sucking on the head while her hands moved up and down my shaft. I was getting a blowjob. This was a blowjob, no doubt about it, just like in a porno. Now the blowjob was ok but I could tell right away that it was probably not going to do the trick to get me off unless she started to do it a lot better than she was. But then she got her tits out of her top and started to rub my dick between them. That was so hot. If only it felt as good as it looked.

Man I couldn't take anymore. She was driving me nuts with this. "Hey, Becky?"

"Yeah."

"You wanna fuck?"

"What a coincidence. That's what the tag on this skirt said when I bought it."

This was happening. How the hell had I gotten so lucky? It was a mystery to me at the time but the answer would be forthcoming soon enough.

When Becky got on top of me the fact that she actually had not worn underwear was very useful. Her skirt was short enough to naturally be out of the way as she turned her back to me and lowered herself onto my dick. This position was strange. It was like she was riding me and I was fucking her from behind at the same time. Mind blown.

"You can spank me if you want."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Try it. You might like it."

I moved her skirt out of the way and I smacked her ass and yeah, that was sort of fun. She giggled but I shushed her to let her know to be quiet. I watched my dick going in and out of her and it was beautiful. My mom was going to be so pissed that I did this. But who says no to sex with a bombshell like Becky? Not me.

Oh shit. I was not prepared for this. I just realized that I was fucking her raw. I didn't know this girl or what kind of a slut she'd been before me. I mean, I didn't worry about getting an STD from my mom but it crossed my mind with this girl. But I didn't have any condoms. I mean, come on, I'm not the kind of guy to get a lot of sex so why would I have condoms. Maybe she had one. But if I asked and she didn't she might want to stop. It probably would be wise to stop but I was not strong enough to say no to sex once I was in the pocket.

My balls started to tense up and I realized that the previous times I'd had sex I just put my cum in my mom with no thought of it. Certainly I couldn't do that with Becky.

"I'm going to cum." I warned.

"Me too." she panted.

"I'm serious, you have to get up."

"Just give me a minute."

The way this worked out was she started to lean back more and more until she was right on top of me with no leverage to really move her body. She started hitting an orgasm and I let my first blast of cum out while my dick was still inside of her but I got myself pulled out and I covered her pubic hair in cum.

"You've got a really nice dick, did you know that?"

"You're just saying that cause we just had sex."

"I had sex with you cause I heard you had a really nice dick."

"And who told you that?"

"It's a secret."

"So I take it you didn't really come here to help me study."

"Busted. I hope you don't mind."

"I do and I sort of don't. It's complicated. I mean, I do still need to study."

"Oh, totally. I'll help you study. Of course. I like you."

"You do?"

She got off of me and then laid on her side next to me and put her head by my shoulder. "I just had sex with you. Of course I like you. Do you like me?"

"I'm definitely starting to."

She smiled and snuggled up next to me. "Ok so I should let you know that I have this like brutal honesty thing. It can make some people uncomfortable."

"I hear honesty can do that sometimes."

"So I've already put myself out there and given you what I know guys want. You have no reason to say you like me or say you want me to be your girlfriend unless you really mean it."

"Well, if you think about it, I might say that kind of stuff if I thought it would get you in bed with me again in the future."

"Brutal honesty. Somehow I just knew you'd get it. But no, I'll come over and have sex with you even if you don't want me to be your girlfriend."

"Free sex and no relationship?"

"Not if you don't want one."

"But you'd say yes if I asked you to be my girlfriend."

"Ask me and find out."

"This is all going so fast for me. Why me? Why would you like me? I've been a jerk to you."

"And I've noticed."

"So why me? Why would you want to do this with me?"

"A few reasons, actually. You're not going to lie and say you love me if you don't. And I heard you had a nice dick. And then Martha was saying that she sort of had a crush on you and she pissed me off recently so just wait until she hears about this. And then being with you makes sense in a lot of other ways. We go to the same school and I actually make better grades than you so you can't call me dumb. But I guess maybe the biggest reason was, you know, sure, you've been a prick and a dickhead but no one should have to die before they know love."

"You think I'm dying?"

"Oh, was it supposed to be a secret? I mean, everyone knows."

Sigh. "I was dying but I'm better now."

"You are? That's ... I don't understand."

"My cancer was cured. I'm going to live."

"Oh, well, wonderful. That's great. I'm happy for you. But, you know, brutal honesty, you don't act like it."

"The medication I take might have a bit of a side effect and I have mood swings."

"Oh, yeah. I can definitely see that in you."

"So, sorry if you feel like I got you here under false pretenses."

"No, I'm ok. I still liked it. And I still like you. And I like this softer, gentler side of you. You're sweet."

"Ok, let me just ask; you don't have some jock ex boyfriend who's going to snap my spinal column because I did this with you, do you?"

"No." she said as she lightly punched me. "I've never had a boyfriend and you're only the second guy I've ever been with."

"You're my second too, actually."

"See, we match."

"But wait. I do not buy that. You must have had a boyfriend. Lots of guys would kill to date you, right?"

"I don't know but I've never had a boyfriend. You'll be my first if you ask."

"This is all really sudden though."

"Sorry. I thought you had an expiration date so ..."

I guessed that this was part of life, a life that I was now signed up to continue living whether I liked it or not. You have to take opportunities when they presented themselves. You have to seize the day. I had to take a chance and see what happened.

"Ok. Becky, do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"That's not how you ask."

"Sure it is."

"You have to ask me if I will be your girlfriend not if I want to. You already know I want to."

"Oh. Why so picky?"

"Just do it right."

"Well maybe now I don't want to do it at all if you're going to criticize me."

"Jason, will you be my boyfriend?"

I gave her a look but she was quick to defend herself.

"Hey, it's the 22nd century, girls are allowed to ask now."

"21st." I corrected.

"No, you have to add to it if you use the word century." she attempted to correct me. Ok, so she wasn't that smart or observant, but she was so hot and she just had sex with me, and her pussy was so good and she was so pretty and her tits were so big.

"You really want me to be your boyfriend?"

" If you say yes I'll let you do anything you want to me."

"Anything, huh? Well, do you mind answering a few questions?"

"Shoot."

"I take it you're not religious."

"Me. Um ... I used to be. My family stopped going to church after one of the LDS leaders got busted giving money to the KKK."

"Ok. Um, Have you ever lied to the police about a guy?"

"No."

"Have you ever had an abortion?"

"You're seriously asking me that."

"It wouldn't be right to have a girlfriend who's had an abortion. It's a deal breaker for me."

"No. I've never been pregnant. And I've never had an STD. Like I said, you're only the second guy I've ever been with. Also, I've never been to jail or put any one in jail. I'm not a bad person."

"I didn't say you were. I'm just asking not attacking you. I don't really have a lot of experience with this so all I have to go off of are the stories in the news."

"Well, if I get to be your girlfriend then you start to get all the experience you want."

"You know, by all rights I should make you wait until we've gotten to know each other a lot better but taking everything into consideration yes, I will be your boyfriend."

She hugged me. "Thank you. My first boyfriend." she said as she kissed me on the cheek. "So, do you want to study now or have sex again?"

Sex for a third time that day? I may be a young man but I wasn't that strong yet. "Ah, let's not wear it out. It'll feel more special if we wait for a bit."

"Good thinking. So you like me for more than just sex. That's nice."

"But I will be asking you to have a threesome with me and any other hot girl of your choice."

"If you were still dying I'd probably say yes to that."

"Well, aren't we all dying just a little with each breath we take?"

She chuckled. "We can talk about it I guess. Oh, and ... I'm sorry to spring this on you all of the sudden but ... can I sleep here tonight?"

"Sleep here? You ... Um ... Here? Why?"

She bounced her head about for a bit and then said, "Brutal honesty, my parents kicked me out a while back and I've been going back and forth between Rachel's, Martha's, and Kim's."

"You're homeless?"

"I don't have enough money for an apartment on my own yet and I need to stay in school if I want to pass that test. I understand if you say no but I figured no harm in asking, right?"

She was cringing as she said all of that and I have to admit I felt sorry for her, even if I wasn't sure I really trusted what she was saying.

"I maybe an adult but this isn't my house. I live here but I don't make the rules. I'll need to ask."

"Right. Ok. Well, it's ok. My stuff is back at Rachel's anyway. She'll probably let me stay one more night. I'll just wait until her boyfriend goes home."

"Oh, it's like that. Ok. Just wait here. Let me go test the waters."

"Really?"

"I can't guarantee anything but just wait here." This was going to be a difficult conversation.

After getting my pants back on I went back to the living room looking for my mom. My sisters were playing cards in the dining room but my mom wasn't out there. So I went to her bedroom and found her reading a book.

"Hey, mom."

She looked up and had a mischievous face. "Come on in. Close the door if you don't mind."

Oh, boy. I took a guess as to what she thought I was there for. As soon as the door was closed she put her book to the side and started to undress.

"Actually, mom, I'm not here for that."

"That's ok. We can mix it in."

"I'm ok right now. Not angry at all."

"But nothing says we can't have a bit of preventative therapy."

"There's a girl in my room, remember."

"Just for studying. Let her wait."

"She's asking if she can spend the night."

That got my mom to her serious face. "Why?"

"Her parents kicked her out and she's been bouncing back and forth between her friends. And ..."

"Stop right there. This is not a hotel."

"Ok. I'll tell her. Um, there is this one other thing. She agreed to be my girlfriend."